View Full Version : Family with ADHD


Johnny Slick
01-23-17, 06:08 PM
So... how many of y'all have other family members who suffer from ADHD, and if so, which ones?

I have a couple of anecdotes about this:

- Over Christmas break I went back to my hometown and saw my 2 brothers. One of them (I'll refer to him as R) is quite a lot like me in many ways - pretty precocious but underachieving (he actually never even went to college, although he's got a great job now that usually only college grad types get). My other brother (B) is almost the opposite of me - where I get socially anxious he's kind of a butterfly, where I have had some serious problems getting close to anyone, he's been happily married to his partner since, pretty much, it was illegal for them to do so in our home state (he's gay), and my parents pitted us against each other (unwittingly, I think, but still) by saying that everything came easy to me but B had to work for everything. I came back expecting R to be like "oh wow, that's totally me!" but no, when I listed out the symptoms it was B. He's more inattentive than straight-up hyperactive but otherwise his life fits the symptoms of ADHD as well as mine do. Now to just get him to go to a doctor...

- After talking to my psychiatrist a few weeks ago and realizing that my dad never talked about what he did in school, who he loved before my mom, what his dreams were, and so on, I messaged my aunt (his sister) and asked about some of these things. I swear to God, this came right out of the blue: she said "he did pretty poorly... we didn't have it at the time but if it existed I'm sure he would have been ADD". My aunt is a retired schoolteacher so she's in a position to know about this stuff, but that just plain blew me away (in fact, I have to admit that I am still incredibly sad about this, because in truth he was a very smart man who could never hold a job, constantly worked at doing stuff that was not intellectually challenging and so on, and I am *positive* secretly hated himself for all of this. Had I gotten diagnosed at a younger age, perhaps he would have seen my symptoms in himself and realized that all of the underachieving wasn't really his fault. Unfortunately he died never knowing this. But I digress!). Also, grandma on that side probably had it as well (again, I *assumed* it would have been scientist grandpa, but nope).

I guess I do have a couple of follow-up questions... given that ADHD clearly has a genetic component, chances are it's there for them as well. For the undiagnosed, how have you reached them or tried to reach them? Did their actions start to make more sense once you realized what was probably going on with them?

aeon
01-23-17, 06:26 PM
My father, may he rest in peace, almost certainly had it, but undiagnosed.

His family nickname was "Captain Oblivious."


Cheers,
Ian

Little Missy
01-23-17, 06:30 PM
My Mum. Daddy called her "Fat Mouth" lovingly. Told he she needed to find a job for her mouth.

Johnny Slick
01-23-17, 07:09 PM
Heh, my parents - (non-ADHD) mom especially - used to tell me that my mouth would get me in trouble some day. And it did, in fairness, many, many times.

Fraser_0762
01-23-17, 07:15 PM
I get most of my issues from my dad. I reckon he also has mild Aspergers and Dyspraxia like myself.

My mums side suffers more from depression. My mum's mum was an alcoholic, so my mum and her sisters didn't have a very good upbringing. One of those sisters has parkinsons and her daughter (my cousin) shows classic symptoms of ADD. Her other sister is quite impulsive, but holds down a very good job.

Drewbacca
01-24-17, 01:58 AM
I get it from my mom, who is in denial that she has a problem.. we are both high-functioning, so I can kind of see it. However, she can't see the obvious difference between her being a C average student with an English degree while I've struggled in high level math and science classes in fields where a C wouldn't cut it. She was lucky enough to find work in a day and age where a college degree was sufficient, while I struggle to find any consistent employment or finish my education. So, I think the times, as they are have made my own disability more obvious than what she has experienced... by I digress.

Besides that, one of her brothers and one of his children. The rest of my family on that side, some 20+ cousins without issue. One other aunt that *might* just barely meet criteria but she's more eccentric and theatrical than forgetful or spacey but possibly hyperactive. Two other aunts with no problem. Two other uncles with no problems. No one in the grandparents with problems. No one on the other side of the family with ADHD related problems. I have two siblings and they are both fine (although my brother suffers from depression, as do I, which runs on my dad's side).

sarahsweets
01-24-17, 06:49 AM
I think my Dad had it, and all three of my kids and husband have it.

Simargl
01-24-17, 11:48 AM
My brother got diagnosed a few years ago. He reached out to me and suggested I might have ADHD as well and he was right. I'm pretty sure both of my parents are undiagnosed but my dad would never believe or admit it.

Little Missy
01-24-17, 12:07 PM
My Mum. Daddy called her "Fat Mouth" lovingly. Told he she needed to find a job for her mouth.

oh, and after I graduated from HS she went at my dads prodding and the packed lunch he pushed her out the door with and she and my friend that still has not DIED went and got their real estate licenses.
She made a lot of money with her mouth and my dad happily retired to be the gentleman of the estate.

dvdnvwls
01-24-17, 04:51 PM
For some people in some situations, especially when they're older and/or more set on a good-enough path in life, it's probably better not to rock the boat by suggesting they all go to a doctor.

Johnny Slick
01-24-17, 05:39 PM
I think that all depends. First and foremost, you can't *make* another adult go to the doctor, period. All you can really do is tell them that you have a condition and that based on your observations of them you think they do as well. What they decide to do with that information is 100% up to them.

To take it a step further, you never know what's going on behind another person's eyes. For all you know, they could be outwardly calm and serene and doing well and all that while inwardly they are pretty tormented. Us ADHDers kind of specialize in that, in fact. A lot of us hide our symptoms like cats because to the undiagnosed, they aren't symptoms, they're character flaws. Even if they never go to a doctor to get treatment, just knowing that they have this condition can be the difference between continuing to think less of themselves and gaining some peace of mind later in life.

dvdnvwls
01-24-17, 05:44 PM
You're absolutely right... It depends on so many things.

stef
01-24-17, 06:31 PM
Certainly, my Dad had it (also my aunt and my cousin and her daughter)

excelsior
01-24-17, 08:36 PM
My nephew Josh has it. Thankfully, he had understanding teachers and a mother who FOUGHT for him. He also was enrolled in a program called ACLD- All Children Learn Differently, here in Youngstown. They really helped him. -Quick addition-he just got married in October!

Jenn1202
01-27-17, 01:01 AM
Me, my sister, and my mom are officially diagnosed. My dad probably has ADHD too but he hasn't been officially diagnosed because he's never seen a doctor about his attention issues.