View Full Version : So...am I "addicted"?


psychopathetic
05-04-17, 10:54 PM
Long story short, I've been taken off my adderall because my pill doc wants to help me figure out my sleeping issues I'm having and doesn't want stimulants to get in the way.

But...now I feel like I'm craving my adderall. I have a ton of left overs because I don't take them everyday, so over the months I've saved quite a few.

Now, I don't feel like I'm a drug seeker. I'm in no way looking for a high, nor have I ever since working with my pill doc.

What I am looking for though...is to feel awake and alive and able to function. And damn it, when I take my adderall it's a day and night difference.

My sleep is a complete mess...and it leaves me feeling extremely exhausted all day. Like my brain is being dragged through a bunch of thick mud. I pass out throughout the day without even knowing I'm going to...I fall asleep driving...even just very short distances...it's hard for me to hold conversations with people...etc etc.
It's like I'll wake up and be good to go for about an hour (though my brain will feel very foggy and slow)...but then after an hour it become more and more difficult to keep my eyes open.
And I fight this all day and all night.

But then I take adderall...and bam! That mud clears right up! It doesn't make me high or give me euphoria, but my goodness does it feel good! I feel awake and alert and the sting of the exhaustion clears right up! I'm able to drive places and hold conversations and get things done. I don't randomly pass out anymore and I don't feel chained down to the extreme tiredness I usually feel (well..until the adderall starts wearing off at least).

It's like an antidepressant for me too. My moods really dip when I'm so freaking tired...but then I'm on my adderall and awake and I feel SO much better! It's like the whole world brightens up on me a bit.

...
But I'm afraid I've become an addict. I crave my adderall. I don't think it's a physical craving...but yesterday I took some spare adderall and had a great day...today I haven't and have been fighting like mad all freaking day to stay awake...and all day I've had to fight myself not to take my adderall.

...
Have I become addicted to my adderall? Should I feel ashamed?
My pill doc says that I'm not addicted, but dependent and there's a big difference between the 2 to her...but I'm not so sure atm.

...All I know is I REALLY want some adderall right now so I can feel at least a tiny bit functional. /sigh

Greyhound1
05-04-17, 11:09 PM
You have not become addicted. Your body and brain have just become a bit dependent on them over time and that is normal.

Best wishes.

Simargl
05-04-17, 11:52 PM
I agree with Greyhound1. I think what you're experiencing is normal. :grouphug:

dvdnvwls
05-05-17, 01:01 AM
Dependent to some extent - yes, and I should hope so. If you didn't depend on it for the functional improvements it brings, then it would be silly to continue taking it.

Addicted - no. Addiction can't exist without the "this is ruining this person's life" aspect. If you need something in order to keep going, and that something is not harming you or interfering with your life, then IMO you'd be a fool not to continue it.

sarahsweets
05-05-17, 04:22 AM
Is your life unmanageble while taking adderall? Do you scheme ways to get more of it because you run out early?
Do you have legal trouble because of it?
Can you take it as prescribed or do you keep taking it over and over even when it hurts you?
I suspect the answer is no.
You can be dependent on meds and not addicted. I can answer all of the above questions yes when it comes to alcohol which is why I drink.
The same doesnt apply to me when it comes to medication.

psychopathetic
05-05-17, 06:43 AM
Thank you guys.

Is your life unmanageble while taking adderall?
No

Do you scheme ways to get more of it because you run out early?
haha run out early? :p That hasn't happened a single time since I've been on it (about 2 1/2 years now). I always have more then I should, cause I never take it every day. In fact, I once had so many stock piled that I asked my pill doc not to write a prescription for a month so I could catch up lol.

Do you have legal trouble because of it?
Nope! :)

Can you take it as prescribed or do you keep taking it over and over even when it hurts you?I don't know about this one. I have been taking double what's prescribed to me, as my previous dose just wasn't helping. I have been fully up front with my pill doc about doing this though, and up till recently she expressed no concern over it (in fact she was going to up my dose for me, but I asked her not to as I was hoping other meds I was on would kick in and help things out).
I've never taken an excessive amount though. I do consider what I do (doubling my dose) misusing my meds...as I'm taking them in a way not prescribed...but I don't consider what I do abusing the meds because I don't take enough to get me high or do any harm to me. In fact, I never have...when I first got on these meds I was worried I was going to want to abuse them, but that desire has never happened for me (a fact I'm quite proud of).


...
lol when I step back and really look at it...I'm SO the opposite of a 'drug seeker'.
I just worry...I've always been uncomfortable with the idea of depending on meds like this (meds that can become addictive, or meds that can be abused for recreational purposes).

dvdnvwls
05-05-17, 11:11 AM
Dependency in your case is like the person with a broken leg depends on crutches to get around. Of course you should depend on it, that's why you have it in the first place!

If you were addicted, you'd be constantly desperate for more and more of it, and you'd be willing to do stupid, inconsiderate, or mean things (or illegal things too) in order to get more.

Needing to get your dosage changed, taking time to experiment and figure out what the new dosage should be, and then sticking with that new dosage, is NOT a sign of anything except reasonable judgment and taking care of yourself.


I've had times where I stopped medication for a while. I na´vely thought I was doing OK and probably didn't need it. My friends, my co-workers, and my wife all noticed that I needed to get my prescription filled. Sometimes we inattentive guys can go "Oh well, I'm probably fine without meds" - when we're obviously not fine. :)