View Full Version : It is a Miracle ......And Far and Away the Best Thing That has Ever Happened to Me


salleh
02-02-17, 12:57 PM
I just wrote a long post about my daughter ....and somehow hit a button of some kind and it all went away .....arrgghh


.....so condensed version ......got a friendship request (FB) from a young woman with the same last name as the family with whom I had placed my young son in an open adoption at his birth on Jan 1, 1982......Happened about 2 weeks ago

.....I thought she was perhaps a relative in the family.....but then I looked at her profile ( I, of course, had accepted the request) ....and noticed that she lived in the same towns and went to the same schools as my son .....an idea began to grow .....

...Then I saw I had a PM from her .....I opened it up and saw .....


"Hi Mom" ..


......My heart nearly stopped....my brain spun in my skull....it was a 1-2 punch......my child had finally gotten in touch with me after 35 years....( and a complete rejection of me for more than 10 years) and my child is now a woman .....


....I am over the moon that she finally chose to open lines of communication between us.....but I was broken hearted at what I know she must have been going through all these years .....no one in the LGBGT community grows up unscarred .....and pain that most of us will never fully understand, lives with them in their daily lives....and even when they are fully realized as adults, there is always unhappy memories of the time they go through to get to a peaceful place ......

......She is continuing to suffer the personal struggle with the problems that transgender people meet in public, and just a couple of days ago, had a horrific experience in the classic bathroom conflict....and it left her a few hours away from home, in someone else's car, while the other people she was with, left her sitting outside crying while they continued to have their own jolly fun .....

....I wanted to hunt them down with a baseball bat ....

....She posted about the experience on FB, and she has friends who are truly friends, some of whom just recently found out about her change, and knew her as Jason....but baffled as they are, they express their faith in her as a human, and can't wait to get to know the Elle she now is.....and ones who knew were properly angered by the way those so called friends treated her ....So it's awfully good to know that she has many people who love her for herself, and which body she chooses identify with makes no never mind to them .....and all become fierce when someone hurts her .....

....We haven't had a long talk yet, she now lives in Seattle, ....but lines of communication have been opened ....and we are slowly getting to know each other through FB .....not ideal, but I understand ...and it's ok with me ....I'll take whatever of herself she can share when she can .....I am a very patient person ......and I don't want to force anything she's not ready for .....

....I will be there when she wants me.....and I let her know in the first sentence I wrote, that I am on her side and will support her no matter what, and in the manner that she needs and wants ....she's 35, and while I am deeply grateful that she feels she now wants and needs me in her life.....I won't forget that she's long been an adult, and has lived those 35 years with other parents and a big extended family.......I will make our growing relationship as comfortable and easy as I possibly can.....

....It is nice to know that not only is she a photographer also, but she dearly loves kitties...and she and her parents, and sister share political beliefs with me .....

...THis tells me that she has a deep social conscious, and wants everyone to have a chance for a decent life....and she doesn't worship money and those who tromp all over anyone to get what they want .....it tells me that she has depth and feelings for others .....


.....So this is my miracle .....my child has reached out to me for the first time in her life .....and I feel like a huge weight has fallen from my shoulders....and the shadow that has always stood in the way of any fullness and depth of happiness has dissolved.....

...The world looks mighty fine to me these days....

stef
02-02-17, 01:19 PM
Salleh,
how beautiful! I'm truly happy for you.

