View Full Version : My boyfriend Acted this way, is this typical ADHD behaviour?


marygates
02-08-17, 11:09 AM
I am really angry at my boyfriend, cause I really don’t know if I can take his word or not anymore, he told me that I can go to his apartment in the city and stay over the weekend, in fact, he has said it many times, the times I have traveled to see him which just a few, I go for a day and then he brings me back, cause he studies here in the town that I live so when he comes here we see each other, so I did not feel the need to go and see him on the weekends (since he already came here from Monday to Friday)So yesterday i said to myself ‘i’m going to take his word and text him to stay over this weekend’.


So I texted him this past friday at 5:46pm and told him: ‘Hey hun, I want to go over tomorrow and stay over this weekend, Are you doing something? and he replied super late at 8:35 pm just saying ”i’m coming next week’. Honestly I got so mad I did not reply back anything, So I don’t understand whywould he not tell me the reason why I could not go? it’s the weekend, plus I have not gone to his place for a super long time,I get he is a super messy and his house looks like a hoarders dream, but to me this is a very red flag!! I have to think he has another woman over there,or something.



so Should I break up with him over text and get it over with or talk to him when he comes this week?

Little Missy
02-08-17, 11:12 AM
I thought you already dumped him for greener pastures.

Little Missy
02-08-17, 11:19 AM
He's not your boyfriend, he is a lot of girls' boyfriend.

ToneTone
02-08-17, 02:26 PM
Sorry to say, but this behavior is a result of

1). either he doesn't really like you and doesn't want to spend time with you ...

or

2.) he's seeing another woman or other women ...

or

3.) he really isn't into you and he's seeing another woman/other women ...

In either case, run. Run fast and run far. There is nothing good that will come from continuing on. These reasons all suck ... and they are painful to face.

Quick additional thought: he might be involved with a neighbor or someone really close to where he lives and that's why he doesn't want you to spend much time with him at his place. He's afraid she will see you.

Ton
Tone

Lunacie
02-08-17, 03:07 PM
I don't understand. You texted that you were coming this weekend and he
texted back that he's coming to see you next weekend. Right?"

He didn't say "Sorry but I'm busy this weekend."

Maybe he forgot to say "Okay, see you then, and I'll be coming to see you the weekend after this one."

sarahsweets
02-08-17, 04:30 PM
Regardless of intent and all that, could it just be that he needs some alone time after spending m-f with you?

marygates
02-08-17, 04:34 PM
Sorry to say, but this behavior is a result of

1). either he doesn't really like you and doesn't want to spend time with you ...

or

2.) he's seeing another woman or other women ...

or

3.) he really isn't into you and he's seeing another woman/other women ...

In either case, run. Run fast and run far. There is nothing good that will come from continuing on. These reasons all suck ... and they are painful to face.

Quick additional thought: he might be involved with a neighbor or someone really close to where he lives and that's why he doesn't want you to spend much time with him at his place. He's afraid she will see you.

Ton
Tone

I find this weird, cause I had told him before ,I said to him face to face, listen' I can visit you one of these weekends and I can stay over. and I said to him is it ok?, he was like ok, no problem. This was a face to face talk. so he has to be crazy, either way I have not gone to visit in almost 2 years. he always comes here and we see eachother. so maybe he was not expecting it at all. I dont have enough proof.

Little Missy
02-08-17, 06:05 PM
Two years???!!!!

Just surprise him, he'll love it.

sarahsweets
02-09-17, 04:52 AM
^ yes, show up and see whats what.

Fraser_0762
02-09-17, 05:49 AM
Perhaps his house is a complete mess and he'd be too embarassed for you to see it that way?

I know if I had a girlfriend, that last place i'd take her into is my own room!

stef
02-09-17, 06:01 AM
Talk to him first!
that's a good point, maybe his place is really a mess and he feels bad about this; or being adhd, he just totally wasnt ready to have someone (even you), come over and stay on short notice.

