View Full Version : Disrespectful boss


Jenn1202
02-13-17, 08:44 PM
I've been working in customer service for several months now but lately I've been having serious problems with my boss. Over the past month and a half my boss has been treating me with extreme disrespect and I don't know what to do.

Here are some examples of her disrespectful behavior:

She traveled overseas on a whim and left me very little work to do. It wasn't a short vacation or anything, it was a month long.
She gave me the impression that I was going to have a job when she got back, but she started ignoring me shortly after she got back.
Last week she canceled two of my shifts right before they started. She's done this before, but it's been getting much more frequent lately.
She does no respond to my texts or emails regarding scheduling and shifts even though it's pretty obvious that she's been getting them. I often spend hours and even days waiting for her to call and ask me to come into the office, yet I hardly get to work at all.
I tried calling her but she wouldn't pick up the phone either. She'll call or text me when she needs something and flat out ignore any schedule/shift-related questions.
Once in every blue moon when my boss finally responds to my emails and asks me to come into the office, I get all the grunt work and barely get to do customer service stuff anymore.
I texted her earlier today asking if she wanted me to come in today but she didn't respond. A few MINUTES later she did have her assistant call me just to ask me a work-related question, so obviously she got my text but didn't bother responding :mad::mad::mad:.
She often makes snarky little comments about my being astro and having messy notes. There's nothing I can do at this point to be more attentive and organized (I'm currently unmedicated), believe me I tried and failed so many times. Her comments don't really bother me and I'm willing to ignore them as long as she lets keep my job, but others think her comments are kind of mean.


Her behavior is beyond disrespectful and unfair. I've never been treated this way in my life. Ever! The fact that I am not the best at my job (most likely because of my ADHD) doesn't give her the right to treat me like dirt, especially given how hard I'm trying. I would quit and get another job if I could, but unfortunately I have very little customer service experience which makes it difficult to find another job.

I feel like she feels like it's ok to treat me this way because she thinks I'm dumb and that's mainly because I have serious memory and attention issues. I'm currently unmedicated due to health issues, but but it doesn't mean I'm stupid. I'm well educated. I have two computer science degrees from a decent school, but since I'm currently off my meds I can't focus well enough to code, so I'm doing work that requires less attention.

If she keeps treating me this way I'm going to explode on her one day and get fired. I was so close to sending her an angry email today but lucky for me a friend stopped me before it happened.

Can anyone relate? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

dvdnvwls
02-13-17, 08:52 PM
So... Where will your new job be?

It's time to go.

(Unless you know for sure that she'll soon be gone for good, and you just forgot to mention it.)

Jenn1202
02-13-17, 08:59 PM
Unfortunately, she's not going anywhere any time soon. She created this company. I'm currently looking for another job but it's going to take me a while to find one :(. Jobs don't come easy now that I'm unmedicated.

acdc01
02-13-17, 09:47 PM
You're right that no one should speak to anyone that way ever.

Unfortunately, the only solution I can think of is to keep looking for another job and try to stay calm and happy to the extent possible. Also, there's nonstimulant meds too that can be taken even with heart problems if that's what you have.

I've had a crap boss before so can sympathize with that.

Jenn1202
02-13-17, 10:00 PM
You're right that no one should speak to anyone that way ever.

Unfortunately, the only solution I can think of is to keep looking for another job and try to stay calm and happy to the extent possible. Also, there's nonstimulant meds too that can be taken even with heart problems if that's what you have.

I've had a crap boss before so can sympathize with that.

Yes, I have heart problems and that's why I can't take stimulants. I really don't want to take Strattera because based on what I've read it could be even worse for my heart. My pdoc told me that most non-stimulants aren't very effective for ADD and that Provigil would most likely give me the same heart related side effects I get on stimulants. Are there any other non-stimulants that treat ADD you know of?

sarahsweets
02-14-17, 04:25 AM
You are totally right to be upset and you need another job so make that your priority. For now, do not make your day around whether she needs you or not. If you are only scheduled for 2 shifts or whatever, go about your week. Do not take calls from her unless they are in regards to you coming into work. So if she calls, let it go to voicemail and if it involves you coming in, call he back and tell her yes or no. If its about something work related and you are not on the clock, do not call her back or take her calls outside of work. I dont know what her deal is but it sounds like she thinks you are so desperate for the job that you will put up with anything.

