*sigh*

My wife is vehemently, almost violently opposed to conventional ADD medications or any conventional medication that affects the mind. So much so that when one of her two best friends suggested that they had had a conversation about some of my wife's problems and thought she should talk to a psychiatrist and "consider going on something", she didn't talk to them for weeks, spent all that time being mad and telling me how "betrayed" she felt... and just about lost both of them as friends for life.

When I first read Dr. Amen's book I was seriously wanting to get a SPECT scan done and go through an evaluation process and get on medication if the pro agreed that it was necessary. Because my life feels like it is in a downward spiral, I have periodic problems with depression and frustration, I don't believe they are comorbid conditions, I just think my life is depressing and frustrating! And reading what I read suggested that medication might help. Well I know it's not a magic solution, but let me tell you nothing ELSE I am doing seems to be helping much.

But she yelled and cried. She felt betrayed that I could consider getting on meds. She felt like the Paul she knows and loves would be taken away from her and she did NOT understand that I am considering this as much for her and our son's benefit as my own... I am being an unsuccessful father and husband to both of them in life, and ADD is the only reason I can see. She said to me, if you're going to do this, DON'T tell me its for my benefit because I don't want it.

She also vehemently refuses even to discuss the subject of our son being evaluated professionally for ADD, even though she concedes privately that he does have it. She doesn't want him labeled by school, peers, his own mind, etc. Which I understand but she seems to think people will try to force him onto medication if he gets such a label...

Now I don't want to be on medication... I am afraid of it. But I KNOW something needs to change in my life, because right now my life is broken... something needs to be fixed.

And quite frankly if medication does help me, I AM going to want to suggest putting her and our son on it.

But I think she will divorce me before she considers such a thing, and even suggesting it will hurt her a lot.

What happens legally when one parent wants to medicate a child and the other one doesn't want to? He's ten years old, and I really don't know what HE would think about it if we tried to educate him on the matter.

I guess its irrelevant as she would divorce me if I tried to force him to be medicated against her will, even if he wanted to be. I would have to fight her for custody of him to make it stick and I'm pretty sure I would lose that battle...

*sigh*

I know a lot of people have problems with spouses who won't go get treated on their own. But do any of you have problems with spouses who don't want your kids, or YOU to be treated either?

P.S. She is totally willing to try alternative and natural approaches to therapy... which I am willing to consider as well, but so far the things we have tried have been completely ineffective and I'm losing confidence in it as a solution.

Paul: I don't know the legal ramifications of trying to treat your child with meds. Someone else here I am sure does....:)

BUT is your wife opposed to at LEAST getting him to a doctor and seeing what a doctor has to say? What if a doctor CLEARLY states to her that if he goes on meds that his life and learning abilities and social capacities will be much improved and that the myths about labels by his peers, etc. are just that....myths......(chances are his peers won't know).....First step would be to get him to a doctor and see what a doctor says....would she oppose that????

Secondly, what is her objection about? My hunch is a lot of people here will be able to give you a lot of feedback maybe with a bit more info about what her objections are based on....... Does she have bad experiences with meds in her family from the past? either ADD meds or otherwise?

In any event, you say that if meds were to help YOU, then you would suggest getting your son and wife to try them.....so perhaps my suggestion would be to FIRST get yourself to a doctor and see about a doctor getting you on meds....see how they work for YOU.....perhaps your wife will change her mind if they work for you and she sees them doing so.....(and no they're not a magical cure...and they do take time to work....but I know you've read some testimonials, right???? and for many.....they make a whole heck of a lot of difference in their lives, in so many aspects....I know they have in mine....)

Anyway.........

P.S. I really feel for you....I can only imagine the frustration here...But your obvious desire for something to change....probably means that something good is just around the corner....:)

I am going to a psychiatrist. I will consider the next step based on what s/he says.

My wife is concerned that medications will alter our personalities and change us into different people.

There are all kinds of statements and stories that say medications don't do this. But of course, they all come from people who either sell medications or are on them.

She does not trust doctors or pharmaceutical companies to put human well being above making money.

