View Full Version : Am i sick or just an *******?


AmandaGom
03-06-17, 02:17 PM
Hi, i'm 20 and was diagnosticated with ADHD as a child (around 10) along with my mother, we took ritalin for some months and stopped because she felt it wasn't working.

Lately i've been struggling to understand myself and ended up suspecting i have ADHD still. I know its not the ideal to come here before going to a psychiatrist/psychologist, but i'm starting to think i'm crazy and i'm a little afraid.

The things driving me crazy are the lack of some symptoms like bad grades (went straight through 5 semesters of computer engineering w/o opening a book), sleep deprivation (i could sleep pretty much anytime anywhere) and poor organisation skills (my room's visually a mess, but every single thing has its place). And the excess presence of others like low self esteem, simple mistakes, anxiety and poor memory.

And the most terrible thing for me: an anger wich i don't completely understand and comes usually when i feel like i'm being attacked or criticized, even if i'm not. I can't control this anger nor my reaction and always end up being rude or cussing someone out. Is this relatable?

Could it be ADHD? Could medicine help? Am i an ******* with a mental illness hypochondria crisis?

I've read a little about the condition, so, if i said something wrong please correct me.

dvdnvwls
03-06-17, 02:35 PM
This sounds like it could be ADHD.

Even if it's not ADHD, obviously something is wrong and obviously you need some help.

In your part of Brazil, what kind of doctor should you go to for ADHD? A psychiatrist?

Many of us who have ADHD, especially if it's untreated, get the kind of anger problem that you have.

AmandaGom
03-06-17, 02:48 PM
As a child i went to a psychologist, a neurologist and a psychiatrist. But only the two last can give you medicine, so i'm planning on seeing a psychiatrist.

Thank you so much for answering ♥

Lunacie
03-06-17, 03:36 PM
People with adhd can be very intelligent and have no problem learning about things,
especially things that really interest them.

The anger problem is sometimes related to anxiety, which a lot of people with adhd
have as a comorbid disorder.

There are quite a few different meds now, and one may work better for you than
Ritalin. I think you're on the right track seeing a psychiatrist or neurologist.

Postulate
03-06-17, 04:28 PM
Hi, i'm 20 and was diagnosticated with ADHD as a child (around 10) along with my mother, we took ritalin for some months and stopped because she felt it wasn't working.

Lately i've been struggling to understand myself and ended up suspecting i have ADHD still. I know its not the ideal to come here before going to a psychiatrist/psychologist, but i'm starting to think i'm crazy and i'm a little afraid.

The things driving me crazy are the lack of some symptoms like bad grades (went straight through 5 semesters of computer engineering w/o opening a book), sleep deprivation (i could sleep pretty much anytime anywhere) and poor organisation skills (my room's visually a mess, but every single thing has its place). And the excess presence of others like low self esteem, simple mistakes, anxiety and poor memory.

And the most terrible thing for me: an anger wich i don't completely understand and comes usually when i feel like i'm being attacked or criticized, even if i'm not. I can't control this anger nor my reaction and always end up being rude or cussing someone out. Is this relatable?

Could it be ADHD? Could medicine help? Am i an ******* with a mental illness hypochondria crisis?

I've read a little about the condition, so, if i said something wrong please correct me.

Hey, thank you for posting. Can you describe to us your mother, what was she like? When you were contradicting her on a certain matter when she was clearly wrong, how was she reacting?

Also, was your father in the picture as well? Thanks :)

sarahsweets
03-07-17, 10:51 AM
Lately i've been struggling to understand myself and ended up suspecting i have ADHD still. I know its not the ideal to come here before going to a psychiatrist/psychologist, but i'm starting to think i'm crazy and i'm a little afraid.

If you were diagnosed as a child then you still have adhd. It doesnt go away.

The things driving me crazy are the lack of some symptoms like bad grades (went straight through 5 semesters of computer engineering w/o opening a book),
Doing poorly in school is not a requirement. A lot of us have done well in school or had periods where we have done well in school.

sleep deprivation (i could sleep pretty much anytime anywhere)
As far as I know, sleep deprivation isnt so much of a symptom of ADHD. It can be a symptom of bipolar though.

and poor organisation skills (my room's visually a mess, but every single thing has its place). And the excess presence of others like low self esteem, simple mistakes, anxiety and poor memory.

