View Full Version : ADD - Work Trouble. NEED HELP


mryashimoto23
03-24-17, 08:09 PM
I am relatively new to this forum and really needed to touch base with others who are like me. I am looking for encouragement, help, and seeking advice from others who have the same experiences.

I have always struggled with inattention, memory and always knew something was up. In college and high school I struggled with focusing but I was able to push through. I've always struggled with my jobs and never really thought anything of it. Iíve never been treated up until recently or had taken any meds. Now as an Adult (age 25) working my first job in my career as a school teacher I truly see the full effects of untreated severe adult ADD.

Over the last couple months, I have had the fight of my life struggling against my ADD (depression, anxiety, ptsd with it). I am so overstimulated in the classroom that I have sunken into a deep depression, my anxiety has become uncontrollable, and I am stressed out to the max. I cannot function in my classroom environment because there is too much going on. I dread my career and my job. I canít get my kids to respect me as their teacher and Iíve lacked in professional proficiency. Because I am so overstimulated I am experiencing complete mental breakdowns. The first time I had one I've never experienced a time when I could not stop crying in agony. I had a breakdown in my car where I just screamed. I also had a mental breakdown at work in the bathroom that was so bad I had to have a staff member bring me to the E.R.

Recently after my spring break the symptoms have come back within a few days of work in full force. Itís gotten so bad that I close my eyes at night and hear the voices and mental chatter of my students tormenting me. Earlier this week I had the worst one yet. I had to pull my car over because I heard the voices of my students mocking me in my head all night and constantly relived the over stimulation I face every day. I literally pulled the car over, threw things, cried, screamed and my blood pressure went up to 158/139 with 103 bpm. Iíve never experienced voices or auditory hallucinations before until this point and I am 100% convinced itís due to my ADD. Iíve never thought that ADD would be this excruciating. I am a kind loving man, I always put a smile on my friends faces and have never tried to hurt myself or anybody. But I feel I am losing my sanity and this is too much for me to handle. I keep pushing myself to the point where my psychiatrist told me she would sign FMLA for me because of what she is seeing.

My family keeps assuring me that I can do it and I got this. However, they seem like they are in denial about how powerful and severe ADD can be on adults. Itís like they donít want to take the time to learn about it or work with me. To them, they think I procrastinate, forget things and that my ADD really isnít a big deal. They want to give me tough love and basically donít know why I canít improve or function at my job. Tough love isnít the answer and they don't see that. I know for a fact that having mental break downs, crying/anger spurs and basically feeling mentally sick are not normal symptoms of a hard job.

Your input is greatly appreciated. I hope somebody has experienced the same things I am and can provide me with insight on how they got through it.
Cheers!

Postulate
03-24-17, 08:47 PM
Hey, thank you for your post and welcome to the forums. What medication are you on and were you on that medication when these events occurred?

mryashimoto23
03-24-17, 10:28 PM
Thank you Postulate.

I am currently on NO medications and never have been. I don't have a history of hearing voices or anything of that matter either.

Pilgrim
03-25-17, 06:35 AM
Welcome, being a school teacher must be a rewarding thing to be.

My suggestion would be to look at the med option. I can't imagine being in a situation where I have to deal with very diverse stimuli in a back and forth setting and not being on meds.
If you get the right level it works a treat. You process better and things seem more normal.

Goodluck

sarahsweets
03-25-17, 06:54 AM
I am relatively new to this forum and really needed to touch base with others who are like me. I am looking for encouragement, help, and seeking advice from others who have the same experiences.

I have always struggled with inattention, memory and always knew something was up. In college and high school I struggled with focusing but I was able to push through. I've always struggled with my jobs and never really thought anything of it. Iíve never been treated up until recently or had taken any meds.
Based on my quick scan of what you have written I think Meds could be a lifesaver for you. I dont think meds for adhd are necessarily what you should focus on, I think meds for depression or mood should be your first priority.


Over the last couple months, I have had the fight of my life struggling against my ADD (depression, anxiety, ptsd with it).
Are these official diagnosis's from a doctor? If they are, I am surprised you havent tried medication.


The first time I had one I've never experienced a time when I could not stop crying in agony. I had a breakdown in my car where I just screamed. I also had a mental breakdown at work in the bathroom that was so bad I had to have a staff member bring me to the E.R.

What did they say at the ER? What was their advice to you?

Recently after my spring break the symptoms have come back within a few days of work in full force. Itís gotten so bad that I close my eyes at night and hear the voices and mental chatter of my students tormenting me. Earlier this week I had the worst one yet. I had to pull my car over because I heard the voices of my students mocking me in my head all night and constantly relived the over stimulation I face every day. I literally pulled the car over, threw things, cried, screamed and my blood pressure went up to 158/139 with 103 bpm. Iíve never experienced voices or auditory hallucinations before until this point and I am 100% convinced itís due to my ADD. Iíve never thought that ADD would be this excruciating. I am a kind loving man, I always put a smile on my friends faces and have never tried to hurt myself or anybody. But I feel I am losing my sanity and this is too much for me to handle. I keep pushing myself to the point where my psychiatrist told me she would sign FMLA for me because of what she is seeing.

I am not trying to be harsh but I believe you need help ASAP. I do not believe the voices and such are because of adhd. Adhd doesnt have symptoms like hearing voices but other mental health issues do. Things like psychosis and mania. This isnt my way of saying you should be commited-things arent like that now but if I was a loved one of yours, I would highly suggest you consider an inpatient stay to get stable on meds and come up with a plan of action.
You said yourself that the kids you teach arent really learning from you. So, though its not your fault, you are not teaching them in the way that they need. I dont know what grade you teach but it doesnt really matter. You deserve to be well, and they deserve to learn.