And quite frankly, I agree with her on this last point. However, I find myself over a barrel with no choice; I think if I genuinely want to improve my life, I need to seriously investigate every possibility for improvement, whether I like it or not.

Well not sure that they change our personalities and change us into different people....no med can do that....but what they can do is help us be what we would be if we didn't have ADD.....(oh God maybe I shouldn't have said that)....but the meds perhaps put back some of the focussing abilities??? Be less distracted? Able to help us concentrate longer on a task? Give us better frustration tolerance? Paul the effects are much less subtle than an entire personality change....

I agree the pharmaceutical companies could care less...they're out to make money....but I think once people get hooked up with a doctor they really like, then a caring relationship between a doctor and a patient is indeed possible...it's a matter of getting hooked up with a doctor you like and trust....

Do you like the psychiatrist you're seeing? Do you feel like he cares aboout you? That is SOOOO crucial....The one I saw before I went off to California to go back to school was awesome...I swear if it weren't for him....and everything he did....I wouldn't have gotten anywhere at all....He really cared about my getting well....and it is all about getting well, feeling better, so that you can move BEYOND the ADD and get on with your life.......there's nothing worse than being stuck in the ADD...

So maybe your're right....you might have no choice but to take the plunge and trust a doctor.....What do you have to lose??......there are some good ones ....:)

Okay, I'll let somebody else talk:)

Haven't been to the shrink yet. Scheduling my interview on Monday.

Paul--since you have been so kind and supportive of me, I feel this is something where maybe I can return such.
One of my best friends was diagnosed with ADD in her 30's (she is actually the one who suggested I get people in my house evaluated). In addition to ADD, she has narcolepsy and a couple of other things. Because she has had job issues in recent years, there are periods where she cannot afford her meds due to being in between insurance coverages...she has told me many times that the meds keep her going. I can always tell when she isn't on them and when she is, she has so much more self control on so many different levels---she is so much more clear headed and not all over the place. Granted, she still has some days (while on meds) that she is every where---but not nearly to the degree as when she isn't on them. The most important thing, this she has said to me about the meds, is that it allows her to relearn old behaviors in a much more acceptable and liveable way. Without the meds, she feels she would not be able to do this.
I don't know what it was like for you or your wife growing up ADD, but from what I'm told, it is no picnic. Does she really want your son growing up that way? My friend has told me on several occassions, that she wishes I were her mother because I fight to make my kids lives better. It's difficult for me to imagine any parent not wanting their child's life to be better than what they had.
Legally, I'm afraid the only thing I can offer is that you consult an attorney. Are there any legal aide societies that can help you with questions? You need to be proactive here.

Kathy

It's not a matter of her not wanting our son's life to be better. She just has no faith that the medications will help. She doesn't believe in them, and thinks that the people who sell them are evil, selfish people trying to poison and drug people into complacency and take their money in return.

Here's my 2 cents....and it's a bit out there...

I've looked long and hard into medications, natural therapies, diet & lifestyle changes and here are my results. Be prepared for a possible long post.

Natural therapies I put in the same basket as medications. Unless somewhat offers me the actual branch from the tree with the flower still on it; its been processed and the end result is only some form of extract. A medication is an extract of a different origin; but neither of them are "natural". I've never seen a vitamin pill growing naturally in the wild.

The main differance between natural therapies and medications are that with medications; you can view the results that DOCTORS see from prescribing the meds and be able to get an understanding of both the positive effects and the negative effects.

I've not seen many natural alternatives evaluated that way; and the natural alternative producers; like the drug companies; are out there pushing profit...albeit in a more suttle way.

Now...as to question of taking meds. If people are opposed to medications; then stop taking tylenol; stop the cough mixture; stop the anti-histamines. Don't put on sunscrren as the chemicals will absorb through the skin; don't by any processed food as they all contain some sort of chemical compund. No more lite-n-low, no more Diet Coke...no more Normal coke. Read the labels on the packets you just ate for dinner, and for the next week; write down the ingredients of everything you eat... you will be surprised.

