View Full Version : No where to talk...my dad's unwell. Need a vent.


psychopathetic
04-15-17, 06:05 PM
I feel incredibly selfish doing this. I up and left the forums 3 or 4 weeks ago on you guys which was rude and self-absorbing.
Yet here I am...back...selfishly wanting to post as if I never ditched you guys.

/sigh

Nowhere to go. My mom has friends and family to talk to. To vent with. I don't really have anywhere to turn right now. I have my weekly support group, but I'm having a hard time trying to make it till our next session.

...

My dad's been very unwell this past 2 weeks. He went in on monday (10th) to get another stint put into his heart...but when they got in there, they found out that even if they did put a stint in, the blood would just be flowing to dead tissue. His heart is very bad off.

The doctors got together and they pretty much told my dad he could do 2 things. He could go home and continue doing what he's doing...but he's a ticking time bomb and another heart attack is very likely to occur soon...and his heart isn't likely strong enough to survive a second...
or they could open him up and do bypass surgery.

They did a quadruple bypass on him on thursday (13th)...1 of the valves was really weak and the doctors don't expect it to last long. Also the doctor didn't sound all that optimistic after the surgery. He told my mom that my dad's heart is in very bad shape and that he did the best that he could, but there's only so much that can be done at this point.

My dad was super drugged up yesterday, but kept waking up through the day and I guess was being a super pain in the a** for the nurses. He was mean and was refusing to do anything they told him to (they told him he needed to keep his legs up on the bed, so he'd instead dangled them over the side. He kept taking his oxygen off, kept trying to sit up (when he needed to lay down)...he even got up off of bed and sat in a recliner...I guess it took 5 people to get him off and back on to his bed.
Then he needed to eat a tiny bit of something last night...they were trying to give him some potatoes. He needed something small in his stomach or the pain meds could make him feel sick. But he refused (meanly) to eat.

Today...he's unresponsive. He's been asleep all day, but he does occasionally open his eyes...only when he does, it's a black stare and he has no reaction to anyone or anything. Then he falls back asleep.
His blood levels are also really low so they are pumping blood into him.

The doctors don't know what's going on...they are worried though and this is not normal...in fact they were hoping to have him up and moving a tiny bit already today.

My mom was with him when he was waking up off and on, on friday...and I guess the first thing he said to my mom when he woke up the first time, is that he wishes he would've just died.

I think he's in the process of giving up. I think he gave up on life years ago. I don't know that he has the character or personal strength to fight through this, and I just think he's going to let himself die. He's too weak to fight. He doesn't want to fight. He's been ready for death for a long time, and this is it.

I don't know how I feel.

I should be with him. But I don't think I should be either. He's in a town several hours away...my mom's with him along with a few other family members.

Maybe I'm a monster. I don't know. I love him...I always have...through everything. I've always loved him.
So why am I holding back on going and being with him?

He'll be fine of course. I'm just being a drama queen. He'll pull through in a day or 2, and after some months of healing...he'll be back and kicking once again.
So I don't know.

I'm feeling odd. I haven't broken down yet. I'm not sure how to handle this. I do know I needed to vent though...just get this out somewhere. I really don't have anyone to vent to right now. I miss this place for that. At least here I had a place to talk.

I need friends :(.

I also wish everyone would leave me the **** alone. My grandparents, my aunt, my cousin...everyone's wanting to call me and wanting to see me and I just want them to leave me the heck alone. I don't want to talk. My damn grandpa even came up to my apartment because I wasn't answering his calls...so now I've had to lock my door and put a chair behind it so I feel safe knowing no one can get in.
I just want to be left alone you know? If I needed them, I'd reach out to them. They know me better than to pester me like this...don't they? They know I'm a loner.

man...I feel like such a loser. I have no friends and have pushed my family away.

...
I just needed to get this out.
I'm sorry for being so selfish. I don't plan on posting much here again yet...I don't know wtf is going on, I just needed a break from here I guess. That sounds so mean or rude or something.

I need to go distract myself now. I like feeling numb.

My dad will be fine.

midnightstar
04-15-17, 06:16 PM
(((((psycho))))) sorry to hear about your dad, I truly hope he doesn't give up the fight :grouphug:

Look after yourself, this forum will be here whenever you need us :grouphug: It's what we're here for - supporting each other :grouphug:

dvdnvwls
04-15-17, 09:59 PM
No one gets blamed for dropping off the forum for a while - it's an ADHD forum, not a Perfect Attendance forum. :)

Best wishes for your dad - this does not sound to me like "just one of those things" though. I hope he makes a great recovery.

And best wishes for you, too.

Unmanagable
04-15-17, 11:12 PM
Sending some big love your and dad's way. ((((Hugs))))

finallyfound10
04-16-17, 12:14 AM
(((psycho))) When a parent is sick the feelings we have are complex. I understand.

Warm thoughts going your way.

Fuzzy12
04-16-17, 01:02 AM
Psycho im so sorry. I hope you're dad will be fine. I think like finally found said feelings regarding parents can just be so complex. I worry about my psrents hugely but I hate yhink in about them because kts brings up so many mixed feelings

Don't talk to anyone if you don't want to (including us) but I think maybe you should go and see your dad. Maybe some of the feelings will resolve. Oh and everyone else can **** off.

Huge hugs. Keep posting whenever you feel like. Much love to you abd your family m!!!:grouphug:

stef
04-16-17, 03:37 AM
Psycho just keep posting here
Im so sorry you have to go through this
And then well meaning relatives who dont understand
I went through hell when my mom was ill, i know how hard it can be :grouphug:

Pilgrim
04-16-17, 04:19 AM
It s hard to watch someone so close be so unwell, take care of yourself.