My family keeps assuring me that I can do it and I got this. However, they seem like they are in denial about how powerful and severe ADD can be on adults. Itís like they donít want to take the time to learn about it or work with me. To them, they think I procrastinate, forget things and that my ADD really isnít a big deal. They want to give me tough love and basically donít know why I canít improve or function at my job. Tough love isnít the answer and they don't see that. I know for a fact that having mental break downs, crying/anger spurs and basically feeling mentally sick are not normal symptoms of a hard job.

No offense but...F**k your family, Seriously, they dont understand you, youve said they dont so they do not get a say on what you should do or shouldnt do. Do not consult them anymore because it makes you feel bad. I think we fall into the trap of thinking that their family deserves or needs to know our business. If its not helping then they dont need to know anything, and then they cant comment about what they dont know.

Please consider help. I am shocked your doctor doesnt have you on medication already. There is no shame. Keep your chin up friend.

Postulate
03-25-17, 12:31 PM
Sarah said it too, it's why I think dopamine agents are off the table in terms of treatment, that means no Adderall, no Dexedrine and no Vyvanse. Intuniv would be the only thing I can think of because it would solve his blood pressure problem and also treat ADHD. But forget about dopamine agents or adrenergic agents. Nothing that increases dopamine or adrenaline centrally. Increased cortex adrenaline is different that's ok.

ToneTone
03-25-17, 02:52 PM
OK, for emergency quick-work, go to a psychiatrist or your family doctor and report your symptoms and get on an antidepressant. There's a very good chance you'll feel a boost in energy and focus and those tormenting voices will quiet.

It sounds like your brain is running and totally stressed. The problem is that once stressed and racing, it's hard to slow down your brain without meds.

So that's short term. Go take the meds. BTW: once you feel better on meds, your perspective on meds can change.

Now for the short-term, medium term and long term, probably time to find a therapist. You're a teacher ... OMG, of course teachers are burdened by ADHD. There is a ton of paperwork and organization in teaching. Nonstop. I teach college, where we have 1/10th the paperwork that most teachers have ... and I still find teaching to push me right to the limits of my ADHD.

Note:it's easy to feel like dirt when classes aren't working ... over time, you'll learn how to manage classes better and how to manage your emotions better when a class is not so easy.

But call your family doctor immediately ...

Call and get to a therapist immediately ...

You deserve it.

Final point: once we are totally stressed--and I friend of mine gave me this bit of wisdom--sometimes we need meds just to allow us to get a good night's sleep ... So even if you are anti meds ... sometimes you have to take a med just to get your head above water enough to be able to think about non-medical changes you need to make.

Good luck.

Tone

dvdnvwls
03-25-17, 03:34 PM
If you don't have more help immediately, you won't make it. Things are not going to be OK, unless you start by accepting a lot of help from a lot of people. You've been handling things on your own until now, but that's over - and it's good to finally admit that you're not handling things anymore like you used to.

"Tough love" is not love at all. "Tough love" never comes from someone who loves you. Enough said about that.

dvdnvwls
03-25-17, 06:13 PM
("Tough love" was originally meant as a plan for parents to stop doing things that were enabling their children to get street drugs. In that context, it makes sense - but since the original plan came out, it has been taken far out of context and twisted beyond recognition. If you were buying street drugs, and your friends and family stopped giving you money because they knew where that money was going to go, sure, that would be the right thing for them to do - but that's not what people mean anymore when they say "tough love".)

mryashimoto23
03-25-17, 06:26 PM
Just going to vent a little.. (which is why I joined lol) :)

Yeah I've never had a history of hearing any "voices" this started up recently. But I am telling you it's due to work.

To answer that family question; My parents, brother, fiance, grandparents and everyone tell me I got this and how I am the adult they are just kids. "You are the adult" "two more months of school, then it's break" and they are sick of talking about this. Honestly just so you know a little about me, I've had heart open surgeries (3) and two hours after waking up, practically being on my deathbed and loosing all of my blood, I was up walking around and didn't cry about it. I didn't take any oxy's or dilated and was out in four days. Never cried about it, never had a mental breakdown, got outside and walked every morning.

But they just do not understand how detrimental ADD can really be on one's brain. It's not just forgetting things and acting lazy it's a whole mental processing issue. Our left and right parts of our brains don't communicate and scatter information from the external environment. This is why we are so good at the arts and passionate about certain subjects.

This job is extremely difficult because the environment and because I cannot function nor process the information fast enough. I am overstimulated by the children and it's literally causing my brain to go on overdrive and use all of it's resources. It's not the job stress, deadlines, meetings, emails. I can learn to handle that through experience and psychotherapy. It's the detrimental effects of over stimulation on the brain. HAHA! Ever see kindergarten cop? This one scene Arnold screams and flips out because the kids are off the walls. Thats me everyday. ;p

I seriously had thoughts of quitting and take my chance with something else more comfortable. But I've never quit on anything before but I am intelligent enough to know mental breakdowns and not mentally functioning are not normal.

But anyways, yeah, you guys keep giving me some advice. At least I still have my sense of humor :)

dvdnvwls
03-25-17, 07:15 PM
Nobody ever hears voices because of work. Ever. Hearing voices is an internal thing. Sure the voices can be about work or be the voices of people from work, but that never means that work caused it.

dvdnvwls
03-25-17, 07:21 PM
The "I'm no quitter" attitude only helps when the job is too long, not when it's too hard. Otherwise, in all wars, both sides would always win.