The reality is; is that every day; we are already taking many chemical compounds many of which seem to do little harm; some of which we will find out in 30 years are killing us.

ADD has a stigma attached to it which many people are afraid of; and to take medcation which IMPROVES you; proves the stigma right. Backward logic; but by not taking meds...you don't need the meds...therefore you have no problem, but by taking the meds and improving, you do have the problem.....so don't get tested, don't take the meds, and just suffer in silence for the sake of general public opinion.

Now this is the hard part. Choice.

Paul, you have the right to choose if you wish to try medication. If your wife is of the belief that the Paul she love's is going to dissapear; then maybe you need to help her understand that the Paul she loves is already sinking; and that what you are trying to do is to avoid drowning.

She is right in saying you are not doing it for her benefit directly. You are doing it for your benefit...of which she gets a benefit because possibly will be able to halt the downward spiral you have said you are on. Your son gets a benefit because you will halt your downward spiral; your marriage will stay intact; and you will be around in a co-hesive relationship which otherwise there might not be. What you are not doing is doing it with her blessing.

Now the bad news. Paul, as you have been able to see within yourself the person that you are becoming, knowing what you have tried to do and the lack of success; your wife will not have had the same view. She see's you in the eyes of the first day you met; the person she fell in love with who didn't have any problems. She doesn't want to loose that person and for you to get diagnosed and to be medicated will possibly be something she is not ready or able to deal with. Your son would also be in a similar position.

She may have been convinced by the Dr Phils of the world that there is the us (no problem) and the thems (some problem). I know I wanted to be one of the us, but am learning to embrace and work with the fact I am one of them.

I have no guaranteed solution, but have a few thoughts that may have some merit..maybe not.

I look at the need for medication like some sort of Vitamin deficiency. In a perfect world, I would have enough; but for some reason; I have a need for something I am deficient in. Unfortunately; rather than the shortage being a simple vitamin; it's a neurotransmitter. Instead of getting vitamin C; I need some sort of med which deals with this deficiency(Dopamine/Noradrenaline). It is not a crime to have this deficiency, just part of who I am.

Another way I look at it is like taking a tylenol...except my ADD headache(poor concentraion/loose thoughts) lasts longer, and comes back if I stop taking the meds.

Although you are put in a position where you are made to feel like you are betraying your relationship by seeking this course, you are in fact doing the opposite. It is with this medication that you can be your real self and maintain control of all that that is important to you.

I'm not a fan of hiding things in a relationship; but you may want to approach the problem, not from an ADD perspective; but rather just view it as some sort of neurotransmitter problem. No label, no stigma, and possibly close to the current view on what ADD is.

Now, if your leg was broken, you would be aloowed to go get it fixed?? yes. The difference here is that you may hava neurotransmitter that is broken .Co-incidentally; the medication prescibed is also for people with ADD; but that can be just a "co-incidence". Sometimes just by using a different term can be enough to get around the obstacle.

Now, I'm not trying to start an argument with this one...but....If your wife is so anti-chemicals; then make a list of all the chemicals used in your house. start with the food; then the cleaning and washing agents. Lastly, her make-up kit. If you have no problem with her adding chemicals to her face to "improve" the way she feels; then you should be able to consider the use of some chemical based meds to improve the way you feel.

Does your wife take any supplements?? Orange Juice for Vitamin C?.

If you can get past this phase; then medicating your son is a natural progression to consider. You never know; meds may not work. But to not give them a try based on fear....and knowing the alternative....I think you have little choice.

For a good post on the merits of medicating children, healthwiz did an excellent post back in March. An amazing and enlightening story.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=82

Last but not least...if your wife thinks you and your son are both OK; then diagnosis doesn't actually change anything apart from your KNOWLEDGE. Just because you are diagnosed, doesn't mean you have to take meds. It just gives you an understanding of what you are and some options if you wish to do something about it.

I've been diagnosed as a bad cook; and a shocking baseball captain; but I'm not trying to fix either. I have a choice, and chose not to fix. But at least I had the right to know.

