View Full Version : is ADHD just me making excuses for my faults?


ajaxblu
03-13-17, 01:21 PM
I have felt like a fraud ever since the therapist and psychiatrist said they think I have ADHD. I’ve been “normal” all my life. When I read about others’ symptoms or I talk with the therapist or read articles on Additude - most of it is totally me. But I feel as though it’s probably just various faults I have. Me trying to claim I have ADHD, when others legitimately do, is not going to help if it’s not the cause of my faults.

So I’ve written a list of the things I do that I’ve heard people say are related to ADHD, followed by a probable reason for each. If anyone has the time to read (I’m sorry, brevity is not my strong suit), do you think I have a point?...



I have several artistic activities I adore and excel at but once I finally have time for one of them I can’t figure out where to start or which to choose. ~ fear of failure or fear of not enough time to finish.

My brain is like a Jackson Pollock painting and I can’t shut it off. When I write fiction, fellow writers say that my intricate clever plots are like chess, but most people want to read checkers. ~ can’t filter ideas, want to do it all

I’m horrible at making decisions, afraid of making the wrong one. By the time I finally do, everyone else has moved on. ~ my mom has always said I’m wishy-washy

For hours each day I do everything but my job, then scramble at the last minute to get the work done, varying with or without mistakes. ~ my job is boring.

While doing one project I’ll think of an idea about another, then another, etc. until I often have 4 or 6 going at the same time, and never finish any of them. ~ lack of organization.

I am late, all the time. I always think I have plenty of time and then, boom - it's already the time I was supposed to be there. ~ brain farts?

I forget things often. I eventually remember, but I'm constantly behind and trying to catch up. ~ easy - forgetfulness

I have daydreamed all my life, living inside my head, thinking about different art projects, plot ideas, inventions – whatever - or about what could be or might have been. ~ I’m idealistic, impractical and introverted

From when I was a kid to now, when someone is speaking I’m often just partially listening, but enough to BS my way through meetings / conversations / classes. I can force myself to truly pay attention in a social situation when something is fun but I need to be “on” and need to decompress later. ~ introvert

I overcommit in an effort to please others or keep up the illusion that I have everything together. ~ My mom raised me to be diplomatic at all costs, not complain, and to not call attention to myself or any faults.

I can read others’ demeanors spot-on if I’m paying attention or people watching but I won’t notice the gas tank is empty. ~ just plain nonobservant

I jump on to the next topic while others assume we’re still on the previous one. ~ I’m impatient

I verbalize thoughts inside my head that others don’t need to know to solidify them in my head. Other times I’m subconsciously soliciting others’ opinions about what I’m saying without actually having to ask. ~ Perhaps a lack of confidence

I’m very intelligent, an excellent writer when I take the time, and have great ideas; yet in person I rarely articulate well. ~ Cannot think on my feet

I can zero in for hours on something I love while forgetting to pick up the kids or pay the bills. ~ Forgetfulness and lack of practicality

To be able to concentrate on a menu, I have to plug my ears when people with me are talking or if I hear an interesting conversation near us. ~ Curiosity

I can’t have tv or music on when I write. Not even instrumental music because I’ll pick out that this instrument is playing, then this one, then this one, instead of focusing on what I’m doing. I do get very inspired by music while creating visual art, though. ~ everyone has trouble concentrating when there’s too much going on

Unless I’m exhausted, I can’t sleep if my husband makes any type of noise / movement, if I sleep on my side (I can hear my heartbeat through the pillow), if my mind still has ideas, or if I can’t keep still. ~ Can’t shut off my brain sometimes

I have a side photography business other than my regular job. I’m very good and could be successful but I can’t market to save my life. I get excited to do a shoot when others ask, but I don’t go looking for clients. I prefer my own creative shoots. ~ No practicality

I adore all my creative pursuits, truly adore the process and the works I create, but my biggest motivator appears to be feedback. ~ Maybe I’m vain. Or not confident.

My legs bounce or fingers tap, etc. a lot of the time. Not constantly, but a fair amount, sometimes while I’m in a zone and others time while I’m bored. ~ I sit at a computer at my job, my body may need to get some energy out

I have dozens of lists but forget to look at them or I lose them. I constantly reorganize but it’s a mess the next day. ~ can’t stick with it – no drive maybe

I will make something incorrectly several times before I’ll resort to looking at instructions. ~ Laziness

I’ve gone back to school several times. I love learning new things and my work is always ace (though late). But I can’t seem to juggle it all so still don’t have a degree. ~ Perhaps no drive.

