View Full Version : What are your thoughts on spanking hypersensitive children?


mildadhd
03-29-17, 02:32 AM
What are your thoughts on spanking hypersensitive children? (and spanking children, in general)

I do not think children should ever be spanked, especially hypersensitive children.


m

ginniebean
03-29-17, 03:36 AM
i am against spanking for all children.

Fuzzy12
03-29-17, 04:10 AM
Definitely against spanking any child. I guess there could be differences on the impact that spanking (or any other type of violence / abuse) has on different children so you might see different outcomes. Like some people are more susceptible to depression or ptsd.

Anyway, the impact of spanking on anyone can only be negative but maybe how large the damage is and what particular damage is sustained might depend on the individual child and their other circumstances

sarahsweets
03-29-17, 04:20 AM
I do not believe in spanking. With my first child I had to put up with people thinking that my wild adhd son needed a good paddle and then he would listen better which in turn led to me feeling like my bad parenting cause his issues.

The other thing is, adults cant be expected to "spank with control and prescision". Parents that spank usually get mad or after threats, get sick of the behavior and lash out. They think because they have warned the child that it would happen that is somehow justifies this way of discipline. I have spanked my son once in his life and my oldest daughter once. I snapped when my son was in an undiagnosed fit of destruction and I lost it and spanked once. Then I realized what I had done and couldnt stay on my knees long enough with his head cradled in my hands, apologizing and telling him that Mommy was having a bad day and would never do that again. He is 21 now.

My older daughter went through what I call the 'terrible 3's and 4's" Once I had a meltdown and felt so overwhelmed that I lashed out and very, very, lightly smacked her hand. Same feelings as before. It was then that I realized that most of the entire issue was me, not her. I lost it and I needed better solutions- she wasnt bad or doing something because she expected to experience pain. She is 17 now. My youngest daughter has never been hit in her life, she is 13.

So I made mistakes-but never repeated them. Anyone who thinks that spanking as an infraction will work is kidding themselves. It works because you hurt your child and scare them-and then they act up again.
I am always amazed when I hear of people who have kids that get out of control regularly and spank regularly as a form of punishment. It obviously isnt working cause the same stuff happens over and over, so why continue what doesnt work?
In a lot of cases it allows the angry parent a release and has nothing to do with correction.

Parents are usually mad when they spank. When is the last time you got mad and then controlled and calmly handed out retribution and punishment? If you are mad, nothing is controlled or calm about the situation.
I was abused in many ways. It left a whole in my being so much that to this day, I get triggered by certain smells that remind me of those days. I literally freeze and shut down. I never want that for my kids.

ajaxblu
03-29-17, 09:21 AM
I'm against spanking. I have done it once in a similar scenario that Sarah mentioned and never again.




My older daughter went through what I call the 'terrible 3's and 4's" Once I had a meltdown and felt so overwhelmed that I lashed out and very, very, lightly smacked her hand. Same feelings as before. It was then that I realized that most of the entire issue was me, not her. I lost it and I needed better solutions


Exactly - IMO it says more about the parent than the child. There are more effective ways to discipline.

Other than that, I think a lot of us have no idea what to do, and because spanking was more prevalent when we were kids, it's what we know.

I truly believe that every person considering children should attend (& pass with flying colors) some type of class on what life will be like if you decide to have children - financial burdens, never-ending messes, lack of time for yourself or anything, emotional toll, etc. I also believe every future parent should be required to go to a variety of parenting classes while awaiting their child's arrival. I have one more to add, but I suspect it's too controversial to post here. ;)

sarahsweets
03-29-17, 10:01 AM
I'm against spanking. I have done it once in a similar scenario that Sarah mentioned and never again.





Exactly - IMO it says more about the parent than the child. There are more effective ways to discipline.

Other than that, I think a lot of us have no idea what to do, and because spanking was more prevalent when we were kids, it's what we know.