Your room is still disorganized if visually it is. Just because you know where stuff is, doesnt mean its not disorganized. You are lucky if you dont have low self esteem or all the above other stuff.
If you had asked this without sharing your childhood diagnosis, I would be inclined to say its maybe not adhd, but since you were diagnosed in childhood, and its become less of an issue as an adult, I would say growing up helped you develop better and healthier coping skills.

And the most terrible thing for me: an anger wich i don't completely understand and comes usually when i feel like i'm being attacked or criticized, even if i'm not. I can't control this anger nor my reaction and always end up being rude or cussing someone out. Is this relatable?

EMotional regulation issues are huge with adhd and this includes anger.

Could it be ADHD? Could medicine help? Am i an ******* with a mental illness hypochondria crisis?
Like I said if you had it as a child, then you still have it. Medication can be a life saver.
I've read a little about the condition, so, if i said something wrong please correct me.

amandaLott
03-07-17, 12:55 PM
Hey, thank you for posting. Can you describe to us your mother, what was she like? When you were contradicting her on a certain matter when she was clearly wrong, how was she reacting?

Also, was your father in the picture as well? Thanks :)

hey, it's AmandaGom, i couldn't remember my password and for some reason i wasn't receiving the reset emails, so i made another account (sorry for it)

My mom has a very bad memory wich i don't know how she managed to live with her whole life, she cries if someone screams at her and when she gets too angry. She sometimes is very rude to bank/stores/general employees when they can't solve her problem, don't understand her or don't know very well what they're doing.

Haha contradiction was the biggest problem in our relationship, she pretty much never accepted things i said and we could never discuss things like normal people, when we lived together we fought at least 2 times a day and she'd say things just to upset me like "I wish i didn't have you", "you're a deception" or to shut me up like "i'm your mother, i'm always right". I know she didn't mean those things but you can imagine the damage it caused...

My parents are divorced, i lived with mom and saw dad eventually, but i wouldn't say he was very present in my life, i actually don't know if he knows i was diagnosticised haha

amandaLott
03-07-17, 01:02 PM
People with adhd can be very intelligent and have no problem learning about things,
especially things that really interest them.

The anger problem is sometimes related to anxiety, which a lot of people with adhd
have as a comorbid disorder.

There are quite a few different meds now, and one may work better for you than
Ritalin. I think you're on the right track seeing a psychiatrist or neurologist.

hey, it's AmandaGom, i couldn't remember my password and for some reason i wasn't receiving the reset emails, so i made another account (sorry for it)

Thank you for answering ♥

I read a little about ritalin and saw that it can increase the anxiety too, maybe that's why mom felt it wasn't helping. Anyway i'm planning on asking the doctor to give me the medicine with the bigger odds on helping with the anxiety haha

amandaLott
03-07-17, 01:13 PM
If you were diagnosed as a child then you still have adhd. It doesnt go away.


Doing poorly in school is not a requirement. A lot of us have done well in school or had periods where we have done well in school.


As far as I know, sleep deprivation isnt so much of a symptom of ADHD. It can be a symptom of bipolar though.


Your room is still disorganized if visually it is. Just because you know where stuff is, doesnt mean its not disorganized. You are lucky if you dont have low self esteem or all the above other stuff.
If you had asked this without sharing your childhood diagnosis, I would be inclined to say its maybe not adhd, but since you were diagnosed in childhood, and its become less of an issue as an adult, I would say growing up helped you develop better and healthier coping skills.


EMotional regulation issues are huge with adhd and this includes anger.

Hey, it's AmandaGom, i forgot my password and for some reason wasn't receiving the reset emails so i made this other account (sorry for it)

Thank you, it helped me clarify some things ♥

I'll try to go this friday talk to a psychiatrist. Just the idea that is not my fault and i can get better already makes me happy, thank you again.

ToneTone
03-07-17, 06:46 PM
One suggestion: you are sort of pre-diagnosing yourself, which is fine and many of us do that ... I did that.

But stay open to other conditions. The one thing I've learned over time is to be brutally honest with whoever you meet with and share all kinds of details and odd behaviors--even if you don't think they make any sense, even if you don't know how they would fit into a diagnosis.

