View Full Version : newly diagnosed at age 37


Petite
02-13-17, 05:43 AM
Hi all, just newly diagnosed at age 37 few days ago.
I haven't disclosed this to anybody and I have no one to talk about how I am feeling at the moment. Please forgive me for ranting....my med prob has worn out now

Day 4 on methylphenidate slow release 20mg. Feels my racing thoughts have slowed down enough for me to feel less overwhelmed. I'm still making silly mistakes.

I was like I knew it! when I was diagnosed. I felt quite optimistic that I am finally getting treatment for this. Now I understand that I have to be patient with titration of medication and etc.

At the same time, I am kicking myself for not sticking to Ritalin meds regimen that I was prescribed when I was 20. At that time, I felt my thoughts were quieter in my head, but I was still all over the place and anxious as hell, so I didn't feel much improvement, so I stopped the med in about one month. The dr who prescribed it said to me that I don't have ADHD, because I got into university okay. Back then, I was having trouble with transitioning train to another train and it affected my attendance to the lectures and I nearly failed the papers. After that I was prescribed paxil by different dr for mood disorder, but it made me feel like a zombie and made me feel suicidal, so I stopped it after about a month and just got on with my life with the support of my friends.

Anyway, I am feeling depressed, not clinically depressed, but depressed to the fact that all these years of my life while I was struggling with some biological issues in my brain, everybody around me concluded it was all my fault for not trying harder. The school was like a prison. Home never felt home, because it was too chaotic and unpredictable. I think my parents also have undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. I always felt so alone, and felt nobody gets me.

I am looking back to my childhood for no good reason, and feeling rather sorry for myself. Maybe I have opened up a can of worms....I was neglected so bad when I was little... Also, I'm reevaluating how I perceived those traumatic events in my life. I think I turned out okay considering what happened.

I just don't want my children to go through what I went through. I am 99% sure my children have what I have. My husband was also diagnosed as having ADHD at the same time. He prob also has dyslexia as well.

I want to be educated about this, so I can better help myself and also help my family lead happier life...

Rant over.... Thank you for letting me rant.....

sarahsweets
02-14-17, 05:36 AM
Hi all, just newly diagnosed at age 37 few days ago.
I haven't disclosed this to anybody and I have no one to talk about how I am feeling at the moment. Please forgive me for ranting....my med prob has worn out now
Welcome to the dark side...:)


At the same time, I am kicking myself for not sticking to Ritalin meds regimen that I was prescribed when I was 20. At that time, I felt my thoughts were quieter in my head, but I was still all over the place and anxious as hell, so I didn't feel much improvement, so I stopped the med in about one month. The dr who prescribed it said to me that I don't have ADHD, because I got into university okay. Back then, I was having trouble with transitioning train to another train and it affected my attendance to the lectures and I nearly failed the papers. After that I was prescribed paxil by different dr for mood disorder, but it made me feel like a zombie and made me feel suicidal, so I stopped it after about a month and just got on with my life with the support of my friends.
Guilt, shame, regret and jealousy are the four emotions I label as "useless". They do not help anything improve and only make someone feel bad and keep the internal self hate clock keep ticking.
And you can still do well in school and have adhd so that doctor was spouting bull sh*t.


I am looking back to my childhood for no good reason, and feeling rather sorry for myself. Maybe I have opened up a can of worms....I was neglected so bad when I was little... Also, I'm reevaluating how I perceived those traumatic events in my life. I think I turned out okay considering what happened.

Ok, as the adhd fairy, I am allowing you one more day to grieve and then you are not allowed to do it anymore lol. You cant change the past and you cant alter the future. You can only worry about today and the next right thing.

I just don't want my children to go through what I went through. I am 99% sure my children have what I have. My husband was also diagnosed as having ADHD at the same time. He prob also has dyslexia as well.

There is strong evidence that adhd is genetic. My husband and I are both adhd and my three kids all have it.

I want to be educated about this, so I can better help myself and also help my family lead happier life...

Keep reading here but dont obsess over google. Its a trap. You can lose hours overthinking the adhd thing and it can interfere with your healing imo.


Rant over.... Thank you for letting me rant.....

Rant away.

Petite
02-14-17, 06:33 AM
Thank you so much for your reply Sarahsweets :)
I was trying to find where I posted my thread, so it took a while to reply lol

It was a tough day today, but I survived.

Woke up at a time I should be leaving house, got my children ready, rushed to work, was commented by a total stranger I should learn how to park in a nasty way (my right rear tyre was on the edge of the curve, but the car was not in nobody's way), still made to work on time, had a crazy busy day at work, my eldest had gone missing from school, did not know about it till 2hour later, panicked for half an hour not being able to reach anybody at the after school care programme. Discussed re pick up arrangement, so my daughter doesn't go wonder off again...It was her 4th times in 4months period...

Then off to ED with my husband and 2 children, because
my husband had another work related minor eye injury again (3rd one in a year lol).

The ED dr had remembered us, commented on how we looked familiar, and how busy our children are. lol

Last time, we were there, my husband was there for some other reason and my daughter somehow rolled off the bed and bumped her head...

Thank you ADHD fairy :) I am feeling better today.
I am sooo glad to find a place where people get me.
Suddenly, I don't feel so alone anymore.
onward and upward!

dvdnvwls
02-14-17, 04:46 PM
There is such a thing as useful guilt, but it's not what you have.

If I do wrong and a temporary feeling of guilt causes me to put it right, then the guilt was good and did its job. It goes away as soon as the wrong is corrected.

Other kinds of guilt are worse than useless - not only do they serve no purpose, they also hurt you and waste time.

Petite
02-15-17, 03:59 AM
So true! Thank you for that.