View Full Version : Good songs to apologize...?

04-05-17, 09:06 AM
I want to make up to my husband and apologize for all the stupid things I've done over the past years (mainly due to ADHD). Things like not listening to him, assuming I always knew better, not following through on things I'd said I'd do, causing him tons of stress for being who I am.

Anyone have any suggestions for good songs which reflect this? I want to pick one and learn it on the guitar. (Or if it's too hard, just burn it on a CD or somthing.)

So far the best stuff I've found is from Staind, but I was really hoping to get somthing from a female.

Would love any ideas!!!!

04-08-17, 05:09 PM
I always thought Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol would sound great with a female singer.

04-08-17, 05:28 PM
If I was the husband, I would be most comforted and encouraged by a song that emphasized hope and trust and affection, and didn't spend too much time on the apology part. Too often, long apologies become so long because the person who is sorry can't figure out what to do next.

Apologies are for the past. Have a song that at least includes the future. Maybe even just inspiration, with no apology? Hmmm, OK, I realize the apology should be included.

I don't have any real suggestions - all the songs I've listened to lately have been either deliriously happy, or dramatic breakup songs. (No breakup for me, I'm just dramatic.) :)

04-08-17, 05:57 PM
The first song that popped into my mind is Brandi Carlile, "The Story". She speaks of them being made for each other more so than apologizing. Tugs the old heart strings every time I hear it.

04-09-17, 09:45 AM
Listen to this one, it will make you melt.

04-09-17, 04:02 PM
THese are all fantastic ideas! My heart is melting... and yes DVD you are absolutely right, I should focus more on the moving on and positive future than the apologizing (especially since it is not ALL my fault). We are still in the deep dark parts of trying to figure stuff out. We are still both blaming each other a lot. But I am realizing some things I did which I was in total denial about, and it is very humbling, and difficult to swallow.

The good thing is, we both want to stay together. And we are moving in the right direction. I see a lot of hope...

Johnny Slick
04-09-17, 11:18 PM
If you did things that were caused by ADHD or the reaction people make to undiagnosed ADHD I'm not sure that any of it is your "fault" per se and I'm not sure that it's always useful to apportion blame like that. You were doing the best that you could with the information and tools you had available before you were diagnosed, and now that you have better data and tools you are doing better. I don't know, apologizing for that prior state is like demanding that 18th century astronomers ought to apologize for being skeptical of a non earth-centered universe before stellar parallax was discovered (I mean, even Copernicus only said "hey, if you assume that the earth and the planets revolve around the Sun it makes the paths of the planets more elegant", not necessarily "this is all the proof you will need"), or for biologists not believing in evolution via natural selection before Darwin published "On The Origin of Species".

If you need someone or something to pin the blame on in your relationship in order for it to move forward, well... a lot of things, even things that destroy relationships, really *aren't* either side's fault. They're just things that people do when acting in good faith that nevertheless, when combined with whatever the other party is doing, make relationships not work.

I guess on the other hand, are you a person who dealt with their ADHD by always finding someone to blame other than yourself? If that's the case and you actually did mean stuff you'd still do to him now even after you're (presumably) medicated and/or getting therapy for your condition (and disclaimer: not listening intently and not following through on promises, as annoying as they can be, are *totally* ADHD things), then sure, apologize for those things. If you're not, though... I feel like this is one of the hardest things that we can ever make ourselves believe so I'll just repeat it: you were doing the best you could with the information and the tools that you were given at the time.

Also, sorry, one last nitpick: ADHD is not who you are. It's a condition that you have. It doesn't make up the entirety or even, necessarily, a large part of your character any more than dyslexia makes up a big chunk of a dyslexic's character. It's a brain composition/chemistry issue, nothing more.

04-10-17, 05:39 AM
I understand what you are saying JohnnySlick, and you are totally right. In my situation, I was diagnosed and treated 13 years ago (before I met my husband) and after a few years decided I didn't need it anymore, was good to go, and basically didn't worry about it much anymore. (I had finished university and felt like I didn't need so much support in normal life). Well, it was fine for a long time, but the stress of having kids has been difficult, and it's gotten a LOT harder. But I basically always blamed him for having too high of standards, and thought he had to relax, instead of somehow meeting halfway.

There were also a lot of things both of us said and did (from my side, lots of things said out of impulse, which I later regretted, and also not properly listening to what he was saying, or ignoring his needs because I was caught up in my own ego, and also partly becuase he would just give in too quickly. So while both of us definitely have things to work on and apologize for, I want to make a major step forwards in repairing the relationship by recognizing my part in it and apologizing for it. And while a lot of it is for sure caused by ADHD and would have been extremely difficult to control, I still feel like it's appropriate to apologize, becuase it made him feel terrible and had a lot of bad effects on him and our family life. I guess it's kind of like... if I accidentally crashed his car, I would still apologize for it even though it wasn't intentional. You know what I mean?

He is still blaming me a LOT but if I just get caught up in that and don't rise above it we will never get anywhere. The one thing I am trying to avoid is taking the blame upon myself. So I am trying to apologize for how it affected him but not say that somehow I am a bad person or am to blame for everything. (If he starts going off about stuff like that I will draw the line.). Not sure if that is possible but that's what I was thinking, anyways...

Little Missy
04-10-17, 07:27 AM
At this point, I would forego being so desirous of apologizing and walk the walk instead of talking the talk.

04-30-17, 12:03 PM
Here's a good one, it has an apologetic-romantic touch and you can learn it easily:

04-30-17, 11:36 PM
DON HENLEY...The Heart of the Matter..

The Heart Of The Matter Lyrics

I got the call today, I didn't want to hear
But I knew that it would come.
An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone,
She said you found someone.
And I thought of all the bad luck
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you.
What are those voices outside love's open door,
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now,
But I miss you sometimes.
The more I know, the less I understand,
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again.
I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness,
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore.

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us, you know it doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live with out you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd figured out
I have to learn again
I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore.

There are people in your life
Who've come and gone,
They let you down,
You know they've hurt your pride.
You better put it all behind you;
'Cause life goes on.
If you keep carryin' that anger,
It'll eat you up inside baby

I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me

I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter.
So, I'm thinkin' about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me.

Forgiveness, forgiveness,
Forgiveness, forgiveness,
Forgiveness, forgiveness,
Even if, even if you don't love me.