View Full Version : The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part IV


Pages : [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Greyhound1
07-27-17, 08:57 AM
Continued from part III
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1704930#post1704930

aeon
07-27-17, 09:59 AM
First! :D


Cheers,
Ian

aeon
07-27-17, 10:00 AM
OK, really...I overslept. :doh:


Ugh,
Ian

midnightstar
07-27-17, 10:46 AM
My phone is a pain in the butt.

psychopathetic
07-27-17, 12:14 PM
In Before Page 2!!! :yes:

stef
07-27-17, 12:15 PM
whoo! page one :)

Little Missy
07-27-17, 12:51 PM
So hat exactly is bothering ya's?

aeon
07-27-17, 12:56 PM
So hat exactly is bothering ya's?

Beret, Beanie, Balaclava, to be specific. :lol:


Lulz,
Ian

Little Missy
07-27-17, 12:58 PM
Beret, Beanie, Balaclava, to be specific. :lol:


Lulz,
Ian

either I need new glasses or I ned to actually read my posts before submitting:eyebrow:

stef
07-27-17, 03:51 PM
either I need new glasses or I ned to actually read my posts before submitting:eyebrow:

join the club! :lol:

psychopathetic
07-27-17, 05:27 PM
I don't like my dad much...and he's a MAJOR source of stress in my life right now.

So I've pretty much cut him out of my life over the last month. I don't hang out with him or anything. I just don't like to! I go to his house just to sit there while he watches tv that I can't stand...and it bores me to freaking tears.
And I can't talk to him cause he either ignores me, or forgets everything I tell him.
And we have very little in common...not much of a connection.

But I do call him about everyday to check in, and he's going on and on about how he's not getting any help from anyone (by which he means me specifically), and he's always going on and on about poor, poor him.
And I do feel bad for him damn it. I do. He's in a horrible situation right now...and he's right...he has nobody there for him.
But at the same time that's his own damned fault! Just as it is my own damned fault I have no one myself!

I feel like he expects me to be some sort of hero and to walk into his life and fix everything. His bills, his house, all this paperwork he has to do for his very well paying job that he should be able to do on his f'ing own.
I was going to do so at one point...but damn it, I'm struggling just to get the basics done for myself...let alone take over so much responsibilities of other people.
Especially people I don't even like!

And it also sucks too cause my dad has really changed in some major positive ways since he had his open heart surgery...attitude wise. He's not as much of a depressed jerk as he has been for so many years.

So he expects me to be all up and fun and friendly with him and to celebrate his good moods with him.
But I'm not. Unfortunately for him...I think it's too late. He lost me years ago through all of his betrayals, back stabbings, lying, etc. etc. He's left me broken while I've little respect for him, very little trust in him, and not being able to rely on his words and promises. He's just not a man I like much. I don't like people who have gone so long treating me like they can't stand my existence and who I can't trust.
It further ****** me off that I keep trying to reach out to him to talk to him about my sadness with my mom...yet every single time I try to bring it up to him, he interrupts me to stop me, or he flat out ignores me...yet when HE needs to talk, he fully expects me to be there for HIM. **** that. **** you dad. I'm so done playing your stupid games.

...
I don't know.
I feel like **** for not helping my dad. He is in a VERY rough place right now. Unemployed, struggling with bills (of course it doesn't help that he's a freaking moron who's spent god only knows how many hundreds of dollars in the past 2 months at the f'ing casinos), and has no one to hang out with or talk to or to lean on for support.
I'm a bad son.

Yet he's been a bad dad in many ways to me. For my whole freaking life. And I've tried SOOOOO hard day after day to be good for the *** hole...but over the years have started to give up on the relationship. It's far too wishy washy and I started to discover several years ago that I just don't much like my dad. At a core level I don't like him.

Now that he needs me...it's like he expects me to be there for him...like he's completely clueless to how much of a piece of **** he's been to me over the years. He doesn't seem to understand why I'm backing away from him and not trying to be a better friend to him.
Maybe I need to sit down with him one of these days and explain it to him.
But I'm afraid it might crush him...and he's already so full of pain and sorrow right now. I don't mean to hurt him.