We teach others how to treat us. If we do not have clear boundaries, then people will assume that stepping all over us is acceptable.

Jenn1202
02-14-17, 12:15 PM
She finally responded saying "Sorry I've been busy. I'll call you when I need you". :mad::mad::mad::mad: She really thinks I'm a piece of sh** doesn't she? :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: I think she's trying to get me to quit.

Fraser_0762
02-14-17, 12:19 PM
By the sounds of it, she needs to medication more than you do! :eek:

stef
02-14-17, 12:20 PM
That's really too bad;
well follow her instructions to the letter, dont contact her at all now unless it's replying to a legitamate work request;
and use this time, to look for another job!

Johnny Slick
02-14-17, 01:35 PM
Yeah, I fifth (sixth) the advice to start looking for new work. IME the advantage of working customer service stuff is that there's nearly always a bookstore or a coffee shop down the road. You might have to take a pay cut but I think you'll find that your peace of mind is worth it.

As far as medication goes, this may also be a no-go because of your heart condition but can you exercise and if so how often? Stimulants really are the best thing for ADHD but finding natural ways to get dopamine into your body can help a lot, too.

Little Missy
02-14-17, 01:35 PM
She finally responded saying "Sorry I've been busy. I'll call you when I need you". :mad::mad::mad::mad: She really thinks I'm a piece of sh** doesn't she? :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: I think she's trying to get me to quit.

Yes, she is.

I would write her a lovely thank you note for all of the good times and never answer anything from her again.

Jenn1202
02-14-17, 01:43 PM
Yeah, I fifth (sixth) the advice to start looking for new work. IME the advantage of working customer service stuff is that there's nearly always a bookstore or a coffee shop down the road. You might have to take a pay cut but I think you'll find that your peace of mind is worth it.

As far as medication goes, this may also be a no-go because of your heart condition but can you exercise and if so how often? Stimulants really are the best thing for ADHD but finding natural ways to get dopamine into your body can help a lot, too.

I exercise a lot but lately I've been pretty depressed because of this job situation so I've been working out less. But yeah, I love working out and my body really needs and craves it.

Jenn1202
02-18-17, 04:47 PM
Zero shifts over the past 5 days :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

dvdnvwls
02-18-17, 06:05 PM
Zero shifts over the past 5 days :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
Extra time to find a better one I guess :(

Jenn1202
02-18-17, 06:36 PM
Extra time to find a better one I guess :(

It's going to take me forever to find another job :(

dvdnvwls
02-18-17, 08:06 PM
It's going to take me forever to find another job :(
That's OK - it's better than being stuck with a bad boss and a seriously shrinking income.

It won't be that hard to get a better job than the one you've got, because a bad boss and no money is about as bad as it gets, short of torture or slavery.

Even if you had good people and lower pay rate, you'd still be ahead because at least you'd get more shifts and less stress. Or if you had a new unpleasant boss but you made a lot more money, that might be worth it to you. You have to find what's right for you though, not what's right for me.

Just remember that everyone gets a feeling of security from simply having a job. That security feeling is sometimes wrong - if you have a bad boss who isn't scheduling you for shifts, then your security was already gone long ago.

dvdnvwls
02-18-17, 08:25 PM
Also, an entire week with no shifts is about as close as possible to saying "you're fired" without actually saying it.

Lloyd_
02-19-17, 03:38 AM
I have two computer science degrees from a decent school

Then why in the world aren't you working as a math teacher/tutor? You probably have learned enough math to easily teach and or tutor on this subject from getting your CS degrees. Customer service sounds way below your pay grade, you can do better than this. Consider passing out flyers or something at your local college you graduated from.

Jenn1202
02-19-17, 07:30 AM
Then why in the world aren't you working as a math teacher/tutor? You probably have learned enough math to easily teach and or tutor on this subject from getting your CS degrees. Customer service sounds way below your pay grade, you can do better than this. Consider passing out flyers or something at your local college you graduated from.

