View Full Version : Knowledge of relationships triggering poor mental health


midnightstar
03-01-17, 02:42 AM
I finally realised that i will never be able to deal with relationships, relationships ending sends my mental health down into a downhill spiral. Anyone else get this? Posting from phone so please excuse typos.

midnightstar
03-01-17, 03:01 AM
Is it weird that my cats are better for my mental health than other people? Cant edit above post, phone being a toadstool fart (and no i dont want this conversation to be about whether or not toadstools can fart)

Hermus
03-01-17, 04:53 AM
The same thing basically goes for me. Relationships in the past led to a deterioration of my mental health and break-ups always ended in increasing alcohol abuse. One of the main reasons for me is that I suffer from low self-esteem and make my self-image dependent on a relationship. So if things go wrong to me that really is a major blow to my sense of self.

In my opinion it is not very useful to say never. It is great that you are aware that right now you are not up for a relationship. But it is possible to work your issues out, either in therapy or in other ways, and in that way be able to have a healthy relationship in the future.

A healthy relationship with others depends on a healthy relationship with yourself.

Fuzzy12
03-01-17, 05:38 AM
What Hermus said but also I think you were a bit unlucky with your ex. Relationships can be enriching and happy with the right person.

There is no hurry to rush into one. Take your time. Work on yourself. You don't need a relationship but don't rule them out either

There is nothing weird about pets being good for your mental health. It's well known I think. Don't you get 'guide' dogs for depression? ?

kilted_scotsman
03-01-17, 06:12 AM
It's the "never" that's the clue.... as soon as you use that it sends the message that you don't believe in change. Because we think in language paying attention to language helps mental heath.

so saying "At the moment I'm not able to deal with relationships" changes the whole thought context..... and indicates that not doing relationships is a good idea at the moment. This makes not doing relationships a healthy choice.

If mental health goes downhill in relationships there's likely to be a couple of things in the mix
1) Not making wise relational choices
2) Experiencing emotional flashbacks from past relationships that aren't valid in the current one.

Both these can be worked with.

Pets are good for mental health.... they model how to live in the moment!

TurtleBrain
03-01-17, 07:35 AM
The way I look at it is I have my own problems enough as it is and everyone else has their own problems in life. I don't need more burdens in my life and don't want to be a burden for somebody else. I still havn't been able to become independent financially and couldn't even afford to care for a pet.

I never had a relationship and don't plan to anytime soon.

sarahsweets
03-01-17, 08:18 AM
This will sound cliche and if I heard someone else telling me this years ago I would have said "yea right". I found that love happens when you are not looking for it. I had a boyfriend when I was 18 and went to the dorm room of my husband looking for his roommate. I walked in and saw my husband and we started to talk. My current BF called me to tell me our food had been delivered and as I was at the door, I heard, clear as a bell " You are going to marry this man". I cant explain it, and I dont know where it came from. I broke up with my boyfriend, started hanging with my husband and we have been together ever since. (married for 21 years). I was happy with the boyfriend and was not looking for another relationship. I think inside I knew the boyfriend and I were not going to go much further even though we had been together for 2 years.
Now, this sounds like a movie script and I have no other way to look at it.

My point is, these types of long term relationships tend to happen when you are not expecting them. There are a few people who actively look for love via dating sites and stuff like this, but IME the real connections tend to form out of friendships and times when you are focused on yourself or something else.

Just my 2 cents.

kilted_scotsman
03-01-17, 08:43 AM
I agree with sarahseweets. There's sometihng around not looking for relationship..... just being with ourselves (and friends) that helps us spend enough time to "see" people around us and become aware of when serendipity knocks on the door.

When I met my now partner I had consciously made a choice not to fall into another relationship. This was a completely new way of being for me and it made a big difference. I began to feel the pull towards unhealthy relationships. My now partner lived on another continent so I had plenty of time to not be in a relationship.... while being in a relationship.... very growthful for me.... and very liberating.... so nice not to chase round pegs to try to fill a square space in myself!

aeon
03-01-17, 12:37 PM
If mental health goes downhill in relationships there's likely to be a couple of things in the mix
1) Not making wise relational choices
2) Experiencing emotional flashbacks from past relationships that aren't valid in the current one.

