View Full Version : After 35 years, just realised I may have ADD what next?!


boredalready
04-24-17, 07:02 AM
I am 35 years old & have just come to the realisation that I may have ADD. It never ever crossed my mind before, because I am anything but hyperactive, however I have always had problems finishing things, keeping myself & surroundings clean, & concentrating on things that I don’t find interesting or exciting. I managed fine as a child (besides being called lazy & under-achieving), but my life has gone down hill since puberty, when my attention span & structure & support systems just vanished. I recently started to feel like my life is out of control & that I seem to operate entirely separately from my actual wishes and desires and goals. I cannot complete a single task without getting distracted by other tasks I know I need to complete & trying to start them at the same time. My relationships are suffering as I find it impossible to organise & commit to plans with friends & always feel I ought to stay in and organise my life, but of course I never do.

I came across an article about ADD in women & suddenly my whole life struggles made sense.

I am filled with shame & guilt but also resentfulness towards my friends & family for not understanding. I have a brother who also suspects he has ADD, and other siblings diagnosed with OCD & anxiety disorders.
I have tried to mention my suspicion to my partner (who is at the end of his tether with me not achieving goals & not keeping the house tidy) by sending him the article, & trying to explain my difficulties in more details, however my attempts have been dismissed, I assume, as ‘excuse making’. I don’t know how to talk about it with him. He has issues of his own including severe depression & aspergers.
I do not know how to proceed or where to seek help, but I know that I desperately need it. I am very thin & am struggling to keep on weight as I simply cannot organise myself enough to eat food regularly & I also have very little appetite, so the idea of medication (which mostly appears to reduce appetite & cause weight loss) is not appealing. The doctor I sought help from for weight loss, as doctors have throughout my life, decided that I was CHOOSING not to eat & threatened me with treatment for anorexia, which is absolutely not the issue- I have tried for 30 years to gain weight, not the opposite.
Obviously, I should probably speak to my doctor about it, but I am so afraid of being disbelieved or if it going on my record & it being something that I have to declare that I really need reassurance that this step will help. I am happy to try other options first.

Any thoughts or advise would be very gratefully received

sarahsweets
04-25-17, 03:30 PM
I am sorry I didnt see this sooner. Its so hard to post something so raw and not get an answer.

I am 35 years old & have just come to the realisation that I may have ADD. It never ever crossed my mind before, because I am anything but hyperactive, however I have always had problems finishing things, keeping myself & surroundings clean, & concentrating on things that I don’t find interesting or exciting. I managed fine as a child (besides being called lazy & under-achieving), but my life has gone down hill since puberty, when my attention span & structure & support systems just vanished. I recently started to feel like my life is out of control & that I seem to operate entirely separately from my actual wishes and desires and goals. I cannot complete a single task without getting distracted by other tasks I know I need to complete & trying to start them at the same time. My relationships are suffering as I find it impossible to organise & commit to plans with friends & always feel I ought to stay in and organise my life, but of course I never do.

With adhd, very often things go from bad to worse as we get in the 'adulting' part of our lives.

I came across an article about ADD in women & suddenly my whole life struggles made sense.

Keep an open mind, it could be adhd, or something else or adhd AND something else.

I am filled with shame & guilt but also resentfulness towards my friends & family for not understanding. I have a brother who also suspects he has ADD, and other siblings diagnosed with OCD & anxiety disorders.
I have tried to mention my suspicion to my partner (who is at the end of his tether with me not achieving goals & not keeping the house tidy) by sending him the article, & trying to explain my difficulties in more details, however my attempts have been dismissed, I assume, as ‘excuse making’. I don’t know how to talk about it with him. He has issues of his own including severe depression & aspergers.
This part really upsets me. its so unkind to do that to someone you care about. You made your struggles known, and asked for input by sending him the article and he totally shot you down. What if you acted the same way with his diagnosis'? And since when is it your job to be the only one to clean the house? Was that an agreement you made when you first moved in together?
If he has severe depression than he is in a selfish state of mind. he cant help it. When you are depressed, thinking about yourself is often the only thing that you can do, but it makes it awfully hard to have a good relationship with someone else if thats all you are focusing on. Just food for thought.