I do my best work late at night. After everyone goes to bed I calm down with a ritual to get into the groove, all the stars must align, then I can create for hours. And I get no sleep. This was fine when I was younger, but not anymore. I promised my husband a couple of years ago I’d stop this. Now I get nothing done. ~ night owl and procrastinator

I go, go, go all day long (in my head, others would have no idea) so by bedtime I’m exhausted and not interested in intimacy. ~ Doing too much

This is all I can think of off the top of my head, though I know there’s more. None of these is probably over the top, but moderate.



This isn’t me trying to be a martyr or a ‘she doth protest too much’ thing, but me legitimately wanting to figure this out. I have lots of things I want to do with my life (as we all do) and if I’ve found a legitimate cause of my issues, I’m excited about searching for a way to tackle it and help myself. But if the reason the meds don’t work is because I just don’t have ADHD, I’d love to know so I can move on.

I KNOW that meds not helping does not necessarily mean I don’t have it, but it’s a clue. And no one that’s ever known me (except my husband) would ever even consider that I have ADHD.

Thanks to anyone who was able to get through all of this.






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dvdnvwls
03-13-17, 01:30 PM
If people except your husband would never think you have ADHD, that could be because you've trained yourself to look normal. Girls especially, are under huge social pressure to act in certain ways and to not act in other ways. Girls with ADHD "slip under the radar" all the time because of that - especially when they have a mother like yours.

Or it could be that, instead of looking like you have ADHD, you've been blamed for being lazy, irresponsible, and scattered.

It's usual that if you have ADHD one or both of your parents probably do also. They may have thought you're "normal" because they're abnormal in exactly the same ways you are. :)

ajaxblu
03-13-17, 01:54 PM
If people except your husband would never think you have ADHD, that could be because you've trained yourself to look normal. Girls especially, are under huge social pressure to act in certain ways and to not act in other ways. Girls with ADHD "slip under the radar" all the time because of that - especially when they have a mother like yours.

Or it could be that, instead of looking like you have ADHD, you've been blamed for being lazy, irresponsible, and scattered.



I agree with the above.

My 15yo was diagnosed with ADHD this last year (we've always known something was wrong and she's one of those girls who slipped through the cracks, but her symptoms are far more demonstrative so I didn't relate them to myself).

I've always assumed it passed down to her from my husband because he's pretty OCD, not at all diplomatic, and had dyslexia as a kid, etc. As I was researching adult ADHD to try to explain to him that he probably has ADHD and that's why he and I never agree on parenting choices, I learned that I have all those symptoms more than he does. Having that discussion with my daughter's therapist is what got the ball rolling on my diagnosis with the psychiatrist, yet it still seems like such an excuse.

Thanks for your reply. I'll think about what you've said here.

unstableAngel
03-13-17, 02:37 PM
I feel your symptoms seem like ADD. You stated meds not working, have you tried more than one? One med will work for someone, yet does nothing but or has intolerable side effects. I understand you're feelings about being lazy, not motivated etc. I tell myself that as well but mostly cause i've been told that my whole life so I believe it. Best of luck to you:)

dvdnvwls
03-13-17, 03:03 PM
Getting medication to work right can be very frustrating. Some people are unaffected by certain ones, or they're extremely sensitive to them, or whatever. Don't give up.

ajaxblu
03-13-17, 04:07 PM
I feel your symptoms seem like ADD. You stated meds not working, have you tried more than one? One med will work for someone, yet does nothing but or has intolerable side effects. I understand you're feelings about being lazy, not motivated etc. I tell myself that as well but mostly cause i've been told that my whole life so I believe it. Best of luck to you:)


Thank you!

I admit, I've only been on Ritalin and Focalin so far. It seemed as though Ritalin maybe helped a tiny bit at first ( I was able to clean out an entire closet one day without starting on 2 other closets in the middle of that one), but the effects didn't last after a few days, so I assume it was a novelty - my imagination making me believe Ritalin was the difference.

When I told the dr that it gave me a slight headache each day, he put me on Focalin. Focalin doesn't help at all, just makes me ill everyday. I'd much rather have a slight headache & take some Ibuprofen than be sick to my stomach. I stopped taking Focalin and he's just now put me back on Ritalin to try again before trying something else.

But I do not understand how meds can help. I understand the theory behind the meds, but I can't fathom that taking them is going to make me want to do the things I don't want to do. I can imagine that if the meds work, I'll just be even more focused on all the things I already do at my job instead of on my job.

And again, if I don't even have ADHD, this is all a waste of time. Sorry, not trying to be a downer.

dvdnvwls
03-13-17, 04:41 PM
Effects don't last more than a few days: usually means a useful medication at a slightly too low dose.

