View Full Version : Worrying over literally everything that can happen


midnightstar
03-10-17, 03:26 PM
Does anyone else do this? Fret and worry about absolutely anything that can possibly happen?

Like say for example at work my brain went off on a "what will happen when Ebony dies" thing and by itself started planning what the ADDF post announcing her passing on would look like.

Why can't my brain let me enjoy Ebony while she's around and not cause me to fret about losing her? I mean, I realise she won't be here forever but she's got years of life left in her if her asthma doesn't flare up really bad like it did a couple of years ago to the point where she actually collapsed. If this doesn't happen again, then Ebony will live for several more years yet.

This is just one example of me fretting over literally anything.

dvdnvwls
03-10-17, 03:50 PM
Worrying over everything gets exactly the same result as worrying over nothing - except that it hurts you.

If you're going to worry, you need to at least pick something that you can do something about. ;)

There's an accidental narcissism-like aspect (NOT real narcissism) to worrying. Somehow, you're imagining that you can heroically fix absolutely everything - or imagining that you should, which is kind of the same thing.

You shouldn't fix all those things. You shouldn't be able to. You shouldn't be given that responsibility, and you shouldn't decide to take it on anyway.

Little Missy
03-10-17, 03:51 PM
She looks pretty healthy to me.

If I were you I'd get some help. It might be a good thing! Really! :)

midnightstar
03-10-17, 03:52 PM
Worrying over everything gets exactly the same result as worrying over nothing - except that it hurts you.

If you're going to worry, you need to at least pick something that you can do something about. ;)

There's an accidental narcissism-like aspect (NOT real narcissism) to worrying. Somehow, you're imagining that you can heroically fix absolutely everything - or imagining that you should, which is kind of the same thing.

You shouldn't fix all those things. You shouldn't be able to. You shouldn't be given that responsibility, and you shouldn't decide to take it on anyway.

Try telling this to my brain though, it can latch onto anything and run with it for hours fretting about it :confused:

And what doesn't help is when any online friends message me needing a lot of support (which I'm happy to do what I can for them) but it seems that everything I do for people and all the help I give, most people just seem to need more and more so I end up worrying about whether they're okay or not as well as anything else my brain can latch onto.

dvdnvwls
03-10-17, 03:54 PM
Try telling this to my brain though, it can latch onto anything and run with it for hours fretting about it :confused:
You're right. I know. I just don't know what else would be useful to say.

midnightstar
03-10-17, 03:58 PM
She looks pretty healthy to me.

If I were you I'd get some help. It might be a good thing! Really! :)

Mental health support round here is complete crap, done that before and basically the only counsellor who helped me was the one through work and she only does crisis stuff and a maximum of half a dozen sessions (she's through work so has loads of people going to see her all the time)

midnightstar
03-10-17, 04:03 PM
Just thought, would online support through mental health charities be a good thing to try? The charity mind I can't get to though, nearest one is other side of Newcastle and it's a bad place to get to. Not at kennels tomorrow so wondering if I should do a dummy run through to there see if I can find the place.

And Newcastle is over 10 miles away from me, for the record. Not narrowing it down more though, not in public.

midnightstar
03-10-17, 04:22 PM
I mean, why is it Ebony I keep worrying about? Why not Tigger? Only time I have worried about Tigger is when there's been a reason to worry about Tigger (like when she went completely off her food and refused to eat anything for 3 days in a row before the vet could fit her in for a emergency appointment) - this was when Tigger had that gingivitis thing and the vet thought she might have calichivirus as well but was not sure.

dvdnvwls
03-10-17, 04:23 PM
Why can't your brain let you enjoy Ebony...

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that some time way back in the past you learned that if you get attached to someone then they'll be gone soon. :(

Except getting attached is just what humans do, so you keep on doing it anyway.

Fuzzy12
03-10-17, 05:34 PM
Yes totally. :grouphug::grouphug:

fisherfisher
03-10-17, 06:11 PM
Just thought, would online support through mental health charities be a good thing to try? The charity mind I can't get to though, nearest one is other side of Newcastle and it's a bad place to get to. Not at kennels tomorrow so wondering if I should do a dummy run through to there see if I can find the place.

And Newcastle is over 10 miles away from me, for the record. Not narrowing it down more though, not in public.