Now, I'm not actually saying I am pro-med. I'm just saying make an informed choice. Get diagnosed; understand the alternatives; and consider the plusses & minusses.

Finally, you can always stiop taking them if they don't work or the result isn't what you both want. It's not a one way street.

Thats enough controversy for today.

Sleepz

Originally posted by sleepzalot
Be prepared for a possible long post.

From you? Never. ;)

Originally posted by sleepzalot


The main differance between natural therapies and medications are that with medications; you can view the results that DOCTORS see from prescribing the meds and be able to get an understanding of both the positive effects and the negative effects.

I've not seen many natural alternatives evaluated that way; and the natural alternative producers; like the drug companies; are out there pushing profit...albeit in a more suttle way.

Disclaimer: I agree with much of what you say, but she has logic to her position that satisfies her that most of what you say is not a superior argument to hers. You can't invoke doctors as an authority against her: it will further discredit your position in her eyes, as she does not respect the profession. And yes, there are companies out there pushing alternative untested stuff that probably doesn't work. But who is clearly more rich: Dow Chemical or Ma & Pa's Olde Herbe Shoppe?

Originally posted by sleepzalot
Now...as to question of taking meds. If people are opposed to medications; then stop taking tylenol; stop the cough mixture; stop the anti-histamines. Don't put on sunscrren as the chemicals will absorb through the skin; don't by any processed food as they all contain some sort of chemical compund. No more lite-n-low, no more Diet Coke...no more Normal coke. Read the labels on the packets you just ate for dinner, and for the next week; write down the ingredients of everything you eat... you will be surprised.

No, I won't be surprised. Guess what we already do? :D

Do you have any idea how long it's been since I ate a hot dog?

Originally posted by sleepzalot
ADD has a stigma attached to it which many people are afraid of; and to take medcation which IMPROVES you; proves the stigma right... [snip]...just suffer in silence for the sake of general public opinion.

She has admitted to me that she and our boy have ADD as well. She doesn't want to publicize it for two main reasons: she doesn't want our son to be labeled ADD, as his friends and teachers will treat him differently then, and also, she is afraid that someone will try to pressure us to give him (and us) drugs.

She doesn't care if I tell people I have ADD, which I do freely, because she knows I am too stubborn to be forced to do anything by anyone, including her. :D

Originally posted by sleepzalot
If your wife is of the belief that the Paul she love's is going to dissapear; then maybe you need to help her understand that the Paul she loves is already sinking; and that what you are trying to do is to avoid drowning...

[snip]

...She see's you in the eyes of the first day you met; the person she fell in love with who didn't have any problems. She doesn't want to loose that person and for you to get diagnosed and to be medicated will possibly be something she is not ready or able to deal with. Your son would also be in a similar position...

[snip]

...Although you are put in a position where you are made to feel like you are betraying your relationship by seeking this course, you are in fact doing the opposite. It is with this medication that you can be your real self and maintain control of all that that is important to you.

I'm not a fan of hiding things in a relationship...

All of this I understand, agree with, and feel the same way as you do... the trouble is, you are preaching to the choir, and she refuses to hear the sermon. As for hiding the meds... she has actually said that if I go on them she doesn't want to know about it... but I am not sure I could do that. I feel that she is my wife and if I am going to do something that serious with my life then I have a right to ask her to be there for me. I am there for her in ways I can't stand sometimes! *sigh*...

Originally posted by sleepzalot
...If your wife is so anti-chemicals; then make a list of all the chemicals used in your house. start with the food; then the cleaning and washing agents. Lastly, her make-up kit.

Again, if you knew her, you wouldn't have said this. She detests the smell of most "industrial" style cleaners and only uses natural stuff... and uses almost no cosmetics (which is just fine with me, I think women are MUCH prettier without makeup 99% of the time).

Originally posted by sleepzalot
If you can get past this phase; then medicating your son is a natural progression to consider.

The only way this will ever happen is if I go on them first and become an overnight success story.

Even then it will be a battle...

