View Full Version : My Pity Party


sarahsweets
04-25-17, 04:46 AM
My life is good but I decided to throw myself a pity party here.
I have a newly diagnosed disease and other issues that are bumming me out.

I got really sick a year ago with a throat infection. They couldnt figure out what it was and I was on antibiotics for like a month. Two weeks after I finished them I was driving and I felt like i couldnt hold onto the wheel. My joints got swollen so that part of my hands looked like witch's hands and I had a lot of pain. My knees began aching. My feet would go white an numb and my hands and arms would go numb, and I get horrible pain in my back. My dexterity sucks. Ive lost so many tire valve caps cause I cant screw them on. I have issues opening pill bottles sometimes. Everyday I drop crap because I cant hold on to them. My knees crack so loud other people wince. I have developed TMJ and tooth decay issues due to the new disease.

This is in addition to the gut pain I get from the damage to the lower part of my espohagus causes by Barretts esophagus. The bottom of my espohagus that meets the beginning of the intestine causes pain in certain parts of my intestines like my transverse colon. Even though I take GERD meds and stuff the damage from the reflux never stops. I have no symptoms but its there.

I was diagnosed with reactive arthritis which is autoimmune in nature but doesnt always go away-which means at this point I will always have it.
The final dx part is Sicca syndrome. I wont bore anyone with the details but its an autoimmune disease.

I cant take NSAIDS due to the GI issues and gastric bypass. I decided to take it upon myself and take a small amount of them 4 days last week out of desperation and ended up in the ER with gastritis.
I feel really down. I can take tylenol but it does nothing for inflammation or pain really. I dont know how I am going to deal with this pain.
I dont know what my plan of action will be with my rheumatologist because she wants me to have a neuro consult to make sure I dont have hidden carpal tunnel syndrome.

I cant take anything that would normally be given for this disease. My GI doc that I saw yesterday gave me a talking to about NSAIDS and is including that info in his final report so all doctors know that I am not allowed to take or be recommended to take NSAIDS.

It makes me look so noncompliant to say I cant take them.
I dont know what to do because when I let my head go there, I am so down about my quality of life. I get so tired of hiding the pain. I am way to active and young for this sh*t.

I lose weight, get sober, change my habits, take my meds as prescribed including my vitamins, eat well, follow order and yet I get to have these issues at age 42?
I mean I know Im old, but I am not 90!
Life feels unfair.
If anyone has any info on living with this, feel free.
I am done venting now, my pity party is coming to an end.
I am not a complainer but everyone has their moments.

Love to all.
xxxooo

Hermus
04-25-17, 04:59 AM
That sounds really though, Sarah. Sorry to hear you are in so much pain at the moment. Misuse of medication doesn't sound like a healthy option, but I can imagine that it is tempting. The only advise I can give you is to try to endure your pain, as hard as it must be. Be compassionate towards yourself and your pain. Meditate, continue healthy habits and talk to others about what you are going through.

:grouphug:

psychopathetic
04-25-17, 05:15 AM
Awwww :(

I wish I had words that could sooth in some way.

The fact that you're in such pain and discomfort right now saddens me, but it further saddens me even more knowing that there's no simple solution to this...or no meds that you can safely take that can help.
How horrifying :*(. Gah...my heart is going out to you Sweets. I am so sorry.

(((((((Sweets)))))))

:(

It's okay to feel bad. I mean of course you feel sorry for yourself! You're a very considerate loving person...if it was anyone else you cared even remotely about, you wouldn't hesitate to feel sorry for them...so please don't feel guilty for throwing yourself a pity party (and on that note...I don't even think that what's you're doing here!).
Feeling self pity doesn't have to be a sign of weakness.

I wish I had better words for you.
You are awesome though, I have MUCH respect and admiration for you, and I'm sending tender vibes your way.

(((Hugs)))

Please take good, loving care of yourself. You're so good at giving it to others.

sarahsweets
04-25-17, 09:32 AM
That was so sweet psycho, it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.

Awwww :(

I wish I had words that could sooth in some way.