Bingo.

By doing the self-work necessary for #2, it enabled me to make wise choices for #1, and by making wise choices for #1, it meant no stimulus to unearth creepy-crawlies from #2.

The relationship I am in now is the best thing ever for my mental health, full stop. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Yaisse.gif


Cheers,
Ian

midnightstar
03-01-17, 03:04 PM
I already know that nobody could seriously want to be in a relationship with me. Only men I have ever dated were the following:

1) we were teenagers and his mother decided to constantly be forcing her way in between us both and would never let us be on proper dates (it ended up with a massive fight between my mum and stepdad and his mum because she even kept trying to force her way into things to do with my family as well even if first boyfriend wasn't coming along)

2) Second boyfriend was okay until he decided to one day vanish on me. Literally arranged to see me one day then vanished off of the face of the earth. Never saw him again.

3) then there was the ex that I was going to marry until he did what he did (which I am not going into on a public post because just remembering him is triggering me)

Since then I tried again with online dating and only ever had the creepazoids trying to get in touch with me, or the "you'll do until someone better comes along and one day when we are emailing we suddenly vanish on you" ones.

Hermus
03-01-17, 03:18 PM
I already know that nobody could seriously want to be in a relationship with me. Only men I have ever dated were the following:

1) we were teenagers and his mother decided to constantly be forcing her way in between us both and would never let us be on proper dates (it ended up with a massive fight between my mum and step parent and his mum because she even kept trying to force her way into things to do with my family as well even if first boyfriend wasn't coming along)

2) Second boyfriend was okay until he decided to one day vanish on me. Literally arranged to see me one day then vanished off of the face of the earth. Never saw him again.

3) then there was the ex that I was going to marry until he did what he did (which I am not going into on a public post because just remembering him is triggering me)

Since then I tried again with online dating and only ever had the creepazoids trying to get in touch with me, or the "you'll do until someone better comes along and one day when we are emailing we suddenly vanish on you" ones.

Can I get a date with you if I swim the English channel for you tomorrow, my lady?

No, just kidding. It's too cold to swim the channel right now. :giggle: But any man should consider himself lucky to be even allowed to look in your direction. You have a beautiful spirit and never forget that. :)

midnightstar
03-01-17, 03:22 PM
I'm the lucky one to even recieve a fart in my direction :lol:

Hermus
03-01-17, 03:26 PM
A man may consider himself lucky if I even want to fart in his direction :lol:

:goodpost:

midnightstar
03-01-17, 03:41 PM
In all seriousness though, I can't see how this will change. I've listed my experiences of relationships with men and don't see how me trying to kid myself into thinking that men would ever want to be with me would change anything.

Hermus
03-01-17, 03:48 PM
In all seriousness though, I can't see how this will change. I've listed my experiences of relationships with men and don't see how me trying to kid myself into thinking that men would ever want to be with me would change anything.

Talking this way about yourself surely doesn't help. I think this kind of negative talk about yourself would send a lot of guys running. In my point of view it would help you more to focus on loving and being happy with yourself, instead of focusing on men. Once you feel happy and confident people will notice and will want to be with you. By being negative and insecure about yourself you have the risk, as your past has shown, to attract men who will treat you badly and without respect. Just focus on yourself and your own happiness for a while, all else will follow. :)

ToneTone
03-01-17, 08:17 PM
And I want to say the obvious here, which is breakups are incredibly painful. I don't care how healthy and confident you are.

Everyone takes a major hit psychologically--major!!!!-- when a partner initiates a breakup. I dated a woman for about two months a year ago, and the breakup hurt like hell ...

One consolidation I try to give myself is to learn from each relationship. What red flags did I miss? ... What made the other person unhappy? ... Sometimes, it's just random chemistry or lack thereof ... and there is no reason to self-blame ... Other times, I learn a lot! ... As in the type of women I'm drawn to ... the type of inappropriate partners I can be drawn to ... how I behaved with the person ...

Anyway, hang in there ... There's a reason pop music is full of breakup songs and songs of love lost! ... It's a huge and frequent human experience.

