hi everyone. this is my first post.

i have set up an appointment next week to meet with a psychiatric nurse practitioner to do ADD screening. I have had so many relationships with AD/HD men, most of whom had hyperactivity/impusivity issues and spent a lot of time bugging them to get treatment, "managing" them (like THAT works!) and also assumed AD/HD had to have that hyperactivity/impusivity component. Recently, some friends of mine suggested that I might want to get screened myself.

I'm not at all hyperactive or really impulsive...just recently learned about the inattentive type of AD/HD. Here's my "symptoms." I get bored so easily. This is showing up as a problem in my work life. I rarely stay at a job more than 2 years, the one job I did have for 3 years, I was able to keep because it was freelancing and part-time and had a lot of variety to keep me from getting bored. My manager at work has made comments about how easily distractible I am. I start projects totally psyched and enthusiastic and once the challenge has worn off, forget about it. I have to keep all my files of current projects in front of me on my desk, in these horribly messy piles because i know if I put them away or file them to come back to later, I will forget about them altogether! Out of sight, out of mind! I'm nearly 30, have a lot of professional experience, but I'm tired of job-hopping, of never finding the job that is interesting enough for me to keep. And at this point, I'm losing out on certain benefits that I could accumulate by staying a place longer than 2 years.

Another component that seemed to me to be so diametrically opposed to AD/HD symptoms is how eaisily distracted I am by noises or other stimuli around me, to the point of feeling "shorted out." I always thought AD/HD folks needed lots of stimulation. I find that I'm hypersenstive to the littlest things. An example is when I'm helping my daughter with her homework. She is VERY figety, has to move and rock and squirm while doing her spelling words, is up and down off the chair and it takes all of about 5 minutes for me to get completely frustrated by the movement and then I get angry with her, she gets frustrated. It's like the constant movement is frying my brain. Noise especially bothers me. The good thing about my job, and most of the jobs I've gravitated to, is that I can do them alone. As soon as someone enters my space or starts talking to me, I can't concentrate. I watch them speak, nod my head, work so hard to LOOK as though I'm listening, but I can't concentrate a bit one what they're saying. All I want is for them to leave, so I can get into some project that I can focus on, get into that zone.

I like little tasks, clearly defined projects that have a clear start and clear ending that I can accomplish with a brief period of sustained focus. Otherwise i get lost.

I also believed in the myth that anyone with AD/HD had trouble in school. I was an all-A student clear through college (even Master's degree). It was simple - if I could figure out what the teacher wanted in an assignment, I could do it. So I grew up very compliant, always worrying about what people wanted from me, and as long as I could figure that out, there were no problems. When I didn't know...ooooh! the anxiety. I also took refuge in writing. Ask me what I think about something and I can't process right away. But let me write it down, give me time to just write, write, write, with no coherence and go back later and add to my thoughts and then I can figure out what I think. It's very circular. But someone could ask me if I want to go see Movie A or B and I will stand there and stammer and get stuck. How do I respond? And then I realize that it's a simple freaking question and what's my problem to not know the answer and get more frustrated...

I am sure I could be labeled as having some kind of anxiety stuff, too. That would be my #1 hardest thing living with day in and day out...the constant anxiety.

So that's me. Has anyone had similar experiences? Any advice for how to deal with my appointment next week. I'm taking a list with me of my concerns, symptoms, cuz otherwise I won't remember.

thanks!
shamanatrix :confused:

You sound just almost exactly like me, I haven't been diagnosed either for sure, just know that i have it, and when I am shopping I can't remember what Iwent for and then can't concentrate, getting distracted with all the stuff to look at. It is horrible.

Hi Shamanatrix

I'm pretty new here, too, and I can relate to everything you said -- so much so that I feel I might have written it myself! Like you, I was an A student, never had any problems -- but I do remember that I did everything at the last minute. I've been reading a lot about women with ADD* lately, and one thing that really struck me (aside from the part about inattentive vs. hyperactive -- who knew?) is that there's a tendency for us to think in terms of only two time frames: Now -- and Not Now. I laughed out loud when I read that!