It's common, and in fact it's a recognized "best practice" type of thing, for doctors to start with a too-low dose on purpose.

ajaxblu
03-13-17, 05:25 PM
Thanks. So there may be a remote possibility that they're correct and I do have ADHD. Still hard for me to believe, but I'll try to keep an open mind.


:thankyou:

dvdnvwls
03-13-17, 05:59 PM
Thanks. So there may be a remote possibility that they're correct and I do have ADHD. Still hard for me to believe, but I'll try to keep an open mind.


:thankyou:
Remote?

I'd give it a 75-90% chance, based on everything you've been talking about.

mctavish23
03-13-17, 10:33 PM
ADHD is an evidence based (research derived) REASON and NOT an EXCUSE.

Good Luck.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)

sarahsweets
03-14-17, 05:30 AM
I have felt like a fraud ever since the therapist and psychiatrist said they think I have ADHD. Iíve been ďnormalĒ all my life. When I read about othersí symptoms or I talk with the therapist or read articles on Additude - most of it is totally me. But I feel as though itís probably just various faults I have. Me trying to claim I have ADHD, when others legitimately do, is not going to help if itís not the cause of my faults.

I dont think you are trying to "claim" adhd-(reminds me of fake gang members who throw gang signs to claim loyalty to a gang lol)


This isnít me trying to be a martyr or a Ďshe doth protest too muchí thing, but me legitimately wanting to figure this out. I have lots of things I want to do with my life (as we all do) and if Iíve found a legitimate cause of my issues, Iím excited about searching for a way to tackle it and help myself. But if the reason the meds donít work is because I just donít have ADHD, Iíd love to know so I can move on.
Someone's reaction to stimulants isnt indicative of whether or not they have adhd. There are college kids who illegally use medication as a performance enhancer who dont have adhd- and their are kids who try 4 different meds that dont help and they definitely have adhd. Meds are a great tool, but not necessarily the way to help figure out a diagnosis.

I KNOW that meds not helping does not necessarily mean I donít have it, but itís a clue. And no one thatís ever known me (except my husband) would ever even consider that I have ADHD.

It doesnt matter what other people think,so let go of that idea. Some people will always be blind to the symptoms. But think of it this way. Some people might not think you have adhd, but what if they think you are just lazy and scattered?
They might not know how hard certain things are for you, but they might think you are a lost cause. This isnt the case though, you have adhd.




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ajaxblu
03-14-17, 09:27 AM
Remote?

I'd give it a 75-90% chance, based on everything you've been talking about.
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Some people might not think you have adhd, but what if they think you are just lazy and scattered?
They might not know how hard certain things are for you, but they might think you are a lost cause. This isnt the case though, you have adhd.




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So basically.... I just need to get over myself :o , accept that I probably have it, and move on to trying to manage it and improving my life. Maybe if I learn how to help myself, I can better help my daughter, as well. I needed to hear it from people who navigate the ins and outs of this everyday, rather than only a doctor who scribbles on a prescription pad and sends me on my way.

Thank you, Everyone. :)

ToneTone
03-16-17, 09:11 PM
What doesn't sit well with you about possibly having ADHD?

ajaxblu
03-17-17, 09:54 PM
What doesn't sit well with you about possibly having ADHD?

Thanks for asking. It's not that it bothers me; in fact, if it's true, it's a relief to have an actual legitimate reason for the way I am, instead of just laziness. And it gives me a direction on how to help myself.

But it seems as if there's been an explosion of ADHD diagnoses the past couple of years and I see some people around my area wear it like a badge in a manner that makes one wonder whether they actually have it. I don't want to do that.

Nobody that knows me would have ever thought I had it, including myself. The more I learn about it, the more I realize how many of the symptoms I have, and the less impossible it seems that I might have it. But it's going to take a while to truly believe I'm not just lazy.

mctavish23
03-17-17, 10:13 PM
ADHD is actually Underdiagnosed.

Good Luck.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)

mctavish23
03-17-17, 10:14 PM
PS

Check Out the classic "YOU MEAN I'M NOT LAZY, CRAZY, OR STUPID?"

U R Welcome :cool:

sarahsweets
03-18-17, 07:43 AM
Thank you!

I admit, I've only been on Ritalin and Focalin so far. It seemed as though Ritalin maybe helped a tiny bit at first ( I was able to clean out an entire closet one day without starting on 2 other closets in the middle of that one), but the effects didn't last after a few days, so I assume it was a novelty - my imagination making me believe Ritalin was the difference.

