View Full Version : Prom and after prom.


sarahsweets
06-09-17, 04:37 AM
My oldest has her first prom tonight. I honestly cant wait for it to be over. These kids act like its a wedding! Not my girl so much because I am not springing for a limo or spending a fortune on her dress. Her uncle gave her birthday money to get her nails done, and she paid for her own pedicure. I am paying for her hair and dress.
Still I am excited because she will look beautiful! There are always kids who overdo it, and what to do after prom is the talk of the town. There are many parties and Ive heard that there are parents who provide alcohol as long as the kids stay over because " they are going to drink anyway, might as well be safe".
Thats not how I roll.
But still I had to find a way to keep an eye on my Becca and still let her have that night of magic.
Here is what I came up with and she thinks I am super cool because of it.
I told her she could have the couples that are going to the beach together sleep over. I presented it to her like this:
" Becca, how about Dad and I set up the tents in the backyard, and you guys stay here? You can stay up all night, have a bonfire, Ill make food. You can do whatever you want but you will be safe here at the house? They you can all get ready and go to the beach the next day as planned. She seized on the idea and I will have 3 couples staying over. 6 teenagers! What she doesnt get is this is my way of knowing what they are up to. I can see if there is anything like alcohol or drugs.

I will know she is not driving all around the neighborhood getting into trouble. They can stay up all night and be foolish here. Am I crazy and somehow contributing to a raucous sex party ? I dont think so. Ill be serving food to them late at night, husband will mind the fire. We will leave them alone but we have a great vantage point into the yard from the bathroom and a pair of binnoculars.
I dont think this is out of line. The parents of the teens that are staying over havent said anything to me, or asked for information so as far as I can see, these kids had permission to be out all night, no matter what they were doing.
I know if she was staying somewhere I would be all over trying to talk to the parents involved.
I think its a good part of a master plan. She thinks I am a cool mom, and she doesnt know this is secretly my way of keep track of whats going on.
Anyone have any thoughts?

Andi
06-09-17, 09:10 AM
I think it's a great idea and well thought out. You'll be exhausted but rest easier when it's all over.

For our kids my husband and I were the chauffeurs. So they didn't go anywhere that we weren't aware. However I like your plan...

Caco3girl
06-09-17, 03:20 PM
After my Prom we went to an all night dinner, had some food and then we all went home to our separate houses.

To each their own. I personally wouldn't let my son stay with his girlfriend in a tent alone...even with you watching and interrupting. Perhaps I'll feel different in 2-3 years, but I doubt it. I don't see me being comfortable with him not coming home on prom night.

Fuzzy12
06-09-17, 03:40 PM
I think this is an absolute brilliant idea. The only thing I'd say is that it might be better to tell the other parents explicitly that you are putting up tents for the kids to sleep in and are not supervising the sleeping arrangements as some parents might not be ok with that (and assume that you are supervising or separating yhe kids somehow)

The other kids might have made it sound more supervised than it is to their parents.

Strassette
06-09-17, 05:00 PM
I agree with you that prom is overdone. It sounds like you are teaching your daughter well in not providing her everything, but having her pitch in for some but still making it a really special evening!
I think it's a great idea to want to make a safe space for your daughter and some friends! I would have loved the camping idea when I was in high school. It sounds like a lot of work for you, but it seems like it's worth it to you in order to make sure everyone is safe. I am glad your daughter is into and was able to get some friends excited about it too! Have a great time.

sarahsweets
06-10-17, 06:46 AM
Well so far so good. The kids are all in one tent, and I havent seen any evidence of weird sex or anything like that. We stayed up with them til 2am and sat outside with them, brought out food and started the fire. They got home from prom about 1030p. We were very clear about rules before me left and the good thing is our neighbors have a son the same age and they were up very late hanging out on their deck which is right against ours. I asked my daughter if any parents wanted to talk to me and she gave out my phone number but no one did. I was surprised but they are all 18 and I guess their parents just dont care.
I was spying on them from the bathroom window that looks out over the whole yard and didnt see anything dangerous. We went over ground rules once we decided to go in, and I told them that if there was any evidence of alcohol or drugs their parents would be getting a call or the police would.

It was kinda fun being out there with them. We left them alone but were able listen. When we came in, I hung around my utility room which opens into the back yard with a door just to listen. It sounded like they were having a good time.

They were breathalysed going in and leaving the prom by the school so they didnt arrive here with anything as far as I can tell. Plus they all know I attend AA meetings so that part wasnt a secret.
Ill fill you all in on the debacle involving getting ready for prom shortly. When I tell you what I had to do you wont believe it.

The kids want to be on the road at 10 for the beach so around 8 husband and I will be making pancakes and bacon with coffee and juice for them to have on the deck.
I feel good about this whole plan.

sarahsweets
06-10-17, 06:49 AM
After my Prom we went to an all night dinner, had some food and then we all went home to our separate houses.

To each their own. I personally wouldn't let my son stay with his girlfriend in a tent alone...even with you watching and interrupting. Perhaps I'll feel different in 2-3 years, but I doubt it. I don't see me being comfortable with him not coming home on prom night.

