View Full Version : Is this behaviour normal with ADHDers?


marygates
01-07-17, 12:14 PM
Do ADHDers, blurt out things without meaning them?, My bf has ADHD and he is messy, he has no filter, he blurts out innapropriate things, he is impulsive, and loses a lot of stuff. also he is very forgetful.

I feel that I cant have a proper conversation with him, he does zoom out a lot. I don't understand his behaviour. he has not been diagnosed with 2 memeber of his family have ADHD. and he told me that he believes he has is it in a mild way.

Can someone guide me trough signs and symptoms or relationship troubles with ADHD. I'm confused. Thank you!

ginniebean
01-07-17, 01:19 PM
Yes, it is perfectly normal for people with adhd. And lots of people who know very little about adhd think they are 'quite mild'. It's hard to be objective when it is your normal, you've never known anything else. If a new breed of human with twice your abilitites showed up on earth you'd think you're the normal one.

There are a lot of articles on adhd but this is a good one, it's long but well worth the read.

http://www.greatschools.org/pdfs/2200_7-barktran.pdf?date=4-12-05

Get him to maybe read it too.

marygates
01-07-17, 02:27 PM
Yes, it is perfectly normal for people with adhd. And lots of people who know very little about adhd think they are 'quite mild'. It's hard to be objective when it is your normal, you've never known anything else. If a new breed of human with twice your abilitites showed up on earth you'd think you're the normal one.

There are a lot of articles on adhd but this is a good one, it's long but well worth the read.

http://www.greatschools.org/pdfs/2200_7-barktran.pdf?date=4-12-05

Get him to maybe read it too.

Another thing that catches my attention is that he changes topics fast, and when we are talking for example he goes to the bathroom or kitchen for something and he talks with a lower voice basically like if he was talking to himself. and his voice pitch can change quite a bit.

ginniebean
01-07-17, 02:59 PM
I do all of those things, I've been told I'm quite rude. Blew me away, but for me this is normal behaviour so I never questioned it. I'm in the process of trying to announce what I'm doing so that it's less rude, but sitting still.. yikers.

changing topics, well yeah so many interesting rabbit trails. just be gentle when bringing the subject back.

I talk to myself all the time, people sometimes go "I caught you" and I'll say "wait 5 minutes you'll catch me again, I jabber to myself like a monkey". I can't change this so I just let them know, this is my normal. Just walking myself thru life.

dvdnvwls
01-07-17, 03:22 PM
No filter or broken filter, blurting things, and fast changes of subject are 100% standard ADHD stuff. It's worse under stress for sure. Also probably increases when he gets comfortable and lets his guard down.

marygates
01-07-17, 03:43 PM
No filter or broken filter, blurting things, and fast changes of subject are 100% standard ADHD stuff. It's worse under stress for sure. Also probably increases when he gets comfortable and lets his guard down.


@dvdnvwls This is exactly how my boyfriend is, yet he does not like me to tell him about him having adhd cause he gets kind of defensive saying that everyone has adhd, I am not trying to get him mad, but I just want to educate myself here in the forum I am a non ADHDer with an ADHD boyfriend.

I have asked cause when we started going out 3 years ago, I felt like something was wrong with him, and I was really taking it personal,but then he mentioned that his 2 nephews had it and that he was never diagnosed but he feels he has it.so I did a little investigation, and everything seemed to clicked

My bf characteristics are:
*Messy he clutters stuff
*he can get impulsive ufff this one I see it a lot and he admits it, even worse under stress, he has been really rude to me
*he loses a lot of things, books,cables of laptop,cell phone, keys
*as I said not filter,blurts out whatever without thinking.
*zooms out of conversations/changes topic
*can get distracted easily
*has grandiose thinking at times
*has trouble learning a parragraph or question quickly.it takes him more time than usual.
*loud noises drive him crazy,he cannot concentrate.

Does this sound ADHD to you?

ginniebean
01-07-17, 03:50 PM
All if it sounds like adhd. many people whi have adhd are in denial. Try reading that link I gave you and maybe print it out and just leave it where he can read it.
.adhd screws up people's lives, really sorrt there is so much stigma that keeps people like your partner from getting help and there is help.

Fraser_0762
01-07-17, 04:33 PM
I don't say what I don't mean. I say exactly what I do mean though, even if I shouldn't say it. But I don't really care about hurting other peoples feelings if i've only got bad things to say about them anyway.

john2100
01-07-17, 06:33 PM
Those are all characteristics of ADHD .
What is important is this,does it bother him the way he is or only you?