When I told the dr that it gave me a slight headache each day, he put me on Focalin. Focalin doesn't help at all, just makes me ill everyday. I'd much rather have a slight headache & take some Ibuprofen than be sick to my stomach. I stopped taking Focalin and he's just now put me back on Ritalin to try again before trying something else.

But I do not understand how meds can help. I understand the theory behind the meds, but I can't fathom that taking them is going to make me want to do the things I don't want to do. I can imagine that if the meds work, I'll just be even more focused on all the things I already do at my job instead of on my job.

And again, if I don't even have ADHD, this is all a waste of time. Sorry, not trying to be a downer.

Dont think about whether you have adhd or not. Just trust your doctor. Have you considered amphetamines?

Lunacie
03-18-17, 01:08 PM
ADHD is actually Underdiagnosed.

Good Luck.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)

PS

Check Out the classic "YOU MEAN I'M NOT LAZY, CRAZY, OR STUPID?"

U R Welcome :cool:

It is especially underdiagnosed in boys with the inattentive type and in
girls/women.

As soon as you finish reading Robert's suggestion, read Sari Solden's
"WOMEN WITH ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER."

ajaxblu
03-18-17, 01:12 PM
Dont think about whether you have adhd or not. Just trust your doctor. Have you considered amphetamines?

I've just been following what the psychiatrist prescribes. I did try my daughter's Adderall once before I went to the psychiatrist. I didn't like the feeling so didn't take anymore of them; plus she needs them.

ajaxblu
03-18-17, 01:13 PM
Thanks for the book suggestions! :)

ToneTone
03-18-17, 07:38 PM
You say you know some people who use the ADHD diagnosis as a badge of some type.

Can you say more ... because this is extremely strange. No one in our society gets any respect based on announcing that they have ADHD. We don't get any plus points from employers or teachers or family members. Employers can fire ADHD people whose symptoms interfere with good work. It's that simple. Teachers (I am one) can and do flunk people with ADHD.

I'm extremely open about the condition, but I rarely share the diagnosis with people anymore because whenever I do, there is always a yawn of absolute and total disinterest, if not skepticism.

There just isn't much sympathy for people with ADHD and our struggles. Like none.

So are you sure these people who have shared the condition are getting some kind of positive feedback? I don't get it. People with ADHD have higher levels of accidents, injuries, car accidents, falls, and every negative metric you can imagine. And no one feels sorry for us based on that.

The point of a diagnosis is to help us understand our brain enough to be able to minimize symptoms and get meds that minimize symptoms.

Tone

dvdnvwls
03-18-17, 07:56 PM
I've also never heard of or experienced anyone gaining any social, educational, or employment advantage by having ADHD. Certainly there are children who are able to get their school to recognize that the school can do some things differently and make things less bad for that child - but it's surely no badge of honour or advantage to them.

I'm not ashamed to be who I am anymore - is that what you mean by a badge? In that case, it's a badge every "normal" person has been wearing since the day they were born - the badge of simply expecting to be accepted.

TheHammer
03-18-17, 08:47 PM
I was gonna write the same post you did. For 4yrs (I was diagnosed then) or so now I've been questioning if I really have ADD. Your issues are similar to mine. Very consistent. The diagnosis fits with a lot of my childhood behavior too. The more I look in to it the more it fits me but, I still have my doubts.

My lifestyle, being a father of a 6yr old and 10yr old, husband and worker bee, places excessive demands on my executive functioning. I'm basically exhausted every single day. So I wonder, if there were less demands on me would I be asymptomatic or normal. I guess I wouldn't be normal but, I could probably get by without medication. And sometimes I think, what if I got sufficent rest and relaxation, would I be able to meet life's demands without meds?

Additionally, I'm one of those people who feel that even if I do have it it doesn't "change anything." Meaning I still have to meet my obligations re: family/work. I can't allow myself to think something like, "it's ok that I haven't corrected my paycheck allotments for 5 months now and cost the family $500.00 because I have ADD." Or, "despite having plenty of time over the last few days, all I've done is wash dishes once or twice because I've been exhausted due to my ADD, so it's all good."
Accepting the diagnosis allows me to take an amphetamine which gives me more energy and thus, function better. Other than that...I don't see much benefit from acceptance.
As far as telling people, I tell very few because most people think ADD is a non-sense excuse for screwing up (my wife is one of them). Since everyone does, to some degree, what ADDers consistently do they think that it's nothing really. They don't understand the magnitude of the effects of the frequency of our symptomatic behaviors on our lives.

