View Full Version : the constellation of energy


1000koni
01-18-17, 05:52 AM
I lost several days to the energy of the black hole. And then comes a new day and with it the sky as beautiful as it always was, but I could notice this again. And with this step forward out of hazy faith-based blindness into the relationships that still remain, and probably others waiting for me to get there.
I know this energy very well, and despite the persistence of retrograde stars, the subsequent reentry is always problematic. Age requires deference to time, to get back to a certain functionality or at least semblance thereto. The list of things I was going to do, or working on usually gets thrown out, important ones reappear. Then there are the expectations of others arising partly from things I had promised. Of course depending on what, the disappointment from non-performance or non-timely performance of something, which could be as simple as answering the phone, has taught me many social skills.
But this all this is not quite what I want to write about, rather the constellation of energy. When I read through posts on this forum, no longer compulsively as once, I am struck by the vast number dealing with management of it (the “self”, “meds”, “job”, “menial tasks”, “boredom”, “time”, “motivation”). I suspect this is entirely natural and necessary to achieve some kind of functionality, to get a life as I used to so often hear said. I also suspect, that this is partly an illusion, that would be the making of another post, but probably arising from some huge desire to create and maintain connections that on some level are substitute.
Are you creating the life and relationships you dream of, or is this creation and living a derivative, a kind of reaction against chaos, disconnect? Because so much of my life has been in the energy management mode, that includes overly dramatic connections amidst vast empty spaces, and my ability to read the signs, symbols of connections to myself, others, society, what the philosophers call work and love, well not quite normative at best, the life I am seemingly dreaming of is not quite there. Some matrix of repeating temporal misconnections, disconnections, or actual connections but out of sync.
Of course this foggy space will pass, maybe it already has if I have come this far to write.

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