Not sure how to tackle this topic but I think its important and will give it a go...

Its been really quite strange looking back over my history through the new lens of ADD and I wondered how many of you ladies can relate to being the odd girl out.

In primary school, I was the kid everyone hated. It was a particularly tortuous time of my life and it left me with very deep wounds. At 36, I still can't talk about it without tears. While there was improvement in High School, it was also a traumatic time for me and, by the time I left study, I had very low self esteem and a large amount of distrust toward women.

I have struggled over the years to find words to explain what went on - how it damaged me so badly - and I've sought counselling, scoured libraries and otherwise searched for a way - any way - to heal the wounds.
This past year I found a new book released on female aggression - Odd Girl Out. It gave me a lot of insight. Small wonder I couldn't find the words before. They weren't in our vocabulary. The focus has been from the male point of view, so far, and female aggression - the silent treatment, note-passing, glaring, gossiping, ganging up, fashion police, and being nice in private/mean in public - was not really thought of as 'bullying'. Of course, I'm giving a really brief outline here - there is much more to it. Oftentimes the blame is placed with the victim.

Anyways, it was a big issue for me that I never knew why. I could never work out what I'd done wrong. And, of course, being ADD, my feelings of 'being different' only grew over the years. I just didn't know *how* I was different.

Being diagnosed ADD has given me a lot of answers to things such as this. No real healing yet, coz its very early days, but at least I now have somewhere to start.

So.. I wasn't setting out to tell my story so much as I was thinking that maybe growing up ADD - in a world that didnt recognize it - might have created a similar problem for some of you. And I was thinking maybe opening a discussion on female aggression, in particular, might allow us to talk of solutions and ways to heal the wounds. A good dose of female nurturing from the ADD point of view.

Also, I felt this might be a relevant topic to those mothers of ADD girls. Whats it like in school now? Is ADD a source of bullying or is it accepted by the other kids?

Over to you...

Namaste,

Opal

"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."
Adlai Stevenson

Opal: Do you know why you were seen as different?

I relate to being "odd girl out". VERY odd girl. Today obesity is everywhere. Not so when I was in kindergarten and gradeschool and junior high and high school.....And I was an obese kid (which I knew about obviously) and I had ADD (which I didn't know about).....And so I was made fun of, harrassed, kicked, poked, knocked down, called every name you ever heard of -- you name it by boys, girls and yes even teachers had a hand in some of the bullying.....the teachers did not stick up for me or report it.....They were too cowardly.....

Plus like you I had undiagnosed ADD going on....so had a terrible time with reading and listening to the teacher for any periods of time....So yes I was Odd Girl Out for many years....I was the only fat person in my school for years....I was very odd....and very conspicuous......I felt self-conscious every day of my life and dreaded going to school every day of my life.

Over the years things have gotten better.....one thing that made it better was when I finally was diagnosed with ADD about 6 years ago....and the weight thing goes up and down....but healing the wounds....no matter how much therapy or counselling or books I read.....I believe the healing process takes a lifetime....it's a day at a time and I don't believe the wounds ever totally heal.....They just get lesser and lesser.....

You said no real healing yet for you...did you get any by starting this thread and telling us about yourself?? I'm glad you did. I'm sure we can all relate in many ways....:)

:( :( :( :( :(

Oh yes the Odd Girl out....That would have been me. Not in grade school but in Jr. high(middle school) and high school. I also still have trouble talking about the torcher some girls put me through.
I was awfully shy and got picked on for that. Teachers and others told me it was my own fault I got picked on and offered little help. I choose "my stomach hurts" as a way of dealing. The school nurse knew me well. I missed way to much school and fell behind. I use to dream of how I'd get back at these girls when I grew up. I had many friends but as time went on those friends turned away from me not wanting to take the chance of being singled out like I was. It all did stop when I was in my last year 3 years of school.

Funny I thought I'd gotten over this ! I guess I haven't.....

Yeah, I was one of the odd girls out, in grade school. I think it helped that I was in Catholic schools, and we wore uniforms, so there wasn't much room for fashion policing. And I always managed to have one or two or three other girls who were true friends. They were odd girls too: one grew up to be a Lesbian, another gave her life to horses. One was a Trekkie who was in love with Spock (I was too) and is now teaching/consulting with behaviorally challenged kids in public schools.

My best friend was very bright, and unafflicted by ADD as far as I know, but she didn't give a damn what anyone else thought of her, and would beat the crap out of anyone foolish enough to tease her too much. She left here right out of high school, went to Evergreen State in Washington. Worked on fire crews, was a fire lookout, worked as a waitress and also worked on a lumber crew one summer. They didn't want to hire her because she was a woman, but she just showed up for work every morning with her lunch packed, until the foreman caved in. Now she works for the Bureau of Land Management in Idaho.

I was lucky. My bullshi*-o-meter worked pretty well, and with friends who were real friends, I didn't take the girlie-girls' catty behavior to heart. It kind of reached the point where if the girlie-girls didn't approve, I figured I was headed in the right direction.

Me again.

It wasn't all wonderful, I still had to deal with the kids in the neighborhood, and my best friends didn't live nearby. So I was the Odd Girl because I played with boys, climbed trees, didn't care how I dressed, and was clumsy and bad at sports. I wasn't stupid, but teasing would render me completely inarticulate; I was never good at snappy comebacks as a child. All that was painful, and I usually felt better by myself. I got along great with the neighborhood dogs, too.

So in grade school I guess I led a double life. In high school I spent more time with my friends, and by then it was cool to be junior hippie.

Margreet.

Hello!

This is my first post.

I can totally relate to being the odd girl out.

For me it really started in high school. During my freshman and sophomore years I belonged to large clique of friends. At the beginning of my junior year, I had a "falling out" with them. They treated me horribly. From then on I completely swore off girls. It got so bad that I switched schools. Unfortunately, the new school was no different, maybe even worse. I dropped out of high school three months before graduation. Not that I would have graduated - I had skipped school so much that I was way behind in my classes. It is painful to me- even to this day. I used to hide in the bathrooms to avoid the really (emotionally) tough classes. Most kids who skip school do it with a bunch of friends - I did it by myself to avoid the pain and suffering that was high school.

Even today I do not have many female friends. I have two really good girlfriends who I have known since grade school - but they live far away in different states. It is lonely. I think that I come off as weird to a lot of people. I can also be shy. People just don't "get" me I guess. I suppose that is why I am here today, I am hoping to find a few people that are on the same wavelength.

Diane

Yes, yes, and yes! I have always felt different and have always been treated differently. I didn't fit in in elementary school, jr high was torture - painful to even think about to this day. I tried everything to fit in, I was so desperate - and you know what that does to your self esteem...