I truly believe that every person considering children should attend (& pass with flying colors) some type of class on what life will be like if you decide to have children - financial burdens, never-ending messes, lack of time for yourself or anything, emotional toll, etc. I also believe every future parent should be required to go to a variety of parenting classes while awaiting their child's arrival. I have one more to add, but I suspect it's too controversial to post here. ;)

If it doesnt violate guidelines, do not be afraid to share your thoughts. There are plenty of people around here who have shared things that only they believe, and things that are unpopular; and many times the way in which they things are shared are what people react to rather than what was actually shared.

aeon
03-29-17, 10:11 AM
I do not value it from a moral and ethical standpoint, nor from that of a socio-relational or neuropsychiatric one.


Cheers,
Ian

ajaxblu
03-29-17, 10:17 AM
If it doesnt violate guidelines, do not be afraid to share your thoughts. There are plenty of people around here who have shared things that only they believe, and things that are unpopular; and many times the way in which they things are shared are what people react to rather than what was actually shared.


OK, I'll try to put it in a less controversial way.... I wish there was a mandatory contraceptive preventing all people from getting pregnant until they are ready and can prove they can be good parents. I realize this is not fool-proof and will never happen. I know there are some people against contraception and my intention is not to offend them but to prevent child abuse/neglect and over-population when there are so many kids in our world that are in need of good stable environments.

sarahsweets
03-30-17, 05:54 AM
OK, I'll try to put it in a less controversial way.... I wish there was a mandatory contraceptive preventing all people from getting pregnant until they are ready and can prove they can be good parents. I realize this is not fool-proof and will never happen. I know there are some people against contraception and my intention is not to offend them but to prevent child abuse/neglect and over-population when there are so many kids in our world that are in need of good stable environments.

Yes, that would derail this thread but would make for an interesting new thread.

ajaxblu
03-30-17, 09:41 AM
If the moderators need to remove it, I totally understand.

midnightstar
03-30-17, 02:23 PM
I was a 90s kid and I think all kids got smacked during that period of time.

In the unlikely event that I ever have kids, I would never smack them. Physical punishment never works, particularly if the kid doesn't even understand what they did wrong.

Luvmybully
03-30-17, 08:07 PM
I think spanking is wrong. Period. You can not teach proper behavior by causing harm.

I feel VERY strongly about this. You just do not hurt children.

Fraser_0762
03-30-17, 09:12 PM
Only people living in the dark ages (far too many people) spank their children. If you want to teach your children social intolerance, then spank them.

WheresMyMind
03-30-17, 09:31 PM
What are your thoughts on spanking hypersensitive children? (and spanking children, in general)

I do not think children should ever be spanked, especially hypersensitive children.


m

Thanks to huge advances in fMRI and our knowledge of neuroscience, we have conclusive evidence on the results of spanking:
- It is VERY little benefit in promoting positive behavioral change
- Unless the relationship with your child is perfect (none are), one spanking negates approximately 100 positive bonding experiences...and you don't have that many in a year if you work full time while parenting
- It has a huge effect in crushing any individuality the child might otherwise develop - and individuality is the Western Cultural Ideal.

I don't think "hypersensitive" is necessarily an ADHD trait. Some ADHD children, because they have so much trouble connecting with others, withdraw and idle themselves and their brains with their own pursuits. That was me.

Fortune
03-30-17, 09:45 PM
Just google "spanking is bad."

There's a blog post on psychology today called "Research on Spanking: It's bad for ALL kids."

Basically the science says "don't physically harm your children ever."

dvdnvwls
03-31-17, 12:43 AM
I think in the past (and the present) that kids with ADHD and other conditions that are associated with "misbehaving" get spanked more than others. Sad, since they (i.e. we) are also less able to deal with it.

My ideal for parents' physical behaviour toward their children: If you can't do it to your boss, you can't do it to your child either.

mildadhd
03-31-17, 12:40 PM
I don't think "hypersensitive" is necessarily an ADHD trait. Some ADHD children, because they have so much trouble connecting with others, withdraw and idle themselves and their brains with their own pursuits. That was me.