The fact that you're in such pain and discomfort right now saddens me, but it further saddens me even more knowing that there's no simple solution to this...or no meds that you can safely take that can help.
How horrifying :*(. Gah...my heart is going out to you Sweets. I am so sorry.

(((((((Sweets)))))))

:(

It's okay to feel bad. I mean of course you feel sorry for yourself! You're a very considerate loving person...if it was anyone else you cared even remotely about, you wouldn't hesitate to feel sorry for them...so please don't feel guilty for throwing yourself a pity party (and on that note...I don't even think that what's you're doing here!).
Feeling self pity doesn't have to be a sign of weakness.

I wish I had better words for you.
You are awesome though, I have MUCH respect and admiration for you, and I'm sending tender vibes your way.

(((Hugs)))

Please take good, loving care of yourself. You're so good at giving it to others.

DJ Bill
04-25-17, 10:23 AM
Psycho said it all. We are blessed by your participation here, and sorry to hear of the diagnosis.

There's gotta be an alternative treatment that will work - somewhere.

stef
04-25-17, 10:26 AM
Sarah you are not a complainer in any way
and I hope you can get some relief from this:grouphug:

Letching Gray
04-25-17, 10:41 AM
My life is good but I decided to throw myself a pity party here.
I have a newly diagnosed disease and other issues that are bumming me out.

I got really sick a year ago with a throat infection. They couldnt figure out what it was and I was on antibiotics for like a month. Two weeks after I finished them I was driving and I felt like i couldnt hold onto the wheel. My joints got swollen so that part of my hands looked like witch's hands and I had a lot of pain. My knees began aching. My feet would go white an numb and my hands and arms would go numb, and I get horrible pain in my back. My dexterity sucks. Ive lost so many tire valve caps cause I cant screw them on. I have issues opening pill bottles sometimes. Everyday I drop crap because I cant hold on to them. My knees crack so loud other people wince. I have developed TMJ and tooth decay issues due to the new disease.

This is in addition to the gut pain I get from the damage to the lower part of my espohagus causes by Barretts esophagus. The bottom of my espohagus that meets the beginning of the intestine causes pain in certain parts of my intestines like my transverse colon. Even though I take GERD meds and stuff the damage from the reflux never stops. I have no symptoms but its there.

I was diagnosed with reactive arthritis which is autoimmune in nature but doesnt always go away-which means at this point I will always have it.
The final dx part is Sicca syndrome. I wont bore anyone with the details but its an autoimmune disease.

I cant take NSAIDS due to the GI issues and gastric bypass. I decided to take it upon myself and take a small amount of them 4 days last week out of desperation and ended up in the ER with gastritis.
I feel really down. I can take tylenol but it does nothing for inflammation or pain really. I dont know how I am going to deal with this pain.
I dont know what my plan of action will be with my rheumatologist because she wants me to have a neuro consult to make sure I dont have hidden carpal tunnel syndrome.

I cant take anything that would normally be given for this disease. My GI doc that I saw yesterday gave me a talking to about NSAIDS and is including that info in his final report so all doctors know that I am not allowed to take or be recommended to take NSAIDS.

It makes me look so noncompliant to say I cant take them.
I dont know what to do because when I let my head go there, I am so down about my quality of life. I get so tired of hiding the pain. I am way to active and young for this sh*t.

I lose weight, get sober, change my habits, take my meds as prescribed including my vitamins, eat well, follow order and yet I get to have these issues at age 42?
I mean I know Im old, but I am not 90!
Life feels unfair.
If anyone has any info on living with this, feel free.
I am done venting now, my pity party is coming to an end.
I am not a complainer but everyone has their moments.

Love to all.
xxxooo

Wait a second. Hold it right there. Time out. Was this written by sarahsweets? THE SARAHSWEETS? nothing is gonna hold you back. sorry. get used to it. enjoy the pity party while it lasts. you will bull rush your way thru this little bump in the road like you do everything else.

midnightstar
04-25-17, 11:00 AM
I am so sorry to read this, sarah :( :grouphug: I really wish I could say/do something that would magically make you better, all I can do is offer you some gentle :grouphug:s

Whatever life throws your way, you deserve loads of love and :grouphug:s and you are amazing :grouphug:

aeon
04-25-17, 01:55 PM
Sarah, I am so sorry to hear of this.

