View Full Version : A bipolar and a borderline get in a circle.


ElectraHeart
04-27-17, 05:43 PM
2 years ago, I met a handsome guy who was at my then friends 27th birthday party. He was very quiet and he walked past me alot. I could tell he wanted to talk to me. I'm used to everyone wanting to. I like that he was shy. It turns out he's trans, female to male. He's a Taurus, my oposite. I'm a scorpio. He leaves, I approached him for his number and we started talking from there. The third friend I talked about, was a gay male. I actually let him move in with me. And he ended up sabotaging, what was starting of a beautiful friendship. We got close. So *****face, I'll call him. Tells me he's a player, and likewise he tells him that about me. I trusted him, mistake. So I took his word but still had my doubts. He was gone? Up and disappeared. I'm not one to message and provoke dead situations, people come and go. That's how it's always been for me. If I'm unhappy Im gone. I figured so much, he just thought I was too young. Since I'm in my early 20s and hes in early 30s. He didn't block me completely. . He eventually came around. We compared notes, because I ask deep questions always.. sometimes he would be in the mood for it. But I have to pry. So for 2 months we didn't talk.... I was depressed bad. I went from manic to depressive. I stopped throwing parties, hanging out. And I didn't go anywhere for those 2 months. I actually ended up going to Rhode Island (my sister's.) Were I always run when I want to get away from these emotions. 7 hrs away will do the trick right? Wrong. But I still like to leave lmao. So our sex is amazing, I got him to try new things he generally wouldn't do. I'm like completely mentally in love with him. . So it's making the physical ten times more for me. I ended up actually dominating him. Eventually I want more... he says he can't give it. Long story short. I was trying to confuse him, texting. . So I could see the truth he was never trying to say. I had a opportunity to be with another, she is also bipolar like me. I still have the opportunity. It's like, he loves me. But he is not inlove with me. I feel very complexed. I love him so much. I have put him before me, every time. He knows its. I read these things about borderline.. I know others who have it.. who are down right dirty. Will kick you while your down. But I'm always expecting it. So it doesn't worry me.. I think he is truly sorry. I wasn't mean to him. I don't hate him. But I had to delete communication with him. Because I can't handle talking to him.. I'll just be like. You know what this is fine. For another year. And I'll be unhappy and mean. I know letting him go was the smartest thing. But I didn't want to give up on him... I know I have been the kindest understanding person he ever met. I think that's were he feels guilty. I could have been mean, I never was. I was naturally compassionate. I just loved him like he was my twin. Very weird chemical connection. It's been a couple days now. But I feel bad he's alone right now. I care.. am I just being emotionally manipulated. I don't think he set out to hurt me. But he couldn't let me go. And I was not trying to let him go. I'd leave and let him come back. I really had to just get this out of my head.

sarahsweets
04-28-17, 06:17 AM
Are you talking about the trans guy or the guy who is gay that moved in with you?

ElectraHeart
04-28-17, 10:15 AM
I'm talking about the trans guy.. I was not that clear. Sorry I always resort to talking indirect code lol!!!
The gay dude, Lenny.
He was just jealous it went from us three hanging out to two and he was not included in the two. If he could be in the room when we had sex, he would have. He was attached to me in a unhealthy manner. He was an Aquarius. Sooooooo. I was so in love and wrapped up in Trevor. (Trans) I couldn't see anything going on around me. Besides when he got moody silent disappeared.... I wondered why. We had this great connection.. and I don't get it alot... romantically I get bored before it even were to start. I feel I ike things always come to surface.. Lenny lied to him and said I was going to play him basically... trevor was angered and everything we talked about he felt like I fooled him.. I mean, he definitely talked **** about me in a passive aggressive.. we couldn't stay away from each other.. I just felt betrayed. My trust in lenny. So I deleted him from my life. I feel like that was the start of the end. Trevor closed off because of that. He changed his views on love. Or the future to come.. because it was taken from him. Played out by his own insecurities. That was a year ago. But I really feel that's where things turned.. he came back with a shield.. shy like he had been bitten. Even though he knew it was a lie.. I know he felt bad. For believing it.