Letching Gray
04-16-17, 04:25 AM
I feel incredibly selfish doing this. I up and left the forums 3 or 4 weeks ago on you guys which was rude and self-absorbing.
Yet here I am...back...selfishly wanting to post as if I never ditched you guys.

/sigh

Nowhere to go. My mom has friends and family to talk to. To vent with. I don't really have anywhere to turn right now. I have my weekly support group, but I'm having a hard time trying to make it till our next session.

...

My dad's been very unwell this past 2 weeks. He went in on monday (10th) to get another stint put into his heart...but when they got in there, they found out that even if they did put a stint in, the blood would just be flowing to dead tissue. His heart is very bad off.

The doctors got together and they pretty much told my dad he could do 2 things. He could go home and continue doing what he's doing...but he's a ticking time bomb and another heart attack is very likely to occur soon...and his heart isn't likely strong enough to survive a second...
or they could open him up and do bypass surgery.

They did a quadruple bypass on him on thursday (13th)...1 of the valves was really weak and the doctors don't expect it to last long. Also the doctor didn't sound all that optimistic after the surgery. He told my mom that my dad's heart is in very bad shape and that he did the best that he could, but there's only so much that can be done at this point.

My dad was super drugged up yesterday, but kept waking up through the day and I guess was being a super pain in the a** for the nurses. He was mean and was refusing to do anything they told him to (they told him he needed to keep his legs up on the bed, so he'd instead dangled them over the side. He kept taking his oxygen off, kept trying to sit up (when he needed to lay down)...he even got up off of bed and sat in a recliner...I guess it took 5 people to get him off and back on to his bed.
Then he needed to eat a tiny bit of something last night...they were trying to give him some potatoes. He needed something small in his stomach or the pain meds could make him feel sick. But he refused (meanly) to eat.

Today...he's unresponsive. He's been asleep all day, but he does occasionally open his eyes...only when he does, it's a black stare and he has no reaction to anyone or anything. Then he falls back asleep.
His blood levels are also really low so they are pumping blood into him.

The doctors don't know what's going on...they are worried though and this is not normal...in fact they were hoping to have him up and moving a tiny bit already today.

My mom was with him when he was waking up off and on, on friday...and I guess the first thing he said to my mom when he woke up the first time, is that he wishes he would've just died.

I think he's in the process of giving up. I think he gave up on life years ago. I don't know that he has the character or personal strength to fight through this, and I just think he's going to let himself die. He's too weak to fight. He doesn't want to fight. He's been ready for death for a long time, and this is it.

I don't know how I feel.

I should be with him. But I don't think I should be either. He's in a town several hours away...my mom's with him along with a few other family members.

Maybe I'm a monster. I don't know. I love him...I always have...through everything. I've always loved him.
So why am I holding back on going and being with him?

He'll be fine of course. I'm just being a drama queen. He'll pull through in a day or 2, and after some months of healing...he'll be back and kicking once again.
So I don't know.

I'm feeling odd. I haven't broken down yet. I'm not sure how to handle this. I do know I needed to vent though...just get this out somewhere. I really don't have anyone to vent to right now. I miss this place for that. At least here I had a place to talk.

I need friends :(.

I also wish everyone would leave me the **** alone. My grandparents, my aunt, my cousin...everyone's wanting to call me and wanting to see me and I just want them to leave me the heck alone. I don't want to talk. My damn grandpa even came up to my apartment because I wasn't answering his calls...so now I've had to lock my door and put a chair behind it so I feel safe knowing no one can get in.
I just want to be left alone you know? If I needed them, I'd reach out to them. They know me better than to pester me like this...don't they? They know I'm a loner.

man...I feel like such a loser. I have no friends and have pushed my family away.

...
I just needed to get this out.
I'm sorry for being so selfish. I don't plan on posting much here again yet...I don't know wtf is going on, I just needed a break from here I guess. That sounds so mean or rude or something.

I need to go distract myself now. I like feeling numb.

My dad will be fine.


Hope he feels better real soon.

I have the opposite problem. Everyone keeps telling me to, "shut up and get lost." And, "Will you beat it? Enough already." "See ya bucko!" "take a hike" "Later, much later" "Yea. that's right right. we'll call you." "Harriederci"

you know?

Hermus
04-16-17, 05:28 AM
You are not being selfish at all for fulfilling your own needs. If that means you'll be away from this forum for a while, that is totally okay. There always will be a place for you here when you need us. :)

So sorry about your father. I hope he will recover well.

It seems like a really hard struggle for you. You say you need friends and people who care, but when people do care you push them away. Maybe you could try to learn from it, by going against your own inclinations and letting the family members who do care and who do show interest in you into your heart. :grouphug:

Hermus
04-16-17, 05:33 AM
I just want to be left alone you know? If I needed them, I'd reach out to them. They know me better than to pester me like this...don't they? They know I'm a loner.

I don't know you're a loner. To me you seem like a guy who urgently craves for connection to people, but who doesn't know how and is scared to let people in. It sounds like the problems you have have a lot to do with being compassionate towards yourself and allowing yourself to have a connection with people.

I don't know whether or not it is helpful to you, but today my sponsor sent me a text about self-compassion that I would like to share with you.

http://www.johnwelwood.com/practices/self-compassion-rv.pdf

PinkPanther25
04-16-17, 06:04 AM
Your not selfish :) nothing bad about taking time away from the forum (you mentioned you did 3or 4 weeks ago)
I know im new here but im sure everyone is always going to welcome people back if they do take a break

Hope you father recovers soon aswell :)

Little Missy
04-16-17, 07:59 AM
You need to go and see your dad. Please, go to him. Your mum needs you there too.

psychopathetic
04-16-17, 01:07 PM
Update:

My dad's doing a little better today. He's responsive now, but he's being a total pain in the *** for everyone still. He's now refusing to eat, and they said if he doesn't start to eat or drink, they're going to have to stick a tube down his nose.
I feel like driving down there and slapping him. I get so upset and angry with how he behaves like this when he's at the hospital. I know he's in pain and all that, but that doesn't mean he has to turn into a complete di**. I don't. My mother doesn't. Plenty of other people don't. It's embarrassing and highly frustrating.