ToneTone
03-18-17, 09:34 PM
Hmmmmm ...

Additionally, I'm one of those people who feel that even if I do have it it doesn't "change anything." Meaning I still have to meet my obligations re: family/work. I can't allow myself to think something like, "it's ok that I haven't corrected my paycheck allotments for 5 months now and cost the family $500.00 because I have ADD." Or, "despite having plenty of time over the last few days, all I've done is wash dishes once or twice because I've been exhausted due to my ADD, so it's all good."

I'm curious:

What gives you the impression that ADHD people who get fired from jobs or don't get promoted or miss key appointments or forget doctor's appointments ... or bounce checks or fall behind on bills or who face unhappy kids and unhappy spouses disappointed with our "performance"--what gives you the sense that we're sitting back comfortably, happily with a beer saying "it's all good"?

There's multiple threads each week here with people sharing tips and exchanging strategies for working around the condition. There are threads created every day by people trying to get their medication to work so that they can go into the world and function at a decent level.

I'm glad to hear you are having great success with Adderall, and I sense that you feel no stigma with the condition (which you say you sometimes doubt). I'd love to hear more about your strategies for minimizing the condition.

Just curious about your comment and your sense that people with ADHD don't feel deep frustration, anger, disappointment and that people aren't working to pushback against the condition and work around it.

Tone

Lunacie
03-18-17, 10:10 PM
I was gonna write the same post you did. For 4yrs (I was diagnosed then) or so now I've been questioning if I really have ADD. Your issues are similar to mine. Very consistent. The diagnosis fits with a lot of my childhood behavior too. The more I look in to it the more it fits me but, I still have my doubts.

My lifestyle, being a father of a 6yr old and 10yr old, husband and worker bee, places excessive demands on my executive functioning. I'm basically exhausted every single day. So I wonder, if there were less demands on me would I be asymptomatic or normal. I guess I wouldn't be normal but, I could probably get by without medication. And sometimes I think, what if I got sufficent rest and relaxation, would I be able to meet life's demands without meds?

Additionally, I'm one of those people who feel that even if I do have it it doesn't "change anything." Meaning I still have to meet my obligations re: family/work. I can't allow myself to think something like, "it's ok that I haven't corrected my paycheck allotments for 5 months now and cost the family $500.00 because I have ADD." Or, "despite having plenty of time over the last few days, all I've done is wash dishes once or twice because I've been exhausted due to my ADD, so it's all good."
Accepting the diagnosis allows me to take an amphetamine which gives me more energy and thus, function better. Other than that...I don't see much benefit from acceptance.
As far as telling people, I tell very few because most people think ADD is a non-sense excuse for screwing up (my wife is one of them). Since everyone does, to some degree, what ADDers consistently do they think that it's nothing really. They don't understand the magnitude of the effects of the frequency of our symptomatic behaviors on our lives.

Sometimes it means delegating some obligations. I have my good days when
I can handle using the phone. Some days I ask my adult daughter to make
or take a call for me. And vice-versa.

She's in charge of paying the bills around here so they get paid on time, and
she reminds me to go to the ATM or write her a check for my share. I do
other things she doesn't have time to do. When I have less stress from trying
to do things that are horribly difficult for me, I have a better chance of taking
care of other things.

I pay my car insurance by the year so I don't struggle to remember each
month. I've forgotten to pay the phone bill and woke up to a turned-off phone
a few times. I didn't say "It's all good," but I didn't kick myself over it.

Other people can accept this about me, or not. I've had to sever ties with a
very few people. I just don't give the judgmental ones the time of day.


Has your wife tried to learn anything about your diagnosis? Would she do that
if you were diagnosed with something physical? There are some very good
videos on youtube.com by Dr. Russell Barkley if she doesn't like to read.

TheHammer
03-19-17, 01:29 AM
Hmmmmm ...


I'm curious:

What gives you the impression that ADHD people who get fired from jobs or don't get promoted or miss key appointments or forget doctor's appointments ... or bounce checks or fall behind on bills or who face unhappy kids and unhappy spouses disappointed with our "performance"--what gives you the sense that we're sitting back comfortably, happily with a beer saying "it's all good"?


I'm glad to hear you are having great success with Adderall, and I sense that you feel no stigma with the condition (which you say you sometimes doubt). I'd love to hear more about your strategies for minimizing the condition.

Just curious about your comment and your sense that people with ADHD don't feel deep frustration, anger, disappointment and that people aren't working to pushback against the condition and work around it.

