View Full Version : Does introversion beget introversion??


Fuzzy12
06-09-17, 07:34 PM
Either genetically or through learnt behaviour?

dvdnvwls
06-09-17, 07:44 PM
Some learning will most certainly occur in every case, but I think if a child had the opposite type from the parent, no amount of learning could really change their personality.

sarahsweets
06-10-17, 07:09 AM
I am very extroverted and husband is introverted. My oldest and middle kids are a mix of both. They make friends easily and are able to be friendly when talking to others but they still are cautious. My youngest is definitely more introverted and an observer.
I wonder if a coping skill for introverts is to observe, assess and then get comfortable? She does plays and musicals but put her in a crowded setting and she hangs back.

dvdnvwls
06-10-17, 12:49 PM
Sarah - I'm sure it depends which introvert, but yes that sounds very familiar. :)

Fuzzy12
06-10-17, 01:45 PM
My worry is that because I don't really go out that much (or at least not to places where there are other people and even rarer places where we have to interact with other people) that she isn't getting enough of socialising or enough of new and stimulating experiences to promote her development. So that's one of the problems of my introversion.

I also.wonder though if she will learn from me to find other people tiring maybe just because she isn't getting used to people.

I don't know of its related or if that's just how she is but she definitely isn't tge most social baby. Mostly she cries when someone just tries to look at her.

finallyfound10
06-10-17, 02:50 PM
I wasn't a social baby and would only go to parents and maternal grandparents but I grew up to be an extrovert and very social. I don't think how we are reared has as much influence as we think.

This doesn't have anything to do with Fuzzling but about personalities:

I hit the wall/had a nervous breakdown starting in 2009 and started isolating, I'm very, very different now. I took the Myers-Briggs when I was doing really well in the early 2000's I think and was an Extrovert (I forget the rest of them) then I took it again this past year for school was an Introvert. Both times I took it, I was totally honest. I am not the same person so I wasn't surprised but it is shocking to see it black and white. I don't think it happens to everyone that goes through stuff but it did with me.

dvdnvwls
06-10-17, 03:22 PM
Is your husband more extroverted and might do more of the social things with her?

Cyllya
06-10-17, 04:31 PM
Seems to have a heavy genetic component. (Mentioned on Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion).) Although researchers and different personality labeling systems often use a slightly different definition of introversion/extroversion, so it can be hard to extrapolate very well.

And genetics or not, it seems to have a high level of being an immutable trait that can't be modified very much by parent behavior. Just look at all the introverts out there who had extrovert parents but didn't become extroverts; they became introverts who feel bad about themselves because they see introversion as a bad thing.

My worry is that because I don't really go out that much (or at least not to places where there are other people and even rarer places where we have to interact with other people) that she isn't getting enough of socialising or enough of new and stimulating experiences to promote her development. So that's one of the problems of my introversion.

I guess that's a valid concern. (I don't think it will really cause a problem, but I don't have any evidence. I tried to google for stats, but I didn't find anything matching your situation.) Trying to imagine an equivalent in an older and perhaps more "natural" setting... a mother with one child in infancy would probably carry the baby while doing household work, some of which would be outdoors where you could see neighbors even if you weren't in the mood to interact with them. But I think babies can't see very far, so that might not matter much? People used to get more help with baby care from family and friends ("it takes a village to raise a child"), including neighborhood children, so babies would have a couple caretakers.

Caco3girl
06-15-17, 07:23 AM
My worry is that because I don't really go out that much (or at least not to places where there are other people and even rarer places where we have to interact with other people) that she isn't getting enough of socialising or enough of new and stimulating experiences to promote her development. So that's one of the problems of my introversion.

I also.wonder though if she will learn from me to find other people tiring maybe just because she isn't getting used to people.

I don't know of its related or if that's just how she is but she definitely isn't tge most social baby. Mostly she cries when someone just tries to look at her.

I am an extrovert, no problem going up to random strangers and asking them a question or talking their ear off. My ex-husband is an introvert, gets actually phsycially ill when meeting new people. When our daughter was around 2 we went to the grocery store, she was in the cart, hanging on and buckled in. Every single person we passed she said HI to...every single one. Her father was red faced/embarrassed, he tried to tell her to shush, but nope...the HI's continued.

Kids will show you who they are...it's up to you to respect who they are once they show it.

dvdnvwls
06-15-17, 11:49 AM
I'm an introvert who will go up to random people and talk their ear off. :)

stef
06-15-17, 12:01 PM
I think, every person is going to have their set character regarding this, early on
I'm more of an introvert, so is my son; and so I thought, well its from being an only child;

But then he had a best friend, also an only child, friendly but quiet parents, and he was one of the most extroverted kids I had ever seen.