If it doesn't bother him , then it will not disappear , ever,
If it bothers him , he could learn to control the symptoms even without meds.
It is impossible to eliminated it , but being aware of them is the first step to controlling them.

marygates
01-07-17, 07:02 PM
All if it sounds like adhd. many people whi have adhd are in denial. Try reading that link I gave you and maybe print it out and just leave it where he can read it.
.adhd screws up people's lives, really sorrt there is so much stigma that keeps people like your partner from getting help and there is help.


Exactly, like he gets a little defensive when I mention it to him , like ''ahh everyone has adhd'' which is obviously not true! I believe it makes him feel belittle or something like that, Communicating with is sorta of difficult, I wish any of you can tell me a good way to do so.

marygates
01-07-17, 07:05 PM
Those are all characteristics of ADHD .
What is important is this,does it bother him the way he is or only you?

If it doesn't bother him , then it will not disappear , ever,
If it bothers him , he could learn to control the symptoms even without meds.
It is impossible to eliminated it , but being aware of them is the first step to controlling them.


I believe there are some things that might bother him, like not being able to interpret and learn a parragraph quickly or normally.but his personality I dont think he feels bothered.

john2100
01-07-17, 07:20 PM
Exactly, like he gets a little defensive when I mention it to him , like ''ahh everyone has adhd'' which is obviously not true! I believe it makes him feel belittle or something like that, Communicating with is sorta of difficult, I wish any of you can tell me a good way to do so.

Those examples with * ,,,I can relate to them.

I my case , I have always wanted to solve the adhd issues. If you look at my library you 'll find books on self improvement, organization, success, motivation etc.

My internet searches are mostly about the same.
I'm trying very hard to change and admitting that I have a problem is an easy part.
Solving it ,requires enormous effort.

If you talk to him and he'll finally say, "i'll try to deal with it, I realize that my adhd is making some things difficult " but he'll do it only to make you happy ,he will not do much progress.

That desire to change and manage the problems must come from him , from him only. I don't think you can motivate him to want to manage the symptoms.

Many people on this forum have been trying with some success for yrs, it takes a lot of effort, trial and effort, it must become almost an obsession to solve this ADHD . He will fail many times, before he ll be able to see any progress at all.

In my opinion it is easier for a non adhd person to get college degree then for an adhd person to achieve any significant improvement.

In other words, it is a freaking hard work that . Very similar to overcoming depression , anxiety, phobias , addiction etc.

john2100
01-07-17, 07:29 PM
not being able to interpret and learn a parragraph quickly or normally

I can't do that either,

I know it would take me double or triple time to learn it .

I accept that limitation , but even here I use method to speed up the process ad much as possible , by taking excellent notes, being organized and using a method of teaching someone to make sure that i understand it correctly.


In other words. I wanna learn about geometry. After taking notes, I 'll try to test my self what I know about the subject.

Then I 'll try to improvise a situation ,where I'm trying to teach the very same info to a student. This way I able to see if I really understand the subject. Then I ask myself difficult questions that will test even deeper understanding of lack of it.

ALso using this method, I'm able to store the information for much longer. So even if it takes me longer to learn it, my understanding and recollection is often times better then non-addhd people have.

Little Nut
01-07-17, 10:32 PM
Mary, having trouble following your OP. Can you site 4-5 specific examples and add your questions to the appropriate example. TIA, -LN

marygates
01-08-17, 01:02 PM
Those examples with * ,,,I can relate to them.

I my case , I have always wanted to solve the adhd issues. If you look at my library you 'll find books on self improvement, organization, success, motivation etc.

My internet searches are mostly about the same.
I'm trying very hard to change and admitting that I have a problem is an easy part.
Solving it ,requires enormous effort.

If you talk to him and he'll finally say, "i'll try to deal with it, I realize that my adhd is making some things difficult " but he'll do it only to make you happy ,he will not do much progress.

That desire to change and manage the problems must come from him , from him only. I don't think you can motivate him to want to manage the symptoms.

Many people on this forum have been trying with some success for yrs, it takes a lot of effort, trial and effort, it must become almost an obsession to solve this ADHD . He will fail many times, before he ll be able to see any progress at all.

In my opinion it is easier for a non adhd person to get college degree then for an adhd person to achieve any significant improvement.