Tone

Good question, a very poorly worded post on my part. I certainly know that ADHD doesn't make me feel that screwing up is ok. It's not the most intelligent thing I've ever posted. I suppose I was referring to people that do feel that way. The doesn't change how I feel about making mistkes, screwing up etc...

My only non-Dr. mediated strategy for mitigating its' effects is to exercise. The effect of excercise on my mood, sense of well being and overall outlook on life are profound. I eat better and feel a greater sense of control over my life. Even though nine out of ten times I work out I'm tired, fatigued before I even start, it gives me energy and clarity.

Thanks for your inquiry, it made me think!

TheHammer
03-19-17, 02:03 AM
People have inate strengths and weaknesses. We are attuned to some things and others, not so much. Although my wife is intelligent, she has about zero ability to understand psychological issues. Psychology is a great weakness of her's. For her to listen to Dr. Barkely (which I have) takes a level of patience and fortitude well beyond her.

Lunacie
03-19-17, 05:25 PM
People have inate strengths and weaknesses. We are attuned to some things and others, not so much. Although my wife is intelligent, she has about zero ability to understand psychological issues. Psychology is a great weakness of her's. For her to listen to Dr. Barkely (wihich I have) takes a level of patience and fortitude well beyond her.

I don't believe ADHD has much to do with psychology ... or vice versa.

ADHD is a neuro-biological problem, not something we can change by working
on the way we think. Dr. Barkley is a psychiatrist.

Comedian Patrick McKenna produced/starred in a very watchable video called
"ADD & Loving It!" I was able to see it for free a few years ago, but now you
have to pay for it. Absolutely worth the money though.

tearsong
03-20-17, 07:38 AM
I've also never heard of or experienced anyone gaining any social, educational, or employment advantage by having ADHD. Certainly there are children who are able to get their school to recognize that the school can do some things differently and make things less bad for that child - but it's surely no badge of honour or advantage to them.

I'm not ashamed to be who I am anymore - is that what you mean by a badge? In that case, it's a badge every "normal" person has been wearing since the day they were born - the badge of simply expecting to be accepted.

It absolutely can be seen as "gaming the system"...
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/01/25/faking-adhd-gets-you-into-harvard.html

I'm not saying this is the case for any particular person, only that it HAS been done...

tearsong
03-20-17, 07:44 AM
With that said, I'm asking myself the same question as the post-title right now...

'How do I know if I'm just being lazy, or if a particular thing is a result of ADHD-I? Or am I just making excuses for not getting started on [insert task]?'

mctavish23
03-20-17, 12:16 PM
Hopefully this might help ya'll some...

When I was diagnosed in 1972 (at 22yo) with MBD (Minimal Brain Damage), which ADHD was called back then,

and subsequently placed on stimulants before starting grad school (on probation, due to terrible GRE's), I went

from 9F's in HS & Undergrad, including never having made the B Honor Roll, to Dean's List in a Clinical Psych.

grad. program. On top of all that, I wasn't even a Psych. major in college.

What I told my parent's afterwards, including after the 4.0 the following quarter, was... "Don't you think I'd have

done this sooner if I could have ?" At that point, I think they first started to "get it." It still took a while, and required

some constant "reminders," but they finally recognized ADHD for the devastating invisible disorder it is.


mctavish23 :cool:

dvdnvwls
03-20-17, 02:08 PM
With that said, I'm asking myself the same question as the post-title right now...

'How do I know if I'm just being lazy, or if a particular thing is a result of ADHD-I? Or am I just making excuses for not getting started on [insert task]?'
What happens when people act as if you're lazy? Actual laziness is fixed by the way people treat you when they think you're lazy - that's why they do that. Does your "laziness" get fixed by the proverbial kick in the ***? If not, it's probably something else.

ajaxblu
03-20-17, 03:30 PM
You say you know some people who use the ADHD diagnosis as a badge of some type.

Can you say more ... because this is extremely strange. No one in our society gets any respect based on announcing that they have ADHD. We don't get any plus points from employers or teachers or family members. Employers can fire ADHD people whose symptoms interfere with good work. It's that simple. Teachers (I am one) can and do flunk people with ADHD.

I'm extremely open about the condition, but I rarely share the diagnosis with people anymore because whenever I do, there is always a yawn of absolute and total disinterest, if not skepticism.

There just isn't much sympathy for people with ADHD and our struggles. Like none.

So are you sure these people who have shared the condition are getting some kind of positive feedback? I don't get it. People with ADHD have higher levels of accidents, injuries, car accidents, falls, and every negative metric you can imagine. And no one feels sorry for us based on that.

The point of a diagnosis is to help us understand our brain enough to be able to minimize symptoms and get meds that minimize symptoms.

