View Full Version : Adult ADHD and inconsistent Hygiene Issues RELATED?


marygates
01-17-17, 01:26 PM
I have seen for quite some time that My boyfriend has like an inconsistent
hygiene regimen,sometimes he has underarm odor and will just put a shirt like that, or not shower properly, or will not put deodorant, he might smell like perfumes sometimes which is nice but when I get more intimate with him
his underarm is on fire!! and his sucks stinks, he will put them on and then the shoes, the shoes must be dead! I don't know If I can stick up with this, but I feel weird because I am a clean freak!

Can someone Identify with me, If so I would love to read your experiences!

dvdnvwls
01-17-17, 02:58 PM
I have ADHD and I can be a lot like that sometimes. I'm guessing that it's ADHD-related and not just a random thing of mine.

My un-proven un-scientific theory is that the mental effort it takes me to brush my teeth and have a shower and wash my clothes, and also get to work on time and keep my appointments and remember to do the other things I need to do, is like the effort it would take you to plan and host a dinner party for ten different guests every night of the week while also your mother-in-law is staying over and there's a new puppy in the house and you're not feeling well.


No matter how long I do some of those things, I never get used to doing them or the organization it takes to get them done. It's like they're always new to me.

Letching Gray
01-17-17, 07:18 PM
I have seen for quite some time that My boyfriend has like an inconsistent
hygiene regimen,sometimes he has underarm odor and will just put a shirt like that, or not shower properly, or will not put deodorant, he might smell like perfumes sometimes which is nice but when I get more intimate with him
his underarm is on fire!! and his sucks stinks, he will put them on and then the shoes, the shoes must be dead! I don't know If I can stick up with this, but I feel weird because I am a clean freak!

Can someone Identify with me, If so I would love to read your experiences!

Remind this knucklehead that he is one lucky dude to have you in his life and if he doesn't get his act together, you are going to disappear. Fear of losing you may drive him to become the cleanest, best smelling, the most consistently aromatically spectacular guy ever to take showers and wear clean clothes in world history. :faint:

If that fails, don't brush your teeth or use soap for six months. See how he likes it. :D

sarahsweets
01-18-17, 05:42 AM
Remind this knucklehead that he is one lucky dude to have you in his life and if he doesn't get his act together, you are going to disappear. Fear of losing you may drive him to become the cleanest, best smelling, the most consistently aromatically spectacular guy ever to take showers and wear clean clothes in world history. :faint:

If that fails, don't brush your teeth or use soap for six months. See how he likes it. :D
I am hoping this was meant as humor-because I can appreciate that. If its not though and your serious, I think its important to see this issue as a real problem for some people with adhd and other things like bipolar depression. The adhd never gave me issues with stuff like that but I have nearly drowned in bipolar depression-and during those times I couldnt even change my clothes, much less care about a shower. I am married and have an awesome man and those times were very rare and usually related to medications not working or the wrong combo-but even something as simple as brushing your teeth can take a back seat. I dont understand necessarily the reasons why these types of things are common but they are.
Threatening to leave someone over it-unless you are dead serious to me seems cruel. And actively engaging in poor hygiene as a way to get back at a partner will be totally lost on them. The will not make the connection that it has anything to do with them.

Fraser_0762
01-18-17, 07:36 AM
I tend not to bother unless i'm going out somewhere. But if i'm told by somebody else (such as a family member) to go and wash, shower, brush my teeth etc.... i'll go and do it. It's doing it consistantly without constantly needing to be told that's the problem.

Perhaps just explain the situation to him and tell him to go and take a shower. You'll probably need to tell him each and everytime. But it will be worth it in the long run.

Unmanagable
01-18-17, 11:30 AM
I have to giggle a little when I see this thread, especially remembering all the stuff I used to buy to try to smell good, look good, feel good, and meet the expectations of others. I've changed my hygiene regimen in the last couple years to include more realness and less synthetically created stuff, and what a f'n relief, in many ways.