But...at least he's responsive which is a big step up from yesterday.

He's also developing fluids in his lungs which they say is cause from him not getting up and walking around a bit.

...

Meanwhile...my mom.

She started to have some heart issues herself yesterday morning...it go bad enough that they admitted her to the hospital now as well. They're going to go in and see what's going on with her heart tomorrow...
Also...they found that her veins/arteries? are about 80% clogged in her neck...so now she's going to have to have surgery for that while down there as well.

...
lol...bleh.

...
There's a ton of family that have come in from different states to be with my parents right now. I don't know if I'm a horrible person or not...but I've no plans on going down and being with my parents right now, not with all the family around. I'd have left already this morning to go be with them if there wasn't so much family there. I've just not got it in me to be with so many people right now. Selfish? Absolutely.

What a long week it's been. My poor parents :(.

...
Thank you for all the love and replies guys.
I'm out of sorts a bit and things feel so odd. I need a landing place to get this stuff out. Thanks for giving me a safe place to do so.

Fuzzy12
04-16-17, 03:28 PM
Oh no how stressful. Hope both the parents will recover soon. I totally get why you don't want to go there when it's swarming with relatives. I'd hate that too.

:grouphug:

Lunacie
04-16-17, 07:07 PM
I have nothing wise to say ... just :grouphug:

Letching Gray
04-16-17, 11:39 PM
Update:

My dad's doing a little better today. He's responsive now, but he's being a total pain in the *** for everyone still. He's now refusing to eat, and they said if he doesn't start to eat or drink, they're going to have to stick a tube down his nose.
I feel like driving down there and slapping him. I get so upset and angry with how he behaves like this when he's at the hospital. I know he's in pain and all that, but that doesn't mean he has to turn into a complete di**. I don't. My mother doesn't. Plenty of other people don't. It's embarrassing and highly frustrating.

But...at least he's responsive which is a big step up from yesterday.

He's also developing fluids in his lungs which they say is cause from him not getting up and walking around a bit.

...

Meanwhile...my mom.

She started to have some heart issues herself yesterday morning...it go bad enough that they admitted her to the hospital now as well. They're going to go in and see what's going on with her heart tomorrow...
Also...they found that her veins/arteries? are about 80% clogged in her neck...so now she's going to have to have surgery for that while down there as well.

...
lol...bleh.

...
There's a ton of family that have come in from different states to be with my parents right now. I don't know if I'm a horrible person or not...but I've no plans on going down and being with my parents right now, not with all the family around. I'd have left already this morning to go be with them if there wasn't so much family there. I've just not got it in me to be with so many people right now. Selfish? Absolutely.

What a long week it's been. My poor parents :(.

...
Thank you for all the love and replies guys.
I'm out of sorts a bit and things feel so odd. I need a landing place to get this stuff out. Thanks for giving me a safe place to do so.

It may not be unwise to go to see him, soon. Forgive me. This is none of my business, but I thought it might not hurt.

Hermus
04-17-17, 04:26 AM
Update:

My dad's doing a little better today. He's responsive now, but he's being a total pain in the *** for everyone still. He's now refusing to eat, and they said if he doesn't start to eat or drink, they're going to have to stick a tube down his nose.
I feel like driving down there and slapping him. I get so upset and angry with how he behaves like this when he's at the hospital. I know he's in pain and all that, but that doesn't mean he has to turn into a complete di**. I don't. My mother doesn't. Plenty of other people don't. It's embarrassing and highly frustrating.

But...at least he's responsive which is a big step up from yesterday.

He's also developing fluids in his lungs which they say is cause from him not getting up and walking around a bit.

...

Meanwhile...my mom.

She started to have some heart issues herself yesterday morning...it go bad enough that they admitted her to the hospital now as well. They're going to go in and see what's going on with her heart tomorrow...
Also...they found that her veins/arteries? are about 80% clogged in her neck...so now she's going to have to have surgery for that while down there as well.

...
lol...bleh.

...
There's a ton of family that have come in from different states to be with my parents right now. I don't know if I'm a horrible person or not...but I've no plans on going down and being with my parents right now, not with all the family around. I'd have left already this morning to go be with them if there wasn't so much family there. I've just not got it in me to be with so many people right now. Selfish? Absolutely.

What a long week it's been. My poor parents :(.

...
Thank you for all the love and replies guys.
I'm out of sorts a bit and things feel so odd. I need a landing place to get this stuff out. Thanks for giving me a safe place to do so.

Would it be an option to express to a family member that you are overwhelmed by the situation and would like some time alone with your parents? I think that's a pretty reasonable request.

psychopathetic
04-18-17, 10:10 PM
Update:

Well they checked my mom's heart yesterday morning...and it's good news and bad. The bad news is it's not doing great and she's facing open heart surgery in her future...the good news is that if she can get her diabetes under control and lose some weight, she shouldn't need any surgery. They also put her on a new heart med that will hopefully help things.

One of my mom's kidney's is messed up...but it should be okay if my mom can get her diabetes under control.

And like I already said earlier...some of her arteries in her neck are 70-90% blocked. She's going to go see a specialist on this tomorrow to see what will need to be done (it's looking like they'll need to perform surgery for this).

