View Full Version : OCD/ADD or just OCD


ocdadd
02-02-17, 08:52 PM
Hi all,

First thanks for anyone taking the time to read this. Sorry for the novel, I really have tried to be concise.

TL;DR Mid-twenties male. Does it sound like I have OCD w/ADD/dyslexia or do I just have anxiety and am less intelligent than my coworkers?



Growing Up:
Very supportive yet strict parents and a stay-at-home mom who spent a lot of time reading to us/teaching us. I for sure have OCD. It first became prevalent during middle school. It went undiagnosed and untreated until most of the way through college. Along with it, I've had depression, anxiety, and very low self esteem. Was one of the top students in my high school. Compared to all of the other smart kids, it seemed like I worked way harder to make the same grades. Best subjects were math and chemistry. Most challenging subjects for me were English/language and physics. Took some language classes, and right after taking the quizzes I would forget the words no matter how much I studied. Absolutely dreaded essays. The thoughts never flowed and I struggled so much with formulating complete thoughts. Very often I would have a word "on the tip of my tongue". As you can tell, I write well enough but what you don't see is how much I jump around and how many revisions this has had.



College:
Majored in Mechanical Engineering (...which is physics). Worked my butt off. If there is one word that would describe me, it is grit. Still ended up with high GPA, but couldn't balance any other activities or social life. Most of my friends were all top of their majors but I was the odd-ball/goofy one of the group. I had a really difficult time retaining information from my engineering classes. I had two friends in a study-group whose patience and commitment helped me get by. I wholeheartedly believe I wouldn't have made the grades I did if it were not for them. As my responsibilities as an adult increased (driving to class, cooking dinner, etc.) I found it became harder and harder to balance my life. I would join clubs and not be able to keep commitments to them. It seemed like every year, there was a different activity that I would dive into. My approach to my classes was study as hard as I could and literally do nothing else. I had a few relationships that ended because I wasn't spending enough time. After one relationship ended, I became extremely depressed and suicidal. I went to see a council and was diagnosed with OCD (which I'd known but never officially evaluated) and ADD. I didn't believe the ADD was possible. But it started to seem plausible. I frequently misplaced my keys/phone, I was always running late, I never seemed to follow along in conversations with my friends. Often I would start talking and forget what I was saying and would trail off...



Start of Job:
Went to work as an engineer in a highly technical position for a respected company. I'd interned there, but transitioning to full time I began struggling. In particular with verbal instructions. My brain felt so overwhelmed and overloaded it literally hurt. I would mix up things people said and always felt a step behind everyone else. I would also flip words around when I talked, mostly without realizing it. My self esteem plummeted. Went to a therapist. Again diagnosed with OCD and ADD. Still didn't believe it. Administered IQ and other tests. Results showed anxiety, ADD, and mild to moderate dyslexia. In particular I scored far lower with phonological (sound) awareness and memory than would be expected. However, they also commented that my symptoms may be better described by something not ADD. I was prescribed Adderall but it made my OCD worse so the final combo was Adderall with Fluxocetine. The Adderall helped somewhat with the feeling of being overwhelmed. I eventually stopped going to therapy.



Now:
Currently mid twenties. From the outside it seems like I have a successful life. Really, nothing has changed. Cannot keep a consistent schedule. Feel like a ping-pong ball bouncing between two extremes. Everything I do goes in waves. Buying groceries, getting gas, cashing a check, any simple activity is a challenge for me. I have a wedding card that I was supposed to write and mail 8 months ago that I still haven't willed myself to do (goes back to essay writing). Literally just existing at this point. Everyday I come home and try to manage the feeling of chaos in my life. Wake up in the morning never knowing what my motivation will be and how well my brain will process information. Frequently late for work.

4 months ago, I switched groups to something even more challenging...I began having same trouble with feeling overwhelmed as before. It feels like my mind is in a fog and I can't focus. I'd stopped taking my medication for about 6 months and had to begin taking again. It is beyond frustrating not being able to complete a task and having to ask the same questions over and over again. For years I've tried taking better notes, but they are unorganized and it seems I can't capture the relevant information. My self esteem and motivation are at an all time low. I literally cried at work last week.


Question:
I am trying to leave my job and am now considering a career change. But until then, I have to deal with it. Daily I think about quitting. My job literally dictates my entire life. I am in the process of going back to therapy and getting more testing administered. I started contacting places 3 months ago and still have not gotten a consultation...which is why I've turned to this site.

At the end of the day, there are lots of people who would find my job too difficult. Is it possible I've just gotten there from hard work, and I shouldn't be there? I'm very hard on myself, so of course mistakes to me seem more significant. But it honestly feels like I am different than everyone else. Anyone with dyslexia, does it seem like there is underlying dyslexia present? Or is it possible my anxiety is so high that it has inhibited my memory? Growing up, never in a million years would I think I was dyslexic but it seems like I had such a strong support system and high willpower that maybe it went unnoticed. There are so many people who say they're ADD and aren't that I don't want to fall into that category. I especially don't want to take Adderall if I'm not actually ADD.

If you've made it all the way to here, thank you very much for reading.

sarahsweets
02-08-17, 04:37 AM
I am not sure what you mean by testing? There are no tests for adhd. It sounds like youve already had a thorough eval though so I am not sure what the point would be in pursing the diagnosis part anymore? You believe you had adhd right? The professionals in this field have diagnosed you so is this something you need to do to somehow feel right about enough to change careers? Or take meds? Personally, I would forget about any other sort of evals and go right to the treatment part. Was treatment with meds at all effective in the past? If it was I suggest you resume that and not get hung up on the "what-ifs".q

ocdadd
02-08-17, 08:03 PM
Hi Sarah, I appreciate your response.

Testing for dyslexia (British Dyslexia Checklist, Gray Oral Reading Tests, etc). The results said probably dyslexia but could be something else.

No, I don't know for sure if I have ADD. There are a lot of underlying similarities between ADD and OCD. The medication has helped somewhat but not significantly. And if it is OCD, then taking Adderall will worsen the symptom not help it.

Again, I've been calling neuropsychological assessment centers but it has been 3 months and still unsuccessful at booking something.

Really I am hoping to hear from someone who is ADD/OCD that could chime in

sarahsweets
02-09-17, 04:46 AM
Hi Sarah, I appreciate your response.

Testing for dyslexia (British Dyslexia Checklist, Gray Oral Reading Tests, etc). The results said probably dyslexia but could be something else.

No, I don't know for sure if I have ADD. There are a lot of underlying similarities between ADD and OCD. The medication has helped somewhat but not significantly. And if it is OCD, then taking Adderall will worsen the symptom not help it.

Again, I've been calling neuropsychological assessment centers but it has been 3 months and still unsuccessful at booking something.

Really I am hoping to hear from someone who is ADD/OCD that could chime in

Sorry I chimed in. I thought that I could offer insight even though I do not have ocd.