Tone





Thanks - I understand what you're saying and I probably wasn't clear.


<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> What Iím referring to is people who donít have ADHD, but claim to, for purposes of sympathy, attention or access to meds. The same goes of parents who claim the same of their kids for the same purposes.



It happens.



A kid continually acts like a brat and her perfectly coiffed well-rested mom says itís okay, she has ADHD; when what she really needs is more discipline or more time with mom and dad. Meanwhile there are many kids like ours who actually DO have ADHD, whose parents are exhausted in their efforts to help them, and whose hyperactivity or inattention do not cause them to act like brats, but to be misunderstood.


An overworked office worker or college student claims they have ADHD to get meds when they actually just need a break.


A workaholic frantically asks for a rush job on his Starbucks because he has ADHD and heís late getting his report to his boss; then I see him relaxing in his car in the next parking lot over reading the paper, sipping his latte.


Now I understand theyíre all not trying to scam people. Our world is made of all different personalities and Iím sure some of those people are legitimately ADHD and Iíve not given them the benefit of the doubt.



But for the most part, I prefer not to tell people that my kid has ADHD, or that I might have it. If my kid appears rude to someone or if I was running late Ė hey thatís on us. Yeah, it might be due to ADHD, or ODD, but Iíd be mortified and unless I have to defend my kid or myself, the less others know, the better.
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dvdnvwls
03-20-17, 03:46 PM
ajaxblu: You're making a fundamental mistake. You're confusing other people's likes and dislikes (plus your own likes and dislikes) with figuring out what's true or false.

Both categories, like/dislike and true/false, are important in their own ways. I'm not saying the like/dislike thing doesn't matter, because obviously it does. But mixing up the two categories is bad for everyone.

ajaxblu
03-21-17, 12:31 PM
Does your "laziness" get fixed by the proverbial kick in the ***? If not, it's probably something else.


Mine does. It doesn't last very long but someone redirecting me to get my a** in gear jump-starts me back to what I should be doing for a while. Hence, the doubt.

However, the more time I spend on this forum and on Additude articles and talking to others, the more I realize that I really do probably have ADHD, and it's not just me making excuses for not getting stuff done.

Postulate
03-21-17, 01:33 PM
Dvd is right.

Johnny Slick
03-21-17, 02:31 PM
Mine does. It doesn't last very long but someone redirecting me to get my a** in gear jump-starts me back to what I should be doing for a while. Hence, the doubt.

However, the more time I spend on this forum and on Additude articles and talking to others, the more I realize that I really do probably have ADHD, and it's not just me making excuses for not getting stuff done.OK, but this isn't quite contradicting what dvd is saying. A "naturally lazy" person (which I hate already; almost everybody has a reason for doing or not doing stuff) doesn't "need" a person snapping at them to "get their *** in gear" to "jump-start" them; that person often needs to see stuff like the consequences of their inaction at play and the like (though again, it's gonna vary from person to person). What you're describing sounds a *lot* to me like a person who, how shall I say this... gets easily distracted, almost as though that person has a disorder relating to a deficit of attention...

If I'm sounding sarcastic and mocking here it's because I recognize these thought processes in myself. Even though the world might call you lazy, if you have ADHD you're not necessarily lazy like, at all. The world is sometimes wrong.

ajaxblu
03-21-17, 02:50 PM
ajaxblu: You're making a fundamental mistake. You're confusing other people's likes and dislikes (plus your own likes and dislikes) with figuring out what's true or false.

Both categories, like/dislike and true/false, are important in their own ways. I'm not saying the like/dislike thing doesn't matter, because obviously it does. But mixing up the two categories is bad for everyone.

It's taken me a while to wrap my head around this properly. On the surface I know what you're saying, of course. But there are layers to this statement, as well as to your signature statement, that I wanted to mull over before replying. These are good points. Thanks for bringing them up.

Lunacie
03-21-17, 02:50 PM
Have you read this book yet? "You Mean I'm NOT Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?"
by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. I absolutely recommend it.

ajaxblu
03-21-17, 02:52 PM
What you're describing sounds a *lot* to me like a person who, how shall I say this... gets easily distracted, almost as though that person has a disorder relating to a deficit of attention...





:D

Sometimes humor shines through when all is is elusive.

ajaxblu
03-21-17, 02:57 PM
Have you read this book yet? "You Mean I'm NOT Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?"
by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. I absolutely recommend it.


