View Full Version : having a complete mental break down after seeing my midterm exam grade


nyxela
04-06-17, 09:21 PM
i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 8, and scored top of the charts so took top doses of adderall or concerta every day growing up, which yes i needed. but back then they didnt know the long term affects were making symptoms worse if you went off of them, and now as an adult i cant function with out them, i can take two doses if i forget i already took it, three doses(3 is extremely rare, i dont often have the luxury of having that many spares i usually have to tough it out and work as long as possible) (i dont take them on the weekends usually unless im studying or need to drive a very long distance) sometimes if i need to work too long and its hitting its half life later in the day and i know i need to keep working, and i dont get that zombie affect ppl talk about I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU GUYS! anytime i hear someone say they operate fine on a low dose and get the zombie affect i am so insanely jealous! the top doses all they do is slightly curb my symptoms, dont change personality, nothing, i still show obvious symptoms all day long, all the top dose does is curb them a bit.

on top of this im dyslexic

all i wanted to do was go to college for years, while my step sister got to live at home(and still is at age 27) changing her degree non stop and is now working in a daycare you dont need college for in my state but my step mom hates me so i never could

and i got into drugs n the wrong crowd for a few years after i turned 18 and lived alone

and i cleaned up a few years ago met my wonderful bf and we bought a house in a small town since hes paid well and lets me go to school and not work bc my school work takes me so long

i always have to re read chapters
just doing my homework in general takes hours
more than once i week i will literally be doing homework non stop for over 6 hours a day after classes, sometimes up to 10 hours until i just literally cant anymore due to being so late, working so long and my medication having worn off hours before

ive tried soooooooo hard to just be a good student and be on honor roll, and graduate on honor roll, for once in my freaking life

so freaking hard

i picked up some shifts at my summer job last month to get money to buy alex anniversary presents

and i ended up overloading myself

i get literally perfect scores on all my homework assignments. i never miss class. even when i am sick and throwing up i go because i know ill struggle sooo hard on that weeks homework if i dont go, i sit in the front of the class, i take the most OCD level notes on the face of the planet using tons of highlighters, diff colored pins, sticky notes, the long thing sticky notes to mark things and write "blah blah-study!" on the end of the tab if its something im struggling with. I make note cards, i do everything possible

idk if this link will work from image farm of my notes but: http://image.farm/image/ciLwY

I always give long detailed answers, i make sure i follow everything on the rubrics, i had an assignment that asked like 12 questions or something and gave such long answers when it was typed single spaced it was almost 5 pages long.

in my humanities class tho i forgot we had a 2nd online discussion thread for unit one when it first started. so i got a 0/10 and since then my grade was a C and is going up as more assignments are graded is a 86% right now

my math is always a C or a B, i worked really hard over spring break and did a bunch of moduals online to test out of my 3rd math class i had to take before taking math classes for my actual program(due to not scoring high enough on the entrance exams for placement) I worked so hard on that so i wouldnt have to pay for another class that wouldnt count for the actual degree


and in my exceptional learners class i didnt have enough time to study for the mid term, since i picked up those shifts,(its an 8 week course with full semesters work packed into it)
and i missed two questions for the most IDIOTIC REASONS

I put the acronyms IFSP on a fill in the blank and missed it bc i didnt spell it out individualized family service plan

then it asked what law did blah blah blah
and i wrote out the laws name Individuals with Disabilities Education Act for the answer, i didnt write law 95 so i missed it. (they are the same thing)

if i hadnt missed those two i wouldve had a B on the exam no now i have a C+.

over all grade B+.

so A - west civ
C+ - exceptional learners
B -math
B+ - humanities

............. i need two A's two B's to just get the bare minimum requirement for the required 3.5 GPA you need to get EVERY semester to graduate with honors.

.........