Like you, I also have messy piles of things -- because I have such trouble getting going on things that every project that begins with a future Not Now deadline, I let slide until they are all Now. Right Now! This Very Minute Now! Then I am completely overwhelmed and stressed, which makes it even harder to focus. But I have been a relatively successful freelance writer for several years -- only because I somehow can manage to pull something out of you-know-where at the last possible second. It is an exhausting process, though.

The jobs I've held for extended periods of time have been in advertising/communications departments -- and then I've been there off and on, with maternity leave, etc. You might think about that field, though. At least it has a variable pace -- though it's a lot of juggling. Last year I tried to go full-time in a corporate communications department and only lasted five months. The job was good, the money was decent, the people were all great -- but I could not stand being chained to a desk for 8 hours a day, in a very exposed cube-farm type office environment. So now I'm freelancing again and juggling more balls than I can really handle.

I have started on Adderall, and it seems to be helping somewhat with organization and focus. (Yeah, my eyes glaze over when people talk too long, too.) I still get really irritated and stressed when my kids interrupt me when I'm frantically trying to focus and meet a deadline. But I really think my workload also needs to get smaller before I will really see huge results. I'm just busy jumping from one fire to the next with only a squirtgun.

Anyway, you're not alone. Reading the posts here will validate everything you're going through. Many of us didn't recognize the ADD until we had kids who clearly had it. Then those wheels start turning and hmmmm....you think?

Hope you find a good solution for you!

(*Recommended book: Women with ADD, Sari Golden.)

Takemeaway (great name!) -- that's so true! Shopping takes forever. It doesn't matter if I go in for three things -- I will spend an hour there and still not have at least one of the three when I leave (though I will most likely have several other things I had no intention of getting!)

One of my a-ha! moments occurred when I went to find a color to dye my hair. I stood and looked at all the boxes for 45 minutes and finally gave up and left. Too overwhelmed. And even though I finally picked one on a subsequent trip, every time I'm due for a retouch, that aisle just sucks me in ....

Hope it helps to know you're not alone!

ohmigosh! I never thought about the shopping. That hair color scenario could have been me! I never realized it. I HATE to go shopping with other people, too, because if they are talking to me, I REALLY can't focus. Can't pick up a cell phone while in a store, because I just wander hopelessly through the aisles feeling so irritated and confused.

it's so funny that you're a freelance writer - so am I! Though I'm by no means supporting myself off my writing - mostly still getting accepted into non-paying journals. And advertising/communications is something I really enjoy. Part of my current job is writing press releases for our org...and I really like this. They are the perfect sized project for me. I get into them, get focused, enjoy it, then they are done, not to be seen again. The next one is something new. ;)

I also think part of the reason I enjoyed school was because there was always something new. Round about the time I got bored in a class, it was at least halfway over. I'm applying to a few Comp. Faculty positions in community colleges, which is something that I think could keep my attention!

You sound like me exaclety, MS the whole thing. Did great in school and work but was classic ADD eveywhere. Innatentive type. I have NO energy to spare!

yesirree bob, or whoever,

I am right there too, Regarding the shopping thing, my daughter laughs at me cause she cannot even talk to me in a store, I am looking around thinking about a whole lot of other things, and one word that describes me- Random, that is me, my thinking all of it, I have been a special ed teacher, secretary, home school mom, I loved that cause I could escape into history and a hundred other things-most recently I worked in a center for dev. disabled, not a very good job, I was stressed & didn't sleep at all, I finally quit, I couldn't take all the pressure, I think a freelance writer would be good, I go berserk if someone misspells a word or has a poor usage problem-OCD?


thanks.

LORI

You sound just like me. I go in next week for an evaluation. I was always an excellent student. I do pretty well in structured work situations that don't allow me to fail unless I choose to do it (call center, banking, etc.). But if I had to freelance or do sales....I fail every single time. I have to have structure imposed upon me or I can't function.

You should see my house....aaarrrgggh!

I am a BIG procrastinator. I always got very good grades in school, especially on my papers, which I would scramble to complete in one night before they were due.

You sound like me. I guess we have to figure out if it's the ADD or we're just lazy, inattentive, undisciplined slobs! LOL! I believe we're the former...not the latter!