Fuzzy12
02-02-17, 01:25 PM
Salleh so glad that has happened. It must be heartbreaking to think she has suffered but ateast she's got good people in her life and now she also has you!!!!!! :grouphug::grouphug:

Lunacie
02-02-17, 02:16 PM
Oh wow! Amazingly awesome! :yes: :grouphug:

salleh
02-02-17, 02:45 PM
Trying again ...this is Ellehttp://i760.photobucket.com/albums/xx244/sallyshoaf/elle%20heilig%202_zpssgawekty.png (http://s760.photobucket.com/user/sallyshoaf/media/elle%20heilig%202_zpssgawekty.png.html)

salleh
02-02-17, 02:46 PM
She looks a lot like me .....but she got those big blue eyes from her father ....wish I had them .....my are murky hazel

Luvmybully
02-02-17, 03:25 PM
How wonderful Salleh! I am so happy for you!

midnightstar
02-02-17, 03:30 PM
That is brilliant salleh, I'm so happy for you :grouphug:

Fuzzy12
02-02-17, 03:48 PM
Great pic. She reminds me so much of my best friend in school!!!:o

ToneTone
02-03-17, 01:26 PM
Congratulations! ...

Just see if you can keep your expectations within reason ... I know of people who really expect magic to occur at reunion ... But things take time ...

Congratulations to you! ... and to her! ... She's beautiful.

Tone

salleh
02-03-17, 07:00 PM
.....I did belong to an adoption triad forum for a while, and read a lot stories ....not all were happy stories of reunion .....and I don't yet know why she didn't want to have any contact with me for all those years.....it may be that her problems with gender indentification just weighed so heavily on her mind that it occupied all the trauma she could handle ....I don't know...

......and she lives far away from me now too....at this point I am just glad to know she doesn't really hate me .....other than that ....I'll just have to see how it goes ...

finallyfound10
02-04-17, 01:29 AM
What a wonderful thing to happen!!!! I am so happy for you- and Elle too!!!!!!!!

Free to Fly
02-05-17, 05:57 PM
Wonderful news for sure. She could not have found a better place to land than Seattle, so many resources and so much support.

salleh
02-05-17, 08:46 PM
Really glad to hear that FTF ! .....the biggest difference in before she had anything to do with me to after, is that now I have specific things to worry about .....

sarahsweets
02-07-17, 12:53 PM
I love it when life's curve balls turn out to be blessings!

Free to Fly
02-12-17, 12:07 PM
Really glad to hear that FTF ! .....the biggest difference in before she had anything to do with me to after, is that now I have specific things to worry about .....

Seattle is a pretty mixed up place right now. They have robbed Peter to pay Paul, and for right now the service picture is pretty good. Safe communities, safe places, and a supportive government. However, there are wolves circling the sheep, and the middle ground is hard to find. The bill will come due, and I am afraid that the collapse will be spectacular. The mayor was a darn good legislator, but as he has moved into the city government, he has gotten too full of himself. I only say that to tell you that your child must center herself, find a steady path, and prepare to be self sufficient.

And on a lighter note, I got tickets to see Santana this year!!! Bucket list check off!!!

salleh
02-12-17, 02:22 PM
Santana was one of the few groups I didn't see back in the 60s/70s.....but I remember listening to Black Magic Woman while my boyfriend was in Vietnam ....( actually it was the whole album, but that one song is a particular fave) .....

....the Seattle experiment was short .....She's back with her folks in Vallejo, ( about 20 miles north of where I live when I am in California.....

......and I am in a bit of a quandry......I am a trained Ivory Tower photographer....( I know, oxymoron ) ....meaning I was trained to be an artist.....whereas Elle trained to be a commercial photographer .....and she's rilly rilly good .....and I desperately will be needing to have photographs of my jewelry, and my attempts are, quite frankly, pathetic ......they're embarrassingly bad ...and it's not from lack of trying .....I just can't seem to get it right, and I go at it from a lot of different directions, ( doing the same thing over and over rarely, if ever, changes things....)

....So I am kind of in limbo about asking her for help .....I'm pretty sure it might be a bit too soon, but as I have tried to do product photography for several years now, without improvement, and I see no indication of ever getting any better ....

...But I also wonder if that might not be a good way to get to know her.....working together on a project, and what's more, I'll be able to pay her as a professional .....as some one who has often been caught on the other side of that equation, ( someone wanting something from me, and I am always reluctant to charge people who are friends.....doesn't sit that well with me ....when I am poor, I can live with it better, but I am starting to make some serious money these days....and I can insist, as she's not working right now, and I will have the money .....