Tone

Postulate
03-01-17, 09:06 PM
The same thing basically goes for me. Relationships in the past led to a deterioration of my mental health and break-ups always ended in increasing alcohol abuse. One of the main reasons for me is that I suffer from low self-esteem and make my self-image dependent on a relationship. So if things go wrong to me that really is a major blow to my sense of self.

In my opinion it is not very useful to say never. It is great that you are aware that right now you are not up for a relationship. But it is possible to work your issues out, either in therapy or in other ways, and in that way be able to have a healthy relationship in the future.

A healthy relationship with others depends on a healthy relationship with yourself.

I highly doubt that, read your other post. Actively trying to acquire additional self-esteem does not necessarily mean it was low to start with. It can but not necessarily. I think your self-esteem is doing very well, you just seem to love it too much.

My 2 cents for the OP is to keep trying, everyone feels that way, heck, I feel the same when coming back from a trip to Europe, I feel like the promised land somehow holds very few promises and below -20C temperatures. :grouphug:

Lunacie
03-01-17, 09:18 PM
Didn't read every post but wanted to say that, for me, being in a bad relationship
was much worse for my mental health ... as well as my physical health ...
ending it was also difficult and I was in a serious depression for a couple of years.

I think perhaps people who have had good relationships are willing to enter a
new relationship when the old one ends for whatever reason. And people like
me who had a bad long term relationship figure we don't need that again.

Being a mom and a grandmother is the only relationship I want these days.

moth2flame
03-01-17, 11:12 PM
Hi there, midnightstar! Breakups are tough, I know how it feels to just want to be DONE with relationships forever, especially after one that really hurts when it ended. :( You'll get through it and be stronger for it! Keep posting here if it helps. :)

The best advice I can give is terribly cliche', but I swear, it's the complete and total truth of the matter: "you must be able to truly love yourself before you will truly be able to love someone else." Yeah, yeah, okay, everyone's heard this 1,000 times before, seems like a nice enough idea in the abstract... but what does it actually *mean*?

Well, think of it like this: when you decide to form a relationship with someone, what you're doing is you're expanding (on conscious and subconscious levels) your definition of "self" to include "another person" WITHIN your "self" - going from You and Me as individuals to We, a unit.

It seems like a subtle distinction on the surface, but it can have a BIG effect on what behaviors can slowly (or quickly... sometimes in the blink of an eye!) go from being totally unacceptable to perfectly acceptable... ever hear of a couple who's madly in love and gets married, only to have one spouse "completely change" after the marriage and it totally falls apart? I suspect this dynamic may be in play in that sort of situation. You don't find out who a person REALLY is until they feel safe enough (ironically) to treat you in all the ways they secretly treat themselves... including all of the terrible ones.

I think it's a pretty well known phenomenon in psychology that we tend to attract potential mates who are "on our level," meaning well matched to skills/accomplishments most areas... everything from intelligence and looks, to college/career/financial success, to creativity/eccentricity, people tend to find mates who tend to resemble them. This attracting a mate who mirrors us of course goes beyond the physcal, it extends to our self-esteem and level of personal development too: if deep down you hate yourself and don't feel you're truly worthy of happiness... you'll only ever be a match to people who feel the same deep down in themselves... because people with a healthy level of self-respect tend to want a partner who shares that attribute with them, and who can blame them?

So, now it's up to you work on yourself... I know this is NOT any easy task, I've been struggling with similar problems for much of my life! But they key I've found is to BE the kind of person you'd want to date! :) Not literally of course, and not even for the sake of dating... just think of all the good qualities you hope for in a partner: compassion, understanding, empathy, patience, warmth, forgiveness, humor, etc. etc... and cultivate these toward others, but most especially toward yourself - you really DO deserve it, I promise!

And of course, keep chasing your passions and building a life you love, and don't look back. The key is quite simply to make your own life SO awesome, that other equally awesome and radiant individuals can't help but be attracted to you... and eventually the right one will come along at the right place and the right time (usually when you least suspect). ;)

...or, hey, maybe not! :D Maybe you end up finding you honestly prefer the single life, or some kind of different relationship style works better for you, and that's okay too. The point is just be yourself and do your best, and your life will still turn out awesome, regardless of whether there's currently a partner in it or not. Either way I wish you all the best!

willow129
03-02-17, 01:32 AM
Mod Note: Stay. On. Topic. Keep posts relevant to OP's concerns and questions. Do NOT engage off topic posts.
Please refrain from sexist commentary.
Thank you.