I don't know anything about mental health charities but I switched over to online therapy recently while my regular therapist is going through chemo. He gave me a list of others who were taking his caseload but I procrastinated and ended up on waiting lists. I actually like it better. I don't know if I got lucky with the therapist or if online really just works better for me but I plan to stay with her. Is there a way to send private messages on here? If you are interested I can give more details privately.

midnightstar
03-10-17, 06:14 PM
I don't know anything about mental health charities but I switched over to online therapy recently while my regular therapist is going through chemo. He gave me a list of others who were taking his caseload but I procrastinated and ended up on waiting lists. I actually like it better. I don't know if I got lucky with the therapist or if online really just works better for me but I plan to stay with her. Is there a way to send private messages on here? If you are interested I can give more details privately.

Yep there's a way of sending private messages and visitor messages :)

Click User CP and down the left hand side you'll see a big long list, look for this bit:

Private Messages http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/misc/menu_open.gif

List Messages (http://www.addforums.com/forums/private.php) <table class="tborder" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="6" border="0"><tbody><tr><td class="alt2" nowrap="nowrap">
</td></tr><tr><td class="alt2" nowrap="nowrap">Send New Message (http://www.addforums.com/forums/private.php?do=newpm)</td></tr><tr><td class="alt2" nowrap="nowrap">Track Messages (http://www.addforums.com/forums/private.php?do=trackpm)</td></tr><tr><td class="alt2" nowrap="nowrap">Edit Folders (http://www.addforums.com/forums/private.php?do=editfolders)</td></tr></tbody></table>


Click send new message and type my name in the box at the top then fill in the PM box (and the title box)

(and I know I'm derailing my own thread) :o

And yes please to more details :)

Postulate
03-12-17, 11:10 PM
Does anyone else do this? Fret and worry about absolutely anything that can possibly happen?

Like say for example at work my brain went off on a "what will happen when Ebony dies" thing and by itself started planning what the ADDF post announcing her passing on would look like.

Why can't my brain let me enjoy Ebony while she's around and not cause me to fret about losing her? I mean, I realise she won't be here forever but she's got years of life left in her if her asthma doesn't flare up really bad like it did a couple of years ago to the point where she actually collapsed. If this doesn't happen again, then Ebony will live for several more years yet.

This is just one example of me fretting over literally anything.

Is it possible that, by thinking about Ebony's mortality, you are manifesting a subconscious unease about your own mortality, and how that's going to work out for you in the end? How did your parents describe death to you? Like, when someone close to you died, how did they explain it to you when you were a child? What was their choice of words?

Luvmybully
03-13-17, 12:18 AM
Does anyone else do this? Fret and worry about absolutely anything that can possibly happen?

YES!!

Like say for example at work my brain went off on a "what will happen when Ebony dies" thing and by itself started planning what the ADDF post announcing her passing on would look like.

Why can't my brain let me enjoy Ebony while she's around and not cause me to fret about losing her? I mean, I realise she won't be here forever but she's got years of life left in her



I view it as mental preparation for the inevitable. You KNOW it is going to happen. So you prepare. LITTLE steps. It is not so devastating to think of small, arbitrary aspects, like the announcement to ADDF.

That is easy, in perspective of how life will continue.

midnightstar
03-13-17, 01:23 AM
For the record, my own death does not scare me. Ebony dying does scare/upset me. As a kid death was described to me as "gone to heaven" so the death of most people or animals does not upset me more than is normal. Its just the whole idea of Ebony dying that upsets me a huge amount. And yes I do believe in the Rainbow Bridge poem.

midnightstar
03-13-17, 02:42 AM
And also me fretting about Ebony has nothing to do with my parents. I dont undestand why you are assuming my parents have anything to do with itt Postulate. I was raised by my mum and grandparents, my biological ather neither me nor my brother have anything to do with him. The reasons for this i am not going into on a public forum so please dont continue with the parent thing.

sarahsweets
03-13-17, 04:24 AM
I had to learn to let go. When something big is going on, I have to think.. does worrying about it change the outcome? As long as I have done everything I can to deal with a situation, the outcome is often not of my control anymore.
Like the situation with my house- I was going crazy over it. I turned in all the documents and paperwork I needed to, and made all the correspondence I had to make, and then had to wait on the powers that be. Worrying about it didnt change the outcome, and it wasted energy and took all the small and big joys out of life. I had to let go of it and realize it was out of my hands. So far, things are getting better, and new opportunites have come into the picture. But worrying about it didnt make any of that happen, nor would it have prevented any of it from happening.