In other words, it is a freaking hard work that . Very similar to overcoming depression , anxiety, phobias , addiction etc.


Also john I don't if this is actually a role or trait of Adhd but my bf seems to have this type of grandiose thinking,I hear say these things and it honestly worries me.

He says:for example:'' I know people listen to me when I speak''

''you will see I will write a book''

''I know I am right'' if I tell you something its the truth''

I will give classes in Harvard I know I can do it''

You will see I will have a custom made car, unique, I will design it.

ginniebean
01-08-17, 01:07 PM
Also john I don't if this is actually a role or trait of Adhd but my bf seems to have this type of grandiose thinking,I hear say these things and it honestly worries me.

He says:for example:'' I know people listen to me when I speak''

''you will see I will write a book''

''I know I am right'' if I tell you something its the truth''

I will give classes in Harvard I know I can do it''

You will see I will have a custom made car, unique, I will design it.

Grandiosity is not s symptom of adhd, it is however a symptom of bi-polar which just so happens to share a lot of symptoms with adhd. This does not sound like ADHD.

marygates
01-08-17, 01:16 PM
I can't do that either,

I know it would take me double or triple time to learn it .

I accept that limitation , but even here I use method to speed up the process ad much as possible , by taking excellent notes, being organized and using a method of teaching someone to make sure that i understand it correctly.


In other words. I wanna learn about geometry. After taking notes, I 'll try to test my self what I know about the subject.

Then I 'll try to improvise a situation ,where I'm trying to teach the very same info to a student. This way I able to see if I really understand the subject. Then I ask myself difficult questions that will test even deeper understanding of lack of it.

ALso using this method, I'm able to store the information for much longer. So even if it takes me longer to learn it, my understanding and recollection is often times better then non-addhd people have.


Well my boyfriend finished medical school and has passed his board exams 3 out of 4, can this be possible with him having mild ADHD? Cause I have also heard most ADHDers are super smart people, it takes them longer but they get there.

marygates
01-08-17, 01:19 PM
Grandiosity is not s symptom of adhd, it is however a symptom of bi-polar which just so happens to share a lot of symptoms with adhd. This does not sound like ADHD.


Yes That's why I wonder if my bf is co-morbid with being bi-polar or some other personality issue. cause he tends to blurt out this grandiose comments from once in a while. I can assure you that he has to have something else, I am not convinced that he only has ADHD.

Also I have heard about narcissistic.but I dont think he present all the signs and symptoms for narcissim.

ginniebean
01-08-17, 01:23 PM
Well. one thing is for sure, we can't figure it out here, he needs a proper diagnosis.

john2100
01-08-17, 01:45 PM
Also john I don't if this is actually a role or trait of Adhd but my bf seems to have this type of grandiose thinking,I hear say these things and it honestly worries me.

I am no psychologist , but I don't think it is bipolar or that he acts like that because of ADHD.
It looks like a desire for recognition,feeding ones ego,low self wort, low self esteem ,even if he looks and act confident.

Imagine a situation where a big cocky guy starts to put down people in a club.
Everybody leaves him alone, then he slowly moves to a smaller guy who is a MMA fighter , who just ignores him and laughs with his friends, who are 100% confident of the future outcome. After 5 min a cocky guy tries to punch a MMA guy and the rest is history. MMA guys goes back to having fun with his friends like nothing happen.
That is a true confidence, no need to tell anybody that you are the best fighter, nobody should mess with you etc.


He says:for example:'' I know people listen to me when I speak''
=I know I'm the smartest guy around ,,,ego,,,recognize me,,,respect me,,

''you will see I will write a book'' = desire for admiration ,low self esteem , even if it looks opposite the way
-then do it ,,,do it now,, dont talk about it, do it, already,,,then the exceuss start,,,I need more time, i need more research ,, i need a better job first, i need a .........


''I know I am right'' if I tell you something its the truth'' = ego, desire to be recognized as a authority , desire to be respected


I will give classes in Harvard I know I can do it'' = desire for admiration, ego

You will see I will have a custom made car, unique, I will design it.= desire to be admired.

He may do this even if he is a good guy,but in order for him to stop this kind of behavior ,that is truly damaging to you and him , he has to admit and realize he has a problem . Now ,admitting that you are doing it because you have a low confidence and you have a need for a constant recognition will be the most challenging. Therapy is a good idea too. I wouldn't even bring up adhd into it .