I quit school in my sophmore year, I just couldn't handle being the Odd Girl Out, which was a shame as I feel now that I really had tremendous potential. It wasn't just the social aspect, but also the lack of organization, focusing, etc., etc.,

I have spent years looking for answers - therapy, countless books on low self esteem, co-dependency, but nothing ever fit until I was diagnosed with ADD and then it was all there, every piece of the puzzle started fitting in. I do truly understand your statement about looking back now and seeing myself as a person all these years with ADD.

Now, I am 39 and quite frankly I like myself. I like myself with ADD. I still feel different and I am different. I can, however, start to see what is different about me. I fumble around when I speak and rarely get the right words out. I have a gift of insulting people! I lose track of conversations and as a general rule appear quite stupid!!!! BUT, I know i'm not. I'm intelligent, i'm funny, i'm sarcastic and creative and fun. A lot of non ADD people are not and the can't help it!!!

I started working a job in January after being laid off for a year. The company I work for is large, 700 people in my building - a real stressor for me - riding elevators, etc. Not to mention it is a "high falutin" place." It is as if I have been transported back to the 10th grade. Gossip, and clicks (did I spell that right?) Very competative. It has been hell and I have just started looking for another job. However, this time it's different. I don't want to fit in and I don't really mind being the Odd Girl Out. I don't even feel uncomfortable about not fitting in. It's just time to find a place more suited to my personality. (if you hear of an opening somewhere that requires no skills, let's me be late at least 3 times a week, offers 5 smoke breaks a day, and let's me play on the internet - please let me know!)

Sorry so long - however, it appears on this forum you are no longer the Odd Girl Out!

I was always teased because I was gullable and open hearted. I was used and used. And to make it worse I was made to feel very unfeminine... I felt clunky and was told I was Tom Boyish... like it was a bad thing. I normally only have one or two friends that are women, more guy friends.... not boyfriends however... sigh.
One thing I find odd: I have female friends online. Lots of them, why? Is it because I just can't read women face to face??

Kassie: Perhaps your "masculine" side comes out more in-person...(I think we all have both masculine and feminine traits)....in terms of body language, etc. BUT on line, your feminine side shows more and so more females are attracted to you....i.e. your open-heartedness, helpfulness, etc. and PLUS your picture really does appear quite feminine.....and kind which females like.....

I'll bet in time things will start to balance out for you more....more women friends in person and more potential boyfriends in person.... and more men friends on line.....Who knows, perhaps a potential boyfriend on line???:)

Just keep being YOU no matter what.......:)

I agree with Joan, Kassie !

Oh my goodness, thank you, you two!!!
<note I blush!>

Opal, I just bought "ODD GIRL OUT" for my almost 14 year old daughter. She really likes it !

Paula

I think I need to read this book.....because that's EXACTLY what I was for most of my life.

I can only add to the long list - I too was the odd girl out, not a tomboy but I preferred playing with the boys but was clumsy, hypoactive, didn't care about what I wore until I was about 14 or 15, got very upset quickly so was teased a lot but rendered inarticulate when provoked and so on!

Still no girly-girly (v. unladylike in fact) in spite of a brief spat with trying to wear trendy "alternative" clothes and use makeup.

The only thing that's stuck from that phase is dying my hair red :p

All the female friends I've ever had (not many, maybe 1 each in every type school I went to - lost touch with all of them - and none in college, currently maybe 4 in Switzerland and 1 or 2 in the UK!) were "odd girls" too - LOL oddballs unite and all that ;)

I'm 31 now. I was odd girl out until I was 17. And many years of that were just evil.

Things got better when I went to college, but I'd say it took 5 or 6 years before I could admit it to my current friends. I was sure they'd see the taint and run the other way.

I started to feel better after "coming out" about it. Turns out many of the people I admired most went through the same thing! And then I definitely felt better after my high school reunion. Talk about facing your demons. It reminded me of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode: one Halloween, everybody was haunted by a scary demon who was trying to return to earth. Well, turned out he got to earth and was around 6 inches tall. (Buffy stepped on him.)

One of the characters looked at the book with a picture of the demon and realized the small print said "actual size".

Wow I was missing out on an excellent subject.
I can relate although, I wasn't perhaps as much an obvious odd girl out. I actually was quite liked in school. Althouogh I didn't fit in at all, and was considered weird. Yet, I had a indifference (partly a front) that made other kids (I think) not pick on me. I was always an reasonable athlete and Tomboy. I was fortunate enough to be of an average body build. And considered goodlooking. But my ability to reach out to make friends was poor, I was way insecure secretly. I was the class clown a lot. yet I think I was respected on some small level. Being creative and very mischeivous had it's lure. Indifference is a great tool.
I tried to call some old highschool friends in my mid twenties. I was asked by one, why I wanted to be in touch as I had never really fit in. I was (secretly) devastated and after hanging up I cried. I knew the truth all along, I just hoped they didn't!
Because one part of me knew they saw me as "kind of cool". One of other girls who was "in" yet a little off the beaten tracks said she though I was the only "cool" one. Yet I didn't fit in and they all knew it. For some reason even though I knew I never fit in. I thought I had my own special place and they were my friends still. So I had a lot of pain even in my 20's when I decided to find some of my old "Friends".
As an adult things are easier, in my later 20's I started learning how to take chances to adopt friends, and open up.

I was always everyones friend growing up, and always selected the underdogs to take under my wing as I was appalled at the meanness of children and the prejudice. Yet I was an abberation,
a misfit. What has helped save me was I never wanted to "fit in"
But, I did want to be liked, loved. And thought I had my place.

It is only the small minds that judge us from the outside or can't accept other's differences. And enjoy them inspite of them.
I knew that then and it helped. It is so sad that so many have to go through such torture, all because of the need to be alike"fit in."
iT IS TIME TO RISE ABOVE IT AND (caps were by accident! unless a higher power is at work!) relish in our uniqueness.
Why do we feel we need to fit in? That to me is so sad. In what way does being trendy and alike help the survival of our species? All I can come up with is in the long or maybe short run the misfits become stonger human beings.
I wonder if anyone can relate to my rambling thoughts? (AS I so badly want to "Fit in?") That is the truth, I never have felt I fit in on any message boards. I can't do the small talk stuff with out extreme effort.
Janine

Story of my life! I was teased mercilessly. I was very sensitive, very bookish, terrible at sports, and of course had no social skills. Junior high was absolutely the worst. Teachers turned a blind eye to the tormenting. Their advice to me, very thinly veiled, was, "It's your own fault! Now get out there and stop being weird!" Like THAT was ever going to happen.... ;)

And yes, this kind of childhood does leave scars. I still think the torture did me some serious damage. I think teasing is taken a little more seriously now. Unfortunately, it's mainly because the schools don't want a repeat of the Columbine shootings!

