View Full Version : ADD and AS


_Karen_Cee_
12-20-16, 09:11 AM
Is there anyone here who lives with someone who has been diagnosed with ADD but also the possibility of Asperger's? The two seem VERY similar but it would seem to be a double whammy of an issue to deal with, both as the SO who has both and the non-ADD/AS partner. Sigh. I have a sinking suspicion that my spouse has AS and he's agreed to go to someone in January to be evaluated.

If this is the case, and you have experience in dealing with both, please let me know what to do...other than wait until we know for sure. I got that. I just want to be prepared...just in case. It's already hard now living with the ADD. I can't imagine throwing AS in there as well. Sigh.

Lunacie
12-20-16, 04:38 PM
I recommend lots and lots of reading.

My oldest granddaughter has adhd, anxiety and depression.

My youngest granddaughter has autism, anxiety and diabetes.

I'm not diagnosed with autism, but would probably be considered borderline for it.

Reading to understand about the grandkids has helped me understand myself.

I wasn't diagnosed with anything until I was a gramma, 53 years old.


Anyway, whether your SO is diagnosed with autism along with the adhd ...
you've already been living with the situation.

His medical condition won't actually be changing, just the diagnosis and
perhaps the treatment plan.

BellaVita
12-20-16, 06:39 PM
I agree with Lunacie, lots of reading is important. (But stay away from Autism Speaks because it doesn't speak for autistic people and has some dangerous motives, instead go to ASAN, Autisim Women's Network, and I have other sources if you're interested)

Acceptance is probably the biggest most important thing.

Once you accept he is autistic, like really fully accept and don't try to change him into something he's not (not that you're doing that at all! Some people try to, that's why I mention it) then you will find that you can work on better communication methods and ways of understanding each other.

-Autistic person with ADHD, happily married to another person with ADHD

kilted_scotsman
12-21-16, 07:07 AM
There'll be no difference throwing AS into the mix as it has always been there. What does change is one's awareness of what is going on.

If your SO does receive an AS diagnosis a grief process may occur. This is similar to the one many people go through when they get an ADHD diagnosis. The difference is that there's no medication for AS, which means the grief can be more complex.

AS someone with this double whammy who's found a life partner, I find the biggest issue in my life is employment.

It is very tough to be an intelligent guy yet unable to function in the relationally orientated world of work, where office politics and manoeuvring are more important than ability.

Being AS is a bit like being gay, in that one carries around a deep indefinable sense of being different for much of one's life until the diagnosis/coming out process begins. Afterwards one continually has to make decisions about whether to be oneself and risk the relational consequences or try to hide one's difference in order to avoid "causing offence"..... without understanding the relational boundaries one is trying to avoid transgressing.

_Karen_Cee_
12-21-16, 09:07 AM
Thanks y'all...I've expressed my fears (yes it scares the daylights out of me) about my suspicions to my therapist. I've been an educator for 23 years and I'm surrounded by kids all day that deal with AD/HD and some with Autism, most with both. I feel like I'm surrounded by it 24/7 - it's overwhelming for me! That's not to say it's not overwhelming for him either. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to live with him AND figure out how I can be healthy emotionally too.

Roller coaster life...it's like being on one LONG roller coaster that never ends.

Fraser_0762
12-21-16, 11:08 AM
I have Aspergers Syndrome. They're not really similar, but do co-exist commonly. Although, not as commonly as Dyspraxia does with ADHD.

Lunacie
12-21-16, 11:24 AM
Thanks y'all...I've expressed my fears (yes it scares the daylights out of me) about my suspicions to my therapist. I've been an educator for 23 years and I'm surrounded by kids all day that deal with AD/HD and some with Autism, most with both. I feel like I'm surrounded by it 24/7 - it's overwhelming for me! That's not to say it's not overwhelming for him either. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to live with him AND figure out how I can be healthy emotionally too.

Roller coaster life...it's like being on one LONG roller coaster that never ends.

For me with adhd myself, the roller coaster was the emotional ups and downs.
Sometimes from one minute to the next. :eyebrow:

I was trying to think of an author the other day and could not remember it,
until you mentioned roller coaster.

"Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone
You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder" by Gina Pera.

She also used to have a web forum for spouses of those with adhd. Google it?

JustTired74
01-19-17, 02:08 PM
Karen, I definitely think they are related. Our son was described as being in the AS spectrum.