Originally posted by sleepzalot
But to not give them a try based on fear....and knowing the alternative....I think you have little choice.

I agree with you. I am making my decision based on logic, not emotion. She is unable to see past her fear to the logic of the situation... although she does disagree with the logic a lot more than you and I do.

Originally posted by sleepzalot
Last but not least...if your wife thinks you and your son are both OK; then diagnosis doesn't actually change anything apart from your KNOWLEDGE. Just because you are diagnosed, doesn't mean you have to take meds. It just gives you an understanding of what you are and some options if you wish to do something about it.

Ah, again you are preaching to the choir while she is a confirmed atheist. I will go get myself evaluated by ANYONE for the chance of more information. She doesn't see the point. For example, the psychiatrist I am going to, she doesn't want anything to do with. Why? "Psychiatrists just prescribe drugs. It's what they do." You see?

Originally posted by sleepzalot
Finally, you can always stiop taking them if they don't work or the result isn't what you both want. It's not a one way street.

Again she would disagree with you... there are a lot of reports out there of Ritalin (and other ADD drugs) being addictive. Now there is a LOT of evidence that these drugs are NOT addictive as well... But look at the sources of these reports and evidence: The ones pro-Ritalin (etc.) are publicized by the pharmaceutical companies and the medical "establishment", who she does not trust, and the ones anti-Ritalin (etc.) are mostly published by the alterntive health care industry, who she does trust.

.

In the end, I believe the disagreement between us is not so much a disagreement that CAN be resolved by research, logic, and discussion. It's more of a religious disagreement. Because it is impossible to resolve the differences between her position and the "mainstream" one... because there is no simple, easy, verifiable proof of which side is right, it comes down to which side do you want to have faith in. She wants to have faith in alternative medicine. So if I choose to follow something she does not have faith in, it's like we are following different religions. To carry the analogy further, suggesting to her that she should go on medication is the equivalent of saying to someone "Your problems will go away if only you become a Protestant (or Jew, or Muslim, or Scientologist, or whatever)." It would be highly offensive to most religious people (and most atheists too, I would think).

In the end too, there is no simple resolution to religious disagreements except tolerance for each other's positions. So that's the approach I am trying for now... I will tolerate her position, and if I find myself being forced to make decisions she does not like, I won't expect her to LIKE them, but I will explain to her that I expect her tolerance, as I am extending mine to her.

So Paul, how are you doing with all of this??:) Care to share?

Paul,

Of the few things i have learn't over time; is not to preach to the unconvertable.

If your wife is OK with you getting diagnosed..then thats enough of a step to take now. Don't try and solve the whole puzzle till you at least know what the picture looks like.

In Australia; we just had 50% of the natural medicines recalled as they were being made with A) wrong ingredients B)missing ingredients and C)dangerous ingredients..metal's etc.

They do a lot of testing of these natural meds; and at least half the time; the ingredients don't match the bottle's!!

I can understand poor faith in medical science. there are plenty of average doctors; and we see malpractive suits in the papers every day.

I try and understand, where possible; the logic behind the reccomendations. I am not anti alternative or pro medications. I'm just open eyed to the options and try to research what I can.

I think your wife is good to have a healthy respect for the possible side effects of meds. Some ADD meds make tics worse; or bring it out if it is dormant.

The addictive nature of Ritalin as far as i'm aware is that because you are so much more focused, you get more done...and you want to keep getting more done!!

If only life was easy!!!

I know it is hard in your situation. Just take small steps. See the Doc, get the diagnosis, find out the options.

Maybe the following idea has some value.

Put down in writing those things about you that are causing your fears. Write down also those things that you consider to be ADD related.

Write down what you would consider as acceptable; ideal and unnacceptable next to each one.

by having an objective means of measuring what you wish to improve; may not necessarily make your sife supportive; but at least it may help her understand what you are trying to achive.

You may like to get her input on some of them(or all of them) so that if you do take meds/natural alternatives; you can both measure the effectivesness of them.