I will shed a tear (or two) for you, inasmuch as you arenít able to do that for yourself. ;)


Best to You,
Ian

salleh
04-25-17, 04:09 PM
F**k ....where's my magic wand when I need it !??? .....this is b**** Sarah ....I am just so sorry that you're having to deal with this ......I had headaches every day of my life from 10 to 39, so I have a clue about how a constant pain affects your ability to enjoy life ....it really does ...and I bet somedays are worse than others, but you don't know when you're going to have a really bad day, so you don't know whether or if to plan anything .....


and I was single when I was going through that ...you have a family to care for .....thank heavens your kids are mostly able to get through life without the care that a small child requires ....a lot of what older kids need from you is your wisdom ....and that, my friend you have in spades, and your wisdom is not affected much by pain .....

....At least in our time now, you have the internet to search for answers ....or help....and if answers aren't to be found, at least you have that knowledge .....there are sometimes alternate ideas for coping with the pain .....self hypnosis kind of thing .....


.....I don't know anything about what it is that you are suffering from, so I can't be much help there....which is why the preceeding paragraph is kinda lame ...best I can do as far as helpful ideas go .....

....Frankly my reaction is "It's just not fair !!!" .....you have worked so hard to have a good life, and you have a lovely family, and a great husband....and have fought some serious demons in your life .....to have it spoiled by constant pain just ain't right ....


...I wish there was something I could do to help .....

Fuzzy12
04-25-17, 04:12 PM
Sarah I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's horrible that you are in so much pain and that it's so difficult to control.

I hope things improve. Somehow. You are a rock. You have the strength to deal with this but I wish you didn't have to. Huge hugs and much love.

:grouphug:

Little Missy
04-25-17, 04:23 PM
Well...you better do something because we depend on you! :)

Pain. I hate it.

finallyfound10
04-25-17, 08:04 PM
(((Sarah)))

I am sorry that you are going through all of this! Yes, you are way too young to be sidelined by this!!

You could try the Naturopathy or Functional Medicine route. They have treatments that the other docs don't and have alternative ways of thinking about health and wellness.

Keep us posted!!

Lunacie
04-25-17, 08:23 PM
Well . . . bummer! :(

And the irony must be just piling on top of the pain. But . . . I'm so glad you
won't be trying to medicate this pain with alcohol. ;)

I wonder if accupuncture done by a very experienced person would help any?
Or a Reiki practicioner?

Gentle, warm hugs. :grouphug:

sarahsweets
04-26-17, 04:04 AM
Well . . . bummer! :(

And the irony must be just piling on top of the pain. But . . . I'm so glad you
won't be trying to medicate this pain with alcohol. ;)

I wonder if accupuncture done by a very experienced person would help any?
Or a Reiki practicioner?

Gentle, warm hugs. :grouphug:

Its funny that you mentioned that! A few years back I tried accupuncture for stress but we came upon financial issues that I couldnt continue. I left the accupuncturist a voicemail yesterday with my info and told her she had seen me a few years back and I wanted to start back up. She was really wonderful and had a sliding scale fee based on if you had insurance or not. I get nervous talking about that here because there are so many conflicting theories about it, and some people say its al psychological. I do not care if it is or not if it helps.

Hermus
04-26-17, 04:22 AM
Its funny that you mentioned that! A few years back I tried accupuncture for stress but we came upon financial issues that I couldnt continue. I left the accupuncturist a voicemail yesterday with my info and told her she had seen me a few years back and I wanted to start back up. She was really wonderful and had a sliding scale fee based on if you had insurance or not. I get nervous talking about that here because there are so many conflicting theories about it, and some people say its al psychological. I do not care if it is or not if it helps.