I do not know how to proceed or where to seek help, but I know that I desperately need it. I am very thin & am struggling to keep on weight as I simply cannot organise myself enough to eat food regularly & I also have very little appetite, so the idea of medication (which mostly appears to reduce appetite & cause weight loss) is not appealing. The doctor I sought help from for weight loss, as doctors have throughout my life, decided that I was CHOOSING not to eat & threatened me with treatment for anorexia, which is absolutely not the issue- I have tried for 30 years to gain weight, not the opposite.
You have to force yourself it eat. use a timer and eat something every 2 hours, even if its a spoonful of peanut butter.

Obviously, I should probably speak to my doctor about it, but I am so afraid of being disbelieved or if it going on my record & it being something that I have to declare that I really need reassurance that this step will help. I am happy to try other options first.

In the US your medical information is private. You do not have to declare anything and anything on your "record" stays with the doctor unless you authorize otherwise.

Make an appt with a psychiatrist. It can hurt, right now you are hurting and have no plan. At least with an appt you have some kind of a plan.

boredalready
04-26-17, 08:27 AM
Thanks so much for the reply! the level of feedback and support I have had from the couple of people I've mentioned my suspicions to has been extremely depressing & shaming, so I really appreciate it!

Food I have struggled with my whole life- I spend a crazy amount of money on food to ensure I always have stuff to eat and have developed many strategies to increase my food intake, but it's still extremely challenging, & the only advise I get medically is to 'eat more'.

As for my partner- we are supposed to share chores, however since he has been depressed (6 months+) he does very little in the way of chores (and a lot in the way of messing things) & thinks that I ought to be able to support him & pick up the pieces while he is having a hard time. I understand that he can only focus on himself at this time & I wish that I could live up to his expectations & be his safety net, but his expectations are sky high, & he sees nothing wrong in letting it be known when they are not met (often on a daily basis) & it makes me feel horrendous & demotiavtes me, causing a viscous cycle.

I guess I should speak to a doctor- I don't currently have one that I trust or have confidence in, but I know I have to start somewhere.

Thanks again for the encouragement & support.

sarahsweets
04-27-17, 06:14 AM
Thanks so much for the reply! the level of feedback and support I have had from the couple of people I've mentioned my suspicions to has been extremely depressing & shaming, so I really appreciate it!

Food I have struggled with my whole life- I spend a crazy amount of money on food to ensure I always have stuff to eat and have developed many strategies to increase my food intake, but it's still extremely challenging, & the only advise I get medically is to 'eat more'.
Many do not realize the plight of those who are naturally thin or underweight. People think you must have it made eating whatever you want and say rude things as if you have no struggles. If that happens to you tell them to f**k off.


As for my partner- we are supposed to share chores, however since he has been depressed (6 months+) he does very little in the way of chores (and a lot in the way of messing things) & thinks that I ought to be able to support him & pick up the pieces while he is having a hard time. I understand that he can only focus on himself at this time & I wish that I could live up to his expectations & be his safety net, but his expectations are sky high, & he sees nothing wrong in letting it be known when they are not met (often on a daily basis) & it makes me feel horrendous & demotiavtes me, causing a viscous cycle.
This is not ok and its not good. You call him your partner but he treats you like his caretaker. You have EVERY right to want the same things from him. I dont think you should allow this dynamic to continue. Its not full fledged abuse per se, but its damn close. You should not be expedected to "live up to expectations" with your partner. He is not your employer giving you a performance review. He is not your parent or teacher. This set up will make things worse not better. If he wont learn about adhd and doesnt care enough to help you, what does that say?n What kind of life can you expect to live?


I guess I should speak to a doctor- I don't currently have one that I trust or have confidence in, but I know I have to start somewhere.

Thanks again for the encouragement & support.

Definitely see a doctor and stand up for yourself when you get a diagnosis.