Ya. I was the odd girl out too. When I was only 5, I was expelled....from Kindergarten. Talk about a lousy way to start out your academic travels! I was reminded of it often too. About that same age, I was in tap dancing class. My sister was too. I don't recall ever being told that I was doing anything wrong in class. I remember practicing hard. I remember being excited about the show we were going to put on. I remember practicing the song we were dancing to. (I thought I did well too)....but I never finished with the class. I was never in the show. It was never explained to me why. I'm sure that the teacher felt she couldn't handle me or something to that effect, but honestly, I tried my darndest in that class and I thought I was a very good tap dancing student. Child in me talking to the adult in me: "What did I do wrong? What right did she have to do that to me? It's almost 40 years later and people have long forgotten that tap dancing show, but I still remember being rejected-- being an outcast."

The following year, Like Margreet, it helped that I attended a parochial school. (Lutheran). We didn't have uniforms, but the atmosphere was different/kinder... and yet, still, it was difficult. And boy did I stand out.

I would do things too. Silly (now embarassing) things to make myself stand out-- to get attention. Maybe some day I'll open up about that but I had a hard time even sharing that with a counselor even. (I have a really hard time with embarassment)! Probably because I continuously find myself doing embarassing things-- but not realizing it until later. I don't catch it right away. (Others catch it first). Things others "catch," I don't. That in itself is embarassing. OK, well, I got off topic on that one. (Typical for me).

When I was in the 5th grade we moved and it I noticed that it became increasingly harder. I remember my mother commenting many times that I'd be able to start new now. (Without a "reputation," as she called it). She didn't call me a "bad person" but it was obvious that I embarassed her.

In college, I wasn't much better. I was still extremely naive. Others picked up on that and would take advantage of me. Super embarassing story: I am really good at memorizing things. (Infact, I often wonder if I have Asperger Syndrome because I'm so good at memorizing things like lists and speeches. Things like the Presidents, States and Capitals, Books of the Bible. Stuff like that. Speeches too. Things like the Preamble to the Constitution, The Gettysburg Address, Ted Kennedy's Eulogy to his brother Bobby on June 8, 1968 in St. Patrick's Cathedral. And dates/birthdates. (Jeopardy kinds of things).

In college, other students would play on my naivete (?spelling) and pretend that they were impressed that I could do all these things. (Like the bullying mentioned in the first post). Smile at me to my face. Make me think they thought this was neat. They'd insist that I recite things for them and I (believing them) would do it. It took a friend to point out to me what they were really doing-- that after I would leave the room, they would be laughing at me. It was all a joke to them. I'm crying as I post this. I'm crying because it makes me feel so stupid to be that naive. I feel stupid when others all pick up on something and I don't. Bullying like that is just plain mean.

~Sandy

Sandy, I wish that all the bullies had any idea of the lasting scars they will cause!
I think every child should be taught how horrible it is to be a bully.
I saw some talk show where people confronted their childhood bullies. It was interesting. Most of the bully's seemed genuinly shocked about the impact they had. Some were still rude and thought it funny. It was saddening how these grown ups still carried their pain as you do.
You got me (and probably everyone else)very interested in what the unmentionable embarrassing things were. I did some too.
My son I doubt will ever be a bully, thank god!! And so far seems immune from being bullied. He has very long hair and insists on doing as much as possible different than other children. His I don't care what you think attitude causes other kids to follow him.
He painted his nails silver not long ago. He said the other kids asked him why he painted his nails. He said "because my mom has a lot of nail polish." A few of them did also when they visited.
I wish I had been that self assured when I was 8.

Its great to read about "yourself" through the words of other women. I too, was odd girl out...and had no clue why I felt so different. I just knew I daydreamed a lot and my reality WAS my daydream! I wasn't a TomBoy....but I am the mother of four kids, of which two of them are also AD/HD. My daughter is very much a tomboy, with all the AD/HD to go with it. She too, felt that she had a weight problem in high school, and was picked on just terrible. She was put in a resource math class and two boys hit her and kicked her in the hall one day. She says that school was so painful for her. I only wish that I knew then, what I know now. I understand that a "math disability" can be a comorbid symptom of AD/HD. She had the panic attacks, etc. (as I did as well.) Just reading all the stuff you guys wrote makes me want to cry about what she went through...and how I wish I would have known that she was dealing with ADD at the time on top of everything else.

Hi All:

I am new here and yes I am the Odd Girl out! When I try to involve myself in group activities I am always left out. I don't have many friends that call me and sometimes I become very upset and down on myself. I was bullied in jr. highschool and called stupid in Highschool. I am a very socialable loving individual that likes to interact with others. I find at work I get treated the same way. I am tired trying to please everybody because I am so different, and I think I have a wonderful personality! I think I am a very special odd girl out!

Love galexica2020

It totally sounds like you have a wonderful personality, and that is a blessing, don't kid yourself. Don't change to melt into the "crowd". I realize now at my age...that I would never want to give up my good social skills or empathy for others. I have found out many times that even while I felt a sense of low self-esteem, others were actually around that admired me for just that very quality. You, my dear, are not stupid. Do you know what LD stands for?? Its not "learning disability".....its for "learning differently" ! Every human being learns in a different way. AD/HD people like us also have to learn things in a different way. So..we are really not so different...we are just a "type". I can tell you that most of the AD/HD people I know are very sensitive and compassionate to others. We understand what it is to empathize with others who have problems to overcome. I think we are a pretty great and courageous group!!

The things I just said are the things that I wish I could have said to my daughter while she was so young and vulnerable. So to you, Galexica, I offer my words of wisdom

I still don't understand why ADD girl do not fit in?
could it have to do with not being clingy and manipulative.
Prisoners of the present?
I had a few close best friends in grammer school. And one later that was my best buddy at 14. But I went to a school far away for their music program. So we couldn't visit much outside of school. Her parents didn't like that I surfed and had a low voice, so we had to sneak around. She was the wild one though. I looked out for her. They had no idea.

and here i thought i was the only one who ever felt like she never "belonged" anywhere.....thank you all for your stories. I will definitely have to get the book.

Wow, can I relate to everything said on this thread.

I was certainly the odd girl out and bullied in middle school. In fact, the torment became so bad that I developed what turned out to be a lifelong stomach problem--my primary response to emotional stress. Why all the bullying? At the time, I had no clue. Now, I guess I just seemed vulnerable and didn't fit in--ie, wasn't cool. Catty little girls have radar for such individuals.

In high school, the bullying decreased. I was quiet and was therefore easy to ignore. Actually, being left alone made me very happy. I had all the uninterrupted time in the world to daydream. In fact, it irritated me to have my daydreams interrupted by people who wanted to "interact" with me.