...
My dad...
Bleh. I'm very frustrated.
It's like he's completely given up. Like he's emotionally just done.
It's recovery day #5 for him already and he should be eating and walking around by now.
But he's not. He's become an extremely lethargic person. He sleeps 90% of the time and when he is awake he refuses to do anything he's suppose to be doing. He refuses to eat, though I guess my mom was able to feed him half an egg and some yogurt this morning...but even that took a long time to get down him. They're considering putting a feeding tube down his nose tomorrow because he's going to get very sick if he continues to refuse food.
He's also having memory issues. He wakes up and freaks out and asks where he is. Or what's been done to him. He doesn't remember any of this and when it's explained to him...he panics a bit.
He got himself into a chair today, but then refused to get out of it. It would've been okay for him to stay in the chair...only he kept drooping over and sliding out of the chair and was dangerously close to falling out.
Well he refused to get out of the chair...it took 8 nurses to pick him up and get him back in bed.
He's refusing to go to the bathroom...so they had to stick a tube up his urethra that goes to his bladder which drains it...
He needs to be up and walking multiple times per day at this point...and he should be able to do so with no assistance...but...again...he refuses. He's not taken a single step (other than the 2 steps to the chair) since he's been in recovery and it's very bad.
He's also playing so very stupid/dangerous games with his chest. He's suppose to keep a pillow on his chest and to keep it tight to help with his recovery from where they opened him up. They had to use wires or something to close him back up and to hold his ribs in place...and the doctors are highly concerned that he's going to mess it up which could lead to his wound being re-opened which could cause infections, or worse...they're afraid that if he doesn't do what he needs to do and he does screw his wound up, that his heart could be physically damaged by the wires or his ribs which could very well kill him.

So far...there really isn't a lot of answers. The doctor thinks it's depression and a lack of self motivation. They also think maybe he's experiencing some ptsd.
One thing's for sure...this is NOT normal. He should be just a day or 2 away from being able to leave the hospital by now.
His doctor put him on Ritalin today. I couldn't hardly believe it...but it's true. It makes sense now that I think about it. My dad's become incredibly lethargic and is over sleeping a great deal...so it kinda makes sense to try giving him a stimulant. I was surprised they did so though because I figured Ritalin causes a fast heart beat like adderall does.
We're all kinda holding our breath here hoping the meds will help kick him out of this funk.

He can't stay in the hospital for ever though. They're now discussing 2 options...1.) if he continues to refuse to do anything, they may end up sending him to a nursing home. 2.) if he starts to work with them...starts walking and eating...they can let him come back to our town we live in and recover here.
No one knows though. There's no answers. No one knows if my dad's going to bounce back and start cooperating.

I have a feeling he's going to continue to give up and get put into a nursing home where he's going to let himself further give in emotionally and he'll slowly let himself die.
That's what this feels like to me. It's like he's given up. He just wants to shut the lights off and be done.
And that ****** me off.

...
My mom is hesitant to having me come see him. I feel I need to go see him, not for me...but for him...though I know my presence will do nothing to help him. It'd actually likely only make him worse to be honest.

My mom wants me to wait another day or 2. She wants to see what the specialist says about the blocked arteries in her neck tomorrow, and hopefully within the next 2 days plans will start taking shape on what to do with my dad from here.
I might take the trip to go see him tomorrow, but I'm not sure. I don't feel a need to see him right now personally...the only reason I feel a need to go see him...is for him. And yet, I think I could further complicate things if I do come right now.
If he was in better spirits/attitude, then yeah...absolutely it'd be good to go see him. It'd make him really happy to see me.
But as is...I just don't know.


...
I don't know. I'm frustrated. I'm exhausted. I resent my dad. I'm angry with him. Callous even. It really upsets me that he's acting this way. I know that it's not all within his control...but damn it dad...grow the **** up and move on. Stop being such a weak a-hole. I need you you freaking ****. Don't you dare give up...I'm not ready to lose you, you dam *****.

I know I may come across as cold for not wanting to go see my dad...and I've been struggling with that for the last week. But tonight I feel at peace with it. I'll see him again...hopefully I can see him when my presence will be more of a positive though. Now just doesn't feel like the right time.

Also...all his family has already gone. I think that sucks...they came for 2 days and have all left. All that remains now, is my mom's sister. I don't mind her. I don't feel like I have to hide from her in shame like so many of my other family members.

...
I just don't know anymore guys.
I wish I had more answers. I wish the doctors could tell us exactly what's going on with my dad, what it means, how long it's going to last, and how to fix it. I wish they could answer my simple question of "Is my dad going to die?"...but there are no concrete answers. The doctors seem to be just as stumped as anyone over this.
I think my dad's just being a selfish jack a** for the most part.

Doesn't he get that giving up on his self, and his life...also means he's giving up on me, my mom, my sister...everyone...as well? It just seems super selfish to me.

...
I'm exhausted. I didn't mean for this update to be so long.
My dad's not well. My mom has her own issues going on too...but at least she's got a good attitude.
I'm lost, I'm confused, I'm angry, and I just wish I had solid answers to all the questions I have right now.


(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

psychopathetic
04-18-17, 10:13 PM
I have nothing wise to say ... just :grouphug:

You know how they say that a picture is worth 1,000 words?

Well my grandma use to say that a e-(((hug))) was worth 10,000 billion trillion gazillion times infinity plus a million words!
:giggle:

(((((((Lunsy)))))))
Thank you. I hope your dang headaches are giving you some rest lately :(

midnightstar
04-19-17, 01:36 AM
(((((psycho))))) hope your dad starts cooperating with the doctors soon and hope your mum gets better quickly :grouphug: look after yourself, you cant be expected to save your dad from himself, all you can do is visit him and try and cheer him up :grouphug:

Lunacie
04-19-17, 08:27 AM
You know how they say that a picture is worth 1,000 words?