Cause I have also heard most ADHDers are super smart people, it takes them longer but they get there.

I don't think there is any evidence or research suggesting that adhd people smarter then non adhd.

I'd even say that that same person without adhd would be even smarter.
ADHD slows me down a lot, not making me any smarter. That adhd=smart is a myth only.
Many smart people with ADHD say it , but are they sure they are smart because of adhd?

marygates
01-08-17, 06:02 PM
I am no psychologist , but I don't think it is bipolar or that he acts like that because of ADHD.
It looks like a desire for recognition,feeding ones ego,low self wort, low self esteem ,even if he looks and act confident.

Imagine a situation where a big cocky guy starts to put down people in a club.
Everybody leaves him alone, then he slowly moves to a smaller guy who is a MMA fighter , who just ignores him and laughs with his friends, who are 100% confident of the future outcome. After 5 min a cocky guy tries to punch a MMA guy and the rest is history. MMA guys goes back to having fun with his friends like nothing happen.
That is a true confidence, no need to tell anybody that you are the best fighter, nobody should mess with you etc.


He says:for example:'' I know people listen to me when I speak''
=I know I'm the smartest guy around ,,,ego,,,recognize me,,,respect me,,

''you will see I will write a book'' = desire for admiration ,low self esteem , even if it looks opposite the way
-then do it ,,,do it now,, dont talk about it, do it, already,,,then the exceuss start,,,I need more time, i need more research ,, i need a better job first, i need a .........


''I know I am right'' if I tell you something its the truth'' = ego, desire to be recognized as a authority , desire to be respected


I will give classes in Harvard I know I can do it'' = desire for admiration, ego

You will see I will have a custom made car, unique, I will design it.= desire to be admired.

He may do this even if he is a good guy,but in order for him to stop this kind of behavior ,that is truly damaging to you and him , he has to admit and realize he has a problem . Now ,admitting that you are doing it because you have a low confidence and you have a need for a constant recognition will be the most challenging. Therapy is a good idea too. I wouldn't even bring up adhd into it .





I don't think there is any evidence or research suggesting that adhd people smarter then non adhd.

I'd even say that that same person without adhd would be even smarter.
ADHD slows me down a lot, not making me any smarter. That adhd=smart is a myth only.
Many smart people with ADHD say it , but are they sure they are smart because of adhd?


I have to agree with you a 100% I believe his has complexity issues with low self esteem and perhaps image issues as well, he always tells me some weird story that he wanted to punch a guy one time but he did not do it,cause he did not want to get in trouble,and then he confronted a man in a club when he was younger,and also one day I saw this beautiful Maseratti car and stared at the car cause it was really nice, and he said to me'' why you stared at the car? and I told him ''that its a very nice car a Maseratti and he said'' yeah so what, those cars get easily broken, and I said'' I don't think so, and that's when he told me he wanted to have his custom made car designed by him, OBVIOUSLY A SELF ESTEEM ISSUE!

john2100
01-08-17, 08:04 PM
one day I saw this beautiful Maseratti car and stared at the car cause it was really nice, and he said to me'' why you stared at the car? and I told him ''that its a very nice car a Maseratti and he said'' yeah so what, those cars get easily broken


Now that, is something that more people can relate too. I think this is s bigger problem , then the ADHD symptoms,like messiness,distracted by noise, etc.

He got mad at you , because you were starring at a car?


Couples go out , they see a Ferrari, they look at it, dream about it, promise themselves to buy one for Christmas, take some pictures with it and lie to their friends that it was theirs, for a while....

Why so much hostility because of u looking at a car?

Imagine if you were looking at a good looking guy......

To understand it better what is going on , try think about this example:
I'll reverse the situations.

Let say you go out with him and he starts ordering drinks at a club.You are at a distant table. There is this gorgeous girl talking to him ,maybe she touches him playfully on a shoulder, he laughs ,they talk for 2-3min , then he comes back to your table.

a: If you react with anger and be all offended and suspicions and jealous, it means you have a low confidence .If you keep staring at that girl the whole night ,that even more confirms it ,that , you felt threatened by her.


b: If he comes back at your table and you just joke about it with a smile on your face, and maybe tell him: God, that was a pretty girl, did you get her number????
NO.....
Why not ?
Go get it !

All as a joke of course,,,,
That confirms you have total confidence in your self, in your relationship and being in piece with your self.