Like another poster, I was socially naive and had no idea when people were picking on me. Even now, I tend to believe that someone who is nice to my face is being genuine. A few years ago, the person I called my best friend turned out to be anything but.

It's nice to have this board. Kind of eerie to read about so many people like me.

This is a hard one for me to post on because I still cannot get over a lot of the pain and indifference I went thru during my childhood. But, I am definatly one of the many ODD GIRL'S OUT.

I grew up in California, sunny weather short's and tank tops abound. So, imagine a scrawny 6 year old hiding behind her hair walking into your classroom with sweatshirts and jeans on everyday no matter how hot to hide the bruise's of too many unexplainable "accidents". Everytime my mother met a new "uncle" we were uprooted and moved to another school, I learned to never make friend's it hurt less. And I became incredibly shy and introverted. When asked to speak in class I would literally get sick I'm talking about breaking out in a sweat, the feeling I'm going to vomit, instant headache, and a stutter that wouldn't quit until I burst in to tears. Eventually, the girls around me started to notice how incredibly weak I was. I have only one memory of my play ground experiances. The "cool" girl's were circling me throwing those plastic balls with the holes at me chanting "freak, freak your daddy don't even love you". It's amazing to me that at the time I just stared them in the eye I can honestly remember feeling nothing, thinking nothing like it didn't compute. But, now as a grown woman these memories can reduce to me to tears in no time flat.

Junior high was much the same slowly I began to realize I was meant to live my life alone; because, other's could see it before I even spoke. They knew i was unworthy of love, of common decency.

In high school I sadly changed. I became something I am so ashemed of. I became violent. I can still remember the day I first stepped up to the plate and said NO MORE!!! I was a freshman and one of my classmate's made some smart comment about my daddy not showing me enough love. The next memory is of me standing over her and blood pouring from her face. For a entire year if anyone even looked at me I would become a monster. When I was 16 I realized it was because I could no longer look at myself and I did something to end all the hurt. Only in this too I failed (thank God!!!!!).

With the help of therapist's and my family I slowly began to realize that I am special, I do have talent's and nobody has the right to rob me of my own self esteem. I slowly began to make friend's and joined the cheerleading squad (lol a female, blonde, ADD cheerleader how scarry is that lol).

My senior year a new girl moved into town and she was over weight, shy, had coke bottle glasses, and cried a lot. I had to choose my new found friend's or what was right. Unable to bring myself to cause another hurt not like that, I did lose a few friend's but the one's I kept I found were my true friend's.

I now have many female friend's; but, they too have been down the same road. They too understand and still cry. Isn't it sad how cruel something so small can be.

My own kid's I can honestly say will never bully anyone...They are often bullied because they chose REAL friend's over (I don't even know what to call those kind of ppl).

Hugs and kisses and I feel so relieved to know I was not alone. I'm sorry I'm selfish that way.lol
Cherity

I did want to add something to my post...I NEVER thought about getting even...I don't think bullies are just bullies someone or something has hurt them too. I think in the end we are all or have been the ODD GIRL OUT.

Thanks so much for sharing those painful memories, Futsy. It's made me feel a little braver because I had a similar change in temperment when I became a teen. I used to be the victim. Hell began the day I started school. My parents (bless them) had me convinced I was precious until I found myself in a classroom. I felt completely out of my league in every way.
I experienced a kind of learned helplessness around the bullying because I had no choice.
I snapped in grade 6. Now it's hardly surprising -- what kid on earth wouldn't be full of rage at this point. I was being kicked in the shins while waiting to go inside after recess. I remember I just took it for awhile before I just lost it and picked this kid up and threw her on the pavement. She had two skinned knees and a pair of stretch pants good for the garbage.
I stayed mad until I got help in my twenties.
Futsy, you're absolutely right. "Hurt people hurt people".

Oh My Dear Opaldreaming,

I so understand how you feel. I suffered dreadfully through gradeschool and was tortured mercilously by a particular group of girls in my grade. My wounds are still deep and the pain seems like it will never go away completely. I still have to see two of the people that picked on me as a child and I still feel anxiety and discomfort when I have to be around them. I'm trying now to forgive them and let that pain go. I have changed and grown much since those sad years I had to endure and I have some really good friends and a wonderful husband and daughter now. I make friends pretty easily now but you know what, even now in certain situations I still feel like the ODD PERSON OUT. Something just happened tonight that made me cry as a matter of fact.

It seems to me that these days people get annoyed by everything that is just the slightest bit of trouble for them. I had not planned on going on a Girlscout camping trip at the end of this month but my daughter made such a scene, tears rolling down her face that I asked if we could still go. I knew the women were annoyed but how could I deny my child. It was my embarrassment and discomfort or a very sad child. So I took my lumps and they got us in the trip. I know they talked about me and think I'm a dope now but my daughter's happiness came first.

I just wish people were more understanding and not so ready to get annoyed and judge. Heaven for bid if plans are made and a little change occurs. I'm sure I'll feel the "CHILL" on the trip. At least my daughter will be happy.

Sorry to go on and on, your post just really caught my attention because I sure felt like the ODD PERSON OUT tonight at that scout meeting. My heart goes out to all of you that have suffered ridicule and have been the ODD PERSON out. Although, sometimes it isn't so bad being the ODD PERSON OUT. Especially when the people that are IN are shallow and unkind, lack sensitivity and creativity and have forgotten how to appreciate what is really important in life. They are trapped on their own little merri-go-rounds and can't get off. They envy people that can be their own person and not a follower. They envy people who can feel because they don't know how to. They envy those who show compassion and kindness because they have none to give. They are empty and sad and they like to share their misery. I am hurt by these people but I also now can hurt "for" them too because I wouldn't want to trade places with them for anything in the world. It's not always easy to be me, but I'm glad I'm me and you can be glad your you. Dee

DEE,

You are NOT the ODD PERSON OUT and when and if you feel that way during the trip look at your daughter's smile and remember how many times she laughed that day. And know we are here when you get home to make you feel better. Cause here you are ONE OF THE GIRLS...

This all bother's me so much I just want to go back in time and hold all the hurt little girl's we used to be,,,I'm sentimental and mushy but it beats the hell outta feeling nothing.

Hugs to all.
Cherity

AWE, Thanks Cherity, ya made me cry again but not from being sad, from being happy that I have friends here. And your right about just seeing my daughter smiling. That is more important to me then fitting in with a bunch of cliquey women. Thanks for the supportive post. You really are a gem and your friends are lucky to know you. This is just a tough week for me and the fact that I am PMSing doesn't help. I'm all emotions.