Ive worked soooooooooooo hard

this whole year... ive drove myself insane studying and re reading, and trying so hard

why do i have to be like this! why cant i just learn normally! im not stupid! it just takes me longer, to get things straight in my head, or get what i have in my head expressed correctly, soooooooooooo much longer and i hate it i hate myself i worked so hard

all i wanted was to prove everyone wrong and be a good student for once in my entire life

and make people proud of me, and show them im not just a screw up

why cant i just be like everyone else


I just wanted to be good once in my life.

if my final exam in exceptional learners goes bad like this even with perfect homework scores im probably screwed on that class. and if my humanities doesn't quite reach an A not an A-, but an actual A by the time schools over in a few weeks im screwed, so so so screwed.


UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WORKED SO HARD THIS YEAR AFTER NOT BEING IN SCHOOL FOR 7 YEARS

i cant stop crying

I tried so hard

I cant take this if by finals all my works been for nothing.

Fuzzy12
04-06-17, 11:19 PM
I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. The last big exam I took was gre and when I messed that up inspite of preparing for it I locked myself in my room snd just cried for 3 days...

Could you speak to your lecturers to ask.them if they have any ideas about how you can prepare more effectively? It seems to me that the problem might lie in knowing exactly what to answer rather than a lack of knowledge.

Don't give up. There are always more chances. Fingers crossed next time will be better. :grouphug:

Letching Gray
04-07-17, 02:13 AM
but back then they didnt know the long term affects were making symptoms worse if you went off of them

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Hope you can find the resources to make the improvements you feel would be helpful.

I am confused by the statement you made above. Where did you learn that the symptoms worsen if you cease taking meds?

ginniebean
04-07-17, 11:40 AM
When you first get assignments always write them in a day planner, also , make sure a couple of weeks before that you have an assignment due and put that in there. You're going to be ok. Don't let this get you down. Just keep on.

Letching Gray
04-07-17, 02:58 PM
i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 8, and scored top of the charts so took top doses of adderall or concerta every day growing up, which yes i needed. but back then they didnt know the long term affects were making symptoms worse if you went off of them, and now as an adult i cant function with out them,

I WORKED SO HARD THIS YEAR AFTER NOT BEING IN SCHOOL FOR 7 YEARS

i cant stop crying

I tried so hard

I cant take this if by finals all my works been for nothing.



i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 8, and scored top of the charts


Which "charts"? Would you name the source/company that produced those charts? IOW, the charts, where you scored the highest, and were used to determine your rx quantity, were a part of which organization that provided the corresponding tests?


Top of the charts so took top doses of adderall or concerta every day


All may not be lost. Let's look closer at the details of your situation. Your worry is that you won't make the honor's list. This is just one semester. Plenty of time to make future honor's lists.

"did a bunch of moduals online to test out of my 3rd math class"

Which modules for what types of math, Allgebra II? Calc? Trig?

How much is the top dose for an 8 year old and who gave you that information? This occurred at least 18 years ago, so you would still have access to your medical and school records with the specifics regarding your testing, diagnosis, treatment, etc. I assume.

I would like to know more about the doctor involved and the material she used as you sought treatment for your ADHD. Would you mind sharing that info?

Thanks

dormammau2008
04-07-17, 04:56 PM
remember no matter what you are a person not your exam ok...don't think yourself just as this we are worth more than that......:thankyou:

Little Missy
04-07-17, 06:50 PM
Sometimes a weekend in the fetal position in your bed brings on a whole new perspective by Monday.

I hope you get to feeling better.

nyxela
04-08-17, 12:13 AM
Which "charts"? Would you name the source/company that produced those charts? IOW, the charts, where you scored the highest, and were used to determine your rx quantity, were a part of which organization that provided the corresponding tests?





All may not be lost. Let's look closer at the details of your situation. Your worry is that you won't make the honor's list. This is just one semester. Plenty of time to make future honor's lists.

"did a bunch of moduals online to test out of my 3rd math class"

Which modules for what types of math, Allgebra II? Calc? Trig?

How much is the top dose for an 8 year old and who gave you that information? This occurred at least 18 years ago, so you would still have access to your medical and school records with the specifics regarding your testing, diagnosis, treatment, etc. I assume.

I would like to know more about the doctor involved and the material she used as you sought treatment for your ADHD. Would you mind sharing that info?