Fraser_0762
03-02-17, 06:46 AM
I'm lucky I suppose. I have no idea what a breakup feels like.

midnightstar
03-02-17, 12:34 PM
The thing is, I am unlikely to meet anyone doing what I enjoy (and I don't include work in that)

I volunteer at a rescue kennels but it's only a small kennels and the only people I meet there are already in relationships or a teenage girl who still goes to school. I know getting involved with people already in relationships is a bad thing (which is why I don't do it) and kids still in school are out of the equation either.

irl I cannot handle being around large groups of people, nor can I deal with a lot of loud noise so going to the pub to meet someone is out as well.

Lunacie
03-02-17, 12:45 PM
The thing is, I am unlikely to meet anyone doing what I enjoy (and I don't include work in that)

I volunteer at a rescue kennels but it's only a small kennels and the only people I meet there are already in relationships or a teenage girl who still goes to school. I know getting involved with people already in relationships is a bad thing (which is why I don't do it) and kids still in school are out of the equation either.

irl I cannot handle being around large groups of people, nor can I deal with a lot of loud noise so going to the pub to meet someone is out as well.

Is there something else you could do that involves pets/animals where you'd
be more likely to meet people your age?

midnightstar
03-02-17, 01:11 PM
Is there something else you could do that involves pets/animals where you'd
be more likely to meet people your age?

Nothing round here, unfortunately :(

acdc01
03-02-17, 04:37 PM
Didn't read every post but wanted to say that, for me, being in a bad relationship
was much worse for my mental health ... as well as my physical health ...
ending it was also difficult and I was in a serious depression for a couple of years.

I think perhaps people who have had good relationships are willing to enter a
new relationship when the old one ends for whatever reason. And people like
me who had a bad long term relationship figure we don't need that again.

Being a mom and a grandmother is the only relationship I want these days.

I think this is true for a lot of people. I've met several divorced women and pretty much every single one of them say they are so much happier single than they were in their miserable marriages. Key I think is to have other relationships too that fullfill you.

I read that the biggest indicator of early death is social isolation . So not good to be "alone" but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to be romantically coupled either.

midnightstar
03-04-17, 06:50 AM
And since when did anyone want to knowingly get into a relationship with someone who is not perfect and has mental health issues?

Maybe I'm better off it just being me and Ebony and Tigger, nobody else.

dvdnvwls
03-04-17, 12:42 PM
And since when did anyone want to knowingly get into a relationship with someone who is not perfect and has mental health issues?
Since 2014 at least. :D Probably much longer than that.

I used to be in a relationship with someone who was perfect (I knew she was because basically she told me so ;) ). That didn't work out well.

Real people are the best. "Perfect for you" exists. You are probably perfect for someone - that doesn't mean you're under pressure to be with them, but it does mean the pressure to be not-yourself is gone.

midnightstar
03-04-17, 12:56 PM
Even if I do meet anyone, I will never have kids though (I would make a hopeless mother) :o

dvdnvwls
03-04-17, 01:02 PM
Becoming a mother, or not, is your decision to make and always will be your decision to make.

midnightstar
03-04-17, 01:22 PM
Becoming a mother, or not, is your decision to make and always will be your decision to make.

What if I meet someone though who really really really wants kids and won't accept the fact I don't want kids but is perfect in every other way?

dvdnvwls
03-04-17, 02:31 PM
What if I meet someone though who really really really wants kids and won't accept the fact I don't want kids but is perfect in every other way?
You're right, it's not impossible for that to happen. It would mean you and him have a lot of talking to do, a lot of soul-searching. In the end, something would come out as a solution good enough for both of you, and you can't know ahead of time what that might be.

If you already know for sure that you don't want children and nothing could ever change your mind, then it's something you tell him before the two of you become "super serious" about the relationship, whenever that turns out to be. Like one day you just say "Look, I really know that I won't be having kids - I hope that's OK for you."