I'm just seeing once again how nasty people can be. Things with my job have changed both for the good and bad. The girl I worked with is now an Aid at the school and a friend of mine works with me in the kitchen now. She also does the lunch tickets which the other girl used to do and trained her to do. When she does this she has to deal with some very touchy women who are aids and she offended one of them yesterday because the woman's money drawer came out short. Of course when the girl I used to work with came in she sided with this woman and some of the other aids. We are now getting the chill from her and some of them too. I never did anything wrong to her and she barely talks to me. I worked every day with this woman since September. How could someone be so childish and just plain nasty. I get a few hellos but my friend is treated the coldest for, of all things, doing her job and doing it right. My boss was there the other day when it happened and witnessed the whole thing. Thank goodness. She is on our side and supports us completely.

So I guess we our not in the loop and you know what, that's just fine with me because these women are so cruel. They stab everyone in the back, even each other. I feel sorry for them because they are a miserably cranky and unhappy lot. It's just going to be a little hairy working with them. They even have the head maintenance guy siding with them. He still does come in and talk to me in the morning but won't talk to my friend at all. I guess this is just something we have to live with. Thank God we are both the same kind of people, my friend and I, and I'm glad I don't have to work with a phony anymore because that's what this other woman turned out to be, completely phoney. How someone can act friendly to you one day and the next a stranger is unimanginable. Unimaginable but true. My boss is well aware of the sitation and even suggested that these people may have sabbatoged the money box to make us look bad because the girl I used to work with has grievances with our boss. I'm beginning to think I'm the one that's normal and they are the ones with brain problems. After a bad day yesterday with them, then the Girlscout thing happened, it all just overloaded my circuits. I locked myself in my room last night and just cried for a while. Sometimes I just need to do that when I go into overload.

Today was a better day but the chill continues. Oh well, you have to take the good with the bad I guess. I'm just going to be myself and treat everyone fair and kindly like I always have and my friend does the same. She has no clue that I have ADD but works well with me and doesn't judge me for stupid unimportant mistakes. I actually haven't really been making any since the other girl has left because I'm not so nervous anymore. Boy what a week, and it's not even Wednesday yet. I just need to get myself through Friday and take a big breath. This weekend coming will be a much needed one. Hopefully each week will get better. One can only do their best. Sorry so long, just been a tough few days and so many old feelings have been brought to the surface. Thanks so much for your friendship Cherity and everyone here. Your Friend, Dee
P.S. The funniest thing is, I'm sure you've heard the expression " People are acting like they are in gradeschool", well we really are in grade school :). I work in an elementary school. Just thought that was kind of funny.

'Odd Girl Out', the book, sounds like a great one.... i just looked it up and there are about 6 books with that title.....who is the author???

Aqua--Rachel Simmons is the author of the book, it's full title is ODD GIRL OUT The hidden culture of aggression in girls. I highly recommend it but that is only MHO.

Dee,

First of all I find absolutly nothing about grown women acting like small children...ten years down the road they will be complaining of what little witches their own daughter's are huh wonder where they learned that behaviour? You and your friend have stepped above their level and show your children true adult behaviour. That said it does not lessen the pain caused by such cruel treatment. I like to think we are all a flame and if one goes out from neglect it start's a cycle (and that would make sense had I not just woken up lol) But, I'm sure if anyone can get my drift it's you.

This weekend I had the extreme displeasure to witness this kind of bullying first hand at a high school basketball game. Three mother's from the other team took great pleasure and would laugh and jeer at one of our player's everytime she hit the dust or missed a shot. They have one extremely aggressive behaviour and these women would just laugh and laugh everytime this poor girl got knocked into the dust. I had finally had enough when she got knocked down right in front of them,,,these women NOT only laughed but pointed at her. Now give me a break this is a high school game and the kid getting the tar kicked outta her was only 16 and these women were at the least my age (31). So, I got up handed the baby to my husband and went to sit on the other side of the gym in front of these women and everytime they would start anything more than cheering for their team I would stand up, turn around and stare them down. At the end of the game I believe there were six of us sitting in the front row of the other team's bleachers. This is not the kind of behaviour I want my kid's to witness thank you very much.

p.s. I have to admit I too was just a little on the cranky side myself and kinda took a little pleasure in ruining their game lol So maybe deep down I'm a bully too. But, I'm a bully with standards lol

You go girl! When you stick up for what is right, that is A-OK to me! Dee

Hey! I read this book-- it was an amazing experience. Do you remember the part where the girl writing it had the high school girls list the adjectives that make up a good female leader? That one killed me! They listed all the traits they would want in a mommy! And this particular line was the one that got me the most: "all the qualities of a good leader [like assertiveness, independence, opinionated, etc.] are the qualities of a bad girl."

I was always kind of a follower/ weirdling throughout elementary and high school, and I got my share of being picked on, and I know exactly what it feels like to distrust women-- most of my good girlfriends have been either lesbians, wild or *****y, because your "typical girl" and me just have never really gotten along too well. And like you, Margreet, I went to Catholic school, which totally helped me out because you know what? I would've gotten MAULED in public school-- I'm always saying the wrong thing and coming across as an *** and getting my feelings hurt, etc., and I wouldn't have made it a day in public school, although at least I would've gotten diagnosed as ADD and recieved special help for it (the nuns just punished me for daydreaming and talking too much and climbing on the pews at mass; I thought i was just bad).

Anyway, awesome book, glad to see so many of you were touched by it! I can't believe it took so long for a book like that to come out! I mean really!

I think I need to check out this book too. Dee

I don't know for sure what it is about me that kept me from being feeling tottaly Odd Girl Out. But, I think it was because I was nice but also didn't try to fit in. I would join in occassionally, nothing planned. Still to this day I have not really witnesed womens agression. I am mostly probably oblivious and I thnk it has a lot to do with my ability to not take it personal, I don't feel I am at fault when a woman is rude or manipulative, so I am neutral. Does that make sense?? So because of that women don't seem to bother with that crap with me as much. And if they do I don't think they are manipulative or cruel, just hurting, insecure or needing a friend, so I have never though of women as backstabbing, even though they can be. My sister has talked about back stabbing women. Flirting with her boyfriend and such. I think fear of that sort of thing only brings it on. As a power hungry woman would likely be more tempted to flirt with a taken man in front ofthe spouse, because it would cause more impact. And therefor she gains what she thinks to be more power.
I do remember people whispering, giggling around 8th grade. I hung out with this group of girls, but didn't fit in, yet they were all so different from each other I thought that everyone secretly probably felt the same. So I ignored it and the occassional remarks that I didn't understand. Yet in general they were nice to me. One time one girl Lisa said your the only cool one, I understood she was telling me that others though not.
It was all wierd. I never fit in. I really can't say I had for sure one really close ADD friend growing up. Lucky for me I was just as happy alone. I am rambling...

I was thinking that, just showing genuine compassion to gossipy backstabbing women. Realizing it's their fears, insecurities, that cause them to need to gain power in these ways. Really helps.
Saying Hi, never hurts if you are just saying HI! No expectations,
and saying bye. It's a win win situation if you can detach. They learn.

