View Full Version : Always giving it all for nothing...


jonny5
06-06-17, 03:00 AM
Hi, I am 36 years old and my whole life it has been hard for me to keep a job for a long period of time. My longest job has been about 3 1/2 years. I am an electrician and a plumber. I have been doing my trades for over 20 years.

My issue seems to be I give my life to my jobs, which in turn has made it rough at home. My wife feels like a single mother, and i keep telling her i am just trying to make us survive. With all the hours I work, and my knowledge I should be comfortable, right? Wrong. We are behind on everything, constantly getting services (electric, phone, internet) suspended until i lie to them and say they will get so much on a certain day and i hardly hold up my end of the deal.

Like i was saying, I feel that i have to give my all to my job. Always trying to be the best. Then I get comfortable, then normally it goes downhill from there. When i sense it getting bad i always try to step up my game, at times taking more medicine than i should, but so far things hardly end up good.

I am sure i could read the forum then post, but i wnt to share my piece. I have been with my wife for 20 years, married for 12, and am still embarassed to talk a lot. For example, today I lost my job...again and do not want to tell her because i am not wanting to come to reality and move on.

So any advice of how i can balance things better so i dont destroy my life and marriage more than i have is appreciated.

jman05
06-06-17, 08:45 AM
Hi, I am 36 years old and my whole life it has been hard for me to keep a job for a long period of time. My longest job has been about 3 1/2 years. I am an electrician and a plumber. I have been doing my trades for over 20 years.

My issue seems to be I give my life to my jobs, which in turn has made it rough at home. My wife feels like a single mother, and i keep telling her i am just trying to make us survive. With all the hours I work, and my knowledge I should be comfortable, right? Wrong. We are behind on everything, constantly getting services (electric, phone, internet) suspended until i lie to them and say they will get so much on a certain day and i hardly hold up my end of the deal.

Like i was saying, I feel that i have to give my all to my job. Always trying to be the best. Then I get comfortable, then normally it goes downhill from there. When i sense it getting bad i always try to step up my game, at times taking more medicine than i should, but so far things hardly end up good.

I am sure i could read the forum then post, but i wnt to share my piece. I have been with my wife for 20 years, married for 12, and am still embarassed to talk a lot. For example, today I lost my job...again and do not want to tell her because i am not wanting to come to reality and move on.

So any advice of how i can balance things better so i dont destroy my life and marriage more than i have is appreciated.

I don't understand. YOu say you have a hard time keeping jobs, yet you spend too much time at work and not enough at home? How many months out of the year are you unemployed? IS it because of your ADD? Electricians make decent money.

kilted_scotsman
06-06-17, 01:03 PM
I've worked in construction, done both plumbing & electrics... even though it looks like a good hourly rate, it takes organisational skill to make good money.

As a self employed contractor my issue was not valuing myself..... I didn't charge enough, plus I didn't have good boundaries when dealing with customers.... the result was working all hours and exhausting myself for little income. I've noticed this in other tradesmen too, often the skilled ones who care more about doing a good job and forget the admin side.

If your not self employed, and work for an outfit, then it comes down to interpersonal relationships, timekeeping and being able to do the kind of job the outfit expects.... this can also be tough for ADDers, but it's a completely different set of issues from being self employed.

I've done both..... and know I need support in either situation.

There is the partner thing as well.... some partners think that being a self-employed tradesman means you work the hours you want.... no way. The risks are higher and the hours longer... usually only a couple of jobs from bankruptcy.... without a supportive resilient partner it's better to work for an outfit and get a regular salary.

Working with a couple of guys is great.... but I've found that difficult to find... probably due to my ADDery personality.

dvdnvwls
06-06-17, 01:39 PM
I'm really sorry you lost this job.

It's normal to be embarrassed. It's normal to want to keep from hurting her, and it's normal to want to avoid blame.

But with something big like this, it's always better to "suck it up" and tell her right away. You know she's going to find out - do you really want her surprised to find it out from someone else, or accidentally? That's usually how the worst anger and the worst blame come out. If you tell her flat out what happened, and do it now, you get her best possible reaction and the most sympathy.

There is no good time for this one; don't wait for her to be in a good mood like you might do for some little thing.

Hoping you find a better job soon... Don't give up on yourself.

Lloyd_
06-06-17, 11:34 PM
Hi, I am 36 years old and my whole life it has been hard for me to keep a job for a long period of time. My longest job has been about 3 1/2 years. I am an electrician and a plumber. I have been doing my trades for over 20 years.

My issue seems to be I give my life to my jobs, which in turn has made it rough at home. My wife feels like a single mother, and i keep telling her i am just trying to make us survive. With all the hours I work, and my knowledge I should be comfortable, right? Wrong. We are behind on everything, constantly getting services (electric, phone, internet) suspended until i lie to them and say they will get so much on a certain day and i hardly hold up my end of the deal.

Like i was saying, I feel that i have to give my all to my job. Always trying to be the best. Then I get comfortable, then normally it goes downhill from there. When i sense it getting bad i always try to step up my game, at times taking more medicine than i should, but so far things hardly end up good.

I am sure i could read the forum then post, but i wnt to share my piece. I have been with my wife for 20 years, married for 12, and am still embarassed to talk a lot. For example, today I lost my job...again and do not want to tell her because i am not wanting to come to reality and move on.

So any advice of how i can balance things better so i dont destroy my life and marriage more than i have is appreciated.

I'm also in the trades as a sparky but not in a relationship so unfortunately can't give you any advice but do go through the same bs at work as you do, I have good days and bad days like everyone else but what happens is I think more than really our performance is that we get sick and tired of working with the same people for a long period of time and our brains just 'tune out' in regards to everything going on. What type of construction do you do? Residential? Commercial? Service calls?

I know for myself that doing commercial is my favorite and the easiest, especially medium sized office build outs or remodels in which is a better fit for me, I really don't like service calls or doing residential, to me it's way more detailed oriented which is obviously not my strong suit, plus my workmanship seems to be more scrutinized in residential than commercial for obvious reasons is those minor details are more noticeable when you're sitting at home.

It can be so discouraging when you're working with people that sometimes will tell you how worthless you are as a tradesperson and how you should already know this or that blah blah blah...maybe you can give me a few pointers as how you've weathered it out for as long as you have working in the trades.

jman05
06-07-17, 05:00 PM
I used to be in the trades and my inability to listed hurt me the most. I don't get all these people who always say trades are good for people with add. Maybe if you are hyperactive they are, but no job is good for people with learning disabilities.

Lloyd_
06-09-17, 07:43 PM
I used to be in the trades and my inability to listed hurt me the most. I don't get all these people who always say trades are good for people with add. Maybe if you are hyperactive they are, but no job is good for people with learning disabilities.

What type of work do you do now if you don't mind me asking?

sarahsweets
06-10-17, 06:29 AM
was it a layoff? Or were you fired or forced to quit?

dvdnvwls
06-10-17, 12:55 PM
About learning disabilities: it depends on the kind of disability and the kind of job. Most disabilities can be worked around, IF you find that lucky fit with a job that doesn't "hit" your disability area too hard or too often.

jman05
06-14-17, 04:59 PM
What type of work do you do now if you don't mind me asking?

Well I eventually found medication that let me do my job good. Now I work as a project manager.