However, I would likely be automatically judged to be considered dirty and smelly by many at first sight, especially according to those who are used to being immersed in the synthetic stank of artificial products and remaining convinced we must be free of body hair to be considered "clean". Hahahahahahahahaha!!! Summer time really shows who feels that way. lmao

Ever notice how a lot of hygiene/cleaning/laundry products are made to smell like nature? lol I just decided to skip the middle man, much like with my food choices, and go directly to the REAL source, instead, and make my own stuff.

I no longer shave the pits or legs, etc., either, as we've been conditioned to beLIEve we must do in order to meet societal hygienic standards. Ummmm.....hair was put there for a reason. A really good reason.

The hubster didn't/doesn't mind that decision at all, as I deeply feared he would. His response was, "I don't shave my pits or legs, why should I expect you to have to keep up with all that s***?" Good answer, love.

I prefer to smell natural body odor any day over the stank of the test tube crafted scents that disrupt the f*** out of our endocrine system and cause more damage to the environment and other living things in their making.

There's where I also directly learned the difference in bodily smells between meat/animal product eaters and vegans. Woah!!!! Big differences! But we've been taught that ALL odors are bad and must be covered up by artificial means. It's good for business, after all.

I can easily tell when I've eaten something that doesn't jive well with my biology based on the underarm odor and excrement odor I emit each day. It's really fascinating once you start paying attention, if you choose to do so.

Dig a little deeper into all those ingredients on your/his favorite bottles of __________. It's a sea of toxicity, no matter which direction you look. Maybe he's mindful of it in his choices and does what he does for a good reason, or maybe he's not.

But I at least wanted to introduce another angle for the many folks who may be reading this. Things aren't always what they seem to be, or smell to be. Choose wisely, as if your life depends on it, because it just might, or at least the quality of it.

Bathing, yes. Regularly, yes. Artificial scents used to cover up not bathing. NO. HELL NO!!! Like trying to cover up cigarette smoke with an air freshener. It just outs you even quicker and makes it smell worse. The more artificial fragrance we continue to choose, the more damage we do to self, others, and the environment, in more ways than one.

Keep it real, keep it clean. Keep it real clean. :)

Letching Gray
01-18-17, 06:13 PM
You fellas have encouraged the world's biggest pig/slob/cow of all time to take a moment to glory in my unmatched filth. FYI, I wrote the book on smelling bad. It is my area of expertise. I can clear out a room faster than a live hand grenade. Just kidding.

I am a male chauvinist pig. When I read that a guy is stinking up the place and it offends his girlfriend, I feel protective of the female and unsympathetic towards the guy. If a woman has the same kinds of issues, it doesn't bother me at all.

You wouldn't believe how many sisters I have and it was my responsibility, among others, to watch over, care for and protect them from all harm, physical or emotional, at all costs. If I aspired to be a good son, I could not fail in this. My mother was to be treated in the same fashion. Seems bizarre acknowledging this.

Pilgrim
01-18-17, 06:23 PM
When I was younger my personal hygiene was questionable. People notice.

I've noticed that my smelling ability seems to wax and wane.

Meds seems to stabilise my motivation and smelling ability.

Got to give yourself every chance of picking up on Saturday night.

marygates
01-18-17, 11:18 PM
You fellas have encouraged the world's biggest pig/slob/cow of all time to take a moment to glory in my unmatched filth. FYI, I wrote the book on smelling bad. It is my area of expertise. I can clear out a room faster than a live hand grenade. Just kidding.

I am a male chauvinist pig. When I read that a guy is stinking up the place and it offends his girlfriend, I feel protective of the female and unsympathetic towards the guy. If a woman has the same kinds of issues, it doesn't bother me at all.

You wouldn't believe how many sisters I have and it was my responsibility, among others, to watch over, care for and protect them from all harm, physical or emotional, at all costs. If I aspired to be a good son, I could not fail in this. My mother was to be treated in the same fashion. Seems bizarre acknowledging this.

