View Full Version : A stranger was mean to me and I'm sobbing


demfabbones
01-26-17, 07:59 PM
I've always known that I'm a very sensitive person, but one of the great mysteries of my life is why I care so, so much about what complete strangers think of me. I was at the pet store with my dog. An older lady was there with her daughter and her dog was obviously not cool with other dogs… He was growling, and I overheard her say to a store person that he is aggressive with other dogs. I went out of my way to avoid them to not cause any issues. We were nearby, but my dog was secured on her leash. Then, her daughter said to me "actually, he's really calming down now. I think it's fine." So I carefully let my dog tried to say hi to the other dog. Her dog freaked out, growled and tried to bite my dog. The old lady yelled at me, saying "why would you do that?" I very nicely said "I'm sorry, she told me it was fine." The lady continued to yell and said "well it isn't fine. Why would you do that?"

It Took all of my self-control to not just start crying right there in the store. I paid for my things as quickly as I could, went to my car and I have been crying ever since. What is my deal? I will never see this old ***** again. I know I didn't do anything wrong. I know that I am a nice person. I know that it doesn't matter what she thinks about me. And I even stood up for myself so I'm not sure what exactly I'm so upset about.

I know I need to be more assertive, and encounters like this make me think that I'm a hopeless case
:(

Faraway
01-26-17, 08:10 PM
Hi!

what would you recommend to a friend who went through exactly that and felt as you describe?
or..what would you ask?

Faraway
01-26-17, 08:18 PM
and just by the way...interesting how that dog took the lady as a role-modell.

Lunacie
01-26-17, 08:25 PM
I don't know what to do around people like that either.

And I don't know whether I feel more sorry for her daughter or her dog.

But aren't you lucky you don't have to go home with her? :grouphug:

Fuzzy12
01-26-17, 08:55 PM
I think emotions csn linger for a long time even after the original trigger. It must have been quite after shock to suddenly get yelled at apart from the unpleasantness and unfairness of the situation.

I don't deal well with people yelling at me either.

It sounds like a very disturbing experience. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. :grouphug:

Lloyd_
01-26-17, 10:27 PM
I've always known that I'm a very sensitive person, but one of the great mysteries of my life is why I care so, so much about what complete strangers think of me. I was at the pet store with my dog. An older lady was there with her daughter and her dog was obviously not cool with other dogs… He was growling, and I overheard her say to a store person that he is aggressive with other dogs. I went out of my way to avoid them to not cause any issues. We were nearby, but my dog was secured on her leash. Then, her daughter said to me "actually, he's really calming down now. I think it's fine." So I carefully let my dog tried to say hi to the other dog. Her dog freaked out, growled and tried to bite my dog. The old lady yelled at me, saying "why would you do that?" I very nicely said "I'm sorry, she told me it was fine." The lady continued to yell and said "well it isn't fine. Why would you do that?"

It Took all of my self-control to not just start crying right there in the store. I paid for my things as quickly as I could, went to my car and I have been crying ever since. What is my deal? I will never see this old ***** again. I know I didn't do anything wrong. I know that I am a nice person. I know that it doesn't matter what she thinks about me. And I even stood up for myself so I'm not sure what exactly I'm so upset about.

I know I need to be more assertive, and encounters like this make me think that I'm a hopeless case
:(

You might feel that you're a hopeless cause but does feeling x y z make it so?

demfabbones
01-26-17, 11:51 PM
Thank you everyone. It is so affirming to be told you are okay and normal :) I feel much better now.

And yeah, I think her daughter was embarrassed and felt bad for me.

sarahsweets
01-27-17, 05:25 AM
I used to be like that and then when I got sober, and realized I didnt have to identify or evaluate myself through the eyes of other people I got much better about caring what they think. I personally would have told her to go f**k herself if I had been a victim of that abuse, but only because of how she freaked out. Most times I try and keep kindness at the front of my mind and when someone is a stranger but inherently nasty I force them to engage with me in a nice way by complimenting them or trying to identify with their plight.
Of course there are always as*holes. The world is full of them.