View Full Version : Help! I am moving and in "overwhelm"


takemeaway
06-06-05, 07:00 PM
Hi,
I am new here, but I know that I belong here cause I have ADD, I am 44 and moving to another state!! Thank goodness I have another month before this will all come about, but I am working on cleaning out this mess,

We have been here 10 years, and thus far I have had a dumpster come and go, getting stuff together for a yard sale, and just cleaning walls, floors and windows like crazy, but I am so afraid to start something, afraid I will "hyper focus" and not get the "big picture" I get so sidetracked, and yes I am a flybaby, but just wondered if anyone had a similar experience and how and where to start and how to monitor if you are completing each task, I am so afraid I will just sit on my hands all this time and all of a sudden, we will have to be out.

ANY help at all will be appreciated,
thanks in IL

FightingBoredom
06-06-05, 07:10 PM
Hey, when we moved 4 years ago it was on SHORT notice.
The one thing that really worked was putting up a BIG dry erase marker board in the foyer...or maybe it was the kitchen....and listing stuff to get done. I had this easel to put it on and it was ALWAYS there. My wife and I would just walk by and put something on it. When we ran out of space we knew it was time to kick it into high gear and get some things done so we could erase them off!

It worked great! In fact, it worked so well that I have an 8x10 dry erase board attached to the side of a kitchen cabinet in full view everyday. I put the REALLY important tasks on this and they don't get missed.

Deeperblue
06-10-05, 09:00 AM
Hi takemeaway :eyebrow: I know the feeling. But you can't run or get away from all of the stuff. Getting it all done without hyperfocusing; prioritizing and setting goals and time limits, especially when you are under stress, is not easy. I can understand your feelings of overwhelm. :faint:

I am also moving. My place, at this very moment is piled with boxes.

A couple of years ago, I would not have been able to do it alone. But in these past years, especially since I have been formally dx'd and on meds (focalin) I am finding this process to be much more tolerable.

So what I am doing is planning to pack a couple of boxes per day. I do one or two and then take a break. Or reward myself. I go back to it again...

I will not allow myself to hyperfocus. If I do I am doomed. I have had the same tendency as you. But not anymore, because when I get lost in the details I lose sight of the bigger picture. :eek:

If you can prioritize, do so but resist the urge to seek perfection. Let the cleaning come at the end.

And of course you can bring in the professionals or helpers.

A professional planner who is good at organizing and helping you to set up a plan could be helpful. Or a friend who can assist you with packing. Or someone who can stand at your side as you go through things. This person can help you decide what you should keep, throw away or give away.

Get someone to help you with errands. Someone to treat you to a snack. Have a meal delivered. watch your kids, etc. In the end, when you are ready to move out, you might even call in a cleaning service.

You have a month and it seems as though you are working at it. Keep up the pace, knowing full well that this process is overwhelming by it's very nature. Moving is one of the most stressful experiences. Know this, allow yourself these feelings and try not to fight them. What you do with the feelings and emotions is important. How you deal with them is critical. You can do it.

You might keep in touch with someone else who is moving ;) and share strategies and steps. Or you could keep a log (right here on this forum) by doing so, you will discover that you are in fact accomplishing a lot more than you realize even if you don't feel that way.

Good luck.

takemeaway
06-10-05, 09:08 AM
Thanks deeperblue,

That is really helpful to me to get a handle on things. I have flylady's moving tips, and that is what she suggested, Like 5 boxes a day. We haven't shown the house yet, that is sort of what makes me anxious about this, we have basically "trashed" it, not a scratch on the floors when we moved in 10 years ago, well now you can barely even see the floors, but they are gunky and yucky and markered, painted, you name it, we have LIVED here!!! And the bathroom needs so much work, etc....

Just a lot of unknowns, a full basement and I learned an ADD person should Never have a full basement-everything is everywhere. Too much of the big picture. When I started out, (my husband is away 5 days a week, working at his new job) I set the timer and cleaned walls for 40 minutes at a time 2 sessions, one in am one in pm, but there are so many other things now that my kids are home, movies, tv computer, and the regular stuff that has to
get done.....


