View Full Version : My loved ones get frustrated with me


gimp666
03-02-17, 11:17 PM
Hi, this is my first time posting here. I'm 35, and have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 7 years old. I've been listening to friends and family tell me I'm exhausting to be around my entire life, and I'm never really sure how to respond to that. It's especially difficult now that I live a couple of hours away from most of my family, so when I go to visit them, I'm there for multiple days.

Sometimes it feels like there's no winning. When I'm not on my meds, I overwhelm my family and friends, and when I am on them I keep getting asked if everything's okay, if I'm upset etc. because I'm quieter and mellowed out. When I don't visit for awhile to give them space, they keep asking when I'm going to come down and visit them and tell me they miss me, but then once I go down to see them they start getting frustrated and annoyed again within 1-2 days.

It feels like an endless cycle, and I find myself torn a lot between feeling guilty for stressing them out, and hurt that they don't seem to realize how painful it is to hear. I know that they love me, and they mean well.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

peripatetic
03-03-17, 01:34 AM
welcome to the forums. i hear you. i've had that happen. i don't know that i necessarily have a way to deal with it that's constructive though. i'm curious to see if someone does. i feel like i just end up avoiding people who give me a hard time. or i get annoyed and say the wrong thing and then they end up avoiding me.

Postulate
03-03-17, 02:16 PM
Hi, this is my first time posting here. I'm 35, and have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 7 years old. I've been listening to friends and family tell me I'm exhausting to be around my entire life, and I'm never really sure how to respond to that. It's especially difficult now that I live a couple of hours away from most of my family, so when I go to visit them, I'm there for multiple days.

Sometimes it feels like there's no winning. When I'm not on my meds, I overwhelm my family and friends, and when I am on them I keep getting asked if everything's okay, if I'm upset etc. because I'm quieter and mellowed out. When I don't visit for awhile to give them space, they keep asking when I'm going to come down and visit them and tell me they miss me, but then once I go down to see them they start getting frustrated and annoyed again within 1-2 days.

It feels like an endless cycle, and I find myself torn a lot between feeling guilty for stressing them out, and hurt that they don't seem to realize how painful it is to hear. I know that they love me, and they mean well.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

How do you get along with your co-workers at your job? What are their comments and remarks? And do you have a boyfriend, if so what is he saying?

dvdnvwls
03-03-17, 02:59 PM
I see two real options:

1. Teach them, and/or get them to learn.

2. Don't do that, and just try to maintain peace with them in whatever way you can.


If it's your partner/spouse/significant other, just keeping the peace is not an option, unless you've been doing OK together for many many years and you don't want to rock the boat. If you can't say "Things are going along smoothly and we're old anyway", then a spouse always needs to learn.

For relationships less close than spouses, you have more leeway to choose your approach. If Uncle Whatshisname who lives far away doesn't believe in ADHD, you can probably just stop seeing him so much.

sarahsweets
03-04-17, 05:28 AM
Hi, this is my first time posting here. I'm 35, and have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 7 years old. I've been listening to friends and family tell me I'm exhausting to be around my entire life, and I'm never really sure how to respond to that. It's especially difficult now that I live a couple of hours away from most of my family, so when I go to visit them, I'm there for multiple days.

Sometimes it feels like there's no winning. When I'm not on my meds, I overwhelm my family and friends, and when I am on them I keep getting asked if everything's okay, if I'm upset etc. because I'm quieter and mellowed out. When I don't visit for awhile to give them space, they keep asking when I'm going to come down and visit them and tell me they miss me, but then once I go down to see them they start getting frustrated and annoyed again within 1-2 days.

It feels like an endless cycle, and I find myself torn a lot between feeling guilty for stressing them out, and hurt that they don't seem to realize how painful it is to hear. I know that they love me, and they mean well.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

You have to let go of that guilt. It will eat you up.

norwegian_guy
04-19-17, 12:42 PM
Hi, this is my first time posting here. I'm 35, and have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 7 years old. I've been listening to friends and family tell me I'm exhausting to be around my entire life, and I'm never really sure how to respond to that. It's especially difficult now that I live a couple of hours away from most of my family, so when I go to visit them, I'm there for multiple days.

Sometimes it feels like there's no winning. When I'm not on my meds, I overwhelm my family and friends, and when I am on them I keep getting asked if everything's okay, if I'm upset etc. because I'm quieter and mellowed out. When I don't visit for awhile to give them space, they keep asking when I'm going to come down and visit them and tell me they miss me, but then once I go down to see them they start getting frustrated and annoyed again within 1-2 days.

It feels like an endless cycle, and I find myself torn a lot between feeling guilty for stressing them out, and hurt that they don't seem to realize how painful it is to hear. I know that they love me, and they mean well.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

I'm also 35 and I currently have to live at home because I messed up a contract when renting out my appartment. My mother tries to care and I know she loves me, but I can tell she's sick of my problems and she sighs if I start talking. My brother never calls me anymore, but patietly tries to talk to me if I call him. I have anxiety/depression and moodswings aswell as my adhd. I have some friends, but I'm cautious to hang around them too much, just in case they get sick of me. I find that when I'm on stimulants I lose, at least partially, the connection to «normal» people. I'm just not ticking at the same beat. This has worried me the last year. I've been on dexedrine/vyvanse for 15 years. And I do not fuction at all without meds.
I know there isn't any good advice here, but I also experience lack of understanding from close relations.
There is one thought that helps me a little, the fact that people with psychological problems or add/adhd have to show understanding for mentally «healthy» people. And it should, of course, be the other way round. It's your family's responsibility just as much as yours if they want to have a good relationship to you. Anyway, you should probably either use your meds or stop. Going on and off will just confuse people more.