Many people have ADHD and another condition, like depression and anxiety. And you mention not having contact with your father ... you could have "plain-old" pain and loss in your life, which can also have a negative effect.

I'm not sure why you would label yourself mental hypochondriac. I don't even know that is ... and having that thought is not a way to respect yourself. If you do have ADHD, the world is going to make life hard ... or your condition makes life hard ... and you need every bit of self compassion and gentleness that you can muster.

If you struggling, you have a right to seek help and to seek an evaluation and to seek treatment. Period. No need to justify this to anyone. Be your own aggressive ally.

Good luck.

Tone

Postulate
03-07-17, 07:00 PM
My mom has a very bad memory wich i don't know how she managed to live with her whole life, she cries if someone screams at her and when she gets too angry. She sometimes is very rude to bank/stores/general employees when they can't solve her problem, don't understand her or don't know very well what they're doing.

Haha contradiction was the biggest problem in our relationship, she pretty much never accepted things i said and we could never discuss things like normal people, when we lived together we fought at least 2 times a day and she'd say things just to upset me like "I wish i didn't have you", "you're a deception" or to shut me up like "i'm your mother, i'm always right". I know she didn't mean those things but you can imagine the damage it caused...

My parents are divorced, i lived with mom and saw dad eventually, but i wouldn't say he was very present in my life, i actually don't know if he knows i was diagnosticised haha

Oh! The cat is out of the bag! It's as I suspected. Your mother was telling you "I wish i didn't have you" and "you're a deception". What a nice thing to say to her daughter!

Are you guys taking note of this? Especially mothers reading this topic, take notes. Don't tell me after that I invent these stories.

A mother who could admit to herself and to others that her daughter is brighter than her, does not grow in trees! I mean, look at you, you're smart, you graduated computer programming without opening a book! Oooouuuuu!! It's a touchy topic. So this intellectually deficient mother believed that Truth is not one, self sustaining and self-sufficient, it's a function of the age! Ooouuu! We are learning things over here! So if a 40 y.o. mother contradicts her 20 y.o. daughter, the mother is right because 40 minus 20 is a positive number. Interesting. And when you say that she did not mean these things, I think you're trying to protect her.

Amanda, what was the professional and educational background of your intellectually deficient mother? I have a hard time calling her otherwise. What was she doing for a living?

Lunacie
03-07-17, 08:34 PM
Oh! The cat is out of the bag! It's as I suspected. Your mother was telling you "I wish i didn't have you" and "you're a deception". What a nice thing to say to her daughter!

Are you guys taking note of this? Especially mothers reading this topic, take notes. Don't tell me after that I invent these stories.

A mother who could admit to herself and to others that her daughter is brighter than her, does not grow in trees! I mean, look at you, you're smart, you graduated computer programming without opening a book! Oooouuuuu!! It's a touchy topic. So this intellectually deficient mother believed that Truth is not one, self sustaining and self-sufficient, it's a function of the age! Ooouuu! We are learning things over here! So if a 40 y.o. mother contradicts her 20 y.o. daughter, the mother is right because 40 minus 20 is a positive number. Interesting. And when you say that she did not mean these things, I think you're trying to protect her.

Amanda, what was the professional and educational background of your intellectually deficient mother? I have a hard time calling her otherwise. What was she doing for a living?

Especially mothers? Because mothers are the ones who HAVE children?

While fathers simply get up and walk away and are never heard from again?
Or become emotionally absent?

We can generalize fatherly behavior just as much as motherly behavior from
the OP's post.

I think it sounds like the OP's mother had adhd as well, and probably a few
other issues. That's not to excuse the way she treated her daughter, but she
may not have meant to be so hurtful.

Postulate
03-07-17, 08:36 PM
All right, if any of you mothers reading this topic, ever told your child "I wish i didn't have you", could you please reply and tell us what made you say that?

I promise you will be treated with respect, no one will insult you, no one will judge you. We're just trying to understand.

amandaLott
03-08-17, 12:09 PM
One suggestion: you are sort of pre-diagnosing yourself, which is fine and many of us do that ... I did that.