Yeah,Titanica,

What is that all about laziness, its just thinking, right, something I could do all day, and I don't do well either with big stretches of time either cause I get so distracted or sidetracked into what ever happens to spark my interest. what can you do besides medicate yourself? I am moving in3 weeks and I need sound suggestions, thanks.

Yeah get the screening, either way whatever the results it's good news. Also I'd let your daughter fidget and squirm as long as the homework gets done,let her stand on her head if that's what it takes.

Has anyone tried Strattera? I was diagnosed with add last week. I've been on Zoloft for about five years for anxiety and depression. The Zoloft has completely taken that away. The DR. gave me Strattera, I took one pill, came home for lunch and slept the entire day, and was so tired and in bed the entire next day. I'm scarred to take another pill. It really excited me to think I could be fixed. It's so funny to read your entries, I really relate to all of them. I did'nt know that the shopping thing was an add symtom?? What's funny too, is my house is always messy, but when I clean it, I leave the last two or three things, because I'm worried that if I pick them up,there will more and it will be never be an ending.

At work if there is not too much to do, it stresses me, when everyone is stressing when we have too much, I stress when there's very little that has to be done that day.

When we go to a restaurant, my husband makes sure that I have my keys and my shades.

I can't watch a TV show, without being on the computer, I can't rest if I'm not tired, yet my house is still messy.

Please let me know of any meds or vitamins that you of that work.

Your posts all echo similar experiences to mine. I would often go to get a few groceries and get 'lost' in the aisles. Somentimes I would come home after an hour having bought nothing, and then feel guilty for time wasted. I was smart in school, but still got in trouble alot. I also suffered from asthma, which I am reading may also be linked to ADD.
In my post-graduate work I trained as a Gestalt Therapist, which stresses 'here and now awareness' and takes away the good and bad of things- things just are and it is up to us to respond as best we are able.
As for work, I flitted around alot in jobs. Befroe going back to school ijn my 30's, I was in sales. I was always fantastic in opening new territories for my companies and could thrive for about 6 months. Then I would get bored and avoid calling on the customers.
The best job I had was working as a paramedic. I found it fit my personality very well, and loved how you never knew what was going to happen next. I functioned very well under that type of stress, but like others, would grapple with what movie to go see. I love music and would often go into stores with ideas of CD's I wanted, even lists, but would often talk myself out of each one and leave empty handed and regretful.
So, I'm starting to accept this, I actually feel better now that I know I'm ADD- at least there are things I can learn and adapt. Before knowing this about me, I was left only to believe what others around me said, that I was just being stubborn or being difficult.
I'm grateful for this forum, it is wonderful to find a like minded community at last. I think the message we all need to remember is that, at whatever point in life we are at this moment, we have made it. Al;beit we have had hard times, but we have also learned to adapt and grow. We need to remind ourselves, as others have said that we are not victims, we are survivors.
Thanks to all of you for your words

- "I love music and would often go into stores with ideas of CD's I wanted, even lists, but would often talk myself out of each one and leave empty handed and regretful."

omg, that is the story of my life. This is my first post and that is part of the reason I've been pressing my nose against the window reading these forums for so long but for some reason have not been able to make myself take the leap and join in.

shamanatrix, I've known I'm ADD since my younger brother was diagnosed in high school(i'm 38 now, so that's a good 20 years, omg, can't believe it's been that long) but I've never sought any kind of professional help because I've always figured whatever I need to do I'm going to have to do myself anyway, and I am really apprehensive about taking any kind of meds.

If you're a do-it-yourselfer, or even if you're not, I'd recommend reading Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell. It really helped to affirm my ADDness, and put a name to why I've always felt I was 'different' than most people.

I had a great school experience in elementary school, but in high school I never got a chance because I was labeled 'under achiever' from day one because of my ADD siblings who went before me. It almost put me off the deep end. I somehow managed to scrape by and finally got my wings in college (graduated magna cum laude! :p )

Write down everything you want to talk to the nuse about and obsess about it before you go so you don't forget anything. And maybe take a tape recorder with you so you can obsess about the answers afterwards.
I've found meditation and visualization helps with the anxiety (also the story of my life). Don't be too hard on yourself (easier said than done:faint: ).

Remember, you are who you want to be, you just don't act like it yet!