View Full Version : Could be better in school, parents won't let me get help..


mirandaashley
06-28-17, 11:54 PM
I am not going to sit here and tell you all of my symptoms, most of you have ADD anyway so you know my struggle I'm sure. I don't need a doctor to tell me I have ADD, I am certain of it. Every teacher that I have had has noticed my attention issues, and my parents never denied it as a grew up; but they never really did anything about it.... So no, I'm not formally diagnosed. I want to be diagnosed, and I want help.

I am FRUSTRATED. Do you know how smart you have to be to pull off A's and B's when you haven't listened to a word your teachers have said in class in years? Do you know how much hard work it takes to maintain good grades when for every 2 hours of homework that you do, you spend 5 thinking about everything that you have to do, but never know where to start? When every task seems daunting (and it probably is, because I haven't listened to my teachers.. so now I have to teach myself a few months worth of material)? The only time I can do a task is when I HAVE to do it. If a teacher gives me time in class to work on something, there's no chance I will get anything done. It never gets done until the day before. To anyone else with a normal brain it sounds like lazy procrastination, but it's how my mind works and it sucks.

Somehow, still, I always get decent grades. My grades are good enough, my parents are proud of me and know that I work hard. But I know that I can do better.... and I'm sick of feeling like it's because I don't work as hard as I can in school. I know how much time I waste, how I could've studied longer for that one test, shouldn't have forgotten to do that one assignment that turns my A work into a B. I am aware of my shortcomings, but I'm sick of feeling like I'm failing myself. It's not fully my fault.

I am a hard working kid. I work hard in everything that I do. In the summers I come home and work 70-80 hour weeks, I play sports at my college, etc. I'm realizing now that I'm not afraid of hard work, so my schoolwork is not suffering because I am "lazy". In fact, I can't even do activities that I enjoy for more than 15 minutes. I'll go play basketball for 10 minutes, which I love, and I will start to get bored and find other things to do in the gym. I want to know my real potential. I have ADD, and I'm not getting the help that I deserve. It is unfair.

My parents have never gotten me help, and they don't think that I need medication. I mean I've gotten this hard with good grades, what's the issue?? I told my mom about how I rarely listen in class and have to make up for it elsewhere, and how I wonder how smart I'd be if I was actually equal with the other kids. Her solution?? "Well.. just focus more".

I'm sick of feeling like I've failed myself because I've listened to my parents. Maybe I could get by without help, but I don't want to!!! I have big dreams with my career (I want to be a PA) and I am so scared that my level of work will fail, and that when it comes time to crack down and compete with the geniuses that apply to grad school, I will be left in the dust.

I want advice on how to maturely approach my parents. I am in college, but I'm still under their roof. Realistically the only way that I can get help is if they're on board. They just don't understand my struggle. I am also afraid that they will think that I'm wasting their money going to college when I don't listen or "don't do my best work". You know what I mean, but how can I make them understand?

sarahsweets
06-29-17, 07:42 AM
Do you have your own health insurance card? If you do, or have access to your own health insurance info you can find out what is covered and make your own appt if you are 18 or older. As a legal adult your health information is private and your parents cant access it. Do you have insurance through school? You can try and see the doctor there too.

Lunacie
06-29-17, 10:56 AM
In Kansas, kids can consent to medical treatment at age 16. In some states it's
age 18, or sooner if married or pregnant or emancipated.

Check your state: statelaws (dot) findlaw (dot) com (slash) family-laws (slash) legal-ages.html

userguide
06-29-17, 11:47 AM
Good question. How to maturely approach immature parents :)

Perhaps they don't like to face the stigma of a psychiatric condition, so maybe do not mention ADHD in the beginning. Find some diagnostic tests, maybe even non-professional and ask them to help you fill them up.

Or, if you find ADHD traits in your family, start with them as the object of analysis.
It's possible that "enough focus" is not the problem your parents recognize in themselves, but other symptoms like anxiety, poor quality of emotional relationships, money management and so on will ring familiar to them.

Or ask someone they respect to help and nudge them a bit.

Good luck!

TangledWebs
06-29-17, 12:27 PM
Oh, honey, I feel for you! I have experienced similar struggles. I was diagnosed when I was in college and I went on to graduate school with the help of stimulants. You can, too! My parents did not understand either. I didn't approach the topic maturely. I am pretty sure I threw a tantrum and threatened to fail all of my college classes if they did not take me to the doctor. :giggle: Don't do that though.

If I were you, I would try to make an appointment on your own.

mirandaashley
06-29-17, 07:36 PM
Oh, honey, I feel for you! I have experienced similar struggles. I was diagnosed when I was in college and I went on to graduate school with the help of stimulants. You can, too! My parents did not understand either. I didn't approach the topic maturely. I am pretty sure I threw a tantrum and threatened to fail all of my college classes if they did not take me to the doctor. :giggle: Don't do that though.

If I were you, I would try to make an appointment on your own.

How did you end up getting medication? My parents are very involved in my life, I do a lot of things on my own so I can't imagine going behind their backs to get medication.

sarahsweets
06-30-17, 08:59 AM
How did you end up getting medication? My parents are very involved in my life, I do a lot of things on my own so I can't imagine going behind their backs to get medication.

You will have to change this. If you are an adult, you have to be in charge of your own medical care.

Lunacie
06-30-17, 01:16 PM
How did you end up getting medication? My parents are very involved in my life, I do a lot of things on my own so I can't imagine going behind their backs to get medication.

If you want to try meds you will have to either convince your parents or go
behind their backs.

You could open the dialogue by getting a copy of the video "ADD & Loving It" and asking them to watch it with you.

sarahsweets
07-01-17, 09:55 AM
I know its scary to talk to your parents especially if they dont believe in adhd. But the thing is, you have to take charge of your mental and physical wellbeing. What can they do? Chain you to the house? Kick you out?

PoppnNSailinMan
07-01-17, 04:32 PM
I hope you can get the help you need and don't wait too long.

I went to undergraduate and graduate school in the 1980s and 1990s when it was still believed even by most psychologists and psychiatrists that ADHD was a thing that only existed in children. I got through college with good grades, but worked much harder than most of my classmates and it took me a lot longer to finish my degree than it would have if I had known that I had ADHD and had been able to get some help. Even then, I was only able to just barely get through college because I had a lot of support from other people in my life, and in the end, my career was still derailed by my ADHD. After graduation, I had difficulties holding down a job, not to mention the stress that it put on my relationships. I was only diagnosed about 5 years ago and wish it had happened much sooner so that I could have gotten some treatment years earlier.

Pilgrim
07-01-17, 09:18 PM
Our parents were normally bought up to believe ,' shill be right roll up your sleeves, and if you work hard enough, you'll be right '.
And your correct, if you have this condition, you need more support. Normall, I would say, if tolerated, medication.
My father is a relatively progressive thinker. Most of my family are against meds. I think the thing that only swayed my father was when he observed how meds helped. Goodluck