Please remember though, that having children or not always remains your decision, and you always have the ability to change your mind, multiple times if necessary.

midnightstar
03-04-17, 02:41 PM
But you can't change your mind once you actually have kids? You can't suddenly turn round when the kid is 3 days old or something and say I changed my mind take it back. I don't like kids anyway. They are little brats.

dvdnvwls
03-04-17, 03:10 PM
But you can't change your mind once you actually have kids? You can't suddenly turn round when the kid is 3 days old or something and say I changed my mind take it back. I don't like kids anyway. They are little brats.
Obviously you're right that you only get to change your mind before, not after. :D

The rest is up to you.

acdc01
03-04-17, 04:09 PM
Find out how badly a guy wants kids as soon as you can. It gets real difficult dropping the guy once you even start to get emotionally attached. If the guy rrally, really wants a kids, that's a fatal flaw to me and you should drop him immediately if you really don't want a kid.

Personally, I'm an advocate of being very open right from the start that way you guys figure out if you are compatible before you're emotionally tied.

aeon
03-04-17, 07:08 PM
And since when did anyone want to knowingly get into a relationship with someone who is not perfect and has mental health issues?

I was, and I did, because I was interested in a relationship with a human being, and when I came to know her, I came to love her.

I didn't want perfect, I wanted real.

I don't like kids anyway. They are little brats.

So too is it true that children are the light, the hope, and the joy of the world.


Namaste,
Ian

Lunacie
03-04-17, 07:24 PM
But you can't change your mind once you actually have kids? You can't suddenly turn round when the kid is 3 days old or something and say I changed my mind take it back. I don't like kids anyway. They are little brats.

A lot of people feel that way about other people's children.

But they love their own child(ren).

My daughter always said she didn't want children.
I resigned myself to being gramma to the doggies.
Then she got married and her hubby really wanted kids.
There are moments when she wishes they weren't hers,
but most of the time she loves them to bits and enjoys them.

Postulate
03-04-17, 09:47 PM
I think this is true for a lot of people. I've met several divorced women and pretty much every single one of them say they are so much happier single than they were in their miserable marriages. Key I think is to have other relationships too that fullfill you.

I read that the biggest indicator of early death is social isolation . So not good to be "alone" but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to be romantically coupled either.

This post got many thanks from members, 72% women and 28% men. Acdc01, are you trying to tell us that most women are capable of admitting to themselves and to others that they made a bad decision? Ohhhhhhhhh! Or that they might not have treated someone fairly? Ohhhhhhhhh! Or, in case they were dumped, that the man who dumped them was a wonderful, loving husband and their life is worse without him? Ohhhhhhhhh! I only witnessed a few women capable of such brutal honesty in my lifetime, Willow is one of them, she said he was a lovely man

Postulate
03-04-17, 11:17 PM
Human beings, women and men both, are hurt by being judged.

Sure, a person getting a paper cut and another chopping his arm off operating a heavy machine are both going to hurt but not to the same extend and their reaction will be distinctly different :)

sarahsweets
03-05-17, 09:46 AM
This post got many thanks from members, 72% women and 28% men.
How did you come to these percentages?

This post got many thanks from members, 72% women and 28% men. Acdc01, are you trying to tell us that most women are capable of admitting to themselves and to others that they made a bad decision? Ohhhhhhhhh! Or that they might not have treated someone fairly? Ohhhhhhhhh! Or, in case they were dumped, that the man who dumped them was a wonderful, loving husband and their life is worse without him? Ohhhhhhhhh! I only witnessed a few women capable of such brutal honesty in my lifetime, Willow is one of them, she said he was a lovely manI dont understand what you mean. Do you mean that women will only admit something honestly once they are in a stable relationship or place? Or do you mean they can admit this once they have hindsight and gain perspective?I dont think saying most women are or are not capable of admitting wrongdoing or bad decisions matters much. Stuff like that is mostly subjective. I think that being in a better space always changes someone's perspective and its a lot easier to see the error of ones' ways once you are in a better position. Its harder to admit the error of ones' ways while you are still in the thick of it.