I guess I need to take the bull by the horns and just do the best I can, set the timer and see how it goes, but your tips are helpful, I need structure so desperately-hopefully I have learned HOW desperately.

Deeperblue
06-10-05, 09:22 AM
the last move, prior to this one, was similar to your experience. I had a basement full of stuff and a two story house full of a lifetime of living. I had a dumpster in for a couple of clean sweeps :p (at least tow times. :rolleyes: ) And for that move i had the planner, friends, and kids help. I was very overwhelmed.

Yes, doing this without hubby must be hard. Are you relocating due to career change. I have had that experience as well. Those moves seemed to be easier because the company brought in the movers to pack. We did not pay for the service.

I did use the movers to do some packing for me when I moved (the last time) It was $$$but worh it---at least for my sanity and since I was doing it alone.

btw, how did you get the moving tips from flylady? Are these tips on her web site or do you need to purchase them?

Deeperblue
06-10-05, 12:49 PM
I checked out www.flylady.com but was unable to find any moving tips. I did a google search and found two helpful sites:

http://interiordec.about.com/od/moving/a/org_movetips.htm this site gives 12 tips


http:www.2c.com/wb_hrpages/hr_gen_moving.html
this site breaks down the move into time segments, beginning with a month before the anticipated move.

takemeaway
06-10-05, 06:04 PM
Hi Deeperblue,

Sorry I just now got on to check responses, Um yeah about flylady moving tips, you have to go to her index, there is a link for it at the left side of the page and then you will see it, I printed the thing off, and yes it is helpful, my problem seems to be books, all kinds, some old, some older, you know? Hubby has his part to do too, he has a bunch of stuff from when he changed from a smaller business to a larger sort of corporation, long story-but I think you have to keep some of that for 7 years, it was 2000, so we are getting there.

Yeah, he got a better paying job, and we are thankful to move, at least I am, b/c it is in a larger city-a suburb of St. Louis so more opportunities for all of us, larger school for the kids, just a move UP I would say. I hope to get a formal diagnosis soon so Ican go on some meds, I have struggled with ADD for a long time, just thought it was me-my personality, always like lost without a clue, fuzzy thinking, and no real aim in life-

Anyhow, we will make it happen, but I depend on my husband a lot to make major decisions so it is hard, do I keep this, or what? You know? I am not good at decision making, I just sort of bury my head, buy time or whatever.

They are giving us quite a bit of money for moving, so we are just throwing out junk, because that is what we have, stuff w/ legs broken off, old furniture and appliances, just mostly the day to day stuff.

Thanks for all of your help, and I will check out the websites-I think the timer will be my friend in need and maybe a checklist, I need like a solid place to go-a direction-a goal to work on. thanks again.

LORI

Deeperblue
06-10-05, 08:25 PM
Lori, I can absolutely relate to your experience. I have had a later dx and so have stuggled with some of the same issues that you describe. But mostly I have had problems with deciding and prioritizing. I fear that I put a large burden on my husband and family.

But it is good that you are going to take that step toward taking control over your symptoms. Good luck and know that this will have impact on your moving. With that in mind, if you can give yourself a break while you go through this process, things will come easier. Lots of changes...

Welcome to the forums. Keep us informed as you move throught this transitional time.

takemeaway
07-12-05, 09:25 AM
Push has now come to "shove" as in -all this stuff in the car so we can move-out of our small house into a smaller house I guess, I can hardly wait to see it, he says it is nice, but with 2 teenagers, well as long as there is no white carpet........but anyhow, I have now thrown out over half of what we own so I am down to bear necessities. We should be completely out in 2 weeks, thanks so much for your help I have had the great fortune to be able to take my time with this, and ask myself if I really love it, and to go in small steps, so it should be manageable. thanks again......see ya in another state-literally. LORI

fasttalkingmom
07-12-05, 11:23 AM
I know what your saying.......I just moved about a month and a half ago.

