View Full Version : LDR ADHD girlfriend


mnttengu
05-24-17, 09:25 PM
Dear all,

I'm new here, forgive me if it's a bit long. I'm a 30 year old male dating a 28year old female. We live in same country but we're about 90 minutes by plane far apart. We've been together for 8 months. Everything was good and fun until two weeks ago. She told me that she cannot contact me and doesn't know when. Maybe next week maybe next month. I knew she had ADHD and trust me, I'm a very very patient person and always do my best to understand her. No matter what she does, I never get angry at her, never get upset in front of her and never scold her. I also never pressure her to do things. for example she's not happy at work, I don't tell her change it. I ask her questions like: what would you like to do? Is there something else you're interested? Take your time with your decisions.

As you can see I never put pressure on her. There are other things as well which she makes a big deal out of it (where in reality she doesn't need to) but I don't say anything. And I never mention it. If she mentions it, then we talk. I've been making lots of research since. I try to give her space, even though we are living far apart now. But the fact that she told me that she needs to stop contact for a little while, I cannot stand it. It has been two weeks since we had a decent conversation. Today just before writing this message, we had a small argument. She tells me I don't understand her situation and that hurts me a lot!

Yes, I may not be in her situation but that doesn't mean I'm not trying to understand her. I'm trying to explain to her that she can't stay away from her loved ones (even her family apparently - her sister told me the same) especially when she has problems to take care of. I'm trying to explain to her that I'm there on the sidelines and support her in anyway I can. But she needs to speak to me. I'm not asking to text morning till evening or calling 2 hours everyday. I have my own things to take care of too. I just at least want her to text me for a few minutes maybe before she sleeps. I know she's fine and everything. According to her it's too difficult to maintain a constant contact with me with a constant rhythm. I said ok then maybe every 2 days. Until this problem of hers is solved. But I tried to explain to her that problems arise during all our lives. Does that mean we cannot talk forever?

I need to talk with her more about this. And we planned to do so later on today. Any suggestions from someone who can help me. We don't want to end our relationship. We just need help to figure out how can we work around it. Thank you and sorry for the long post.

sarahsweets
05-25-17, 05:47 AM
Dear all,
I'm new here, forgive me if it's a bit long. I'm a 30 year old male dating a 28year old female. We live in same country but we're about 90 minutes by plane far apart. We've been together for 8 months. Everything was good and fun until two weeks ago. She told me that she cannot contact me and doesn't know when. Maybe next week maybe next month. I knew she had ADHD and trust me, I'm a very very patient person and always do my best to understand her. No matter what she does, I never get angry at her, never get upset in front of her and never scold her. I also never pressure her to do things. for example she's not happy at work, I don't tell her change it. I ask her questions like: what would you like to do? Is there something else you're interested? Take your time with your decisions.
Wow, you are patient.Did she give you any sort of reason why she needed a break?


As you can see I never put pressure on her. There are other things as well which she makes a big deal out of it (where in reality she doesn't need to) but I don't say anything. And I never mention it. If she mentions it, then we talk.
I think its important that you realize that you have a right to make your needs known.You have a right to have your needs met and get an explanation as to why it needs to be this way. I get it that you love her but does she love you? How can she love you and still pull away like that?


I've been making lots of research since. I try to give her space, even though we are living far apart now. But the fact that she told me that she needs to stop contact for a little while, I cannot stand it. It has been two weeks since we had a decent conversation. Today just before writing this message, we had a small argument. She tells me I don't understand her situation and that hurts me a lot! Yes, I may not be in her situation but that doesn't mean I'm not trying to understand her.
IMO thats a cop out. For someone to inform you as to how it has to be and then accuse you of not understanding isnt fair.Not having contact is no way of having a relationship. Honestly if would be better for her to break up with you rather than string you along calling all the shots.

I'm trying to explain to her that she can't stay away from her loved ones (even her family apparently - her sister told me the same) especially when she has problems to take care of. I'm trying to explain to her that I'm there on the sidelines and support her in anyway I can. But she needs to speak to me. I'm not asking to text morning till evening or calling 2 hours everyday. I have my own things to take care of too. I just at least want her to text me for a few minutes maybe before she sleeps
No matter what the reason is, its not fair to you. I would seriously evaluate her committment to the relationship.

. I know she's fine and everything. According to her it's too difficult to maintain a constant contact with me with a constant rhythm. I said ok then maybe every 2 days. Until this problem of hers is solved. But I tried to explain to her that problems arise during all our lives. Does that mean we cannot talk forever?
Again, she is not being fair to you.

I need to talk with her more about this. And we planned to do so later on today. Any suggestions from someone who can help me. We don't want to end our relationship. We just need help to figure out how can we work around it. Thank you and sorry for the long post.

You deserve the right to talk about this but do not expect for her to want to change. Our expectations often go unmet. It sounds like she wants to break up or doesnt love you the way you love her. Who does this if they are in love?

Fuzzy12
05-25-17, 06:04 AM
I'm terrible at contacting people but even I don't think that a text every 2 days is too much to ask. Is it tgat she forgets or does she not want to hear from you? If she forgets then you could contact her instead if she doesn't want any regular contact I'd seriously evaluate if you want to be in this relationship.

Little Missy
05-25-17, 10:11 AM
When was the last time you saw her in person?

mnttengu
05-25-17, 09:52 PM
Thank you for your reply! It really means a lot to me. Yesterday after work she texted me and told me that she's sorry the way she acted and that she was selfish. She told me that I'm too precious for her to lose. I tried to reply back but no reply. She didn't even read the message. Sometimes I get very worried when this happens. I may be wrong but sometimes I think she might do something stupid like suicide or something. She never mentioned anything about these thoughts but her mother suffered fromthe same condition and ended up killing herself. In fact, my girlfriend was the one who found her dead at home. Let's just hope gor the best.

mnttengu
05-25-17, 09:54 PM
Last time I saw her was 6 weeks ago and we already planned to meet again in 6 weeks time. I already bought the flights

sarahsweets
05-26-17, 12:49 PM
Last time I saw her was 6 weeks ago and we already planned to meet again in 6 weeks time. I already bought the flights

Being that sometimes she cant be bothered to reply, i would be sure to confirm that you will actually get to see her.

mnttengu
05-28-17, 05:37 AM
Thank you for your message. Some updates: she called me yesterday and saying sorry about not realizing that she hurt my and her other family members' feelings. She did not contact anyone. She's keeping many things to herself. Working here in this country is very very stressful and I think that people especially with ADHD can't handle that much especially when having other things to take care of after work. When we called each other, we talked for quite a while. so we plan to talk further when we meet soon face to face. I want her to move from that city and live closer to us in a more relaxed environment. Her family too. They live close to me as well. I hope all goes well soon. I'm really worried about her too as a person not just our relationship.

Thanks again for your comments.