That would be an ideal outcome instead of a conflict,
Now try to analyze why he reacted with anger around a car,,,similar concept,,

Trying to change this kind of behavior must come from within ,
In order to change it ,he must understand the true cause of his reactions.
If he changes his behavior , just for you ,, without a true understanding of his behavior ,those true reason why he reacted with such hostility would still be inside of him and it would show sooner or later.

I don't think you should try to do it by yourself.
It may backfire too. If you tell him exactly why he is acting the way he is acting , he may be even more hostile towards you for humiliating him . You are actually trying to help him , but he may just see it different way.
He must change for himself not for you .

But that is really a case for a therapist. Let the therapist take the blame, distance yourself from it .

marygates
01-08-17, 09:41 PM
Now that, is something that more people can relate too. I think this is s bigger problem , then the ADHD symptoms,like messiness,distracted by noise, etc.

He got mad at you , because you were starring at a car?


Couples go out , they see a Ferrari, they look at it, dream about it, promise themselves to buy one for Christmas, take some pictures with it and lie to their friends that it was theirs, for a while....

Why so much hostility because of u looking at a car?

Imagine if you were looking at a good looking guy......

To understand it better what is going on , try think about this example:
I'll reverse the situations.

Let say you go out with him and he starts ordering drinks at a club.You are at a distant table. There is this gorgeous girl talking to him ,maybe she touches him playfully on a shoulder, he laughs ,they talk for 2-3min , then he comes back to your table.

a: If you react with anger and be all offended and suspicions and jealous, it means you have a low confidence .If you keep staring at that girl the whole night ,that even more confirms it ,that , you felt threatened by her.


b: If he comes back at your table and you just joke about it with a smile on your face, and maybe tell him: God, that was a pretty girl, did you get her number????
NO.....
Why not ?
Go get it !

All as a joke of course,,,,
That confirms you have total confidence in your self, in your relationship and being in piece with your self.

That would be an ideal outcome instead of a conflict,
Now try to analyze why he reacted with anger around a car,,,similar concept,,

Trying to change this kind of behavior must come from within ,
In order to change it ,he must understand the true cause of his reactions.
If he changes his behavior , just for you ,, without a true understanding of his behavior ,those true reason why he reacted with such hostility would still be inside of him and it would show sooner or later.

I don't think you should try to do it by yourself.
It may backfire too. If you tell him exactly why he is acting the way he is acting , he may be even more hostile towards you for humiliating him . You are actually trying to help him , but he may just see it different way.
He must change for himself not for you .

But that is really a case for a therapist. Let the therapist take the blame, distance yourself from it .


Yeah it was weird!!, he did not say it in an angry tone, but he said like if it was something normal for him to say,, like:'' wow a maseratti big deal one day I will have my car designed by me so nobody has it!! in that cocky type of way, like if he felt with very low self esteem or confidence at that moment and he acted with cockiness. sometimes I wonder if my has a narcissist personality besides ADHD.

john2100
01-08-17, 09:55 PM
wow a maseratti big deal one day I will have my car designed by me so nobody has it!!

How many mature people do you know , that say things like this.?

It is difficult give advice over the forum , would he go with u to see somebody?

john2100
01-08-17, 10:27 PM
Or just try to take it as a joke,

Basically laugh it off, as if he was just being sarcastic or joking ,

even elaborate on it, dont let this control you

, maybe he'll stop when he sees you are not effected by it anymore.


For example: After the Maserati remark:
You could have said: Oh really ,your own car, what color ?
How big engine?
Ok, let's start now, let's go pick up a radio right now, It's never too late to start planning
etc,,,,

Every time you feel like he is messing with you ,do the same,

But it is really difficult to know if he could really take the joke, without making it all even worse.

Johnny Slick
01-09-17, 01:10 AM
Bigger and really grandiose plans can be a side effect of the manic side of bipolar disorder but sure, as a person who's has ADHD all of his life this is pretty damn close to what I do. I get really into something for a couple to a few weeks but then eventually turn off of it. During the time I'm into it my mind goes off in a million directions, some of which are things like "wow, if I can make it I can be rich and famous!". Unfortunately one of the side effects of this condition is that it's really hard to stay in the moment, and after a while it gets hard for me at least to deal with the inevitable setbacks that occur when working on any new hobby.