The kids were not coupled off in tents, they all stayed in one which makes me feel a little better. Plus with the neighbor spies I felt like we had extra eyes. I totally get it about not having your son come home after prom. Its exactly the reason we did this, so our daughter would come home and have a magic, supervised night. It seems like no parents really care what their kids do after prom.
I know if she asked to stay out all night after prom the answer would have been no.

sarahsweets
06-10-17, 06:51 AM
I think this is an absolute brilliant idea. The only thing I'd say is that it might be better to tell the other parents explicitly that you are putting up tents for the kids to sleep in and are not supervising the sleeping arrangements as some parents might not be ok with that (and assume that you are supervising or separating yhe kids somehow)

The other kids might have made it sound more supervised than it is to their parents.

My daughter gave my number out to the kids and no parents were even interested in contacting me. The one girl is on color guard with my daughter and I ran into her mom the other day and she didnt even blink an eye when I mentioned it. Of course I told her how things were going to be monitored and she didnt seem to care one way or another.

Fuzzy12
06-10-17, 09:47 AM
I didn't realise they are 18. For some reason I thought they are much younger.

Glad it's going well :):yes:

Caco3girl
06-12-17, 11:18 AM
My oldest has her first prom tonight. I honestly cant wait for it to be over. These kids act like its a wedding! Not my girl so much because I am not springing for a limo or spending a fortune on her dress. Her uncle gave her birthday money to get her nails done, and she paid for her own pedicure. I am paying for her hair and dress.
Still I am excited because she will look beautiful! There are always kids who overdo it, and what to do after prom is the talk of the town. There are many parties and Ive heard that there are parents who provide alcohol as long as the kids stay over because " they are going to drink anyway, might as well be safe".
Thats not how I roll.
But still I had to find a way to keep an eye on my Becca and still let her have that night of magic.
Here is what I came up with and she thinks I am super cool because of it.
I told her she could have the couples that are going to the beach together sleep over. I presented it to her like this:
" Becca, how about Dad and I set up the tents in the backyard, and you guys stay here? You can stay up all night, have a bonfire, Ill make food. You can do whatever you want but you will be safe here at the house? They you can all get ready and go to the beach the next day as planned. She seized on the idea and I will have 3 couples staying over. 6 teenagers! What she doesnt get is this is my way of knowing what they are up to. I can see if there is anything like alcohol or drugs.

I will know she is not driving all around the neighborhood getting into trouble. They can stay up all night and be foolish here. Am I crazy and somehow contributing to a raucous sex party ? I dont think so. Ill be serving food to them late at night, husband will mind the fire. We will leave them alone but we have a great vantage point into the yard from the bathroom and a pair of binnoculars.
I dont think this is out of line. The parents of the teens that are staying over havent said anything to me, or asked for information so as far as I can see, these kids had permission to be out all night, no matter what they were doing.
I know if she was staying somewhere I would be all over trying to talk to the parents involved.
I think its a good part of a master plan. She thinks I am a cool mom, and she doesnt know this is secretly my way of keep track of whats going on.
Anyone have any thoughts?

Okay ONE big tent sounds like a good time, my son would have been allowed to go to that. Reading your post it sounded like each couple would have their own tent....*shudder* sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Glad it all worked out with your one tent concept, I may try it myself.

heyabutterfly
06-12-17, 01:41 PM
Ill be the first to say i'm a guy. We all know some guys can be pigs. its life. I think you are smart about this plan. And yes some kids think it's like the most important day of their life. everything needs to be perfect the hair nails makeup, the guy, and of course the vehicle taking them to the prom HAS to be nice. Me, back when It was my prom, the only thing i cared about was making sure my girlfriend had a good time and that she was safe. I played the part of the boyfriend that liked to dance (I don't), and interact, and i was lucky to have my dads nice subaru outback to take our prom group to prom. but honestly if nothing was perfect, i was fine, because no matter what I still had my beautiful girlfriend. But other than that there is no real reason that somebody has a bad night at prom.

sarahsweets
06-13-17, 04:35 AM
Just wanted to add a little pre-prom drama story.
We tried he dress on again two nights before the prom. I sewed a hook and eye at the top because all there was was a zipper. She was completely ready at 4 and I was helping her into it. The widest part of the dress was where her bra would sit. There was no problem there. The zipper popped open from the bottom! There was no catch to get the zipper on the track! Now she is freaking out and so am I. This is at 4pm and we were meeting her friends at 430 for pictures.
What to do? I got a needle and thread...I began sewing while she is wearing the dress. I got about half sewed up but the material got harder to get the needled through because the bodice was beaded. I had the top closed with the hook and eye and the bottom sewed.
I didnt know what to do. So I found a black bustier type of longer bra and had her put that on under neath so the gap in the middle wouldnt be as noticeable because she has such fair skin.
I found a black lace shawl and we had to make that work.

She was so upset and I felt terrible. She was blaming herself like she got heavy or something. We did pictures and all that but she told me the next day that someone pointed out that she had a needle and thread hanging from the back of her dress! I never snipped the thread and needle off!

I know this really affected her time at the prom. She seemed ok that night but they all went to the beach the next day and she told me that allowing her friends to stay over and have that party made her prom amazing so at least that part was good. I think everything was redeemable by being able to stay up all night and "party" with her friends.