What's important is to gently introduce the introvert to being comfortable around others.

dvdnvwls
06-15-17, 12:53 PM
... and (I guess?) to gently introduce the extrovert to positive satisfying alone time? Or is that necessary or even possible?

stef
06-15-17, 01:04 PM
... and (I guess?) to gently introduce the extrovert to positive satisfying alone time? Or is that necessary or even possible?

oops I didnt finish my post!
To be sure the extrovert has lots of opportunities to express this side in a good setting
And yes, find quiet time things they can enjoy.

girlthroughtime
06-18-17, 02:16 PM
My worry is that because I don't really go out that much (or at least not to places where there are other people and even rarer places where we have to interact with other people) that she isn't getting enough of socialising or enough of new and stimulating experiences to promote her development. So that's one of the problems of my introversion.

I also.wonder though if she will learn from me to find other people tiring maybe just because she isn't getting used to people.

I don't know of its related or if that's just how she is but she definitely isn't tge most social baby. Mostly she cries when someone just tries to look at her.
My mom is very introverted. I cried about not having friends when I was little and she said that friends will just let you down, you need to be your own friend, lol! I'm an extrovert. I don't think you can change what you naturally are, but you might adapt it. I would consider myself a "reserved" extrovert. I love socializing and getting out and meeting new people, and talking in general. But I might seem quiet or shy or reserved as I assess you.

I think there should be an effort to socialize children, not to make them more extroverted, but so that they learn that people are different from their immediate family members, and they get a fuller range of personalities, attitudes and learn how to respond in situations. I know my daughter who is a bright and outgoing personality, is probably an introvert - even though she does socialize and play and even makes an effort to play with kids she doesn't know, once she is tired, she'll let me know she wants to go home (and have time to herself). That is the difference between extroverts and introverts - how they recharge.

Fuzzy12
06-23-17, 06:48 PM
I think tge mechanisms through which introversion can be inherited are:

1. Genetically

2. Learnt behaviour: fuzzlin
g learns from me to prefer my own company to that of others or maybe she sees how much other people exhaust me and therefore starts believing that people are exhausting.

3. Indirect conditioning: (for want of a better word. I don't mean conditioning in the psychological sense ). Since I don't go out that much fuzzling doesn't see that many people and therefore misses out on socialising, which makes her more asocial.

Or maybe it's really just in her nature. Or maybe she is t introverted at all and we are just imagining it (and it's a coincidence that every other baby I know happens to be more easy going and more out going). It's a phase, separation anxiety, and she'll grow out of it.

Maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe I'm not as much of a hermit I think I am. I know some mum's with babies of fuzzling's age and I meet them at least once a week. Then on the weekend we usually meet some friends of ours. There's also usually some sort of clinical appointment once a week.I try to go out on most days. If nothing else then just shopping or for a walk in the park. Last time i went to the really busy playground in the park and we sat down on the grass and watched the other people. I am also thinking u. Should take her to.the soft play centre once a week. She enjoyed that last time. Well she started enjoying it after my friend left. Till then she was must crying.

That's another reason why I don't love socialising. Fuzzling is always so cranky and whiny. It's just not a lot of fun. Also her nap timings are so messed up and she's a little monster when she hasn't napped makes it really difficult to plan anything.

I did do a mum and baby group which I enjoyed but fuzzling just cried through every session so.I didn't sign up for any other group

Lunamoth
06-24-17, 05:10 PM
I have 3 young children, all completely different from one another. Babies show you their personality very early on, and I honestly don't think it's something you can change. You just have to listen to them when they tell you what they like and dislike.

Fuzzling sounds like my eldest, he was never enthusiastic about socialising and still isn't. It sounds like you are taking her out enough, but she just isn't that into it. I know it's a really hard thing to cope with when your baby is grizzling and clinging while other people's babies are smiling and playing.

The thing is you just have to love them for who they are and find things they do enjoy and that don't cause you unnecessary stress. And never ever compare her to other children! It will only cause you doubt and guilt.

One thing I did learn is to never make them the centre of attention in a social setting. People tend to rush at babies cooing but it just scared the c**p out of my eldest. He needed time to warm up so I had to put myself or my outgoing husband in the front to fend off other people until he was ready. Subtly obviously, we tried not to look ridiculous!

My son has sensory processing disorder, anxiety, and adhd. I'm not saying that to scare you, but to say that if your baby prefers to just be with you then go for it. Because maybe she can't cope with all the stimulation of social functions and just needs more time out than most.

My niece is also very similar (I suspect she has similar conditions) and she has been forcibly socialised from the start. From what I can see, it has made no difference. She is introverted and shy, and struggles socially.

So do what YOU can cope with - do what makes you and Fuzzling happy. The thing is, she is socialising with you and your loved ones and, from what I can tell, that is often enough. The most important thing is that she feels loved and safe, with a home that is her sanctuary when the world threatens to overwhelm her.

Fuzzling will turn out just fine I promise. It used to annoy me when people said that to me, but they were right. She will be fine because the lucky little girl has YOU to look after her.