My pay grade is $100,000+ per year but I gave up on that a long time ago when I realized I couldn't do computer science anymore. Sad (and extremely frustrating) but true. At this point I'm just trying to find a job I can do.

I can't focus well enough to do complex math either and I don't have the patience to explain it to ppl. I'm unmedicated.

Jenn1202
02-19-17, 08:23 AM
My boss contacted me today and gave me a very short (paid) remote task to do at a time when she knew I wasn't available. I ended up dropping everything and doing what she wanted. To give you an idea, I'm getting $4 for doing this task. Why do I even bother sending her my availability every week if she seems to ignore it anyway?

I'm actively looking for another job but I can't quit this one until I get one.

Jenn1202
03-29-17, 10:48 PM
It's official, my boss is looking to hire people to replace me. She just posted an ad... She hasn't fired me yet, but lately I've been getting even less work opportunities.

I've been looking for a job for a while now, but I haven't been able to find anything :(. I don't know whether I should quit or keep this job. I know I don't make much and my boss is treating me like sh**, but this job is still a source of income. My resignation email is all ready to go, should I hit the send button?

Johnny Slick
03-30-17, 01:31 AM
I've quit places before finding a soft landing before and pretty much always regretted it, but, you know, each case is different and all that. I don't think you're necessarily going to find that it's *easier* to find a new job if you quit and one other "advantage" of forcing your boss to fire you is that most of the time that means you'd qualify for unemployment.

Can you maybe look into other avenues of CS? Personally, as a person with ADHD I found IT to be if anything kind of a safe haven for people like me. It's rather filled with people with our condition (although a significant chunk of ADHDers in IT, in fairness, are comorbid with ASD in my experience) and many companies accept this if not consciously than at least subconsciously by having a whole load of checks and balances in place to tease out the strengths of the "creative but undisciplined" while minimizing our weaknesses.

Perhaps the specific vertical you tried just wasn't so conducive to you...

stef
03-30-17, 02:10 AM
Wow that depends on lots of factors
Can you financially afford to quit right now?
Then all your energy could go in to new job search
Then there is the "moral victory," of staying on...
Or , the moral victory of quitting, which your boss may not expect

Im sorry lm not sure if this is even helpful!

Jenn1202
03-30-17, 01:02 PM
I've quit places before finding a soft landing before and pretty much always regretted it, but, you know, each case is different and all that. I don't think you're necessarily going to find that it's *easier* to find a new job if you quit and one other "advantage" of forcing your boss to fire you is that most of the time that means you'd qualify for unemployment.

Can you maybe look into other avenues of CS? Personally, as a person with ADHD I found IT to be if anything kind of a safe haven for people like me. It's rather filled with people with our condition (although a significant chunk of ADHDers in IT, in fairness, are comorbid with ASD in my experience) and many companies accept this if not consciously than at least subconsciously by having a whole load of checks and balances in place to tease out the strengths of the "creative but undisciplined" while minimizing our weaknesses.

Perhaps the specific vertical you tried just wasn't so conducive to you...

I've tried working in CS unmedicated and couldn't do it. I can't do technical support either. I've been thinking of giving stimulants another chance and possibly taking a very low dose so I could work part time, at least temporarily. It's just that my health will most likely suffer if I do this :(. Due to the horrible side effects I get from the meds, I was hoping to find a career alternative that wouldn't require me to be medicated but clearly I've failed massively.

Jenn1202
03-30-17, 01:11 PM
Wow that depends on lots of factors
Can you financially afford to quit right now?
Then all your energy could go in to new job search
Then there is the "moral victory," of staying on...
Or , the moral victory of quitting, which your boss may not expect

Im sorry lm not sure if this is even helpful!

I can afford to quit but I was hoping to find another job first.

I've been searching for job for a while now but I haven't been able to find anything. No one wants to interview me because I have no experience.

I'm dying to quit because my boss has been treating me like sh**. Her most recent actions basically indicate that she thinks I'm stupid. Did she actually think I wasn't going to see her ad? She just sent me an email asking me to do more grunt work for her. :mad:

Jenn1202
03-30-17, 01:13 PM
My boss just asked me to do more grunt work for her (remotely). Should I just ignore her until I figure out what I want to do? I could pretend like I didn't see her email and get back to her when I feel like it.

acdc01
03-30-17, 01:46 PM
My boss just asked me to do more grunt work for her (remotely). Should I just ignore her until I figure out what I want to do? I could pretend like I didn't see her email and get back to her when I feel like it.