....Which is also putting some money in her pocket that she has earned .....gotta help her current low self-esteem ....( she's going through a bad patch right now) ....and I'll know I am helping her without making her feel obligated or bad about herself ....

.....All I have to do is show her my product work and she'll understand instantly why I want her help .....and I'll have no problem explaining to her why I need the photos !


....Ya know, the more I am writing about this the better I like this idea .....hmmmm I'll mull it over a bit more before I write her .....

Little Missy
02-12-17, 04:36 PM
No mulling!! Write! :)

Fuzzy12
02-12-17, 05:06 PM
Santana was one of the few groups I didn't see back in the 60s/70s.....but I remember listening to Black Magic Woman while my boyfriend was in Vietnam ....( actually it was the whole album, but that one song is a particular fave) .....

....the Seattle experiment was short .....She's back with her folks in Vallejo, ( about 20 miles north of where I live when I am in California.....

......and I am in a bit of a quandry......I am a trained Ivory Tower photographer....( I know, oxymoron ) ....meaning I was trained to be an artist.....whereas Elle trained to be a commercial photographer .....and she's rilly rilly good .....and I desperately will be needing to have photographs of my jewelry, and my attempts are, quite frankly, pathetic ......they're embarrassingly bad ...and it's not from lack of trying .....I just can't seem to get it right, and I go at it from a lot of different directions, ( doing the same thing over and over rarely, if ever, changes things....)

....So I am kind of in limbo about asking her for help .....I'm pretty sure it might be a bit too soon, but as I have tried to do product photography for several years now, without improvement, and I see no indication of ever getting any better ....

...But I also wonder if that might not be a good way to get to know her.....working together on a project, and what's more, I'll be able to pay her as a professional .....as some one who has often been caught on the other side of that equation, ( someone wanting something from me, and I am always reluctant to charge people who are friends.....doesn't sit that well with me ....when I am poor, I can live with it better, but I am starting to make some serious money these days....and I can insist, as she's not working right now, and I will have the money .....

....Which is also putting some money in her pocket that she has earned .....gotta help her current low self-esteem ....( she's going through a bad patch right now) ....and I'll know I am helping her without making her feel obligated or bad about herself ....

.....All I have to do is show her my product work and she'll understand instantly why I want her help .....and I'll have no problem explaining to her why I need the photos !


....Ya know, the more I am writing about this the better I like this idea .....hmmmm I'll mull it over a bit more before I write her .....

To be honest salleh I'd tread carefully. Well not carefully but slowly. If everything goes well it's a great bonding opportunity but in the worst case she might either feel that you are using the photography excuse to get closer to her and are moving too fast or she might think you are being insensitive and pushy by asking g for her help already.

Please don't be offended ajd I could be totally totally totally wrong. I tend to over analyse (and probably also misanalyse) stuff.

It might be safer to just ask her a few questions on photography over Facebook or chat before asking her for help with your photography.

Again I'm really sorry if I'm talking rubbish (which is very possible) or if I'm being discouraging.

salleh
02-12-17, 06:46 PM
....A part of me is wary about leaping in too soon and spooking her ...but .....we are chatting about stuff like politics and tv shows and showing kitty photos and the like already on FB ....we have agreed that we'll talk seriously at some time in the future.....

....But I think that any serious talk we might have would be having in the future would be a lot easier if we knew each other a little, or even quite well, before we delve into the deeper waters of our relationship.....

.....which is why having a project to work on is a good idea, instead of sitting down for coffee or something for the first time in person ....we will have a built in subject to talk about on our first meeting .....and since I have no intention of pushing the subject, she'll learn I won't pressure her at future meetings ....relationship question will wait until she's ready .....

......and I won't be able to get to doing the photos until 1/3 the way through JUne anyway .....so that's just more time to keep chatting on FB .....

......Plus, I really really NEED some photos done !