But stay open to other conditions. The one thing I've learned over time is to be brutally honest with whoever you meet with and share all kinds of details and odd behaviors--even if you don't think they make any sense, even if you don't know how they would fit into a diagnosis.

Many people have ADHD and another condition, like depression and anxiety. And you mention not having contact with your father ... you could have "plain-old" pain and loss in your life, which can also have a negative effect.

I'm not sure why you would label yourself mental hypochondriac. I don't even know that is ... and having that thought is not a way to respect yourself. If you do have ADHD, the world is going to make life hard ... or your condition makes life hard ... and you need every bit of self compassion and gentleness that you can muster.

If you struggling, you have a right to seek help and to seek an evaluation and to seek treatment. Period. No need to justify this to anyone. Be your own aggressive ally.

Good luck.

Tone

The sort of pre-diagnosing myself is what i'd call "mental illness hypochondria crisis" haha

Thank you for the words ♥

amandaLott
03-08-17, 12:31 PM
All right, if any of you mothers reading this topic, ever told your child "I wish i didn't have you", could you please reply and tell us what made you say that?

I promise you will be treated with respect, no one will insult you, no one will judge you. We're just trying to understand.

I try not to judge her, i really admire that woman. She's a teacher and kinda had to raise me on her own, also having adhd and without a mother or father to help her.

And i see the negative impact i had on her life, she had postpartum depression, thought a child could make her marriage better but ended up getting it worse along with her migraines and don't get me started on the economic struggles that came with me. I also know these weren't directly my fault and she loves me more than anything in the world, but i understand now why she would said those things and i see she didn't really believe them.

I'd say she did her best considering the conditions, i guess what matters is that she's better today and so is our relationship. Moving out and having some distance between us helped her to realize a lot of things.

Postulate
03-08-17, 05:11 PM
I try not to judge her, i really admire that woman. She's a teacher and kinda had to raise me on her own, also having adhd and without a mother or father to help her.

A teacher. Ok. Well you should judge her, you judgement is far superior to hers since her judgement resulted in your ADHD not being treated, in you being crushed and beat down. So what you're telling us is that, the reason why she was able to prove to the entire world that she did not have an ounce of judgement, by telling you "I wish I didn't have you", is because your grandparents did not raise you in her place? Unbelievable.

i see the negative impact i had on her life,

You see? I don't see a thing. I have no idea what you're talking about. How can a child be something negative in a mother's life? A negative impact? What are these words? Are we talking about the impact of oil prices on consumers, or are we talking about an innocent child? What is this?

she had postpartum depression, thought a child could make her marriage better but ended up getting it worse along with her migraines and don't get me started on the economic struggles that came with me. I also know these weren't directly my fault

How many times did she talk to you about the inconveniences of having you? Because you sure sound like you did your homework on the topic, she must have repeated those things to you quite a few times. How else would you think those economic struggles that came with you, are somehow related to you? My mother had economic struggles in 1985, sure, but never once I thought it was because of me! This is insane, are you kidding?

but i understand now why she would said those things and i see she didn't really believe them.

You do? Do you mind telling us? Why did she tell you "I wish I didn't have you"? Why did she blame her problems on you? Why? I don't mean to be cruel to you but I honestly don't know, and if you do, I'm curious.

willow129
03-08-17, 05:13 PM
OP's original post was asking whether or not the symptoms she listed sounded like ADHD. Let's remember this.


Why is there discussion about her mother's behavior? We are now discussing why OP's mother said the things that she did.


How is this answering OP's original question? Postulate, if you have a point that's relevant to OP's original question (paraphrased above) could you get to that point please?

Also your post about the mother not being able to admit that daughter is smarter than her - OP NEVER said that happened. You are making giant jumps to conclusions.

Lunacie
03-08-17, 06:00 PM
I try not to judge her, i really admire that woman. She's a teacher and kinda had to raise me on her own, also having adhd and without a mother or father to help her.

And i see the negative impact i had on her life, she had postpartum depression, thought a child could make her marriage better but ended up getting it worse along with her migraines and don't get me started on the economic struggles that came with me. I also know these weren't directly my fault and she loves me more than anything in the world, but i understand now why she would said those things and i see she didn't really believe them.