Postulate
03-05-17, 11:22 AM
How did you come to these percentages

Oh you just click on the names who thanked, go to their about section check if male of female haha!

Hermus
03-05-17, 03:47 PM
And since when did anyone want to knowingly get into a relationship with someone who is not perfect and has mental health issues?

Maybe I'm better off it just being me and Ebony and Tigger, nobody else.

Wow. Someone that is perfect and has no mental health issues, that's quite a lot to demand. I think if everyone did have that high demands the whole world would be single. :D

midnightstar
03-05-17, 04:00 PM
Wow. Someone that is perfect and has no mental health issues, that's quite a lot to demand. I think if everyone did have that high demands the whole world would be single. :D

Some people do expect this.

They want Barbie doll type women. Just like some women want to be with a man who has loads of money to spend on them. I know not all men are like this just like not all women want rich men. I'm one of the women who's only requirements are someone who will accept that I am not perfect and accept that I have Ebony and Tigger and the only way Ebony and Tigger are going anywhere is when their lives end. Even then, I will never be a pet-free household. I did that and it sent my mental health into a steep downwards spiral that was only saved by Ebony coming into my life (I admit, some of the downhill spiral was also due to that ex of mine)

Ebony was literally a lifesaver which is why I would do absolutely anything for her.

But yeah, sadly some people (men and women) expect perfection from a partner and if the partner ain't perfect they don't wanna know.

Hermus
03-05-17, 04:45 PM
Some people do expect this.

They want Barbie doll type women. Just like some women want to be with a man who has loads of money to spend on them. I know not all men are like this just like not all women want rich men.

That's a strange definition of perfect. A lot of the barbie dolls and rich men aren't that perfect at all. Sure, I would like a woman who pays care of her appearance, just like I do myself. But I suspect that the women who spend a lot of effort to look perfect do so because they are compensating for something else. And as if rich and famous people are so perfect. I think there are a lot of women who would rather marry someone with a low income who can make them feel good, than someone with the money and a disrespectable attitude towards women. It's not for nothing that a lot of ultrarich men marry the Barbie dolls. They can have them if it's for me.

I'm one of the women who's only requirements are someone who will accept that I am not perfect and accept that I have Ebony and Tigger and the only way Ebony and Tigger are going anywhere is when their lives end. Even then, I will never be a pet-free household. I did that and it sent my mental health into a steep downwards spiral that was only saved by Ebony coming into my life (I admit, some of the downhill spiral was also due to that ex of mine)I think those are pretty reasonable expectations and there sure are men who don't mind a few pets around. And most people are not looking for someone perfect, but just someone who they can match with.

Ebony was literally a lifesaver which is why I would do absolutely anything for her.

But yeah, sadly some people (men and women) expect perfection from a partner and if the partner ain't perfect they don't wanna know.I never met a perfect person in my whole life. Not one single thoroughly bad person as well. Most persons have skilful and unskilful aspects to their person and that's what makes people so interesting. :)

Shamindo
03-05-17, 06:36 PM
I'm in the same boat, I get triggered big time to the point I believe I have hypomania. Read a book called "moody *******". Seriously, falling in love is supposed to make people feel crazy and obsessive, some can handle it and like the feeling others like myself and you can't....So I'm seeing a therapist cause I have fallen for someone who is actually very decent. I asked him if going back on my anti-anxiety meds seemed rediculous? He said, intimacy is a human need, people go on meds so they can work, or go to school, to be able to connect in a deep way is just as important. And for what ever reason, allowing myself to take meds while I get through the hyperfocus/unpredictable parts has been empowering.

aeon
03-05-17, 06:56 PM
Seriously, falling in love is supposed to make people feel crazy and obsessive...

Says who?

Poppycock, I say.


Cheers,
Ian

Little Missy
03-05-17, 09:02 PM
I can't say how benzos like Prozac would feel for me because I haven't tried any.


pssst...Prozac is not a benzodiazepine. :)

Lunacie
03-05-17, 09:53 PM
pssst...Prozac is not a benzodiazepine. :)

Um ... yeah. My brain said Zanax and my fingers wrote Prozac. :eyebrow:

dvdnvwls
03-05-17, 11:48 PM
Men don't drink for the same reason. Most men you describe, if the relationship became difficult is because of their drinking problem. So it's not the same thing.