So yeah, long story short, sure, I can see this.

marygates
01-09-17, 05:01 PM
Or just try to take it as a joke,

Basically laugh it off, as if he was just being sarcastic or joking ,

even elaborate on it, dont let this control you

, maybe he'll stop when he sees you are not effected by it anymore.


For example: After the Maserati remark:
You could have said: Oh really ,your own car, what color ?
How big engine?
Ok, let's start now, let's go pick up a radio right now, It's never too late to start planning
etc,,,,

Every time you feel like he is messing with you ,do the same,

But it is really difficult to know if he could really take the joke, without making it all even worse.

Exactly, its something I have never experience with a relationship so it does feel weird, But as you said Perhaps if I take it as a joke, it can be better. I feel he messes with my mind many times, and I dont know whether to take him seriously or not,

For example: the other days I said when are you going to take me to the beach? and he was like'' when am I taking you to the ***** and he just kept acting silly with that,he acts very childish sometimes, its like he morphs behaviour wise from adult to child or visceversa.:faint::faint::faint:

ginniebean
01-09-17, 05:16 PM
Exactly, its something I have never experience with a relationship so it does feel weird, But as you said Perhaps if I take it as a joke, it can be better. I feel he messes with my mind many times, and I dont know whether to take him seriously or not,

For example: the other days I said when are you going to take me to the beach? and he was like'' when am I taking you to the ***** and he just kept acting silly with that,he acts very childish sometimes, its like he morphs behaviour wise from adult to child or visceversa.:faint::faint::faint:

i would take thos as affectionate teasing myself unless i felt belittled then I'f kick his ****

ToneTone
01-09-17, 06:48 PM
I swear, each time I have encountered people who talk like this--including relatives and close friends--there turned out to be a MAJOR problem ... sometimes it was bipolar ... sometimes a touch of mental illness and delusion ... sometimes just pure obnoxiousness ... In each of these scenarios, the end result was disaster.

I wouldn't feel safe dating anyone who talked like this. And if the person had no awareness of the way they talk, I'd be long gone. But I admit my bias here: I have a lot of mental illness (beyond ADHD) in my family ... A lot! ... and I married someone who had an illness ... after we married, it just got WORSE ... and I had no leverage whatsoever, because I didn't demand more during the time before we got married.

I have a family member now who refuses to get help ... who is deluded that he is one step away from being a billionaire entrepreneur ...when he is doing nothing to start a business and hasn't any particular skills for any particular business ... and who basically hides from the world.

The irony is ... his condition could most like be dramatically improved if he were willing to get meds and counseling and coaching ...

My bottom line: if a person's behavior in relationship troubles you, don't ask "What condition they have?" It doesn't matter. The question to ask is whether or not you can be happy and safe with the person continuing to behave for years in the future the way they behave right now. Now if the person is aware of their problem, open to feedback and willing to get help when they see how it affects the other partner, then that's another matter.

Tone

marygates
01-09-17, 08:04 PM
I swear, each time I have encountered people who talk like this--including relatives and close friends--there turned out to be a MAJOR problem ... sometimes it was bipolar ... sometimes a touch of mental illness and delusion ... sometimes just pure obnoxiousness ... In each of these scenarios, the end result was disaster.

I wouldn't feel safe dating anyone who talked like this. And if the person had no awareness of the way they talk, I'd be long gone. But I admit my bias here: I have a lot of mental illness (beyond ADHD) in my family ... A lot! ... and I married someone who had an illness ... after we married, it just got WORSE ... and I had no leverage whatsoever, because I didn't demand more during the time before we got married.

I have a family member now who refuses to get help ... who is deluded that he is one step away from being a billionaire entrepreneur ...when he is doing nothing to start a business and hasn't any particular skills for any particular business ... and who basically hides from the world.

The irony is ... his condition could most like be dramatically improved if he were willing to get meds and counseling and coaching ...

My bottom line: if a person's behavior in relationship troubles you, don't ask "What condition they have?" It doesn't matter. The question to ask is whether or not you can be happy and safe with the person continuing to behave for years in the future the way they behave right now. Now if the person is aware of their problem, open to feedback and willing to get help when they see how it affects the other partner, then that's another matter.

Tone

You are right Indeed!!, I have to admit he is kinda weird, even though I really want him, bu the gives me the creeps sometimes, you know what he says from time to time. I feel like hitting you not In a mean tone but in a childish tone, he patted my face twice I told him to stop it cause I dont like that and he said''I'm just playing Im not even hiting you'' , I don't get why he gets these impulses from?!