Thanks


I went to kaviler and associates as a kid but the doctor i saw a dr hernington (sp?) and he moved to utah.

Idk it was just like a graph thing and they said i was at the top for severity of symptoms

nyxela
04-08-17, 12:15 AM
Sorry to hear about your struggles. Hope you can find the resources to make the improvements you feel would be helpful.

I am confused by the statement you made above. Where did you learn that the symptoms worsen if you cease taking meds?

"They took 18 never medicated ADHD adults and did PET scans on them before and one year later. They compared the ADHD adults to 12 normal control subjects, also scanned at baseline and then a year later. The ADHD subjects treated with the drug showed a 24% average increase in dopamine transporters, while the control subjects showed no increase in transporters.

It appears that while methylphenidate is blocking the transporters, it’s also somehow inspiring the multiplication of them. Imagine, then, what happens to the person with ADHD who wants to stop taking medication. He or she may be even more vulnerable than before taking medication."

[Source: Amen Clinics Blog: Is Your ADHD Treatment Making You Worse?]

Letching Gray
04-08-17, 01:01 AM
Hey There Nyxela,

I see you are present right now. We would love to get your input regarding the issues you've raised and we've responded to the best we can.

Pilgrim
04-08-17, 06:37 AM
I would like to know if you want to do well to learn or to get high marks. I think that you put so much effort is great but I think to understand the drive and purpose may give perspective and objective.

Letching Gray
04-08-17, 07:45 AM
"They took 18 never medicated ADHD adults and did PET scans on them before and one year later. They compared the ADHD adults to 12 normal control subjects, also scanned at baseline and then a year later. The ADHD subjects treated with the drug showed a 24% average increase in dopamine transporters, while the control subjects showed no increase in transporters.

It appears that while methylphenidate is blocking the transporters, it’s also somehow inspiring the multiplication of them. Imagine, then, what happens to the person with ADHD who wants to stop taking medication. He or she may be even more vulnerable than before taking medication."

[Source: Amen Clinics Blog: Is Your ADHD Treatment Making You Worse?]

Ask that clinic to show you, specifically, the "double-blind, controlled" results of the testing they did, which has been confirmed and is published in peer reviewed literature.

Copies of the tests and charts from when you were examined at 8 years of age are in your file at college. Based on your academic history, why haven't they offered you accommodations? What is the name of the college you attend? Your grades in college math (which modules have you taken?) are good. College math is not for the faint hearted.

What line of work have you been in since high school? With those math grades, you demonstrate a great deal of potential.


When you say you take the top doses now, how much is that? You are dyslexic, too. Did you, do you, receive any help for that? Perhaps there are other issues present that have gone undiagnosed. Your health care provider should (and doctors often do) rely upon a comparison of your previous testing data with your current level of functioning to establish how well you respond to which medications, how much and how often, to formulate a proper prescription protocol. I've never heard of testing at the top of charts being the criteria for establishing dosage level.

The ability to focus one's attention is not the same as being able to process information. Medication doesn't work well in everyone, either. Vigorous exercise is important and organization is key, too.

nyxela
04-10-17, 08:56 PM
Hey There Nyxela,

I see you are present right now. We would love to get your input regarding the issues you've raised and we've responded to the best we can.

I am alright I suppose, going to ask another professor for help on maybe trying to argue a couple answers for half credit hopefully? not sure how that works, just have heard of people doing it.

I would like to know if you want to do well to learn or to get high marks. I think that you put so much effort is great but I think to understand the drive and purpose may give perspective and objective.
both to learn and high marks. I had a large 7 year gap between high school and college and am just trying to work as hard as possible, I just really want to graduate with honors so badly. lol
Ask that clinic to show you, specifically, the "double-blind, controlled" results of the testing they did, which has been confirmed and is published in peer reviewed literature.

Copies of the tests and charts from when you were examined at 8 years of age are in your file at college. Based on your academic history, why haven't they offered you accommodations? What is the name of the college you attend? Your grades in college math (which modules have you taken?) are good. College math is not for the faint hearted.