Well my grandma use to say that a e-(((hug))) was worth 10,000 billion trillion gazillion times infinity plus a million words!
:giggle:

(((((((Lunsy)))))))
Thank you. I hope your dang headaches are giving you some rest lately :(

My dad had that thing with the artery in his neck being blocked. Not a big deal
to clean it out ... for most people. But he had low blood pressure and the meds
they gave him made it worse, bad reaction.

He also had a bypass done on his heart, just a few months before my hubby
had his first heart attack. Dad was in his 70s, hubs was only 40. Dad lived
10 years longer than hubs did.

There's not much you can do for your parents really, except to let them know
you love them. You need to focus on taking care of yourself, hm? :grouphug:

It's still spring weather and allergy season here. Woke up with a migraine at
4 am, will probably take a nap this afternoon. :umm1:

stef
04-19-17, 08:53 AM
It really is quite natural, to be angry with a parent in these situations;
I used to get SO resentful with my mom for not doing everything they would say, especially drinking enough fluids,; then they could never find her vein at appointments;
and for being snappy at well-meaning nurses because they were "too chipper".
I never said anything to her, it would have just made things worse.

Then i would feel guilty about it for days afterwards.

Hermus
04-19-17, 09:20 AM
I can understand why you feel frustrated with your dad's behaviour. Yet I think it should be possible for you to put yourself in his shoes. I remember a while ago that you were not taking your meds and your health was degenerating. You didn't think you deserved treatment and a god health then. So I think there are some things you two have in common.

I don't say this because I want to tell you you're just as bad as your dad. But maybe going back to your own experiences will make it easier to feel compassion for him.

:grouphug:

Hermus
04-19-17, 09:22 AM
It really is quite natural, to be angry with a parent in these situations;
I used to get SO resentful with my mom for not doing everything they would say, especially drinking enough fluids,; then they could never find her vein at appointments;
and for being snappy at well-meaning nurses because they were "too chipper".
I never said anything to her, it would have just made things worse.

Then i would feel guilty about it for days afterwards.

My dad was actually the opposite when he was in hospital. He was on some kind of morphine and was getting quite naughty. I was visiting with two friends and my mom and my sister went to get coffee. My dad got a naughty look on his face and started to make naughty jokes about the nurses. My friends were laughing their *ss*s off and I thought it was quite funny as well. :D

Normally if he would have made that kind of jokes in front of my friends, I would be like: "Dad, please..." But in this situation it was quite funny.

psychopathetic
04-19-17, 02:18 PM
I can understand why you feel frustrated with your dad's behaviour. Yet I think it should be possible for you to put yourself in his shoes. I remember a while ago that you were not taking your meds and your health was degenerating. You didn't think you deserved treatment and a god health then. So I think there are some things you two have in common.

I don't say this because I want to tell you you're just as bad as your dad. But maybe going back to your own experiences will make it easier to feel compassion for him.

:grouphug:

You are right...haha lord knows I can be quite a pain in the *** too when it comes to taking care of myself.
I think the thing that frustrates me the most though is his attitude. How weak, and mean he gets...and I'm not at all like that, even when I am sick. The times I've been in a hospital, or throughout the months of chemo I went through for cancer...I was never a snot to the doctors and nurses. I never openly fought them...gave them a mean attitude...or went at them with anger. I'm quite the opposite...I become very polite, compliant and considerate. It's something I'm quite proud of...knowing that I can still retain some kindness, even when I'm at such lows.
So to see my dad carrying on like a mean obnoxious child...just drives me nuts. He's my dad...he's suppose to be strong and big and kind. He's suppose to be someone I look up to and I aspire to be more like.

It's just tough. I feel a lot of resentment towards him.
Don't get me wrong. I really do love him, and through it all I'm VERY lucky to have him as a father. He's always worked very hard to provide for me and my family...
It's just hard to see him like this.


My dad was actually the opposite when he was in hospital. He was on some kind of morphine and was getting quite naughty. I was visiting with two friends and my mom and my sister went to get coffee. My dad got a naughty look on his face and started to make naughty jokes about the nurses. My friends were laughing their *ss*s off and I thought it was quite funny as well. :D

Normally if he would have made that kind of jokes in front of my friends, I would be like: "Dad, please..." But in this situation it was quite funny.

lol :D That's a nice memory of your dad and friends :)

sarahsweets
04-20-17, 03:14 AM
You need to make sure you get some 'me' time to recharge and take care of your health or you wont be any good for anyone else.

Letching Gray
04-21-17, 01:27 AM
What is the latest on your dad, mom and how are you psych?

Letching Gray
04-21-17, 01:35 AM
I have nothing wise to say ... just :grouphug:


And you're cute.

And you love your granddaughter

psychopathetic
04-23-17, 09:03 AM
What is the latest on your dad, mom and how are you psych?

Hey thanks for asking Letch :)

(((Letch)))

I'm doing okay. I've been having issues again getting the sleep I need...but other then that, I really can't complain.

My dad's up and down. It's hard to say exactly how he's doing, because he changes so much.

Good news...is he's started to cooperate now once in awhile. He has been up and walking, and he has started to eat.
Bad news...is it's only once in awhile. He'll be good for half the day, then become a complete a-hole who refuses to do anything asked of him at all.

A lady at the hospital is trying to get him into a rehab center...but they wont take him unless my dad's willing to cooperate with them and do as they tell him...and my dad's not being consistent enough, so now they think he might need to go to a nursing home for awhile.

I don't know how long my dad has before that decision gets made...but I do know that he can't stay at the hospital much longer.

.......
My fear of losing him...at least in the immediate future...is gone. So that's a big relief. I can't stand to think of losing him. It doesn't even seem like it's something that's possible. The thought of him dying is too big for me.