In many ways its a choice- make myself sick over it or enjoy the present. It doesn help that I have GAD and anxiety issues but learning to let go was sort of like my non medical treatment for it.

midnightstar
03-13-17, 09:58 AM
Idk if me worrying so much about Ebony is because she literally saved my life. Thats the only reason i could think of to explain it, idk how to tell if i am right though. Been thinking about it all day.

Postulate
03-13-17, 10:59 AM
For the record, my own death does not scare me. Ebony dying does scare/upset me. As a kid death was described to me as "gone to heaven" so the death of most people or animals does not upset me more than is normal. Its just the whole idea of Ebony dying that upsets me a huge amount. And yes I do believe in the Rainbow Bridge poem.

Idk if me worrying so much about Ebony is because she literally saved my life. Thats the only reason i could think of to explain it, idk how to tell if i am right though. Been thinking about it all day.

By saving your life, you mean, save you from going to Heaven? How do you explain the unease you feel when you think about Ebony's death? Because, if she's going to Heaven, what's the problem? Ouch. Very sad. Many depressed people end their life, in order to go to Heaven, or to the city of light, or to join the princess with the blue tail or whatever fairy tale they were told when inquiring about Death.

I'm not going to talk about your parents, but do you see why they missed a golden opportunity to shut up?

midnightstar
03-13-17, 11:10 AM
By saving your life, you mean, save you from going to Heaven? How do you explain the unease you feel when you think about Ebony's death? Because, if she's going to Heaven, what's the problem? Ouch. Very sad. Many depressed people end their life, in order to go to Heaven, or to the city of light, or to join the princess with the blue tail or whatever fairy tale they were told when inquiring about Death.

I'm not going to talk about your parents, but do you see why they missed a golden opportunity to shut up?

All I will say about "saving my life" is exactly that. If you want plain English, when Ebony came into my life I was so close to giving up the fight against suicidal impulses etc, if Ebony hadn't come into my life when she did I would be dead now. That is what I mean by saving my life. She gave me a reason to fight and a reason to fight is what I desperately needed.

I am getting a bit triggered now just remembering that time in my life so don't want to go into it further.

What I will say is I don't want to get tipped back over that edge and idk if losing Ebony would do that.

Postulate
03-13-17, 11:14 AM
All I will say about "saving my life" is exactly that. If you want plain English, when Ebony came into my life I was so close to giving up the fight against suicidal impulses etc, if Ebony hadn't come into my life when she did I would be dead now. That is what I mean by saving my life. She gave me a reason to fight and a reason to fight is what I desperately needed.

I am getting a bit triggered now just remembering that time in my life so don't want to go into it further.

What I will say is I don't want to get tipped back over that edge and idk if losing Ebony would do that.

Thank you, I wanted it to come out of your mouth, I didn't want to say it myself. That is the real issue that needs to be addressed with immediate urgency.

midnightstar
03-13-17, 11:18 AM
Thank you, I wanted it to come out of your mouth, I didn't want to say it myself. That is the real issue that needs to be addressed with immediate urgency.

So what you're saying is I should have Ebony put to sleep aka killed so I stop worrying about her death?

Postulate
03-13-17, 11:22 AM
So what you're saying is I should have Ebony put to sleep aka killed so I stop worrying about her death?

Woa! No! Where did that come from?

What I'm saying is, you should CTRL+P (print) this page and go to a doctor ASAP with it and have him read this post. Especially when you say:

"What I will say is I don't want to get tipped back over that edge and idk if losing Ebony would do that."

Can you print this page so you have a handout? You go with this page in your hand.

Fuzzy12
03-13-17, 11:25 AM
So what you're saying is I should have Ebony put to sleep aka killed so I stop worrying about her death?

I think what postulate is saying (apologies if I'm wrong) is that the reason why you are so worried about Ebony is because you are worried that if anything happens to ebony you might become suicidal (or go into a bad place) again the way you did before she came into your life.

Postulate
03-13-17, 11:34 AM
I think what postulate is saying (apologies if I'm wrong) is that the reason why you are so worried about Ebony is because you are worried that if anything happens to ebony you might become suicidal (or go into a bad place) again the way you did before she came into your life.

Yep that's it. She needs to print pages 1 and 2, identify her posts with a highlighter, go to a doctor and have him read it saying look, this is what I wrote. She needs to show this whole topic to a doctor.

peripatetic
03-13-17, 12:57 PM
moderator note:

thread closed to give
thread starter an
opportunity to process.

-peri