What line of work have you been in since high school? With those math grades, you demonstrate a great deal of potential.


When you say you take the top doses now, how much is that? You are dyslexic, too. Did you, do you, receive any help for that? Perhaps there are other issues present that have gone undiagnosed. Your health care provider should (and doctors often do) rely upon a comparison of your previous testing data with your current level of functioning to establish how well you respond to which medications, how much and how often, to formulate a proper prescription protocol. I've never heard of testing at the top of charts being the criteria for establishing dosage level.

The ability to focus one's attention is not the same as being able to process information. Medication doesn't work well in everyone, either. Vigorous exercise is important and organization is key, too.

No, it is just a small community college and it has been 7 years since I left high school. I had to have my current doctor write them a small note asking for longer testing time, and specific seating. (upfront)

I was working out until my last class started up, it is one of the 8 week courses but with full semesters worth of work in it.

For math I am taking lower classes since i didnt test well at all, I tested out of the third refresher course though over spring break so i will be taking educators math I next fall. I am in a 2+2 program for middle school history/science teaching. This allows me to stay where I live in a small town and get my full degree. I go two years considered the actual colleges student, then the next two years i go to same campus but am considered a UNI student.

Over the summer I plan to stop seeing the local doctor and drive to the city for a new evaluation since i am sure they have come up with new ADHD medications or can figure out something that would help me better. Non stimulants do next to nothing. XD I was taking concerta XR 52 mg, now am on adderall XR 30 mg, i was told they stopped making the 70 something dose of concerta and the 40 mg of adderall. adderall makes me sweat more than usual only reason i really prefer concerta.

small town doctors are crap i tried to get a medication for my anxiety and they were just trying to give me anti depressants saying they didn't understand why i would be so anxious if i am not depressed. And what do i mean everything makes me anxious? I mean literally everything makes me anxious. I worry non stop about the most stupid crap.

I am never taking 15 credits again that is for sure. This is also my first year ever in college so theres that.
I think i may just do 3 classes per semester next year I've been breaking out in stress hives past two weeks. -.-

Lloyd_
05-03-17, 12:10 AM
why do i have to be like this! why cant i just learn normally! im not stupid! it just takes me longer, to get things straight in my head, or get what i have in my head expressed correctly, soooooooooooo much longer and i hate it i hate myself i worked so hard

We're the same person, literally..I repeat those same words inside my head all the time, I'm about to get ready to get back to college and I have the same fears as you do. I would recommend just taking one difficult class and an elective for one semester, that's what I'm planning on doing, going to take Algebra I by itself for the first semester, after that it should be downhill. Working and going to school part time is the killer.

My advice being that you're working fulltime is to NOT burn the candle at both ends, even if it takes a few more years to get your degree DON'T try to rush it, you'll just end up screwing yourself.

This will be my 2nd time going to college after getting my first degree about 10+ years ago, hopefully my cognitive abilities are just as good.

Wish you the best of luck, it's far far from easy but have patience, it's not easy being this way I know and I wish I wasn't this way, I feel completely disconnected with people and society and can't relate with anyone which makes me fear I'll be alone in poverty for the rest of my life but yet at the same time I'm going to do by best even if it kills me.

sarahsweets
05-03-17, 04:36 AM
i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 8, and scored top of the charts so took top doses of adderall or concerta every day growing up, which yes i needed. but back then they didnt know the long term affects were making symptoms worse if you went off of them, and now as an adult i cant function with out them, i can take two doses if i forget i already took it, three doses(3 is extremely rare, i dont often have the luxury of having that many spares i usually have to tough it out and work as long as possible) (i dont take them on the weekends usually unless im studying or need to drive a very long distance) sometimes if i need to work too long and its hitting its half life later in the day and i know i need to keep working, and i dont get that zombie affect ppl talk about I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU GUYS! anytime i hear someone say they operate fine on a low dose and get the zombie affect i am so insanely jealous! the top doses all they do is slightly curb my symptoms, dont change personality, nothing, i still show obvious symptoms all day long, all the top dose does is curb them a bit.
What do you mean by long term effects? And when you say you take 2 or 3 do you mean if you forget to take the 1 or that your prescribed dose has doubled?