You could always get the diagnosis, try the natural alternatives first; and then consider whether to try meds. That may be a compromise on your intended plan that your wife may find more acceptable..and may avoid meds anyway!

Sleepz.

Hi Paul, You have mentioned herbal meds and I'll put my two cents in too. My husband tried all the meds. Concerta, adderal, etc and it just made things worse. He has went on beCALMed and it has been a miracle for us. There is lots of info on many websites. You might want to take a look.

Ty for the tip driverldy2003, I will look into it.

Your wifes fears about drugs should be taken seriously, but not respected in action for yourself.

She may need counseling to help deal with her fears, or she may need the experience of you "being ok" on meds. In my experience, meds aren't perfect, so she may have amunition if that is what she wants to do with the experience.

Your son wil have to come after you. Don't wage this battle on the grounds of your son. that puts him in the middle, and again, drugs are no miracle for most people.

Going back to how your wife feels about you on meds, I want to share a story of my ex. When Scott, my children's father, was diagnosed with ADHD and they put him on Ridalin, I was just as scared as your wife is. My issues was things changing from what I was used to and also a fear that if he came to his senses he might realize that he doesn't want to be with me.

What I found out was that most doctors in the USA put you on the lowest meds at first and gradually increase it. For many ADDers are sensitive so some only need alittle. I, myself, only take 5 mg of Ridalin and it does so much much for me.

Tell her that. The meds will help clear your mind but it won't change you. She might be thrilled that you can actually pay attention to her more. That you don't drift off in conversation. You don't get frustrated so much. All positive things.

Having your wife asking your doctor questions might help ease her mind, it shows her thoughts are being listen too.
Paul, I wish you the best. I also wish I wasn't such a worry wort when I was married to Scott. It was a hard thing for him... as it is for you now.

Ty for the input there Keppig... I will certainly keep that in mind too...

...here's my $0.02.

PLEASE look into your family history (and your own academic history) and see if there's a possibility of
1) some complicating condition
2) some learning disability.

The reason I say so is of course related to my own personal history. My mom and grandmother are both type II diabetic but were never overweight as children (something that puts you at even greater diabetic risk). I, on the other hand, have been, and as a female have done the usual low-fat and starve yourself things to lose weight b/c of that social pressure.

Second, no one in my backwater elementary school had ever heard of ADD; I just thought I was an unorganized slob (like my mom and dad? Can we all say denial? My mom masked hers with a higher energy level than anyone in the history of the world and my dad - classic absent-minded prof - has three assistants).

Looooooong story short, b/c I felt treated with contempt when I went to see several of the best endocrinologists AND psychologists that I could find (b/c I was always exhausted and the doctors would just say "you're a woman attempting to overachieve; of course you're tired"), I started to do my own intense research. Turns out I have reactive hypoglycemia, which is not only a pre-diabetic condition, but mimics NUMEROUS of the ADD symptoms, AND a nonverbal learning disability (can you believe this *&^&%????????????) that mimics lots of the others. I have not ruled out ADD but supplement with the following:
EFAs
L-Tyrosine (1200 mg)
Bladderwrack (iodine supplement for thyroid and adrenal gland)
Calcium and Magnesium (1500 mg of one; 750 of the other);
do the Atkins intensive (another reason to supplement with calcium), and have ELIMINATED diet ANYTHING (and don't even use a lot of the actual "Atkins" products b/c they include sucralose; the only sweetener I use now is stevia, which is natural) b/c of the excitotoxins, which our brains don't need.

As a result, I've been able to do things that have eluded me for YEARS like: be on time, organize my closet and KEEP it organized, and all those other things that wreck our lives.
I may still need to take medication at some point when I'm older (not that I'm 17 now) but I intend to put it off as long as I can, b/c if I had started before learning MYSELF about all these other co-existing conditions (that neither anyone in my family - other than calling me fat - or any health practitioner - other than calling me fat - and I should add that I weight 150 lbs, not more, and am 5'6'', so I "hide it well"), there's a substantial possibility that it not only could have masked the symptoms but would have made them worse (stimulants can exhaust your glandular system if you have some underlying symptomology that hasn't been addressed).

