View Full Version : Need Advice ASAP

01-06-17, 10:38 AM
My son has ADHD is 15 and has had it since he was 4. He is the oldest of 4 and I am a stay at home mom, he is an amazing kid he has come so far and I thought he was maturing and on a good path but last 2 years he has this porn addiction, now we are strict parents, he just recently got a cell phone( he bought it only way he was getting one), his school has provided Chrome books for every student to use for school work it is a life saver for projects, my son has been caught 3 times at school looking at porn and we caught him when he brought it home looking at porn at home. He's lied about it each time even though the proof is right there. He then says he just can't help it and can't control it. Is this normal in teenage boys with ADHD or teenage boys in genral?

01-07-17, 12:39 AM
Please be as careful as possible with your words. Looking at porn is not automatically an addiction. Has he been diagnosed by a professional as having an addiction?

You (and teachers) being alarmed and making a big fuss will teach him that he needs to find better ways to hide the porn, and more sadly, to find better ways to escape from you altogether. Is that really what you want?

It's very likely that he is not aware of how porn really happens - not fully aware that real people, the exact ones he is seeing, are enslaved and degraded by that business.

If your real messages to your son are about purity or about evil or about honesty, you are by accident teaching him to look at his actions in a selfish way.

Try approaching the subject through compassion and real understanding and acceptance - his compassion for and his understanding and acceptance of the reality and humanity and suffering of the people in front of the cameras, and just as importantly, your compassion for and your real understanding and acceptance of your son and his mistaken actions.

If you pay mere lip service to understanding and compassion for your son, expect him to give mere lip service to what you're trying to teach him.

01-07-17, 02:17 PM
Hah! We got our first computer when my youngest was 10 years old, I checked the history and there it was dubya dubya dubya playboy dot come. I was holding the phone one day and told him, hey rob it's someone who wants to talk to you, he says he owns this web site and you said you were 18 they just called me to check and now he wants to talk to you.

He threw himself face down on the couch and said please mom please don't make me talk to him pleeeeeease. I kept it going for about another minute walked up to him and bent down and whispered in his ear "april fools!" To which I got "I hate you" hahaha

I'm what you'd call fairly permissive as a parent, now, my sons are both doing very well, they aren't porn freaks, they live good and healthy lives and are happy.

Calling your son an addict may be a bit much, for millenia young teen boys have spent the better part of their days and possibly nights thinking about sex. A boy with adhd will get caught more because they're just not as furtive as their peers. Them's the breaks tho. And yeah, tell him for goodness sakes not at school! He's embarrassing himself.

01-09-17, 03:17 PM
I personally think that porn is not a problem, HOWEVER, watching porn at school is a problem. There is a time and place where it is appropriate and school is not it. If it were me I would tell him to make a list of the appropriate places to look at porn, review the list with him, and come to an agreement. If he breaks that agreement then there are consequences.

It's entirely possible he is looking at it at school because he can't find a safe place at home to look at it. If you offer one he might stop. I would also have a talk about real and not real....if he thinks women really say those things or want some of those things he will be in for a rude awakening. Sometimes it is best to watch porn with the mute button activated. Just talk to him.

01-10-17, 07:20 PM
I used to watch porn. At that time, my life was very painful. I was married to someone who was interested only in who I could become if I changed myself into a new person, one who she could accept. I was not accepted as I already was. I was not already enough to be worth loving. I got that message very consistently.

It takes very powerful and very frequent "pleasure injections" to cover up the pain of not being accepted as you are. Sexual desire and release is a very powerful form of pleasure. It's also essentially free, and does no physical harm to the person who's taking it. (It's relatively easy, if one wants to, to rationalize away its effect on others.)

Now I'm accepted, and I know that I'm already loved before I improve anything. Being accepted is a million times better than porn. I find that I don't watch it anymore.

I judge porn to be less harmful than alcohol or street drugs or risk-taking or various forms of violence.

Look to the origin of the problem. "Curing" a so-called "addiction" doesn't help if the problems that led to it are still there.

01-10-17, 07:44 PM
I used to watch porn and got into quite a bit of bother because of the grip it had on my life.

You can't really stop a 15 year old boy from watching porn i'm afraid. What you can do however is help him to reduce how frequently he is exposed to it. Perhaps by getting him involved in some activities that get him out and about.

I'd say that the high use of porn is probably quite a common thing for males with ADHD. It's a way of filling in time when we are feeling board or low in our mood. It's a temporary escape from our own reality and the stresses that accompany it.

01-12-17, 01:35 PM
My concern wouldnt be the sex itself but the unrealistic view and objectification of women in the film.