I'd say she did her best considering the conditions, i guess what matters is that she's better today and so is our relationship. Moving out and having some distance between us helped her to realize a lot of things.

I pretty much raised my daughter on my own, although I didn't have to work.
My then-hubs worked night shift, so most of the time it was just the kid and me.
I took care of the house, the yard, the cooking, the cleaning, went to all the
school stuff, made most of my own clothes and mended for the others.

So I was actually working, just not getting paid for it. ;)

And all the time I had undiagnosed/untreated adhd, anxiety disorder, migraine
disorder, and depression. The doctor I was seeing sucked!

I grew up with teachers and family blaming me for not "fulfilling my potential."
I got married and my hubby blamed me the same way, and add that I was
also dealing with undiagnosed PTSD from being sexually molested by my
older brother, which affected my married sex life. Yeah, I was blamed for that.

But you know what? Oprah's right ... I did the best I could with what I knew at
the time. I've done better with my grandkids now that I know better, and now
that I have support from my daughter and doctor.

Oh ... you know what else that stupid doctor missed? A broken bone in my
lower spine. He said it was arthritis. I was only 25. Lots of pain from that and
muscle spasms that also interfered with our sexual relationship. Not my fault.

So ... there were ways in which I was a terrible mother, but I loved my kid
and I gave her unconditional support. I never blamed her for anything. What
I did was teach her to take responsibility. She's the best support for me now.

Postulate
03-08-17, 07:00 PM
To answer to Willow's question, the quotation is found in post #7, "I'm your mother, I'm always right". I don't think there are many interpretations to that.

My point is that the profound anger that OP is feeling today, is not an ADHD symptom. We all have ADHD here and we're not angry people. Everyone is wonderful in this community. In fact, and I would like to emphasise the word fact, her anger is the direct result of her mother's despicable and unjust behaviour towards her, which diminished her as a person, crushed her, and made her feel guilty for existing.

Her mother's profound lack of judgement also resulted in the OP's ADHD not being treated, so I recommend the OP to see a psychiatrist and resume treatment. From reading her story, yes, many ADHD symptoms are there. The dominant matron called her mother, who apparent doesn't have an ounce of judgement, needs to come down from her throne.

Lunacie
03-08-17, 07:20 PM
To answer to Willow's question, the quotation is found in post #7, "I'm your mother, I'm always right". I don't think there are many interpretations to that.

My point is that the profound anger that OP is feeling today, is not an ADHD symptom. We all have ADHD here and we're not angry people. Everyone is wonderful in this community. In fact, and I would like to emphasise the word fact, her anger is the direct result of her mother's despicable and unjust behaviour towards her, which diminished her as a person, crushed her, and made her feel guilty for existing.

Her mother's profound lack of judgement also resulted in the OP's ADHD not being treated, so I recommend the OP to see a psychiatrist and resume treatment. From reading her story, yes, many ADHD symptoms are there. The dominant matron called her mother, who apparent doesn't have an ounce of judgement, needs to come down from her throne.

Actually, adhd is well known to be a factor in emotional self control.

And as I posted above, being blamed as a child for things that were not in
your control makes many frustrated and angry.

When this continues to adulthood and treatment is not offered or doesn't
work, nothing really changes.

We are often mad at ourselves for our mistakes, because that's what we've
been taught.

sarahsweets
03-09-17, 05:23 AM
I try not to judge her, i really admire that woman. She's a teacher and kinda had to raise me on her own, also having adhd and without a mother or father to help her.
Its pretty amazing that you can feel this way, all things considered.

And i see the negative impact i had on her life, she had postpartum depression, thought a child could make her marriage better but ended up getting it worse along with her migraines and don't get me started on the economic struggles that came with me. I also know these weren't directly my fault and she loves me more than anything in the world, but i understand now why she would said those things and i see she didn't really believe them.

Woa- I missed this on my first read....she said these things to you?

I'd say she did her best considering the conditions, i guess what matters is that she's better today and so is our relationship. Moving out and having some distance between us helped her to realize a lot of things.
Its really great that you can have such perspective. I just wanted to say that even if you didnt see things this way, that wouldnt make you a bad person. But healing like you have sure allows you to be able to move forward in life.