View Full Version : How many people can someone like at once?


anonymouslyadd
06-04-17, 06:38 PM
I've been talking to someone who's basically put me on hold while she sees someone else. However, she came over last week and was physical with me. How can this be?

ginniebean
06-04-17, 06:41 PM
maybe you're back up dude.

anonymouslyadd
06-04-17, 06:55 PM
maybe you're back up dude.
I'm on deck?

aeon
06-04-17, 07:42 PM
How can this be?

Easy. People do what they want.


Cheers,
Ian

dvdnvwls
06-04-17, 08:06 PM
I think the answer to your question is "It depends on the person doing the liking".

But I'm not sure if your question was the most important one to be asking.

For example, "Does physical intimacy guarantee that this person likes me?" might be another relevant one. And I think "It depends on the individual" is again an important part of the answer to that.

It's probably not easy to have a casual conversation with her about this stuff, but then again it's the sort of thing you'd want to know.

And sometimes people don't even know their own minds when this type of conversation happens; with the potentially strong emotions surrounding it, and the usual social reluctance to discuss sex in any serious way, people may have never really thought that much about it, or get overwhelmed if they try.

Because it's not something we generally feel free to discuss, I think the average person relies very heavily on a lot of assumptions that they've managed to pick up more or less randomly through their life. And then we get surprised when someone we've recently met doesn't share our particular set of random assumptions. :)

anonymouslyadd
06-04-17, 09:27 PM
She told me about this cat, and I thought she had stopped seeing him that's all.

dvdnvwls
06-04-17, 09:41 PM
She told me about this cat, and I thought she had stopped seeing him that's all.
If she's also been seeing a cat, then it's far too complex a situation for me to understand. Is she from ancient Egypt by any chance? That would partly explain it at least. :)

sarahsweets
06-05-17, 02:16 AM
Unless you are exclusive with her, I guess she feels who she dates isnt your business.

dvdnvwls
06-05-17, 02:28 AM
Sarah: Some people expect that getting physical with someone automatically means you're exclusive with them. It's the assumptions thing.

sarahsweets
06-05-17, 04:33 AM
Sarah: Some people expect that getting physical with someone automatically means you're exclusive with them. It's the assumptions thing.

Youre 100% right and I wish I had added to my post.
Anon- I would also assume things were serious if I got intimate with someone. Unless a booty-call contract was verbally made, I can see how thats confusing.

Little Missy
06-05-17, 04:09 PM
I'm on deck?

Being on deck might be a good thing!

Little Missy
06-05-17, 04:13 PM
She told me about this cat, and I thought she had stopped seeing him that's all.

I love this line so much.

peripatetic
06-05-17, 06:50 PM
I've been talking to someone who's basically put me on hold while she sees someone else. However, she came over last week and was physical with me. How can this be?

there's a difference between how many people you are in love with, and how many people you're interested in, and how many people a person might be capable of being physically intimate with in the same timeframe. and all of those answers are dependent upon the person in question.

bottom line is that you'll only know by asking her what the situation is. if you see getting physical as mutual exclusivity, you need to tell her that. not everyone sees it that way.

how did you leave things?

WheresMyMind
06-05-17, 11:32 PM
I've been talking to someone who's basically put me on hold while she sees someone else. However, she came over last week and was physical with me. How can this be?

Like, or be sexual with?

Robin Dunbar has recently conducted neuroscience experiments demonstrating that a healthy human brain is capable of managing 150 moderately close personal relationships simultaneously. those of us with ADD, perhaps half that. Go looking for his YouTube videos, fascinating stuff.

If she "was physical" with you, it's not really a question of "liking" any more. "Physical" means a form of intimacy...which usually requires a high degree of trust and personal privacy, and VERY few people can be comfortable with more than one at a time.

In my experience (became sexually active 40 years ago) if a woman puts me on hold, then shows up for some physical action, it has meant, typically, that she's re-thinking her decision...and either didn't move on to someone else, or the someone else she thought she'd move onto didn't work out.

Ask her. It's the most honest thing to do.

WMM

dvdnvwls
06-06-17, 04:08 AM
Sort of the flip side of the issue of mismatched assumptions:

If you find that someone's assumptions are quite far from yours, I think it might be smart to wonder whether a relationship with them has a good chance of success.

Maybe the answer is "Yes, an excellent chance, because reasons". But I'd say it's a worthwhile question anyway.

