View Full Version : His erractic Behavior left me confused, triggered him,ADHD related or something more?


marygates
02-26-17, 05:02 PM
I, Guess I Kind of broke up with my boyfriend ( 37y/o) I could not stand his erratic behavior anymore. this past friday he came for his graduation, and he messaged me on Thursday saying that on Friday he was coming early because he was closing his student apartment that he has here where I live.( what I understood was that he wanted sex, before closing the apt, so I assumed that’s why he wanted to see me early as well.) so, I text back on Thursday asking him, ”what are we going to do then? and he replied ”I will see your early on Friday around 10:00 am”. So I replied ”OK you text me”. I even found it weird that he did not begin the message saying ”Hi—– I’m coming tomorrow etc etc, so rude.



So it was Friday morning, his grad was scheduled to start 4:00 pm in the afternoon, and I assumed we were going to see eachother after the grad (I guess not), since he told me that he just wanted to get it over with the grad, that he just wanted his diploma and that’s it. So on Friday, at 11:26 AM, he text me saying ”I’m here”, then he called me and says: I’m here in the town, I just arrived, are you ready? Or you need more time and I said ”no am not ready I need time” and he said ”OK in half an hour then (in his terms its like an hour, he is always late) I said OK and hanged up. The point is that 15 minutes after he called me and we had spoken, I text him saying ”we should see eachother better in the evening” (I, wanted to see what he was going to answer and if it was cool with him) and after that I never got a single response back from him. Time was passing, and it was 1:30 PM already, I got angry so I took my clothes off and put my pijama back on. Then I text him ”you know what forget it, don’t come, stop wasting my time, you are late”. And got nothing back from him, I know it was his grad and he was not going to ruin it for him. But he should of acted differently. He just disappeared no message, no call. nothing.


I forgot to mention that after his grad, maybe in a month later he is leaving back to the states. And we had not talked about our future in a clear manner. So I don’t know what maked him act this way this past friday, if he was planning it or what, or maybe he did not know what to do with the relationship?

Postulate
02-26-17, 06:47 PM
Thank you for posting. Could you please tell us your age, profession, if you are a student, the program you're in, and also the program he just graduated from. Your profile also says you're in Florida and you said he's leaving back to the states, I don't understand that, where are you two right now? Thanks.

dvdnvwls
02-26-17, 07:53 PM
marygates: I've read several of the threads you've posted about your relationship. I think you have a choice to make, quickly. That choice is either learn a lot about ADHD right away (not by just asking a question or two on the forum but getting several books and reading them all, and watching lots of videos by Russell Barkley and others) OR deciding you are just not going to continue this relationship.

He is hurting you. I'm sorry to say this but you're hurting him too, because of how little you understand about him.

Right now you don't love him, because you don't even know him yet. You can love him, if you first do a lot of the learning that's needed. Do you really want that? It's not easy to make a life with someone who has ADHD.

If you try to continue the relationship without doing the learning, he will soon hate you and (permanently) leave you anyway - not because you did anything evil, of course you didn't - but because he knows you just don't understand.

Little Missy
02-26-17, 07:54 PM
Must be all those text messages from his girl friend in the US.

dvdnvwls
02-26-17, 08:02 PM
Someone with ADHD who just graduated from something has just been through an extremely stressful time. He probably just barely completed a lot of things, and some of them he was probably late for.

That's not to excuse anything anybody did, but to show that this is probably a very bad time to try to also resolve major relationship difficulties.

It's similar to "Don't ask your boss for a pay increase right after your boss's latest project failed" - you have to know that there are good days and bad days to try things.