And I'm glad that he's taken a turn for the better these last 2 or 3 days. Maybe now that he's started, he'll start doing so more and more. It'd be lovely for him not to end up in a nursing home.

midnightstar
04-23-17, 12:48 PM
(((((psycho))))) :grouphug:

Letching Gray
04-25-17, 02:17 AM
How is Midnight the Beautiful, Brilliant, Beaming Star tonight?

I have to confess to you, I've gone off the deep end. I love my little cat. He was abandoned. Found him under a bush when he was two weeks old or so. He was a rugged but tender little fella and I've gone out of my way to try to observe him, and gently respond to what he's communicating. So funny. ALWAYS hated cats.

But, he's my little buddy. He has a distinct personality and several clear cut moods. Never knew that about cats. Generally he wants to eat, gnaw on my feet and sleep.

Hermus
04-25-17, 02:31 AM
So sorry to hear about your plight, Psycho. It must be difficult times for you and your family. :grouphug:

salleh
04-25-17, 04:42 PM
Psycho ....has no one thought of having a counselor for him at this time ....??? doctors are a difficult lot to deal with from the patients point of view .....they are selective in what they tell you .....hospital and doctors and nurses are focused on getting the patient better ...not "Why are they fighting us" .....this is why I suggest a counselor....it sounds to me as if he doesn't even know what he wants, but is trying to go through the lest amount of pain possible, and boy do I understand that ! .....it hurts to do all those things they want him to do I am betting ...and that's probably the reason he is fighting them .....

I just got here today, and read through this entire thread....and ow....the first post is kinda terrifying .....it looked pretty bad to me .....but then by the last few days it sounds like he is starting to want to pull through ...

...I suspect and hope that as he tries a little bit, and gets results, he'll try a little bit harder ....and do a bit more .....

...I do understand where he's coming from though ....he's got a heart that is in bad shape, everything hurts, and the options he has to chose from are pretty grim ....he has to be in a black mental state ....I also suspect he doesn't have much hope ....and that'll suck the energy right out of you .....it certainly would do that to me ....


....One of life's most trying times are dealing with the health issues, and eventually the death of your parents.....I speak from experience here.....they were the mountains upon which your life was founded ....and time has worn those mountains down.....it tears our heart out .....and you want to help, but there's not much you can do really....life goes on......

...But as far as you being a monster ?? feh ....you are one of the most compassionate people I know ....a genuinely NICE person ....and that is my highest accolade....nice people are what make the world work, they're the solid good hearted people who are always there for you ....they actually care about someone other than themselves .....


.....Let your heart be your guide on how to further deal with this .....and don't forget that you have a right to exist, and not beat yourself up about how you're dealing with this .....do not worry about what other people might do, or think about what you're doing .....they can't see into your heart ....only you can do that ....do what you need to do to live with yourself, but do that according to what you believe.....


.....I wish I had a magic wand ....I am finding so many of my friends here having some very rough times ....and I so want to be able to fix it for them .....

finallyfound10
04-25-17, 08:50 PM
(((psycho)))

What a mess. I can't imagine the stress that you are feeling. I can see my dad doing this.

Keep us posted.

psychopathetic
04-27-17, 08:38 AM
Awww, thank you so much for your post Salleh. It was very sweet and really touched me.

...I suspect and hope that as he tries a little bit, and gets results, he'll try a little bit harder ....and do a bit more .....

Absolutely!
He's doing SO much better these past few days. Day and night difference!
He finally started to get up and walk around...started to eat and drink...everything. He's done so much better that they were able to transfer him to a rehab center today (they thought they were going to have to send him to a nursing home because he wasn't willing to do anything).

He sounds MUCH better too. His whole attitude has taken a turn for the better.

...
The doctor said his heart was only working at about 30% before his surgery :(. I don't know how he did it...but he's been going to work day in and day out through it. I may resent my dad on a lot of things...but I will always look up to him for how hard of a worker he's been through his entire life.

...
My mom's procedure to have her arteries in her neck cleared out is set for the 12th of may. She's nervous, but I've heard it's not too bad of a procedure (not to minimize it though...all surgery is scary, my poor mom!).

...
We've gotta make some major changes here. Now. All 3 of us are ridiculously unhealthy. I'm right behind my parents as far as having major heart issues. They can afford to eat healthy...it's just about making the right choices at the store. It's SOOOO easy to eat junk food when it's freely available to you without anyone nagging you for eating it. We really need to start buying healthier foods so that we're much more limited to our exposure to junk foods.

My mom is considering getting a pure bread samoyed dog as well. Not my first choice in dogs (lol I'd just about die for a shih tzu), but it's my parent's favorite breed. It'd do us all some good. Not only would a dog's love in itself help us heal and make our hearts stronger, but taking him/her for walks and up to the mountains and to parks and what not would do us a world of good. It'd give us a reason to get out more and be more active.

...
So anyhow...
There's my newest update. Things have really taken a turn for the better finally.

:grouphug:

I love you dad. <3

sarahsweets
04-27-17, 09:56 AM
My darling,
You are only human,
and you are allowed to make mistakes.
You are allowed to fall apart sometimes.
You are allowed to hurt and
feel pain too much.
You are allowed to ache
and get jealous.

Be easymon yourself,
and let yourself grow.
Let yourself learn.
Let yourself be.

You are only human,
and you are allowed to make mistakes.

-Nikita Gill

Letching Gray
04-27-17, 06:36 PM
Awww, thank you so much for your post Salleh. It was very sweet and really touched me.



Absolutely!
He's doing SO much better these past few days. Day and night difference!
He finally started to get up and walk around...started to eat and drink...everything. He's done so much better that they were able to transfer him to a rehab center today (they thought they were going to have to send him to a nursing home because he wasn't willing to do anything).

