View Full Version : Anxiety from relationship break-up.

01-29-17, 09:02 PM
I have racing thoughts at the best of times. Unfortunately, I still work with my ex and it causes a lot of anxiety. She accused me of harassment last year at work.

She dated someone else from work before me. 4 months. He tried to commit suicide afterwards. She was with me the next day. I'd previously said I felt she was flirting and she said she wouldn't do that in a relationship.

First date that weekend. We sleep together. The next week she says "You have to propose to me." She sends me pictures of baby clothes. She says I'm her soulmate, her entire world. She asks to come with me on my trip abroad. I volunteer in Austria for 6 weeks and then she comes to meet me in Prague. In the time apart she keeps asking if I still love her, still want to be with her, cries because she's not with me. Says she wants to be with me forever and travel with me forever.

Get to Prague, cries within 2 hours because she's homesick. I have an AVM. It bleeds out there, I didn't know it at the time. I cook for her, run her baths, cry with her, console her, she's crying every night until we book flights home and then she barely smiles. We go to the zoo, then in Vienna the markets are beautiful.

We come home, she meets my parents, dumps me three weeks later, 10 days after I get scan results back that showed I had an AVM. So I look for a reason from her initially because I can't believe someone can go from saying those things to someone to not wanting to be with them based on 10 days in those circustances when all I did was look after her, and sacrificed my trip for her (spent a year planning it, saving for it, it was my one passion).

She grows cold. So I get in touch eventually about my AVM when I have a second bleed and say it's a serious issue, I was dealing with it when we were together, I'd like to talk to you in case something happens so I can say goodbye and explain what I was going through abroad and after the trip. I sent her a letter...the only possible strange thing I did, and a couple of texts about it. Saying "the girl I knew was the kindest, sweetest girl and I think she'd regret it if something happens during my surgery and she didn't get the chance to say bye."

She accuses me of harassment, guilt-tripping her, blaming her for the bleed. She makes things up about lurking in corridors and stairwells at work. She said she rang victim support(!) and said she was scared I'd turn up at her house, which I've never even been to before, I had the address for when I got stuff for the trip sent to her.

It didn't go any further because nobody thinks I'm like that and management took my side. But to go from "soulmate" and "how can one person be so good?" and "what is the point of me, I don't deserve you, anyone else would have said to get out" to accusing me of lurking...I just about died. My surgery was successful...but it was risky and she was willing for me to die without giving me some kind of closure or goodbye. We were close, and best friends not long before.

So, I am totally scared at work going in now. I asked to be put on a different floor. Everyone who knows me knows what I'm like. Turns out she's dating someone who USED to work there, so three of us in the space of 9 months. She's still with him, which hurts, because it makes me think "How unattractive must I have been to her, to have her so crazy about me, then just saying 'the attraction isn't there', after taking her to Europe, bringing her home and looking after her while having a bleed on my brain but hiding it to try and give her a good trip." Like she spent 10 days with me and thought "Nah" even though she was snapping at me and crying all the time.

I am still really worried at work. She used to send her ex up to management to ask if she could be moved teams. Management consider her manipulative for many reasons and her ex said "I think she only stays with me to get a lift into work."

I thought "Finally, someone who gets me and someone I connect with." she was always going on about the connection and how similar we were. And it turns out it was all fake.

i feel like my issues ruined things. When we got back I was so preoccupied and stuck in my head worrying about her that I could barely talk to her anymore. My mind was everywhere and I felt I just put so much pressure on the relationship. But I waited so long to see her in Prague and it was meant to be romantic and exciting, and she ruined it.

Free to Fly
01-30-17, 12:26 AM
Take care of yourself first, right food, right meds, right people. Do the next right thing for you. You got yourself caught up with a whirlwind, count your blessings, doesn't sound like that ride could last long.

01-30-17, 01:29 AM
Do you think that falling for someone in such an intense relationship is an ADD trait because it provides stimulation and a degree of drama?

01-30-17, 03:35 AM
Do you think that falling for someone in such an intense relationship is an ADD trait because it provides stimulation and a degree of drama?
It's not impossible I guess... I'd really hesitate to judge the whole thing too easily.

01-30-17, 04:22 AM
I wrote the first post rather hastily. I guess what I'm struggling the most is thinking about whether the depression or anxiety played a role in the break-up or whether it was doomed anyway, and thinking I was a fool for believing someone was genuinely interested.

It's quite easy to see "ex-boyfriend couldn't let things go". I was lucky that I'm respected at work by management and that I'm known to a lot of people in the office. In truth, I've been told it was an emotionally abusive relationship. There were elements of control. Amongst all the soulmate talk and fate talk she would sprinkle in getting upset at me not texting back within 15 minutes. She had me hook, line and sinker...asking me if I loved her, saying it only takes three little words. At first I thought I'd seduced her but I think it was the other way around looking back.

She did seem obsessed with me though. Crying over not knowing my middle name, crying when she saw my face on Facetime when we were away. She cried over a lot of things. When her nail varnish bottle broke because it was her favourite.

I know this isn't a break-up forum. It's just harder for non-NTs to put themselves out there and it was as if I was encouraged to fall for her then made to look like the bad guy for wanting a reason after she spent 4 months telling me she wanted to marry me.

01-30-17, 04:43 AM
I dont know what to say exactly.But she reminds me of a friend I used to have that had a personality disorder. I am not trying to be a jerk and start labeling people with things, I am not a doctor. I just think there is more going on with her than someone who falls in love quickly and then splits. Its not you. Its her and that still hurts but my gut tells me its the truth. Of course its not because you are unattractive or did something wrong. Whatever issues she has, its clear based on dating 3 people in 9 months that she has something else going on.

01-31-17, 12:28 AM
I don't think it was your issues AT ALL but the ones that she is dealing with. We don't know what they are but is for sure dealing with some.