Fuzzy12
06-06-17, 05:29 AM
If she's also been seeing a cat, then it's far too complex a situation for me to understand. Is she from ancient Egypt by any chance? That would partly explain it at least. :)

:lol:

This makes me lol every time. :lol:

Is there a meaning of cat that I don't understand?

Anon I agree woth the others. Ask her. Make sure you are on the same page. I wouldn't like the situation you are in either but not because there is anything wrong with what she's doing. It's just individual preferences. Just make sure you sort of share similar preferences. Nothing wrong with asking.

kilted_scotsman
06-06-17, 06:34 AM
Much depends on what you mean by "like" and "physical"...

A few people can "like" everyone they meet..... it's their default position, others, having been burned by life distrust everyone and live in a bleak transactional world. Most of us live somewhere in between.

I sense that the confusion comes with the "physical" side of things.... as others have said there's an assumption that to go beyond a certain point in physicality, implies monogamous focus on that person.

This assumes monogamy is normal..... and also there is a mutually understood physical "point of no return" is.... for strict religious types this could be as little as being seen together alone in a public space, in other communities full sex with others doesn't affect the primary pair bond.

The way around this is to COMMUNICATE..... but this can be difficult because we fear loss of the limited relationship we have by seeking clarification of "the relationship".

No consensual relationship "gets physical" in a way that one person can't go.... "hey wait a minute.... I thought you were with X..... what's going on??"

Coming on here after the fact and asking "What's going on?" would seem to indicate you can't ask the other person involved..... which makes the consensuality of the physicality suspect..... the OP didn't know what they were getting into....and the person they were with didn't make it clear..... so neither of you was being straight with the other.

This is not a good thing... even though it might have been fun at the time!

Little Missy
06-06-17, 07:05 AM
:lol:

This makes me lol every time. :lol:

Is there a meaning of cat that I don't understand?



Cat is slang for a guy, generally a cool guy, jazz slang...but they don't even have to be cool, basically a cat is a guy.

finallyfound10
06-10-17, 02:34 PM
I've been talking to someone who's basically put me on hold while she sees someone else. However, she came over last week and was physical with me. How can this be?

I'm single, never married and I used to date and have had serious relationships but haven't for several years.

Are you sure that you are put on hold? Did she say that or did she infer that? Is it possible that she thinks that she is dating/hanging with/fill-in-the blank with both of you equally?

If you like her and the physical activity makes you want to be more with her but she doesn't want to be more with you that then for your sake, you have to stop all of it. It will become brutally hard for you. Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.

Men and woman can be physical with people that they have no intention of being emotionally/romantically involved with. Typically in our culture, it's more the men but from what I hear, more and more women are having thing the ability. :scratch:

Good luck!!

sarahsweets
06-11-17, 04:46 AM
If you like her and the physical activity makes you want to be more with her but she doesn't want to be more with you that then for your sake, you have to stop all of it. It will become brutally hard for you. Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.
Excellent advice. If one person wants more in the relationship and continues to be intimate with a person knowing the other person doesnt feel the same, that person is bound to get hurt.

ToneTone
06-11-17, 12:41 PM
Sounds like you have no idea of where she is emotionally ... what are feelings are towards you and towards the other person ...

Definitely see if you can ask her to clarify her feelings towards you ...

Without knowing and sensing clearly what she feels ... you are in a very vulnerable spot ... as the other people have said ... and you are likely to feel used and hurt ...

So your specific question, I would say, is not the right question ... She may not love either of you ... She likes both of you, for sure ... but she mainly having a good time ...

Tone

Little Missy
06-11-17, 12:45 PM
Hey Non, on deck, minus some cat, who cares? Jump in there if you feel so inclined.

She obviously likes you.

Unmanagable
06-11-17, 01:59 PM
Friends with benefits, exclusive dating relationship, one night stand, or who knows what else could be going through her mind without directly communicating about it.

Are you okay with being one of any of the above? Are any of them simply not acceptable? Obviously you both dig each other. How much did you discuss prior to sharing intimacy? How much did you discuss after sharing intimacy?

Leaving ourselves vulnerable and open with no clarification is our minds worst enemy. Our hearts and our bodies tend to overshadow the brain, especially in the heat of, or sometimes even in the promise of, an intimate moment, especially when we aren't used to receiving that level of attention.

Different degrees of communication begets different degrees of understanding. Ask for exactly what you want to know. You've already shared the bare truth on a really deep level, so why stop there? Enjoy the time spent together and make it either a meaningful connection or a meaningful lesson.