I haven't yet. You wonderful people have given me so many great recommendations - thank you so much! I do plan to read them. I don't know how the rest of you are but, even though I can zone in on exciting fiction for hours and not realize the world is passing me by, sometimes it takes me a while to get through non-fiction that's not on a bright shiny internet page, or even to buy/rent it in the first place. Add that to too many things rotating through my to-do list (which I gather is also typical), and I haven't yet picked up those publications. I will do it though!

:thankyou:

dvdnvwls
03-21-17, 03:02 PM
...and it's easy and normal for the world to be wrong, because for a lot of people, life works very differently.

I do sometimes wonder whether the so-called increase in cases of ADHD is simply a result of a corresponding increase in destructive competition among people in general, along with increasing sociopathic attitudes among the rich and powerful. (There has always been sociopathic behaviour in that group, but it seems to be spreading in ways that it hasn't before.)

I think that when helping each other and peacefully coexisting is society's norm, people with ADHD don't necessarily lag behind all that badly. But when cutthroat competition is not just for a few tycoons anymore, when winning against your neighbours and treating them as adversaries becomes the primary expectation, then I think we're probably some of the first obvious casualties.

Training people to be afraid of each other is a horrible idea.

dvdnvwls
03-21-17, 03:06 PM
It's taken me a while to wrap my head around this properly. On the surface I know what you're saying, of course. But there are layers to this statement, as well as to your signature statement, that I wanted to mull over before replying. These are good points. Thanks for bringing them up.
(My signature isn't my own writing - it comes from Daniel Dennett.)

ajaxblu
03-21-17, 03:14 PM
But when cutthroat competition is not just for a few tycoons anymore, when winning against your neighbours and treating them as adversaries becomes the primary expectation, then I think we're probably some of the first obvious casualties.

Training people to be afraid of each other is a horrible idea.


This.

Lunacie
03-21-17, 03:32 PM
I haven't yet. You wonderful people have given me so many great recommendations - thank you so much! I do plan to read them. I don't know how the rest of you are but, even though I can zone in on exciting fiction for hours and not realize the world is passing me by, sometimes it takes me a while to get through non-fiction that's not on a bright shiny internet page, or even to buy/rent it in the first place. Add that to too many things rotating through my to-do list (which I gather is also typical), and I haven't yet picked up those publications. I will do it though!

:thankyou:

Same thing here, much prefer fiction. But if it's something that interests me ...
and reading this book there was so much that I really related to. I got it at the
local library.

Johnny Slick
03-21-17, 03:32 PM
Have you read this book yet? "You Mean I'm NOT Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?"
by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. I absolutely recommend it.I second the crap out of this, and want to add that this book was/is a very hard read for me, too, albeit for different reasons than "I can't get into nonfiction". There's a bit at the beginning where the authors present a number of case studies in order to explore the different sorts of coping methods people with lifelong ADHD develop and I literally cried all the way through reading that, it spoke to my experience so much. I have to admit, it was a bit embarrassing because I read several of the chapters on a plane flight over the holidays, but still... while I am a big, big fan of narrative fiction, occasionally nonfiction does a great job too, especially when it says "hey, you there. THIS IS YOU. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP AND ALSO STOP THINKING YOU'RE UNIQUELY FLAWED.YOUR EXPERIENCE? IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF NORMAL."

And I have to say, not just *my* experience either - this book was key to my own realization that there are actually a lot of people out there who suffer from ADHD, some of them without totally knowing that they do, and not only that but that ADHD is not necessarily some little, barely consequential thing (though I guess it can be, depending on how severe your case is and how early it got caught) but a potentially huge issue that can shape your life in ways you never realized that it could. In fact, I feel like for me one of the foundational "getting it" moments was realizing that even though all my life I've been fighting against what I assumed was laziness, I'm *not actually lazy*. And that meant that in turn an awful lot of the things I did to myself to combat that "laziness", I didn't actually have to do, or at least I could rethink under the lens of creating strategies to deal with a mental condition.

ajaxblu
03-21-17, 08:52 PM
... and not only that but that ADHD is not necessarily some little, barely consequential thing (though I guess it can be, depending on how severe your case is and how early it got caught) but a potentially huge issue that can shape your life in ways you never realized that it could. In fact, I feel like for me one of the foundational "getting it" moments was realizing that even though all my life I've been fighting against what I assumed was laziness, I'm *not actually lazy*. And that meant that in turn an awful lot of the things I did to myself to combat that "laziness", I didn't actually have to do, or at least I could rethink under the lens of creating strategies to deal with a mental condition.


Yes!! Same here! When I think if all the years I've wasted...

But no - I'm going to think about what I can do NOW. I can't let myself get caught up in regrets (because I tend to do that).