I always had fun being nice to people who were seemingly snobby, or perhaps didn't like me. Of course they didn't know me either. I say hi and smile at them everytime I pass. Sometimes more, a friendly one sided dialog is always fun how are your kids? etc... One fellow broke down one day and looked up from his work and said "Why do you persist in being nice to me when you know I don't like you" He broke into a smile while saying that. I just said "thats why!" We were friends after that and he confessed (without me asking ever) a couple months later that he was threatened as He thought I was better at the job. The part that is important was I never had any expectations, I was just having fun by tormenting him with kindness. It is my secret way to be nice and evil all at once! It's very fullfilling.
j9

sigh I was the odd girl out. I'd have people pretend to be nice, and not have any intention to be my friend. Thankfully, I've found a few true friends in college. I've had crying bouts over being the odd girl out :(.

Another thing..why do people have to be so....judgemental over little things?

I just went through the judgemental thing myself with a woman at work and shed quite a few tears at how phoney and cold and just plain mean she turned out to be. She pretended to be nice as long as she had to work directly with me(of course I did sense all along she was talking behind my back). Now that she's in another position, she pretends she doesn't know me. That is an extreme case of course because most people aren't that nasty. I also think she has issues with my boss(her ex-boss) which make things worse.

I've just come to accept the fact that there will always be people like that and it's how we react that makes the difference. I've just chosen to be polite and nice and I think that is really all I can do. Many times I have gotten to know people that I feel really didn't like me probably because they sensed I'm different in some way but because I'm a nice person eventually became friendly to me and actually liked me. One thing I know is that many people love power and want to be the dominating force. My attitude is let them because I don't care to be in that position anyway and if they sense any kind of threat, they want to fight. I just want to get a long and help where needed. It seems that when people find out I am a benign force they tend to accept me even though they may in the back of their head find something "different" about me. The beginnings are often strange but things usually smooth out after a while. I just accept the fact that the judgmentalism is a part of human nature, sad as that may be. I myself am the last person to judge but lots of people have a different attitude and believe me, that attitude doesn't get ya to heaven. Just be the good person you are and the people that are truly worth it will stick by you. A few true friends that you can rely on is better then a thousand acquaintences who will probably let you down. Hang in there and know that you are appreciated by your true friends. Dee

I don't know about being the ODD one out but I can tell you all of this. EVERY single one of you I have gotten to know thru your post's. And I have never seen a single one of you belittle or ignore someone's feeling's or thought's. I have only seen consideration, selflessness, thoughtfulness and true friendship shown. I'm proud just to know you all here and it is and was their LOSS as far as I'm concerned.

I was called a dog, a pig, fat, ugly and was teased all the way through high school. It slowly tapered off in high school once I stopped trying to be accepted by the "popular" crowd and trying to be "normal" and followed my interests. The Drama Club and theatre saved me. I am still very close with the girls who were in theatre with me in high school, with the exception of one....the only one who didn't go into teaching (actually that's a lie...one of them works with severely developmentally disabled adults).

I could never understand why I was so different. I recently found out that when I was younger, my parents were told by a doctor to put me on Ritalin. They never did. I don't blame them for their decision. This was the late 70's-early 80's.

I have to get the book Odd Girl Out...because I still feel that way. I can't understand why people (women especially) want to be friends with me and I always think that people have ulterior motives when they do something nice for me...something that friends do for other friends.

I am just so confused right now. Sorry for babbling.

Barbara, That's my mother's name. lol. I would definatly get the book and babbling is what a lot of us do best. Don't apologize here for being yourself. Hugs

I've only read the first half-dozen posts of this thread, but I think the unpopularity wrought by ADD is much harder for girls because some neurotypical girls can be utterly merciless.
I work with the public and the only group I really AM wary of is young women in groups.
I just keep my head down and interact as little and neutrally as is politely possible - these people are NOT the ones to get the wrong side of.
I'd hate to have to work with them - they can be unbelievably negative and bytchy.
Those of them I've had to spend any time with have generally come round to being civil .... and surprised at how (when they put aside their hostility and bytchiness for a second) much more they can get out of talking to me.
But I remain very wary of them.
Anyone who has to put up with them on an ongoing basis, has my profound and sincere sympathies.
Addled

You're talking about other young women in groups, I assume, not us! hehehe :D

You're talking about other young women in groups
Of course - I meant "some neurotypical girls".
I think one of the hardest things to bear is teachers joining in the bullying.
Those are the people whom I hold in REAL contempt - but then, I've often found that teachers are frequently immature individuals themselves.
Reading about others' experiences of teachers protecting bullies and their bullying, is difficult.
It's important that the victims of bullying make careful note of the teachers who condone bullying by igoring it - by keeping a dossier of incidents.
In fact, a written dosier would be a good thing for any bullying-victim to keep as evidence that can be brought against persistent offenders - most notably, the guilty teachers.

I can remember teachers ignoring the bullying when I was in school. There seemed to be an attitude that the bullied kids had it coming ... otherwise why didn't they just shape up and stop being outcasts? Ugliest of all were the immature teachers who wanted to be part of the group so badly they sided with the bullies. It was infuriating to be a kid in school who felt more mature than the teachers... :p I agree, documentation is important here.

I'm not actually sure if this applies; but, I totally agree about written proof. In Malcolm Nebraska we had a 17 year old arrested in the school parking lot for explosives and gun's. His plan was to kill everyone but 3 people who had defended him against bullies. The first response of the school is "he was an outsider and no bullying has ever been reported."

I noticed with my son's experiance that even a mother reporting the incident's was not easy. And often I felt that it was in one ear and out the other. It's what kid's do is often what I was told. Well, completly unacceptable and I threatened to sue the school everytime my son came home with another black eye he would be taken to the hospital and they would be sent the bill. Thing's only changed when my son stood up for a little girl who his tormentor was bullying. It's so sad that it comes to good kids becoming violent as a form of defense when all it takes is one teacher to take an interest.

I am not making this a bash on teacher's because both of my children have had exempulary teacher's in their short lives. This year was just a bad year for them.

If teachers won't stop bullying, who will ?
The guilty ones foster an environment in which bullies are encouraged to victimise, because there are no consequences for them.
There seems to be a perception that bullies only bully because they are 'provoked' by their victims' weakness.
We need to get across the idea that bullying is bad behaviour.
Analyse it - what is it ?
In law, it's verbal and physical assault - the latter is a felany, for which adults are arrested, tried and imprisoned.
Is it any more acceptable because of the age of the perpetrator ?
What about the age of the victim ?
Is the victim less entitled to the protection of the law (ie - of teachers) because of his age ?
If policemen ignored assaults on the street, what sort of a world would we be living in ?
School truly is a jungle, where there is only the law of the jungle.
Are there any instances of pupils bringing civil actions against others for assault ?
Or against teachers for failing to intervene to prevent a physical assault (albeit by their other charges) ?
Perhaps we could get the pendulum swinging in favour of the victims and away from the 'blame the victim' culture.

