View Full Version : Depression and Anxiety...Adderall

04-11-17, 05:39 PM
I'm 17 years old currently in High School. I've always had an average grades of C's and D's with an occasional B or A. I'd say my life has pretty much been a waste to be honest. I never can keep a conversation going or even get into one because i'm just to afraid and growing up i was pretty talkative until I reached the age of about 9 or 10. Around the age of about 12 all of the friends I enjoyed hanging out with (most of them I knew since like 5 years old) I just stopped hanging out with them and to be quite honest stopped talking to them unless I was school. Ever since then I would be in my room probably about 70 percent of the time playing computer games or what not (still am..)

All through out high school or probably after freshmen year I stopped talking to everyone in real life and even my parents I cant even talk to them about very important issues or even talk to them. I would be in my room and when dinner is ready I would eat with my mom and dad and then go back up stairs. But the thing is that they think i'm constantly playing video games up in my room but in reality i'm probably in my bed 70 percent of the time just on my phone or laptop doing absolutely nothing.

Fast forward to this year which is my Junior year I still have very hard time with school even though I KNOW I could do a hell of a lot better. The start of the year wasn't all that bad which never is but a quarter into the year it got worse. I would not want to go to school so much that I would get up, take a shower, get in my truck and leave and wait until i knew the time my parents left for work and I would come home (Dumbest thing ever right?) Idk why but I would honestly be driving actually going to school and then i would just go straight at the intersection instead of turning right to my school, then coming back home. Eventually my mom found out of all of my absences and thats when i went to the doctor and we tried to figure out what was wrong with me.(Social Anxiety and Depression..) Which the Doc prescribed me Zoloft 75mg and counseling (Counselings going alright but Zoloft is doing absolutely nothing and he just keeps upping the dosage every check up)
(Ive never posted anything like this to any website btw)

Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago, This kid I kind of knew (basically only in school) has ADHD and offered me Adderall 30mg xr and I just said **** it why not. I told myself i'd take it to school and when I did everything changed. I never really felt a "high" idk maybe I did but i never really much of one i guess? idk. Anyway, Everything was better, I felt like I was actually a Human Being that did something; Socialized, made jokes, Answered questions in class. I started taking the 30mg xr pill for maybe 2 weeks or so and I just felt like I was actually my self and not a lazy slob in bed all day. I looked people in the eye and talked to them. The best part was that i conversed with my family about multiple stuff. Usually when my brothers said whats up to me I'D ALWAYS say "nothing" but now i actually talked to them. Honestly the past 3 weeks have been the happiest 3 weeks of my life, I'm not just an emotionless robot. I'm Human

The thing is though i'm not sure if i should mention this stuff to my doc or counselor, id feel more comfortable with my counselor but still what i'm doing is illegal..

That's the first time I've ever said anything about my issues to anyone (all of my issues that is)

Sorry for the 10 page essay but it kind of felt good typing all of that out :)

04-20-17, 12:46 AM
Welcome, Im glad you got all that out as well. I dont know what to tell you. Do you have adhd? Thats the first step, getting diagnosed. I am not sure what to tell you. If you do have adhd or get diagnosed adhd then stimulants would be a first line treatment for them. But if you are basing whether or not you have adhd based on how you reacted to the medicine then you are mistaken. These meds are abused all the time because of how they make someone feel. If we were diagnosing people based on how they reacted to meds, then the whole world would be adhd. The meds are not evaluated on how they make you feel they are evaluated on how they control your symptoms. Meds generally hum along in the backround helping to control adhd.

It sounds like you have been experiencing euphoria which is common and doesnt last.
I would recommend getting diagnosed and dealing with your doctor that way, and honesty is the best policy. If you do have adhd then the doctor might be more understanding as to why you tried medication illegally.
I think people fail to take into consideration that these meds are serious business and by just trying them out, they dont understand how difficult they are making it for people who legit need them everyday and take them as prescribed.