on top of this im dyslexic

all i wanted to do was go to college for years, while my step sister got to live at home(and still is at age 27) changing her degree non stop and is now working in a daycare you dont need college for in my state but my step mom hates me so i never could

and i got into drugs n the wrong crowd for a few years after i turned 18 and lived alone

and i cleaned up a few years ago met my wonderful bf and we bought a house in a small town since hes paid well and lets me go to school and not work bc my school work takes me so long

i always have to re read chapters
just doing my homework in general takes hours
more than once i week i will literally be doing homework non stop for over 6 hours a day after classes, sometimes up to 10 hours until i just literally cant anymore due to being so late, working so long and my medication having worn off hours before

ive tried soooooooo hard to just be a good student and be on honor roll, and graduate on honor roll, for once in my freaking life

so freaking hard

i picked up some shifts at my summer job last month to get money to buy alex anniversary presents

and i ended up overloading myself

i get literally perfect scores on all my homework assignments. i never miss class. even when i am sick and throwing up i go because i know ill struggle sooo hard on that weeks homework if i dont go, i sit in the front of the class, i take the most OCD level notes on the face of the planet using tons of highlighters, diff colored pins, sticky notes, the long thing sticky notes to mark things and write "blah blah-study!" on the end of the tab if its something im struggling with. I make note cards, i do everything possible

idk if this link will work from image farm of my notes but: http://image.farm/image/ciLwY

I always give long detailed answers, i make sure i follow everything on the rubrics, i had an assignment that asked like 12 questions or something and gave such long answers when it was typed single spaced it was almost 5 pages long.

in my humanities class tho i forgot we had a 2nd online discussion thread for unit one when it first started. so i got a 0/10 and since then my grade was a C and is going up as more assignments are graded is a 86% right now

my math is always a C or a B, i worked really hard over spring break and did a bunch of moduals online to test out of my 3rd math class i had to take before taking math classes for my actual program(due to not scoring high enough on the entrance exams for placement) I worked so hard on that so i wouldnt have to pay for another class that wouldnt count for the actual degree


and in my exceptional learners class i didnt have enough time to study for the mid term, since i picked up those shifts,(its an 8 week course with full semesters work packed into it)
and i missed two questions for the most IDIOTIC REASONS

I put the acronyms IFSP on a fill in the blank and missed it bc i didnt spell it out individualized family service plan

then it asked what law did blah blah blah
and i wrote out the laws name Individuals with Disabilities Education Act for the answer, i didnt write law 95 so i missed it. (they are the same thing)

if i hadnt missed those two i wouldve had a B on the exam no now i have a C+.

over all grade B+.

so A - west civ
C+ - exceptional learners
B -math
B+ - humanities

............. i need two A's two B's to just get the bare minimum requirement for the required 3.5 GPA you need to get EVERY semester to graduate with honors.

.........

Ive worked soooooooooooo hard

this whole year... ive drove myself insane studying and re reading, and trying so hard

why do i have to be like this! why cant i just learn normally! im not stupid! it just takes me longer, to get things straight in my head, or get what i have in my head expressed correctly, soooooooooooo much longer and i hate it i hate myself i worked so hard

all i wanted was to prove everyone wrong and be a good student for once in my entire life

and make people proud of me, and show them im not just a screw up

why cant i just be like everyone else


I just wanted to be good once in my life.

if my final exam in exceptional learners goes bad like this even with perfect homework scores im probably screwed on that class. and if my humanities doesn't quite reach an A not an A-, but an actual A by the time schools over in a few weeks im screwed, so so so screwed.


UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WORKED SO HARD THIS YEAR AFTER NOT BEING IN SCHOOL FOR 7 YEARS

i cant stop crying

I tried so hard

I cant take this if by finals all my works been for nothing.[/QUOTE]

Postulate
05-03-17, 09:10 AM
Hmm, nyxela, you haven't told us what program you're studying in. Have you thought about another field if this one doesn't suit your strengths?