So I guess I say all that to say
1) make sure first some other condition is not EXACERBATING your symptoms
2) medication is not the only way, if you INSIST on good behavior modification for yourself (I have reported a number of incompetent therapists to the APA). I consider myself an ADDer who believes that just b/c you aren't medicating does not mean you are not treating, but if you are not medicating you MUST seek out alternatives to deal with your symptomology.

Hope this helps.

xo

hi waywardclam

i too was like your wife....opposed to meds of ANY and ALL kinds. my poor kids have to have a fever of at least 103 before i will give them tylenol. i fought the decision to medicate our son for 3 years....tried the naturopath, herbalist, you name it. diet helped considerably, but still not enough.
up here in canada they have something called a double-blind medication study...... it is available from the pharmacy. what it is is a month's worth of meds placed in a 'blister pack' type of card (day by day). you either recieve the medication or a sugar pill (placebo), and no one know what you are getting until the end. you are required to fill out forms and questionairres each day, and if the child is in school there is one for the teacher as well. at the end of the month your reported results are compared to the 'key' that the pharmacist has and you are able to see 'if' the meds had a positive effect. might be an option for you or your son....to 'prove' that meds are actually helping.

as for my son....we did medicate him (18mg concerta) only after i was diagnosed with ADD and started taking ritalin myself. how did that happen.... i went back to school and was flunking out within the first month (tought to explain with an above average intelligence ;) )

there's my 2 cents worth.... someone might have touched on this already, i dont' know as i just quickly scanned the posts

good luck!!
chris

Hi W.Clam,

I just found this post while doing a search to see if anyone has taken the Dr Amen SPECT scan. Its been a year since you wrote so I wondered how's are you doing? did you get medication? how is your son?

My husband started out not terribly excited about the idea of medication but now jokes that he'd like me heavily medicated!!! Actually, he often has no idea if I am taking meds or what kind or if I have changed doses, only because I don't remember to mention it! It doesnt generate much conversation in our house if I say Hey, I am taking 10mg more this month! But I don't think our spouses are alike on this issue ;)

I don't have this particluar issue in my marriage but I do have others so I really feel for you.

The only thing I didn't see addressed in the posts that I may be able to add is. Thank God for pharmaceutical companies!!! We'd all be dying in our 20's and 30's from infections and flu if they didn't make medicine. If God-forbid your wife or son got a disease that could be cured with medicine, would she say "no thanks"?

I worked as a chemist for a large pharmaceutical company for 2 years. It takes about 7 to 10 years and an average cost of 500 million dollars to develop each new drug. And most of the new drugs that are reseached NEVER make it to the market, they die in various stages, but they still cost millions to research. They have to make milllions because they spend millions. If there was no profit in it, there would be no incentive either.
How else does your wife think that illness can be cured?

Here is a good article on why meds cost so much...
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=18892

As I am typing this I am thinking that there is very little chance that logic will convince your wife. She obviouly has some deeper issue with it, since there is not really much of a logical argument against using medication. Did someone she knows die of an overdose or of an illness that was not diagnosed or given proper medication?

If you have not tried anything yet, I would really suggest the SPECT scan if you can afford it because finding the right medication takes time and patience on your part and often you have to change drugs and doses and try 2 together etc etc and that might REALLY flip your wife out! I wrote a long post about a symposium I went to with Dr Amen as the speaker, if you'd like to check it out.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10269&highlight=scan

I wonder if your wife has also considered the possibility that your son may be really angry with her decision not to give him meds, when he grows up? School is so darned hard anyway and to add ADD or ADHD to the mix when it doesn't have to be.... However, I do agree with her concern about the other kids. Its really none of their business anyway and they probably will stigmatize him. Kids can be so mean!

Anyway, hope things are better. Look forward to your update!

Is your wife opposed to all kinds of traditional medications (for the rest of the body) or just exclusively mentals?

Actually, thanks for the concern, but I would have been just as happy if this topic stayed dead and buried...