You do have the right even if the bullying happened on school ground's to call on the police if the school system ignore's the incident. Seems they are much more helpful in protecting your child when the LAW has been contacted and they are in danger of neglecting your child's safety. The parent's and bullyer are also contacted and parent's are more apt sadly to discuss such issue's and work harder to put an end to them once an officer is on your door step.

Yes, unfortunatly we did have to call the sherrif's department but got amazingly quick response's from the school and the bullies parent's who were very unresponsive before then. (We reported the bullying after my son came home for the fifth time with his clothes ripped and a black eye and other scrapes and bruise's)

It's annoying that it takes such a serious threat to the teaching staff and their positions, to get them to listen.
Most teachers are neutral, but a significant minority are complicit in bullying - and should be rooted out as a danger to the victims of bullies.
The focus is currently on the bullying children, but it should be on the complicit adults.

I completly agree with you on that one. And I can remember reporting bullying as a child and teacher's just telling me to avoid that person. How do you avoid someone who seeks you out just to torment you? It's incredibly sad that we can put a man on the moon but cannot put an end to bullying. I honestly think those who ignore the issue should have to face punishment just as the bully'er. Whether it's a teacher, parent or another adult. When my son did fight back it was under my advice--two wrong's does not make one right; therefore, I sat in detention with him for an hour for a week.

Absolutely! I can remember asking to be moved to a different seat because the boy behind me was punching and tormenting me. The teacher said, "Well, he's going to bother whoever he sits behind, and you can take it." WTF? I started to loudly give him a piece of my mind every time he touched me. One day of having her class interrupted repeatedly, and she moved him.

lol Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, its crazy reading these posts. Yes, I was definitely odd girl out. I had real behavior problems at school, I'd do and say things on impulse and always regret, and get in trouble for it, later. I loved to read, and I was always interested in learning, but I dunno, school just kinda beat me so much that I really lost all motivation for a long long time. I was "weird" to everyone else. I was also the tallest person in my class up until Junior High, which didn't really help, and had to go through puberty early (oh how it can screw you up lol).

The main complaints my teachers had were that I wasn't organized, my workspace was always a mess (I think pretty well every teacher until Junior High when we got lockers had a chance at dumping my desk out in front of the whole class, and that I was easily distracted by the other kids and would talk too much in class. I got into these crazy giggle-fits all the time, I'd find some goofy little thing one of the guys did to be hilarious and I'd be doubled over laughing. I couldn't stop though, it wouldn't really be that funny anymore but for some reason I couldn't stop giggling.

When I hit Junior High I became really depressed, I used to be loud and obnoxious, now I was sad and withdrawn. I wanted to die, I was overweight too. Also, my marks fell to barely-passes because I'd always forget the homework, there was just so much more to have to remember. It was so much more complicated. Things didn't improve until I was diagnosed at 17 with ADD, now I'm 19 and taking meds for ADD, and I haven't been happier since the day before I started school lol. I just wish I could have had meds earlier on, my moms friend (my friends mom, he also has ADD) suggested I get tested when I was in Grade 4, but my aunt didn't believe there was such a thing as ADD at the time and my mom took her opinion.

GOD don't bring up those memories of having your desk dumped out in front of the whole class. :shudder: It happened to me even though I ended up graduating at the top of the class - which made me even weirder, of course, on top of the fact that I was fat and wore ugly polyester pants.

I think it's some ugly thing in our genes as humans, that necessity to dominate others who are weaker ... intuitively I would guess that it has something to do with Darwinism ... and I think it's SEVERELY understudied in women and girls ... I have another ADD woman colleague and she and I have made a pact that we will NEVER work for another woman if we can help it ... and I remember when "Odd Girl" came out I cried with rage right there in the Barnes and Noble b/c I remember thinking "WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE BEEN OUT WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL?"

Yep - my teachers did the embarass the hell out of the disorganized kid with the messy desk routine, too.
The only thing i remember of 4th grade is being the hall with my teacher yelling at me all the time.
I never felt like i was worthy to have friends; and sometimes i still don't. I worry that something i've done or said will cause them to stop liking me all of a sudden, so i try not to get too close.... definitely odd girl out.
I don't think i will read the book, though. I tried reading A Child Called It and just could not read the entire thing. Too emotional, and I am not fond of emotions.

Wow, this thread brought up so many new memories. This is my first post here (I'm gonna do an intro post on that thread later...after I do my physics hw).

I know the feeling--I was always the girl who didn't fit in. I never quite knew why. I was painfully, painfully shy. I was bookish, klutzy, sensitive, and had big ugly glasses (this was back in the late 80s/early 90s when for some reason eye doctors would not give decent glasses to kids--I begged for wire frames but they told me I was too irresponsible and would break them and so I had horrible big chunky plastic ones). And horribly bushy hair (found out later--it's curly and learned how to take care of it. and if you brush out curly hair you just get triangle head).

I was also socially naive. I never seemed to pick up on the same things as everyone else. I still don't. I'm the one who says something and it's totally inappropriate or so random and everyone just is like.....oooookaaay? For most of elementary school and middle school I cried constantly and was miserable.

The teachers didn't help at all. All I got told, over and over, was to avoid them, or to try to be their friend (which only got me made fun of) or to try to change so they wouldn't have something to make fun of. Well, I tried. Over and over and no matter what I changed it wasn't good enough.

By the end of middle school and high school I had developed the attitude of 'I'm me, and if you don't like it, then f*** you'. But my parents hated this--they wanted the good daughter, the one who fit in and did the things all the other parents bragged about their kids doing. So that caused even more problems and more self-destructive behavior.

Now I'm in college and I'm still dealing with it. I just found out this past week that I have ADD. Talking to my therapist, some things make more sense (the spaciness, ect.). But I still am different than most 'normal' people. I'm also trying to figure out who I am--I've changed myself so many times trying to fit in that I don't even know who I am anymore...

I wish that there was a law against teachers telling bullied students to change. Bullying is wrong. Period. Even if it's not physical it's real. And teachers need to stop it. Because they aren't. And parents aren't. Parents are saying, my child is perfect and yours must have done something to make them do it. And if your parents are shy and not assertive, you really end up without any action.

Now that I've finished that short novel...it's good to know there are other odd girls out. The funniest thing about all of this, though, is that despite my past experiences and being painfully shy, I'm hoping to pursue a career in politics! I may not fit in with the 'normal types' but most of the academic or artistic people I've met are great. And you know what? We're more interesting too.