DJ Bill
02-09-17, 01:58 PM
I'm a guy, so I have a slightly different perspective. If someone I was involved with said " I get he is super messy and his house looks like a hoarders dream, but to me this is a very red flag!! I have to think he has another woman over there,or something."I would not want them to visit anyway.. Give the poor guy a break... He needs some away time, as was said previously. Don't go to the "other woman" issue even in your mind. Unless you know that for a fact, don't even go digging around. Once you start doing that you'll see all sorts of stuff making you jealous of the "other woman", even if she is not real. If she is real, you'll know soon enough.

If I were him, and I'm not, but I have been accused of similar things as far as my housekeeping (Perhaps it is just houseleavingitasis) I'd need a month to clean up before I'd let anyone past my front door. I'd feel really violated when someone showed up unannounced, or just said "I'm coming over tomorrow AM." My brother did that to me several times, just showing up at my house at night on his way somewhere...and it really upset me, especially the night when he pulled in the drive after midnight..

If there is anything he is ashamed of and doesn't want to let you see, until he gets that in better order, tread lightly around the issue...

That said, you might just not be right for each other....

Ok, taking off my ADD Dear Abby hat for now.

Advice above worth 1/2 of what you paid, at best..:lol::eek::D

marygates
02-10-17, 11:01 AM
I'm a guy, so I have a slightly different perspective. If someone I was involved with said " I get he is super messy and his house looks like a hoarders dream, but to me this is a very red flag!! I have to think he has another woman over there,or something."I would not want them to visit anyway.. Give the poor guy a break... He needs some away time, as was said previously. Don't go to the "other woman" issue even in your mind. Unless you know that for a fact, don't even go digging around. Once you start doing that you'll see all sorts of stuff making you jealous of the "other woman", even if she is not real. If she is real, you'll know soon enough.

If I were him, and I'm not, but I have been accused of similar things as far as my housekeeping (Perhaps it is just houseleavingitasis) I'd need a month to clean up before I'd let anyone past my front door. I'd feel really violated when someone showed up unannounced, or just said "I'm coming over tomorrow AM." My brother did that to me several times, just showing up at my house at night on his way somewhere...and it really upset me, especially the night when he pulled in the drive after midnight..

If there is anything he is ashamed of and doesn't want to let you see, until he gets that in better order, tread lightly around the issue...

That said, you might just not be right for each other....

Ok, taking off my ADD Dear Abby hat for now.

Advice above worth 1/2 of what you paid, at best..:lol::eek::D

He told me that he was stressed also he was working giving tutoring to win money and studying. I believe him, but I am not 100% sure.

Yesterday we were watching a movie and I noticed him very uneasy, We were together in the afternoon until 4 pm and then he called me at 7 to go out and at night he was mad for a couple of things that had happened to him and as I said I saw him very uneasy and moving too much, very hyperactive, wayy to talkative, would not let me see the movie,he was standing up to see photo frames, then he was hot, How Do Adhders act when there stressed or something is bothering them?

acdc01
02-10-17, 11:26 AM
So he said the reason he didn't want to see you that weekend was cause he's tutoring and stressed? Cause that seems reasonable if he sees you mon thu fri already.

Are there other signs he's not that interested in you? I would think it should show in other ways as well if he wasnt.

Next time you want to see his place, I'd give him more than a fri before notice and see what happens.

marygates
02-10-17, 11:59 AM
So he said the reason he didn't want to see you that weekend was cause he's tutoring and stressed? Cause that seems reasonable if he sees you mon thu fri already.

Are there other signs he's not that interested in you? I would think it should show in other ways as well if he wasnt.

Next time you want to see his place, I'd give him more than a fri before notice and see what happens.

We had not seen each other for a week and a half, we don't see each other often basically 1 a week or every 2 weeks, he studies medicine and is literally always ''studying'' and he lives an hour away from me in the city, and since university is here where I live that's how we see each other once a week, but now he finished he is waiting to graduate.but He is stressed due to some things about finding his residency and all that hard stuff that comes after finishing med school. I don't know if ADHD and stress go in hand and how it makes him act, but I am sure it does something to him or makes him behave differently.