He sounds MUCH better too. His whole attitude has taken a turn for the better.

...
The doctor said his heart was only working at about 30% before his surgery :(. I don't know how he did it...but he's been going to work day in and day out through it. I may resent my dad on a lot of things...but I will always look up to him for how hard of a worker he's been through his entire life.

...
My mom's procedure to have her arteries in her neck cleared out is set for the 12th of may. She's nervous, but I've heard it's not too bad of a procedure (not to minimize it though...all surgery is scary, my poor mom!).

...
We've gotta make some major changes here. Now. All 3 of us are ridiculously unhealthy. I'm right behind my parents as far as having major heart issues. They can afford to eat healthy...it's just about making the right choices at the store. It's SOOOO easy to eat junk food when it's freely available to you without anyone nagging you for eating it. We really need to start buying healthier foods so that we're much more limited to our exposure to junk foods.

My mom is considering getting a pure bread samoyed dog as well. Not my first choice in dogs (lol I'd just about die for a shih tzu), but it's my parent's favorite breed. It'd do us all some good. Not only would a dog's love in itself help us heal and make our hearts stronger, but taking him/her for walks and up to the mountains and to parks and what not would do us a world of good. It'd give us a reason to get out more and be more active.

...
So anyhow...
There's my newest update. Things have really taken a turn for the better finally.

:grouphug:

I love you dad. <3

You are so honest. Thanks. You helped me today. Glad dad is doing better. Remember reading about this guy who smoked 3 packs a day, heavy drinker, way over weight, open heart surgery and decided to get in shape. Became a well-built, very conditioned, muscular athlete and distance runner. He was in his late 50's I believe. :grouphug::thankyou::goodpost:

psychopathetic
04-28-17, 12:49 AM
My darling,
You are only human,
and you are allowed to make mistakes.
You are allowed to fall apart sometimes.
You are allowed to hurt and
feel pain too much.
You are allowed to ache
and get jealous.

Be easymon yourself,
and let yourself grow.
Let yourself learn.
Let yourself be.

You are only human,
and you are allowed to make mistakes.

-Nikita Gill


This was beautiful.

Thank you.

<3

Letching Gray
04-28-17, 02:26 AM
This was beautiful.

Thank you.

<3

You are only human,
and you are allowed to make mistakes.

The first thing I thought of when I read that, well I didn't think of it, it popped into head like he was siting right next to me. "Well, you committed your share of mistakes. When are you gonna get off your a.. and do something right? Huh? Did you ever think of that? Who the h... has time to sit around feeling sorry for themselves? Do you know what I did Sunday? I inspected, checked for leaks with the hose and replaced all the gutters on the southwest section of the slate roof. Do you know what it's like to remove slate roofing tiles, 35 feet in the air with no one to hold the ladder? All this psycho babble bull.... Get a job. Work your a.. off. You might learn something." Your father

"Just lovely Nikita Gillie, or whatever your name is (might ya be an Irish lass now, my dear?). Why don't you get a real job instead of sitting around thinking up excuses for being a bum?" My dear old dad

psychopathetic
05-03-17, 10:17 PM
Update:

Jeeze...I can't believe it's been over 3 weeks now that both my parent's have been gone for this.
My dad was at the hospital, but is now in a recovery center. My mom's stayed with 2 different friends, and has been super lucky that the hospital and recovery center have given her a motel room to stay in...free of charge (the hospital owns the hotel and it's used for cases like this. It's the same hotel I stayed in free of charge during my chemo treatments years ago).

My dad...is doing freaking awesome. I mean...he's being a real trooper now! He's been fully compliant for the last week and a half...and his attitude has just been SO much better. He's made a complete turn around.
And he's able to do everything on his own except for a couple of things. He can't get out of bed on his own, and he can't put his own socks on. But he walks on his own (sometimes he needs to use a walker still), can climb stairs on his own, showers on his own...etc.

He's also healing up already really nice. They had to cut open both his poor arms and both his legs looking for strong enough vessels...and of course they had to open his chest up (cutting through some of his ribs). Oh his poor body! :*(...but he's coming along very nicely. The doctors did a great job patching him back together.

His insurance is insane too. I guess I didn't realize how much my dad has been paying monthly for his insurance (it's been a heck of a lot more than I realized)...but man, it's paying for itself 10 fold now that he needs it. I didn't realize either how great his insurance was.

His work is really working with him too. He's got his job back just as soon as he's ready for it, though his boss is VERY adamant about my dad taking his time and making sure he's fully recovered before he comes back.
It brings my dad a lot of relief though...as he truly loves his job and it's the best he's ever had (he works maintenance at a local casino).

...
To me though...it's his attitude. 2 weeks ago it's like he completely gave up and I was scared he was going to die /cry. He was just so depressed and angry and mean and refused to do anything he needed to do.
And now he's active and nice and happy and optimistic and doesn't complain doing all the things he has to do (he's up to 3 hours a day now of doing physical therapy).
It's just so nice and makes me so hopeful for his future. He can recover from this and be around for many years yet...I thought there for awhile I was going to lose him here soon :( :(. I'm not ready to lose my daddy damn it.

He's also taking some anti-depressants...and I wonder if that isn't helping...and for the first time in his life that I'm aware of...he's actually speaking with a therapist 1 on 1 down there. He's been so absolutely against doing so over the years, that it's kinda shocking to me. Hell...he's even participating in a support group each day!! :eek: hah, I'm SO proud of him! I don't want to push him, but man I hope he continues to see someone or at least partake in a support group when he gets home. Having a place to safely vent can make so much of a difference!

I love my dad. I love him, I Love Him, I LOVE HIM!!! Man I love him. I've got my resentments...but damn I love him.
I'm so glad things are going so well now. What a freaking scare he put me through!