Its like he zooms out and does not care to do it properly or its a hassle for him, he does not stink like a dead rat LOL but I have noticed his underarms stink sometimes, Like onions on fire, no kidding! The other days, we where having intimacy and then he took a ''shower'' He didn't even have soap in his bathroom he had small pieces of it, so basically he just splash water and that's it!! i was like:faint::faint: I could not believe it so he jumped back in bed again and I just smelled something that resembles seasoning it was his underarm. its like if he did not even care or bother, I had some shower gel with me and gave him some,I don't think it made any difference.:o

His house is upside down literally, everything on the floor, bags everywhere, I know he does not have much space,but he could at least be a little more organized.

The bad thing about all of this is that he is untreated/undiagnosed, but it runs in his family, his 2 nephews have ADHD too. and my boyfriend has all the signs of Being an ADHDer, he told me he believes he has it in a Mild spectrum.

Letching Gray
01-19-17, 12:08 AM
Mary, I don't recall, have you said you have talked with him about it? If not, doing so might help. I figure you wouldn't hang with him if he wasn't a good guy. So, since he probably means well, you could discuss it with him, tactfully, and it might help. He may not be aware of it, you know?

Ever watch Seinfeld?

The character "Kramer" often broached sensitive topics with the greatest finesse, discretion and tact with astounding results.

"Kramer: What's that smell?

Jerry: What smell?

Kramer: Ooooh... You stink.

Jerry: Whatd'ya mean I stink?

Kramer: You *stink*. Why don't you go take a shower?

Jerry: I showered! Oh, wait a second... Since I showered, I've been in

the car!

Elaine: So?

Jerry: Don't you see what's happening here? It's attached itself to me!

It's alive!

Elaine: If it attached itself to you, then... Oh, my God! That's why Carl

said he had to get up early! Because I stink! Jerry, he thinks I

have B.O.! Me!"

And there's this demonstration of how it can be done with subtlety, poise and tender thoughtfulness:

"Audrey: It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually

find it kind of intimidating.

Kramer: Well, you're as pretty as any of them, you just need a nose job.

Elaine: Kramer!

Kramer: What? What?

Elaine: How could you say something like that?!

Kramer: What? What do you mean? I just said she needs a nose job.

Elaine: No no, there's nothing wrong with her nose! I'm so sorry, Audrey.

Audrey: No, it's ok.

Elaine: What did you have to say that for?

Kramer: Well, I was just trying to help out."

marygates
01-19-17, 11:44 AM
Mary, I don't recall, have you said you have talked with him about it? If not, doing so might help. I figure you wouldn't hang with him if he wasn't a good guy. So, since he probably means well, you could discuss it with him, tactfully, and it might help. He may not be aware of it, you know?

Ever watch Seinfeld?

The character "Kramer" often broached sensitive topics with the greatest finesse, discretion and tact with astounding results.

"Kramer: What's that smell?

Jerry: What smell?

Kramer: Ooooh... You stink.

Jerry: Whatd'ya mean I stink?

Kramer: You *stink*. Why don't you go take a shower?

Jerry: I showered! Oh, wait a second... Since I showered, I've been in

the car!

Elaine: So?

Jerry: Don't you see what's happening here? It's attached itself to me!

It's alive!

Elaine: If it attached itself to you, then... Oh, my God! That's why Carl

said he had to get up early! Because I stink! Jerry, he thinks I

have B.O.! Me!"

And there's this demonstration of how it can be done with subtlety, poise and tender thoughtfulness:

"Audrey: It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually

find it kind of intimidating.

Kramer: Well, you're as pretty as any of them, you just need a nose job.

Elaine: Kramer!

Kramer: What? What?

Elaine: How could you say something like that?!

Kramer: What? What do you mean? I just said she needs a nose job.

Elaine: No no, there's nothing wrong with her nose! I'm so sorry, Audrey.

Audrey: No, it's ok.

Elaine: What did you have to say that for?

Kramer: Well, I was just trying to help out."


Btw I have been 3 years with my boyfriend and its always been the same routine,I don't see much improvement and know where our relationship is going to be real honest!, I feel lonely and kind of helpless ,Basically I feel like if I was not In a relationship.