I don't think i will read the book, though. I tried reading A Child Called It and just could not read the entire thing. Too emotional, and I am not fond of emotions

The first time I tried to read the book I failed and the second and the third. I finally decided to try reading his last novel first A MAN NAMED DAVE and then A BOY CALLED ? (CANT REMEMBER THE END) then I read A CHILD CALLED IT. This man is absolutly amazing. It was honestly easier to read the first book after knowing he was safe, secure and loved. The obstacles this man overcame and is still able to be a good father and such a loving, caring, giving person. I started getting involved in a lot of charity's that related to my own experiances after reading his books. My feeling was I wanted to be able to overcome like David Pelzer. It helped a lot.

oh, yeah - i know the story. i skimmed the book, and my (then 12 yr old) daughter filled me in on the rest. she read the book for school. and the following 2, as well. i read those. definitely a great story. but some of the things that woman did!!! monster-mother.
if odd girl out is anything like that, it won't be on my reading list anytime soon (well, at least not until my daughter reads it....)

Actually, it's a composition of stories and does not go into so much detail. It's more of a what happened and why it happened type thing. Remind's me more of a paper you would write for a college history class.

I can relate to alot of what's been written already.
As I think back to when I was in grade school, I was aslso the odd girl out with other odd girls for friends. I remember oe of the friends that I had was really into science and talking about the digestive tract! :) I was also very shy - not now - and didn't know how to initiate conversation or keep a friendship going. I think that i coped with all this by reading books. I had a vivid imagination and would get wrapped up in the characters, wishing I were like them.

I think I got to the point where I would purposely choose to be different than the others because it was easier to be different than try to fit in.

I was immature for my age and when i rerun saome of the situations in my mind, that I got myself into as a teen, My Niavete (sp) saved me from total embarrassment many times.

Funny my naivete (sp) who cares I'm a bad speller lol. got me into a lot of trouble.

I sometimes still feel like the odd girl out the only difference now is I don't take it. If someone hurt's me I tell them and I'll tell them exactly what I think and not hold my words back. I call myself outspoken but I've heard other's have another word for me *giggles* I believe it runs with witch.

Heh....Since day One I have been the Odd Girl that everyone LOVED to make fun of The Kids in my Neighborhood and school...even my own father was did not seam happy with me...Nothing I Did was good enough for his standards. Just to feel acceptance I would let people just use and abuse me just to feel accepted...and would not leave them cause I was afraid of being alone....but that has all changed....Now I want to be left alone by everyone around me and refuse to even leave my house.

I do not care what people think of me....but DON'T WANT TO PUT UP WITH IT. I am starting to see my withdrawl from society and keeping people at bay and not letting anyone close to me...is a result of the YEARS of abuse and knowing all that time those I did let close never really accepted me. It has made me more of a victim than the actual abuse it's self. :(

At this Point I can not help the way I feel and someday I hope to over come this feeling but right now..I have such contempt for the world and the I find that the only people I am comfortable with is the people on line in the forums and chat rooms among others with ADD and Bipolar...I at least know they really know me and would not hurt me.

This Odd Girl Out tired....tired of trying and tired of letting myself get hurt. Could ya really blame me?

^Hugssssss

I am currently reading this book right now, and I find it fascinating, how it illuminates some of the major issues with which I have dealt with for most of my childhood and adult life. There's an incident that is recalled here which is eerily similar to an incident with an ex-friend named Sabrina, who pretended to be my friend but wasn't -- who saw me as a key to her popularity. I knew all the popular kids but wasn't friends with them.
What was so sad was that I still believed that Sabrina was my friend and would've defended her to the death. Unfortunately my lack of understanding of social skills prevented me from seeing that she actually wasn't my friend -- until it was literally too late.
I still suffer greatly from what Sabrina (and others) did to me.

I could definitely relate to this thread. I was always the quiet
daydreamer, in my own little world. I did very well in school
grade wise, was even considered a "brain". Don't know how I never paid attention. It caught up with me some in college.
I was extremely shy in school. I also had bright red curly (frizzy)
hair. Not very cool in the '70's. On top of this my adopted Mom
(who was in the beginning stages of schizophrenia, though we
did not realize it at the time) insisted on cutting my hair herself,
would not let me go to the salon. Often she made my clothes and
in very unusual colors I might add. lol My life was a nightmare.
I have to laugh now or I would cry. I'm 43. Mom is on meds for the
last 20 yrs. and doing better. My earlier years are kind of foggy.
I guess I just try to forget because it's too painful to remember.

Hi All, Just read all of your great posts. I think I need to read this book. I have always felt like the odd girl out too. I am 29 and was just diagnosed 5 months ago with adhd. It has given me a lot of insight regarding why I never got along well with girls and why I always felt like girls reacted to me in a strange way. I always felt like all the other girls in my schools thought I was weird or something, but I just figured I was being paranoid. However, I see now that I have never been able to make close girl friends and keep them. I still feel "odd" even to date. I work in an office full of women and there are many times when I have my add moments that I can see their reactions to my behaviors. Since going on Strattera I have become much quieter at work for some reason. I think I am just more focussed on my work. But I still have moments where I feel like a total airhead and I still have trouble relating to other women. I also have difficulty making "small talk" and all the typical office conversations that go on with the women I work with it seems I could care less about. I've never been a "girly" girl and I od wear a little makeup. But I could care less about getting my nails done or even doing my hair for work - I just put it in a pony tail by mid-morning anyway. So, I don't know what it is. I have always gotten along better with boys and it's not because I never tried to reach out to a girl friend before - they just don't ever seem to reach back. Maybe this book will have the answers.

I have three friends that are girls, one of them is hyper and crazy like me and definitely not the type of girl that obsesses over nails and hair which is such a relief. The majority of my friends though are guys.

I was recently drinking with my boyfriend and some of his friends, 2 guys and 2 girls, and I got really nervous having the girls there. With the guys I could just talk about music, random weird stuff and all that, but with the girls I was feeling totally judged. One girl I had talked to before and she was totally cool and friendly, but she brought her friend to this thing and all of a sudden I felt like they were judging everything.

Thanks for raising this issue... I hadn't given it much thought before now. I did not have the pain that some described here, but always felt "odd" compared with the other girls, including my friends. In fact, in High School, one girl wrote something in my autograph book about me being "weird" and my other friends started nodding and seconding her.

I loved sports and often preferred hanging out with boys, at least as a teen. Most of my working life has been spent in male-dominated businesses where I was the only or one of two women on the management team. Only now, in my mid-40s am I seeking out and trying to spend more time with many women. Ritalin helps alot with my ability to connect, especially with women. I can feel the difference in my focus as I listen to them.