View Full Version : Boyfriend is not consistent in our relationship,is this common with ADHDers?


marygates
01-23-17, 02:20 PM
I feel as if my partner is somewhat inconsistent relationship wise, he can dissapear for weeks and not call or text and it leaves me wondering all the time.I feel lonely, frustrated and anguishment with this situation I don't call im either I get so mad, ever since we started going out 2 1/2 years ago, its been like this, I don't know if ADHD plays a major role in this behaviour or was it due to his medical studies wich consumed time? or what Really.

Can anyone identify? In Need advice!

dvdnvwls
01-23-17, 03:22 PM
It's definitely ADHD. It might be his studies also.

This is probably not going to change much. Can you handle that?

aeon
01-23-17, 03:55 PM
ADHD might contribute to the situation, but it doesn't explain it in full.

Even given medical studies, it's reasonable to question his degree of engagement and interest.


Cheers,
Ian

marygates
01-23-17, 05:09 PM
It's definitely ADHD. It might be his studies also.

This is probably not going to change much. Can you handle that?


Its very exhausting, to feel this way, but why does ADHD cause him to act like this, in regards to my question?

dvdnvwls
01-23-17, 05:22 PM
Its very exhausting, to feel this way, but why does ADHD cause him to act like this, in regards to my question?
ADHD being involved doesn't explain everything, as aeon already said. But a lot of things together - school, relationship difficulties, ADHD, and anything else you can think of - combine to create what you're seeing.

One thing that sticks out in my mind... You're feeling unsure about this relationship, and ALL people with ADHD, no exceptions, are very sensitive. He knows you're not sure. And that is sure to be changing his feelings about you and about everything.

DJ Bill
01-23-17, 09:06 PM
I'll tell you how it makes me feel, from the other side of the street...I get involved with someone in the here and now... Then, we get interrupted, I have to go do a job, it's finals week, tax time, Christmas, whatever... Then i forget to come back to the relationship until one day the thought pops into my head.....Wait, wasn't I doing something with "X" a while back??? Dang..how long has it been? And if I let it, I will end up not seeing or talking to that person out of embarassment that I haven't talked to or seen the person.

You can guess where it goes from there....

With us ADD'ers, some times if you think we aren't communicating enough, it's because that initial communication after a gap of time is really scary.

So.....keep in touch even if we don't call you right back. Seriously. We do forget that that is not right in front of us.

It's not that we don't like you or want to be mean to you...chances are some shiny thing has got our attention away from where it should be.

marygates
01-23-17, 10:08 PM
ADHD being involved doesn't explain everything, as aeon already said. But a lot of things together - school, relationship difficulties, ADHD, and anything else you can think of - combine to create what you're seeing.

One thing that sticks out in my mind... You're feeling unsure about this relationship, and ALL people with ADHD, no exceptions, are very sensitive. He knows you're not sure. And that is sure to be changing his feelings about you and about everything.

Sensitive, are you sure? my boyfriend does not seem sensitive but he did tell that he does not let anything out, that if he suffers or cries, is on the inside, like basically he bottles his emotions and does not let it show on the outside.

I don't think its the unsure part, cause I am very nice to him, I am not perfect, don't get me wrong,I do get heated some times, but he provokes it, he has some weird transitions from adult to a kid, starts making loud noises, or muttering words in a lower voice just acting really strange,and this disorder is something new to me!.

I really want him!, but it can get on my nerves, acting childish or even zooming out when I am talking to him, its like if he had gone to another planet for a couple of minutes, then returns and starts to talk again. I feel I cant have a normal conversation with him. i AM even afraid to attempt that.:o

Drewbacca
01-24-17, 12:54 AM
People are unique; only he can tell you, hopefully, if you ask him. If you need more time/input from him, you need to ask for it. You've been dating long enough that it's reasonable to ask for a daily phone call to check in, if only for ten minutes. It's easy to lose track of time, so you may need to get him to set a reminder on his phone or something in order to make that happen. It's one of those things that has to be resolved through communication... it's a relationship problem, not an ADHD problem.

As for his zoning out, is he thinking about something or just totally spaced? If the former, you need to give him space. If the later, you probably just have to accept that as something that can't be changed although medication or awareness could maybe help. But, again, without talking to him and getting his perspective on it... after 2.5 years, you should be able to talk to him about just about anything and get some answers.

As far as his acting strange and making noises... I don't know. It could just be a form of avoidance because he doesn't want to talk/deal with something that makes him uncomfortable. It could be playfulness. It could be hyperactivity..

sarahsweets
01-24-17, 06:41 AM
Sensitive, are you sure? my boyfriend does not seem sensitive but he did tell that he does not let anything out, that if he suffers or cries, is on the inside, like basically he bottles his emotions and does not let it show on the outside.
You cant be sensitive without anyone seeing that from the outside.

I don't think its the unsure part, cause I am very nice to him, I am not perfect, don't get me wrong,I do get heated some times, but he provokes it, he has some weird transitions from adult to a kid, starts making loud noises, or muttering words in a lower voice just acting really strange,and this disorder is something new to me!.

what do you mean by provokes?

I really want him!, but it can get on my nerves, acting childish or even zooming out when I am talking to him, its like if he had gone to another planet for a couple of minutes, then returns and starts to talk again. I feel I cant have a normal conversation with him. i AM even afraid to attempt that.:o
Why do you want him? You seem to be upset by things that could be adhd or could be something else but can you really change him?