Since I am in this forum, I wanted to know if many women or man that are in a relationship with an ADHDer feel like this, or does this have nothing to do with ADHD itself. Cause honestly I have been pulling my hairs out since the beginning of our relationship trying to figure out why my bf is like and acted the way he does and I just couldn't pin point what he had exactly until he mentioned the word ADHD. So I dont know if its normal to feel like this when having a relationship with an ADHDer??:o

Letching Gray
01-19-17, 12:34 PM
Going out of one's mind when in a relationship with an ADHDer? Well, I believe that's quite likely. I go nuts being with me, so I'm more than convinced we drive our loved ones completely nuts. What does he have to say about these things?

It is certainly possible he may have it. I can picture ADHDers doing the same kinds of things, but those things by themselves aren't determinative of the diagnosis.

The following are suggested criteria of ADHD in adults.

A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one's goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
Difficulty getting organized.
Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow-through.
Tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
A frequent search for high stimulation.
An intolerance of boredom.
Easy distractibility, trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or a conversation, often coupled with an ability to hyperfocus at times.
Often creative, inituitive, highly intelligent.
Trouble in going through established channels, following "proper" procedure.
Impatient; low tolerance for frustration.
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as in impulsive spending of money, changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans, and the like.
Tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with inattention to or disregard for actual dangers.
Sense of insecurity.
Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
Restlessness
Tendency toward addictive behavior.
Chronic problems with self-esteem.
Inaccurate self-observation.
Family history of ADD or manic-depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood.

B. Childhood history of ADD.
C. Situation not explained by other medical or psychiatric condition.

marygates
01-19-17, 02:00 PM
Going out of one's mind when in a relationship with an ADHDer? Well, I believe that's quite likely. I go nuts being with me, so I'm more than convinced we drive our loved ones completely nuts. What does he have to say about these things?

It is certainly possible he may have it. I can picture ADHDers doing the same kinds of things, but those things by themselves aren't determinative of the diagnosis.

The following are suggested criteria of ADHD in adults.

A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one's goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
Difficulty getting organized.
Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow-through.
Tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
A frequent search for high stimulation.
An intolerance of boredom.
Easy distractibility, trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or a conversation, often coupled with an ability to hyperfocus at times.
Often creative, inituitive, highly intelligent.
Trouble in going through established channels, following "proper" procedure.
Impatient; low tolerance for frustration.
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as in impulsive spending of money, changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans, and the like.
Tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with inattention to or disregard for actual dangers.
Sense of insecurity.
Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
Restlessness
Tendency toward addictive behavior.
Chronic problems with self-esteem.
Inaccurate self-observation.
Family history of ADD or manic-depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood.

B. Childhood history of ADD.
C. Situation not explained by other medical or psychiatric condition.


Believe me he has it, all the signs and symptoms are on point, but besides ADHD he may have traits of another disorder(maybe a little narcissistic & bipolar or both),He told me 2 of his nephews have ADHD, and I as far as I Know, its genetic and it tends to run in the family,

His signs and symptoms:

*He always forgets stuff or leaves them around and then doesn't even know where they are
*A weird thing I have noticed is that some times when he is trying to say a certain word, he makes a weird mouth expression like if it was difficult to pronounce it, basically trying to blurt out the word correctly.
*He is very impulsive ,This is one of the biggest traits I see in him
*he gets frustrated easily
*Has no patience at all,
*his car is a mess, I think I have seen the same receipts all over the floor like a gazillion times.,
*his house as I mentioned before is very messy to say the least.
*there are times he transitions from adult to a childish behaviour(he shouts something,or gets loud.
*change of his voice tone/pitch all of a sudden.
*He zooms out ( I have noticed this a lot, when we went out, if there was a dog , a cat or anything out of the blue,he would just stare at it and literally look at it for minutes and not listen to me.
*there a times where he just stays quiet for a long time ,without saying a word, or forgets what he was going to say and then he comes back to life!
*and the inconsistent hygiene.