View Full Version : I need help.


dbloom
02-01-17, 03:29 AM
I've been unable to work consistently my entire life. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but my mother decided to keep that diagnosis from me, and furthermore she reinforced in my mind that my inability to work was a character flaw, and so I spent the last 20 years avoiding a diagnosis.

I went back to school at around age 28 convinced my inability to remain on-task was a character flaw, and after 2 years the character flaw hasn't gone away.

I began to suspect I had ADHD when it became clear to me that the other students in my university didn't have the problems I had. I called my mother to ask her if I ever had any problems as a child and she admitted I was diagnosed with ADHD but she never told me.

I have since been diagnosed with a medical professional. We have tried Concerta and Adderall, none of which really cure the underlying condition, which is my inability to sit still and remain on task.

I have gone in for three jobs in the past six months and quit them all on the first day. I have also dropped out of university. I am at the end of my rope and in thirty days my rent money will be gone and I'll be homeless.

Is there a social security benefit for me? I don't want to be homeless, and I'm tired of being told I'm a failure by everyone. What do I do?

Little Nut
02-01-17, 11:50 AM
Hey D, A lot of important issues to deal with. Sorry, but I have zero input about available aid/assistance in Canada that would help you. Just on the surface you seem to have a very important short term issue, paying your bills, a very important longer term issue in not being able to hold down a job, and a life-long issue having difficulty to function well in work and non-work environments. In my case when overloaded I have trouble focusing on the issues, let alone taking action. What I have to do is prioritize and narrow my focus to just 1 or 2 items until I come up w/ a path forward for them. Then try to broaden my scope to include the other "problems". In your case, I might try to resolve how to meet short term bills to get some "breathing room" to work on the holding a job issue. (Borrow money from your family...) If this turns out to be more than you can handle, maybe the first thing is to seek out a trusted friend or counselor (Priest, Rabbi, Doctor, respected friend, Aunt/Uncle, Gov't support agency) to help you to figure out what you should do.

Sorry D, Wish I could provide better support/guidance. Best Regards and GL, -Tom

Postulate
02-01-17, 08:14 PM
I see...one of those mothers. Is she rich? Like, what does she own in real estate, bank accounts or other assets, like what's her net worth? Because you can sue your mother for damages and you can also sue the doctor who diagnosed you when you were small and who failed to follow up with you as an adult.

I know some men are terrible fathers and some women are also terrible mothers. She benefited from not having to tell people that her son has ADHD, at your expense, so she has to pay. I would sue her for...$200,000, enough to get onto a solid mortgage.

If she cannot contribute to raising her son in any way, let her contribute financially. Sue her.

dbloom
02-02-17, 12:49 AM
I'll never be able to forgive her. I should sue her and if I did it'd be absolutely morally permissible, but I don't think I have it in me to do it.

To my former question, is it possible to get disability in Canada? I have tried and failed too many times to 'cure' my condition and my back is to the wall.

sarahsweets
02-02-17, 06:38 AM
I see...one of those mothers. Is she rich? Like, what does she own in real estate, bank accounts or other assets, like what's her net worth? Because you can sue your mother for damages and you can also sue the doctor who diagnosed you when you were small and who failed to follow up with you as an adult.

I know some men are terrible fathers and some women are also terrible mothers. She benefited from not having to tell people that her son has ADHD, at your expense, so she has to pay. I would sue her for...$200,000, enough to get onto a solid mortgage.

If she cannot contribute to raising her son in any way, let her contribute financially. Sue her.

Seriously? You can sue your parents and the doctor for that?

Postulate
02-02-17, 07:07 PM
If your mother benefited from your grief she is liable to pay, even if it wasn't intentional. I remember another case where a mother subtly used her 15 y.o. daughter as appeal to her new boyfriends she was bringing home in order to make them stay with her as a couple. When the daughter came crying to her mother disclosing the sexual abuse she had to endure, her mother told her off for stealing her boyfriend saying "how could you do this to your own mother!" And to her it made sense. Like, how could she do this, right? You know, if it makes sense to your mother that it's ok to do what she did, no problem, that's why there's judges, to set straight flawed logic and make pay those who are liable to pay. You don't have to prove intent, even if it was a profound act of stupidity, she has to pay, because YOU paid.

dbloom
02-02-17, 08:32 PM
If your mother benefited from your grief she is liable to pay, even if it wasn't intentional. I remember another case where a mother subtly used her 15 y.o. daughter as appeal to her new boyfriends she was bringing home in order to make them stay with her as a couple. When the daughter came crying to her mother disclosing the sexual abuse she had to endure, her mother told her off for stealing her boyfriend saying "how could you do this to your own mother!" And to her it made sense. Like, how could she do this, right? You know, if it makes sense to your mother that it's ok to do what she did, no problem, that's why there's judges, to set straight flawed logic and make pay those who are liable to pay. You don't have to prove intent, even if it was a profound act of stupidity, she has to pay, because YOU paid.

I agree completely with your assessment and think she has a moral imperative to pay. I simply don't think I have it in me to drag her or myself through that. That being said I appreciate your comments. My mom has spent a long time passing judgement on me, and it's a relief to hear someone that believes, as I do, that I have been robbed of something.

The frustrating thing is that if I had been diagnosed and treated early on I could have spent the last twenty years grooming myself for a career that matched my condition.

If anyone has any information on ADHD and disability in Canada, please let me know. I'm in a bit of a rough spot.

Traveler5
02-07-17, 08:17 PM
I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I could help you. Since I'm not Canadian I do not know what the laws and rules are for unemployment relief. You may want to get on the internet and find out if you would qualify for any kind of disability assistance based on your condition (ADHD) and/or any other medical conditions you may have that have prevented you from being employed. Regardless, check the web to find out what help may be available to you in Canada and start making calls. By the way, don't sue your mom, she's your mom. My mother would have to do something awfully despicable for me to sue her. That's not an option.