Exactly. Personally I don't believe in alternative medicine, but everyone has to do what works for them. If it helps you, it helps you. As simple as that.

Fuzzy12
04-26-17, 05:35 AM
Its funny that you mentioned that! A few years back I tried accupuncture for stress but we came upon financial issues that I couldnt continue. I left the accupuncturist a voicemail yesterday with my info and told her she had seen me a few years back and I wanted to start back up. She was really wonderful and had a sliding scale fee based on if you had insurance or not. I get nervous talking about that here because there are so many conflicting theories about it, and some people say its al psychological. I do not care if it is or not if it helps.

If it helps it helps. The thing with alternative therapies isn't that they never work or never csn work. In most cases it's just that they haven't been studied and tested enough to know if they work or not. So it could go either way. Ad long as you aren't doing anything thst is potentially harmful or if you aren't replacing tried and tested treatment approaches that you can use with alternative therapy there is no reason why you shouldn't try it. It's worth a go if the traditional. Options aren't possible as in your case.

If I helps the nhs in some cases also prescribes acupressure or acupuncture.

Unmanagable
04-26-17, 09:55 AM
Sorry the issues and the pains keep piling up. Been there, felt that. Just recently fell and now I'm feeling it again in all the places that didn't hurt before. Frustrating is an understatement. Hoping the acupuncture brings relief.

I'm also sorry to read that you feel nervous when mentioning alternative/complementary methods here. You, of all people. That speaks volumes, unfortunately. Been there, felt that, too.

There may be well-meaning personal conflicts with it all based solely on documented data, but until one has actually tried it for themselves for any length of time, their opinions mean very little to me. Just like the med trial discussions are treated around here, if someone only tried one alternative method one time and never went back, that opinion doesn't hold much weight for me, either.

Acupuncture provides major relief for me mentally and psychically, along with all the other alternative methods I've shared here through the years. I was fortunate enough to find folks to barter with, after trying all the other ways that didn't work for me that were made available through insurance, otherwise, I never would have had access.

The combination of massage therapy, iridology, energy healing, fork therapy, acupuncture, herbal tinctures, flower essences, sound therapy, and re-learning pretty much everything I thought I knew, and much of what everyone else taught me that they were damn well convinced they knew, too, has been the absolute most helpful for me.

It's taken at least 5 or more years to gather info, un-learn, re-learn, and actually try all that s***, though, so it hasn't been a quick or comfortable process, by any means, nor is there a specific finish line line to cross within any of the arenas. It's an ongoing daily practice. I may or may not ace it within a day.

Sending many healing energies your way. May the healing folks in your area who are willing to barter cross your path, too. Without them, I'm sure I'd still be stuck in some of the same old ruts digging like a mofo. I still get quite stuck, just in different ruts and I have a whole new set of tools to dig with.

Hugs and hopes for some kick a** relief comparable to your kick a** existence. Take good care of you.

ginniebean
04-26-17, 03:02 PM
Sarah I'm so sorry you're going thru this. I wish there was anything I could say or do that would give you relief. I know it's good to have answers as the mind does go dark places when the unknown is all you have. The answers you've rreceived are sadly super crappy and my heart goes out to you.

i do hope good things come your way soon.

Letching Gray
04-26-17, 11:13 PM
There is no humor in a situation like this. Not ever. It is very sad and troubling especially when these things happen to someone as special as sarahsweets. Everyone who gets to know her around here knows what I mean.

The only thing "humorous" about all this is: I'd like to see something hold her down. That would be a laugh! cause ain't nothin can hold sarahsweets back. I don't care what it is.

If someone else was afflicted with the exact same things, that would be terrible. Couldn't begin to imagine how he she would cope.

Sarahsweets? Are you kiddin me? She'll come through this better, tougher, more gentle and sweet, more patient and tolerant, happier and wiser, goofier and more filled with zest for life, and Even More Loving And More Giving, if that's possible!

weswes
04-28-17, 03:43 AM
I think you deserve a good vent because of the things you are going through. My thoughts are with you.