This makes it sound like you haven't met many men.

There is a theme running through a number of your recent posts, where you essentially say all women are alike and all men are alike. It's not true. People used to try hard to make it look like that was true - but it never was.

Postulate
03-05-17, 11:56 PM
This makes it sound like you haven't met many men.

There is a theme running through a number of your recent posts, where you essentially say all women are alike and all men are alike. It's not true. People used to try hard to make it look like that was true - but it never was.

You are entitled to your opinion, although some would say it's an off-topic opinion because the OP never inquired about that.

What's on topic however is that OP's difficulty in leaving a relationship may be due to a lack of treatment of her anxiety. While a relationship can be anxiety treatment, one should not rely on it as treatment per se, because it has other negative implications and once the relationship ends, the person withdraws, with withdrawal symptoms similar to what OP described.

Lunacie
03-06-17, 12:01 AM
Men don't drink for the same reason. Most men you describe, if the relationship became difficult is because of their drinking problem. So it's not the same thing.

Whoa, you just moved the goalposts. You went from "some women" to "most men."



So what I said was true, if she has such a hard time moving on, it's because she (upon doctor confirmation) needs anxiety treatment. So what are we arguing about? This whole topic can be summed up as: OP, Talk to your doctor about Valium. I said it here:

And finally let's not forget that women who truly need an anxiety treatment and meet a real man who is a good substitute for Valium, he will appease her anxiety through his affection, and when he quits, she withdraws. It's true. And this can be an indication, and the OP will pay close attention to this part I hope, that her anxiety treatment may not be very well tuned. It can be.

Yes, she does neet better treatment for her anxiety and other mental health
problems. It is not available to her because her government medical care
doesn't recognized these problems in adults, she lives in the countryside and
cannot afford to travel to see a private psychiatrist. Not so simple after all, eh?

midnightstar
03-06-17, 02:01 AM
Whoa, you just moved the goalposts. You went from "some women" to "most men."





Yes, she does neet better treatment for her anxiety and other mental health
problems. It is not available to her because her government medical care
doesn't recognized these problems in adults, she lives in the countryside and
cannot afford to travel to see a private psychiatrist. Not so simple after all, eh?

Yep public transport round here is crap and in order to get mental health help round here you need to be a threat to either yourself or other people, otherwise it's a case of "go home and get on with it". I speak from experience.

Basically, I stopped trying to find anyone to be in a relationship with because as I said, I know it'll send my mental health back into a downhill spiral if it's the wrong person. :grouphug:

aeon
03-06-17, 03:57 AM
Basically, I stopped trying to find anyone to be in a relationship with because as I said, I know it'll send my mental health back into a downhill spiral if it's the wrong person. :grouphug:

Same for me, and I stopped trying too, but I listened to my heart when it poked me in the ribs because it sensed and knew a goldenheart was at hand, and I went where it wanted to go, and I found the love of my life.

May it be so for you.


BlessÚd Be,
Ian

Fuzzy12
03-06-17, 04:21 AM
Yep public transport round here is crap and in order to get mental health help round here you need to be a threat to either yourself or other people, otherwise it's a case of "go home and get on with it". I speak from experience.

Basically, I stopped trying to find anyone to be in a relationship with because as I said, I know it'll send my mental health back into a downhill spiral if it's the wrong person. :grouphug:


Take your time. There's no hurry. Take care of yourself and your mental health first. You don't have to be in a relationship and definitely not right now. :grouphug:

Fortune
03-06-17, 11:32 AM
Stay on topic.

Whether anti-anxiety meds are "alcohol in pill form" is not on topic. I've split that particular discussion to this thread. (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=183898)

finallyfound10
03-09-17, 02:07 AM
I do not handle the ending of romantic relationships well at all. I really can't handle it. It isn't the normal break up- be heartbroken- then get over it at all. I have "Daddy Issues" due to being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic and that seems to be where it all stems from.

For me, I can say that the rides were not worth the falls and I have far less capacity now to handle a break up now than I did before so I don't think I'll be getting into another one. It's a little sad but still the best option.