View Full Version : My experiences so far - ADD, ritalin, ssri


vini01
03-28-17, 05:40 PM
Greetings,

I have been reading the forum for a long time but I was procrastinating to join.
The insights here have helped me a lot in bad times, so I decided to tell my experience so far. Some my relate.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 6 in a funny story of not following pre school. After a year of treatment the docs decided that I no longer needed meds and sent me on my way.
I always felt strange in a way from others, but could never tell what. In college my grades were more than random. I always thought I had sleeping problems due to my low energy. Conversation and writing were as needed basis and studying needed 2 hour of effort to begin something. When I did begin I went all the way I could because, well god knows when I would light up again.
After switching courses and becoming more relaxed after a week of exams I got lost on campus. My mother asked me to have an exam with a neurologist telling me I had ADHD as a child.
I got diagnosed with ADD the day after and began treatment. As I read many times, it was from night to day in 30 min. Ritalin 10mg, 3 times a day. I confess I cried of happiness firsts days knowing I could just do stuff, and felt strange about needing meds. Good grades, lots of socializing, sports, full life.
4 good years of good treatment later with good response to the meds and all I got depressed after family issues. The neurologist upped my dosage to 20mg 3x day (first bad sign, I didnt know I was depressed). Later, the psychiatrist put me on SSRI, escitalopram. Lets just say I have a year and half memory gap. It put me to sleep after 15 min, if it wasn't for the ritalin I would just sleep. I felt like a junky always waiting for the next dosage to feel a little more awake, nothing worked, even exercise.
Drama aside it just made me feel good. Like really good. No pain, just good. I though it was normal... Six months later I realized I had slept the entire time, had no joy for nothing but stand still. In fact I got nervous trying to think. I even avoided driving, since I never knew when I was going to fall asleep or just panic. Tried 5 others anti depressant and 2 psych, several doses, all the same, instant sleep. SNRI made me more awake, but with no feelings or in a complete disarray of feelings, so I just wanted to be at bed. One even put me on amissulpride. And everyone was just saying I needed to relax, it was normal, etc. I had no strenght and had lets just say bad thoughts...
One and half year of hell and half (six months ago) later I stood up and decided no more anti depressant. I was supported by my psychologist (yes another doc) that my distress was simply my ADD not responding to the meds. As any impatient i quit cold turkey. 2 weeks to return to more normal. Started to pick up my life, even started my masters.
I'm still trying to put me back to normal, as emotions now seen intense after that long vacation. The neurologist (the first and now only doc) put me on Wellbutrin. Lots of energy (like a lot, as if I could run to the moon, but bad focus). Currently trying a lower dosage, 150 mg felt too strong.
My goal is to get back to the original self. Its hard and I now recognize I was euphoric the whole time on SSRI and simply shut down not to get fried. Reversing is a challenge. Any meds seems to overshoot in days, and ritalin is kind of only viable option here.
The good thing is I already know how I'm supposed to feel and work, just exercise the brain to get back. Works even if I still feel the waiting for the meds trap sometimes. Basic focus is good, talking and stuff no so much.

I know its long. Sorry for that, but it was from hart, so to speak. I don't know what is the relationship between other meds, or what happened. Maybe someone does. And maybe someone going trough this can relate.

TLDR: everything was nice, then very, very, very bad experience with ssri, now getting back to normal

sarahsweets
03-29-17, 04:35 AM
I am sorry you had issues with those antidepressants. Thats the beauty of meds and this place. Different things work for different people and we can all share our experiences. For me, an SNRI, cymbalta saved my life-literally. I was inpatient again wanting to end it, and in 4 days of being on it, it was like the shades had been lifted and I had hope again. I realized that I didnt have to be in pain anymore. I didnt need to feel shame that I needed antidepressants for my disorder. For some they are the ultimate solution and for others, the worst choice.

vini01
03-31-17, 02:05 PM
hey sara, thanks for the reply. You always have good insights.
I love how people share experiences here, something I intend to do more often and without big texts.
I think the majority do fine on AD, I've read a lot of successful stories, including friends and family. I'm the exception most likely, but I'm getting better. Just like you said opening the shades. I take it as experience, only wish it had been shorter.
As for the ADD, I embrace it, just like the meds.