I wouldn't quit if that's the difference between unemployment money or not. If postponing answering her doesn't affect unemployment benefits, I'd ignore her.

acdc01
03-30-17, 01:52 PM
My pay grade is $100,000+ per year but I gave up on that a long time ago when I realized I couldn't do computer science anymore. Sad (and extremely frustrating) but true. At this point I'm just trying to find a job I can do.

I can't focus well enough to do complex math either and I don't have the patience to explain it to ppl. I'm unmedicated.

Can you find some type of management job or something? That doesn't usually require as much attention to detail and since you talk more than others, less focus isn't as bad. You could also get yourself a lackey to do anything you can't do.

Customer service doesn't sound right for you. If you are going to get a job you aren't good at anyway, might as well pick something with higher pay.

Also, maybe you should go to another psychiatrist and get a second opinion on meds. 8 thought there should be something out there still that you can try.

Do you have enough money saved up you could retire if you lived a frugal life?

acdc01
03-30-17, 05:48 PM
I sometimes envy those front desk concierge folks that just sit there playing on the internet and look up to say hi with a smile when I enter my condo building. That doesn't take concentration. Suspect pay is low though.

I always liked the idea of those best buy geek squad jobs too. Not exacty the same as IT at an office I would think. I know someone who walks dogs for a living. Makes decent money too though you really got to work at making connections and be living in a dense area if you want to make good money doing that. Think there is am app that hires dog walkers though I think if you go through the app, you'll make less than if you find your own clients.

cwf1986
03-31-17, 03:14 AM
Are you certain that your condition absolutely means you can't take stimulant medication?

If you're not 100% sure, then get a second opinion to see if stimulant med sides that affect the condition can be controlled.

I take intuniv to manage the blood pressure increase from adderall. There are docs I've had that would not do this because they dogmatically believed that treating the symptoms of one drug with another is bad. I'm glad I did my research on the the medications about ways of mitigating the sides of adderall and got a 2nd medical opinion.

sarahsweets
03-31-17, 05:48 AM
Are you certain that your condition absolutely means you can't take stimulant medication?

If you're not 100% sure, then get a second opinion to see if stimulant med sides that affect the condition can be controlled.

I take intuniv to manage the blood pressure increase from adderall. There are docs I've had that would not do this because they dogmatically believed that treating the symptoms of one drug with another is bad. I'm glad I did my research on the the medications about ways of mitigating the sides of adderall and got a 2nd medical opinion.

I think it might have been a side effect issue for the OP.

Jenn1202
04-01-17, 05:00 PM
Are you certain that your condition absolutely means you can't take stimulant medication?

If you're not 100% sure, then get a second opinion to see if stimulant med sides that affect the condition can be controlled.

I take intuniv to manage the blood pressure increase from adderall. There are docs I've had that would not do this because they dogmatically believed that treating the symptoms of one drug with another is bad. I'm glad I did my research on the the medications about ways of mitigating the sides of adderall and got a 2nd medical opinion.

I've seen at least 20+ different doctors and 3 psychiatrists about this. I've also tried at least 8 different medications and supplements. Out of all the medications I've tried, Zenzedi seemed to work best but I was still getting bad side effects.

The main issue is that I suffer from heart palpitations (rapid heartbeat, PVCs and PACs) on and off meds. Bp isn't an issue for me, but I do get more heart palpitations on stimulants. I've been working with an an alternative medicine doctor and my palpitations have gotten significantly better over the past year, so I'm thinking of giving stimulants another try. The issue is that given my medical history I highly doubt that I'm actually going to be able to tolerate them any time soon. I'm kind of afraid to get back on stimulants because the symptoms I had were sooooo uncomfortable.

I also feel like my health is too unpredictable to rely on meds. There's a chance that I'll be able to tolerate the meds for a few months or years and then my symptoms will come back. I've had this happen before and it caused all sorts of financial issues.