((((((((((((((DADDY)))))))))))))) I'm proud of you! Thank you for not giving up on yourself. Thank you for not giving up on me! I love you SO much.

Greyhound1
05-03-17, 10:34 PM
So happy for you psycho that things are getting better!

anonymouslyadd
05-03-17, 11:20 PM
Glad he's getting better and glad you felt comfortable enough to share this story with us.

Fuzzy12
05-04-17, 12:59 AM
Update:

Jeeze...I can't believe it's been over 3 weeks now that both my parent's have been gone for this.
My dad was at the hospital, but is now in a recovery center. My mom's stayed with 2 different friends, and has been super lucky that the hospital and recovery center have given her a motel room to stay in...free of charge (the hospital owns the hotel and it's used for cases like this. It's the same hotel I stayed in free of charge during my chemo treatments years ago).

My dad...is doing freaking awesome. I mean...he's being a real trooper now! He's been fully compliant for the last week and a half...and his attitude has just been SO much better. He's made a complete turn around.
And he's able to do everything on his own except for a couple of things. He can't get out of bed on his own, and he can't put his own socks on. But he walks on his own (sometimes he needs to use a walker still), can climb stairs on his own, showers on his own...etc.

He's also healing up already really nice. They had to cut open both his poor arms and both his legs looking for strong enough vessels...and of course they had to open his chest up (cutting through some of his ribs). Oh his poor body! :*(...but he's coming along very nicely. The doctors did a great job patching him back together.

His insurance is insane too. I guess I didn't realize how much my dad has been paying monthly for his insurance (it's been a heck of a lot more than I realized)...but man, it's paying for itself 10 fold now that he needs it. I didn't realize either how great his insurance was.

His work is really working with him too. He's got his job back just as soon as he's ready for it, though his boss is VERY adamant about my dad taking his time and making sure he's fully recovered before he comes back.
It brings my dad a lot of relief though...as he truly loves his job and it's the best he's ever had (he works maintenance at a local casino).

...
To me though...it's his attitude. 2 weeks ago it's like he completely gave up and I was scared he was going to die /cry. He was just so depressed and angry and mean and refused to do anything he needed to do.
And now he's active and nice and happy and optimistic and doesn't complain doing all the things he has to do (he's up to 3 hours a day now of doing physical therapy).
It's just so nice and makes me so hopeful for his future. He can recover from this and be around for many years yet...I thought there for awhile I was going to lose him here soon :( :(. I'm not ready to lose my daddy damn it.

He's also taking some anti-depressants...and I wonder if that isn't helping...and for the first time in his life that I'm aware of...he's actually speaking with a therapist 1 on 1 down there. He's been so absolutely against doing so over the years, that it's kinda shocking to me. Hell...he's even participating in a support group each day!! :eek: hah, I'm SO proud of him! I don't want to push him, but man I hope he continues to see someone or at least partake in a support group when he gets home. Having a place to safely vent can make so much of a difference!

I love my dad. I love him, I Love Him, I LOVE HIM!!! Man I love him. I've got my resentments...but damn I love him.
I'm so glad things are going so well now. What a freaking scare he put me through!

((((((((((((((DADDY)))))))))))))) I'm proud of you! Thank you for not giving up on yourself. Thank you for not giving up on me! I love you SO much.


Great news!!!!


((((Psycho dad)))))))

(((((Psycho))))))

Oh also

(((((Psycho mom)))))

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Hermus
05-04-17, 01:24 AM
Great news!!!!


((((Psycho dad))))))

Had to think of Married with children :D

http://youtu.be/fnK85RoXF6o

Fuzzy12
05-04-17, 02:48 AM
Had to think of Married with children :D

http://youtu.be/fnK85RoXF6o

Me too!!:D

midnightstar
05-04-17, 10:05 AM
psycho I am so glad your dad is doing better :grouphug:

Lunacie
05-04-17, 11:29 AM
Wish I could have felt this kind of love for my dad. But still I'm glad to hear that
your dad is doing so much better. Fingers crossed all goes well with your mom.
:grouphug:

Little Missy
05-04-17, 12:25 PM
Good! What a relief!

stef
05-04-17, 12:29 PM
Excellent news!

psychopathetic
05-11-17, 01:29 AM
Final Update on this:

My dad's home :).

He really put me through some scares there. I wasn't so sure he was going to make it. But he did!

I'm nervous about him cause he's already refusing to do some of the things his doctor told him to do, and he's already refusing to take some of his meds...including some antidepressants they had him on.

Why's he got to be such a bitter stubborn bast*rd? I get so upset with him.

Who knows though...the doctors say he should really start to feeling better here soon. Before his surgery they estimate that is heart was only working at about 30%, but now after he heals up and everything, they think that should jump to 70%. So here's hoping that feeling physically better will help him to not self-destruct so much.

Also, me or my mom will need to be at the house with him 24/7 for awhile.

...
I feel kinda guilty about how much frustration and resentment I feel for my dad. I feel so angry at him though when he fights against people...and himself...when it comes to his health. I get angry watching him self destruct time and time again...with no explanation on why he's choosing to do what he's doing.
I don't know. I get angry. Angry isn't the word for it...not sure what the exact word is. The feeling at the core of my resentment.
...Hurt. Yeah, that's the word!

peripatetic
05-11-17, 01:54 AM
hey there. sorry for the late arrival. i've been away. but i'm glad your father is doing better. so sorry you had to endure this. much love xx

psychopathetic
05-11-17, 01:57 AM
ZOMG!!!!

/tries to rub the tiredness from his eyes...

Is that my Peri-Pers?!?

Nah...I must only be dreaming :(

lol It's nice to see you...even if it's only briefly!

(((((((((((((((((((((PERI)))))))))))))))))))))