View Full Version : Am I struggling? My story


drvvrd
07-17-17, 08:24 PM
Hello, I am here to find some help to make myself at least a little reassured if what I think is ok and if I should look for more help.

So let's talk about my childhood first.
As I remember and what parents told me in kindergarten at start I was crying when I was between other kids. Some of this time I remember as good some as bad memories. With time somehow it become better.
My grades were ok at primary school, at least at first years, I remember this time as most entertaining in my childhood. Then at next couple of years my grades were going down, except english at which I had extra lessons from early years of school.

At this time I didn't even think something was wrong with me. At junior high school maybe I was a little bit suspicious when one girl talked to me about my behaviour, not looking into eyes, not talking, socialising - what I see now is one of symptoms. Teachers somewhere at this time were talking about me to my parents as calm and polite. My grades at english were still pretty good, other things not so much, maybe geographics and easier ones weren't totally
bad, but math, physiscs were crap.

So time was going on and on, then came high school, where my grades were pretty much at same level as before except IT and english.
From early years I had contact with computers, so nothing about IT was secret to me. One curious thing I remember that my math grades were bad, my first year I had to make kind of correcting exam at math with subjects from all year. Somehow I scored with best grade I ever managed to achieve till first years of primary school, but next year was as bad as before. Math teacher was surprised.

Then came college, I somehow managed high math with worst grades, even after that my teacher at last years of high school told me to not choose math at my final tests at end of school, because I had so much trouble.

I failed at stupid things like not giving a full address on mail at practice in company.
My attempt at selfemployment was not good either, I had much knowledge, but I was afraid to move up with things in the way they should be. Now I am looking for change in professional and social life.

So, lets sum it up.

- Not able to keep eye contact - I have it till now, like not social guy,
- I feel like I can talk a bit more when I am alone with another person, crowded places block me, less with family members but still - but I feel I would like to participate much in social life.
- When learning something, playing games, doing anything, I often feel I can't keep my focus on it, like I don't give 100% of myself, I do something because I do, but it feels clumsy, but somedays it happens to be opposite and everything comes easy.
- I feel mentally exhausted after interviews or exams when I need to focus, often forgetting about obvious things to ask
- Usually I sleep a bit too long, could be 10-12hrs
- People tell me to sleep more, because they see me like I was absent
- Since child people told me I have very vivid imagination
- I often wander with my eyes on many things, even while driving and waiting for cars to pass, even when they need 5-10 seconds to pass, in meantime I start to look there, there and there, like waiting this short time was boring as f...., which is. :rolleyes:
- I think too much on what people would do after I would do something
- You know this feeling when you keep thinking about something and get like glued to it and forget about all world? I just don't get this state, maybe veeery rarely. I just can't sit somewhere where there is nothing to do and start thinking about planning something and keep my mind on it for longer time. I get some thoughts and I can't keep it on.
- I was never physically hyperactive or something, just normal
- Oh, I almost forgot, my handwriting is terrible

I was suspecting if it is my diet, but I tried a lot things recently, it helps a little, but not consistently. I workout consistently about 2-3 times a week.

It looks like I can do best on things I like, but not always. I read book if it becomes really fascinating to me I can read it extra fast, otherwise I can put it down for days.

I feel like I am struggling too much, is it true?

CharlesH
07-17-17, 11:02 PM
Sorry to hear that you've been going through all this. If you have access to a doctor or mental health profession, I'd strongly suggest that you bring yourself in for an evaluation. I'm not a medical professional, but my random guesses of things to potentially look into are autism, dyslexia, learning disorders, ADHD, and sluggish cognitive tempo (not an officially-recognized disorder yet).

sarahsweets
07-18-17, 04:35 AM
- Not able to keep eye contact - I have it till now, like not social guy,
- I feel like I can talk a bit more when I am alone with another person, crowded places block me, less with family members but still - but I feel I would like to participate much in social life.
- When learning something, playing games, doing anything, I often feel I can't keep my focus on it, like I don't give 100% of myself, I do something because I do, but it feels clumsy, but somedays it happens to be opposite and everything comes easy.
- I feel mentally exhausted after interviews or exams when I need to focus, often forgetting about obvious things to ask
- Usually I sleep a bit too long, could be 10-12hrs
- People tell me to sleep more, because they see me like I was absent
- Since child people told me I have very vivid imagination
- I often wander with my eyes on many things, even while driving and waiting for cars to pass, even when they need 5-10 seconds to pass, in meantime I start to look there, there and there, like waiting this short time was boring as f...., which is. :rolleyes:
- I think too much on what people would do after I would do something
- You know this feeling when you keep thinking about something and get like glued to it and forget about all world? I just don't get this state, maybe veeery rarely. I just can't sit somewhere where there is nothing to do and start thinking about planning something and keep my mind on it for longer time. I get some thoughts and I can't keep it on.
- I was never physically hyperactive or something, just normal
- Oh, I almost forgot, my handwriting is terrible

Alot of what you are bringing up reminds me of anxiety. Even an anxiety disorder. Stuff like not making eye contact, getting "blocked" in big crowds, being comfortable talking to a few people vs alot of people. The thinking about what people think about you can almost seem like obsessive, almost like it controls you and in some cases you an compensate with other repetitive behaviors as a way to self soothe.

I was suspecting if it is my diet, but I tried a lot things recently, it helps a little, but not consistently. I workout consistently about 2-3 times a week.

Diet has little to do with this in regards to adhd or anxiety other than general health.
I think you should see a professional and get evaluated for whatever is going on and have an open mind because it may or may not be adhd.

ThinkBob
07-20-17, 12:46 AM
Seeing a professional can greatly help with what is going on. I agree that diet has little to do with it but it's still better to eat healthy foods.

CasioCurious
07-20-17, 10:25 AM
Of course, your definitely struggling. I go through some of the stuff you going through and I thought everyone went through this. I would sleep 12 hours yet I couldn't focus on my math problems while my friend who slept half of that seem fine. So no, it's not normal to go through this, get some professional help.