Jenn1202
04-01-17, 05:30 PM
I sometimes envy those front desk concierge folks that just sit there playing on the internet and look up to say hi with a smile when I enter my condo building. That doesn't take concentration. Suspect pay is low though.

I always liked the idea of those best buy geek squad jobs too. Not exacty the same as IT at an office I would think. I know someone who walks dogs for a living. Makes decent money too though you really got to work at making connections and be living in a dense area if you want to make good money doing that. Think there is am app that hires dog walkers though I think if you go through the app, you'll make less than if you find your own clients.

Thank you for all the suggestions!

I feel like working at the genius bar is kind of like doing IT support, so it probably wouldn't work for me. It gets even worse when I try to repair things because I often end up breaking them due to my impulsivity or lack of patience.

I used to think that a concierge job would be easy to get, but it actually requires lots of training and experience. I've had interviews for several concierge and front desk jobs in various hotels, and they wanted experienced or full time employees who are willing to commit for at least a year. They also told me it takes at least 3 months to train new employees who have no experience.

I may look into the dog walker thing, but I should probably look for something more serious that would get me a career or at least some experience.

finallyfound10
04-01-17, 06:22 PM
Have you tried the non-stimulant Strattera?
I like it better than the Concerta and Vyvanse I was on.

Jenn1202
04-01-17, 07:56 PM
Have you tried the non-stimulant Strattera?
I like it better than the Concerta and Vyvanse I was on.

I've thought about it but based on what I've read, it can cause heart-related side effects that are worse than the ones I get from stimulants.

Jenn1202
04-01-17, 08:00 PM
Can you find some type of management job or something? That doesn't usually require as much attention to detail and since you talk more than others, less focus isn't as bad. You could also get yourself a lackey to do anything you can't do.

Customer service doesn't sound right for you. If you are going to get a job you aren't good at anyway, might as well pick something with higher pay.

Also, maybe you should go to another psychiatrist and get a second opinion on meds. 8 thought there should be something out there still that you can try.

Do you have enough money saved up you could retire if you lived a frugal life?

Managements requires lots of planning and bossing people around doesn't it? I couldn't plan anything if my life depended on it :/.

acdc01
04-01-17, 11:23 PM
Managements requires lots of planning and bossing people around doesn't it? I couldn't plan anything if my life depended on it :/.

I don't see managing as bossing people around per se.

But yeah, I would think planning would be required for most types of management though I only know about my field. I'm sure there is some type of management position out there that doesn't require planning but can't think of it.

Have you looked into concierge positions at luxury condominiums (not hotels)? I can see a hotel requiring more training. About 20% of the concierge folks at my condo and at my mom's condo are college students working part-time. They even do their homework while sitting at the front desk (though they stop when they see someone walk by) cause only one of them mans the desk at a time. So can be part-time with no training, probably better pay than customer support but definitely not by much and not a job that leads to a career salary. Though I don't know if a career salary is that important. It may be nicer just to work part-time and make less money than work a million hours and be rich.

I wouldn't dismiss dog walking as a long term career. Some turn it into a business and make quite a profit. But if you're not good with people, not a business owner type person, don't have contacts, live in a less urban area, etc. then that might not be possible for you.

Good luck.

Jenn1202
04-02-17, 07:22 AM
I've decided to quit this job. Her dismissive and disrespectful behavior is absolutely unacceptable. I worked a total of ONE SHIFT in MARCH and maybe 2-3 shifts in February (plus lots of remote grunt work that takes no more than an hour a day to do and pays very little). I really wanted to work more shifts, but she wouldn't let me. My sanity and emotional well-being are worth far more than the $70 per week I make working this boring dead-end job. As far as unemployment goes, I feel like making $70 per week is essentially unemployment.

I just sent her my resignation email and all she had to say was thanks can you please do more grunt work for me for the last time?. Wtf?? Obviously I said no (in a nicer and more respectful way). Now she's trying to manipulate me into doing grunt work for her for the last time because I left without notice :mad::mad:. Screw her. It's not like she gave me notice when she demoted me and decided to give me less work! What a *****!!

I have a meeting with a job placement agency on Monday. I've never used these types of services before. Any suggestions for what I should tell them?