Making a list of what I needed to do the night before for the next day.

At first I took on many things at once and become quickly over whelmed.

13 years in the same place (a rented house) had to move myself, a husband, 2 kids, 3 cats and 2 fancy rats to a smaller 2 bedroom apartment. I did it with very little help (not by choice).

My advice, slow down........

takemeaway
07-12-05, 05:53 PM
Thanks fasttalking mom,
It helps if I slow down too, I am really going through cycles, usually my husband is real calm and collected, but now every time I talk to him, it is like -well, I feel stupid, like he wants it done yesterday, you know? Which of course makes me tune him out, which makes him more stressed.....etc.....so I am trying to #1 breathe, #2 just do as much as I can in spurts and #3 just enjoy my kids,

I remember how he made me cry now when we first moved into this house, b/c he just like made me feel so helpless, or worthless, and he never does that, just when he gets stressed-like the kids aren't helping, and that is my fault, and I don't do enough letting them or making them help me-and then he starts telling me how he can't do everything himself-OUCH, that hurts, like I am doing nothing. Sorry I don't want to vent, or complain, just sometimes it is hard, maybe it is better he isn't here right now. So my ADD is worse right now, I guess. I just tune stuff out, or just sit and think instead of "doing" it. why is that? I just can't do it all at once.

So thanks for being there and having done this you know what it feels like, huh? 2 bedrooms, are your kids both the same sex? Is that how you did it?

I will know more about the house this weekend as we actually start moving stuff in. We are going slowly, but need to get the kids enrolled in school, wish I had it all together. thanks again....LORI

fasttalkingmom
07-12-05, 07:07 PM
Your post could have been writting by me 2 months ago.......

We had a 3 bedroom house before I have 2 girls. At first my 15 year old flipped out when she learned she had to share. Which just added to my stress. We had one bathroom before, no closets in a oldish home(rented)
We have to baths now and 4 huge closets. Oh ya and a POOL !!! ;)

My 15 year old got over her complaining as soon as we moved in.

((hugs)))

takemeaway
07-12-05, 09:59 PM
thanks that helps, for us, my 13 yo daughter will like the big school, more friends, more sports thing-that is her "pool" My son will just have to adjust, I worry about his school performance,it has not been the best lately, and well that is after all the stuff is in and put away and I can actually find something I need. thanks again,

badders
07-13-05, 04:13 AM
we are consolidating our assets so wife and i moved TWO houses a few months ago. one of hers with her junk from the last 6 yrs, and mine with junk from the last 3. we finished the whole thing in a month. it was quite an experience. luckily, my wife is the "whip on hand" type and make sure that things get done. we tidy up the rooms one at a time and move all the boxes into storage as we go along. it was also help to have siblings around, at least some of them decides to help us move things. in the end, we must have filled up 3 or 4 14ft trucks with all our stuff and we moved them all into storage.

my meds definitely helped me. last time i moved without meds, my wife (gf then) finish packing 3 boxes and i am still on the first one...

takemeaway
07-13-05, 08:15 AM
Thanks for your help-it is priceless.
Fasttalkingmom, just wondering how you are getting along now, do you have everything put away, or how long does that all take? Since I am so slow on the uptake, and don't even really know my "style" or what I like, how am I gonna ever make decisions on curtains, and colors and stuff? This scares me. I think I could be crafty or at least give it a shot-but I have no ideas, I need to get inspired. Does that all come with time, I just want this house to be wonderful for everyone. thanks.

takemeaway
07-19-05, 08:01 AM
we have rented a house, never have rented before, so that is nervewracking, and getting ready to show this house, that is also nervewracking-how can I do that without totally "losing it"? How do you get rid of old furniture you know nobody will want? I have sold my baby grand for $1,000-only paid $500 for it, and we have had it for 20 some years, so that felt good, but still have a ways to go. thanks. LORI