I think (no matter the level of reactivity) the inherited temperament exists before any development after birth.

The higher the level of inherited reactivity the more likely a delay in development might occur.

I do not think we are better parents than our parents when it comes to spanking, I think we are more educated parents.


m

Lunacie
03-31-17, 06:51 PM
I think in the past (and the present) that kids with ADHD and other conditions that are associated with "misbehaving" get spanked more than others. Sad, since they (i.e. we) are also less able to deal with it.

My ideal for parents' physical behaviour toward their children: If you can't do it to your boss, you can't do it to your child either.

:goodpost:

Sunflower009
04-03-17, 08:29 AM
I don't think there is any justification for spanking, especially when there are so many other, BETTER methods of discipline out there!! I think that most people who spank don't really understand the other methods (if they know about them at all.).

In our preschool, for example, they do not even generally use timeouts (except for more extreme cases like a kid being violent). If a kid misbehaives, they simply talk to them about it and remind them what the right behavior is, and why what they did was wrong/how it hurt another kid, etc. Often I find I have to remove one child from a situation to get them to calm down first, which is why I use time-outs. But yeah, spanking, or even "just" yelling at the child about somthing is totally ineffective. The child simply focuses on the yelling or spanking, and doesn't even hear the message. At least, that has been my experience.

Bouncingoffwall
04-05-17, 10:46 AM
I've read research concerning children who were spanked in the African American community. Over the long-term, there wasn't any discernible difference between long-term effects between spanking and non-spanking groups as long as a high degree of parental warmth was present.

My personal opinion as someone who had his butt regularly welted with a belt, is that it taught me nothing about how to act; it only taught me not to get caught. There was never an explanation about why my behavior was unacceptable. I've forgiven my parents for that, because they were only reenacting what their parents taught them, and never learned a different way.

zzzsmokeyzzz
05-11-17, 04:42 PM
I'm against spanking. There are other ways to get kids to understand or listen. Watch old episodes of super nanny lol

jkimbo
05-11-17, 05:45 PM
people spank when they run out of parenting skills, that simple.

Lunacie
05-11-17, 06:38 PM
people spank when they run out of parenting skills, that simple.

When I was a kid, spanking was considered "the" parenting skill, and in some
groups it still is. I started out using that "skill" with my daughter, and decided
pretty early on that I didn't actually like it or the way it made me feel.

jkimbo
05-11-17, 07:09 PM
When I was a kid, spanking was considered "the" parenting skill, and in some
groups it still is. I started out using that "skill" with my daughter, and decided
pretty early on that I didn't actually like it or the way it made me feel.

yes same here, I use to hear spare the rod and spoil the child a lot. But I fail to see any "skills" at all in spanking. I think that when parents don't know what to do they believe spanking will teach them a lesson. I really believe it's a lack of parenting skills. Children should learn there are consequences for their actions but there are far more better ways to achieve that imho.

Not to throw a wet blanket on this great thread, but I changed my ways early on. I lost my first son at the age of 14 in a drowning accident. He had just learned to swim. He was a great kid, typical boy! Unfortunately the last time I seen him alive was the nite before the accident when I spanked him just for being a typical boy. Hows that for a last memory? Anyway after that I realized just how stupid spanking was.

peripatetic
05-11-17, 08:44 PM
i don't think i'm necessarily hypersensitive...but i was a child and now have a child and:

1. i was never spanked;
2. i have not spanked and do not plan to spank my small girl;
3. if my partner spanked our daughter he'd be going to some intensive therapy to figure out why and how to prevent it from ever happening again. full stop. (NB: he's never raised his voice, much less suggested spanking/spanked or struck her...i'm just saying, i'm not ok with *anyone* spanking our child...who appears to be a standard toddler, also not necessarily "hypersensitive"...but not necessarily not...i don't really know what that means in this context)