View Full Version : Do You Find Yourself Drawn to Emotionally Unavailable People?


Gypsy Willow
07-12-17, 03:01 PM
Is it an AD(H)D thing since we get bored so easily? We are attracted to the challenge?

I just walked away from an emotionally unavailable guy who wanted to see me and it's making me sad. I had a history with this guy pre-diagnosis and now that I can "see" more clearly, I know the right thing to do. :(

Just wondered if anyone else experiences this.

aeon
07-12-17, 03:46 PM
In a word, no.

In fact, it is precisely the opposite.


Cheers,
Ian

Pilgrim
07-13-17, 03:17 AM
I somehow nearly always made the wrong decision in this regard. It's harder to make the right decision, put work into something that will last.

sarahsweets
07-13-17, 04:47 AM
No, I cant connect with people that are not emotionally available and for me, connecting to people is paramount to a relationship.

daveddd
07-13-17, 08:25 PM
I am an emotionally unavailable person and i may be drawn to people with high level emotional characteristics.

About the bored and need a challenge, I feel like it's deeper than that, we tend to reduce relationships with things like bored and hyperfocus. That doesnt add up for me personally, maybe though

kwalk
07-14-17, 02:32 AM
No they are drawn to us and other "prey". I've learned my lesson enough to not let them break my heart and enter my life anymore.

MyNameIsDima
07-14-17, 02:20 PM
not emotional person is BORING!
Yes! i want an a person that shows his emotions, that smile, blushing or just show that he is alive.
About getting boring- i had that too, i am seeking to someone that really make my brain work, think and feel- otherwise i just disappearing to him or just don't talk with him to much.

aeon
07-14-17, 03:16 PM
If someone is emotionally unavailable, or is not really a feeling-type, but cognitive, thatís OK...because it takes all types, and who am I to say this or that is wrong?

And for sure, there are plenty of people for whom I would be entirely unsuitable, and thatís OK, and neither of us are wrong for being who we are.

I need someone who can talk about emotions and feelings, someone who is open about those things, someone who can share and be vulnerable and intimate, and will accept, and value, and need for me to do the same.

Iíll talk about most anything, but the thing I like best is talking about relationships, and internal states, and what it is to be a feeling creature...the parts of what it is to be a human being before the thinking part.

So the emotive animal...that is who I am, even if I can sometimes do the cerebral part something horrowshow.

And so in turn, I need that. I need disclosure, and witness, and openness and vulnerability, a nakedness, about what and how and why someone feels what they feel. And I shall not judge them, but listen to them, and accept them...as they are, where they are.

There is no greater gift to me than when someone shows me who they are, and I mean on an animal-emotional level. When they witness and testify as to who they are, what they need, what they want, what they fear...and the hows and whys of those things.

No, I am not drawn to emotionally unavailable people.

I am drawn to people who feel...truly, madly, deeply.

Because...I do. ❤


Blessťd Be,
Ian

Gypsy Willow
07-14-17, 06:01 PM
By emotionally unavailable, I mean someone who can't commit to a real dating/romantic relationship. Or get too close in other relationships.

Here's a better explanation:

https://www.bustle.com/articles/138338-6-signs-you-may-be-emotionally-unavailable

daveddd
07-14-17, 11:36 PM
No they are drawn to us and other "prey". I've learned my lesson enough to not let them break my heart and enter my life anymore.

I'm not sure i understand, someone who is emotionally unavailable isn't a predator.

If they were they wouldnt target us. Around 40 percent of us possess the traits that make us unavailable emotionally 

It's as much of a choice as having ADHD is

daveddd
07-14-17, 11:48 PM
If someone is emotionally unavailable, or is not really a feeling-type, but cognitive, thatís OK...because it takes all types, and who am I to say this or that is wrong?

And for sure, there are plenty of people for whom I would be entirely unsuitable, and thatís OK, and neither of us are wrong for being who we are.

I need someone who can talk about emotions and feelings, someone who is open about those things, someone who can share and be vulnerable and intimate, and will accept, and value, and need for me to do the same.

Iíll talk about most anything, but the thing I like best is talking about relationships, and internal states, and what it is to be a feeling creature...the parts of what it is to be a human being before the thinking part.

So the emotive animal...that is who I am, even if I can sometimes do the cerebral part something horrowshow.

And so in turn, I need that. I need disclosure, and witness, and openness and vulnerability, a nakedness, about what and how and why someone feels what they feel. And I shall not judge them, but listen to them, and accept them...as they are, where they are.

There is no greater gift to me than when someone shows me who they are, and I mean on an animal-emotional level. When they witness and testify as to who they are, what they need, what they want, what they fear...and the hows and whys of those things.

No, I am not drawn to emotionally unavailable people.

I am drawn to people who feel...truly, madly, deeply.

Because...I do. ❤


Blessťd Be,
Ian

I am drawn to people who feel...truly, madly, deeply.

I understand where you're coming from %100

keep in mind though, emotional unavailable people often feel deeply , to extremes

issues with sharing or verbalizing it cause unbearable pain, they are still very much humans

Free to Fly
07-15-17, 01:05 AM
Emotionally unavailable.......might be me, I don't know. I am drawn to people who are alive in what they do, how they express themselves, how they interact with me. I don't believe my interpretation of my emotions, and I had to learn appropriate behavior by watching those around me. I am still learning.