He hurts me.

I'm just kinda sick of him. My life is better when he's not actively in it.

I do need him though. I'd be in some very bad ways if I didn't have him to help me with food and letting me use his spare car.

...
Oh well. It is what it is. Besides, he and I are both super unhealthy right now lol...it's not like either of us likely will have to put up with each other for much longer anyhow haha. >.<'

Lunacie
07-27-17, 08:44 PM
I've had fibromyalgia for over 40 years and some doctors still don't believe it's
a real thing. Like my doctor. :eyebrow: Which is one reason I wait until the PA
will be in the office to schedule an appointment. ;)

Gave me a steroid shot to help with the FM and the allergies. Is fine writing a
refill for my Norco for migraines since 30 pills last 3-4 months. Was suprised
that I take such a small dose of Sertraline and asked if I want to take more.
Nope, I'm doing fine, tried a higher dose and didn't like the side effects.

And made my handicapped parking permit permanent! :yes:
Of course I then had to wait on line more than an hour at the tag office to get
the new permit. :doh:

psychopathetic
07-27-17, 09:54 PM
(((((((lun luns)))))))

sarahsweets
07-28-17, 10:37 AM
I am trying to upload a small video from my phone and the only free site I know about is tinypic but it keeps failing. I need a site that gives me the code to paste it into here or other message boards. My laptop is out of memory so I need to do it by phone. Anyone have any suggestions? Its not like a you tube video its something I recorded last night. HELP.

Lunacie
07-28-17, 11:21 AM
The fibro flare is so bad that just going to the clinic and then the tag office
yesterday, and the hour's drive to pick up my granddaughter from camp,
plain old wore me out. Went to bed at 9:30 and woke up at 8:30.

Sleeping more than 9 hours is definately one of the signs that I'm having a
Fibro Flare. I should feel better after sleeping 11 hours, yes?

midnightstar
07-28-17, 05:16 PM
Just requested a theory test (driving) and don't know whether instructor has to book it or if I have to book it and it's making me nervous :o

stef
07-29-17, 04:43 AM
I hope you're feeling better, Lunacie :grouphug:
Goodness it's quiet around here this morning!
I should have gone out 2 hours ago, now I'll have to hurry a bit :eyebrow:

Little Missy
07-29-17, 05:34 AM
I hope you're feeling better, Lunacie :grouphug:
Goodness it's quiet around here this morning!
I should have gone out 2 hours ago, now I'll have to hurry a bit :eyebrow:

Fuzzy is never here anymore. :( Psycho is never here anymore.

I wanted to sleep longer but it takes me forever to get ready. Super busy day. Walk the Big Doggie, water, re-adjust sprinkler heads, try to keep the Olde Battleship happy, get squirrel food...make appt. for oil change...

stef
07-29-17, 06:25 AM
Usually i am at the grocery store checkout by now, I havent even had coffee yet.

Little Missy
07-29-17, 07:00 AM
Usually i am at the grocery store checkout by now, I havent even had coffee yet.

:lol: so, what exactly are you doing?

stef
07-29-17, 09:18 AM
:lol: so, what exactly are you doing?

I was actually in the cafe , writing my list
Iwent out so late, i just didnt want to get going, at all
ahh then they delivered groceries earlier than expected
anyway thats all done so i can nap now:)

Little Missy
07-29-17, 10:54 AM
Things re looking up! I found the elusive, cheap, no waste, $6 a bag cheaper squirrel delight so I bought them all. Betty would have.
I always get chided for this and I did tell them more than once to halt it whenever they want to. LOL wants this, she alludes to it frequently, and pulls silent jobs on me if I don't do it. I'd rather do it before the dramatics begin.

oooo! I found the ultra cheap and the dogs lOVE them more than any kind ever. Alpo(???!!!) multi-flavoured snaps. Gawd, they act like I'm giving them something real they get so excited over them. Four coloured even.

I'm going to fuel up. My basic $7-ish.

Big Doggie performed like the Street Champion.

Little Missy
07-29-17, 10:57 AM
I want to stay home. Its dark, its cool, its going to rain and the Douquetteness of my apartment calls me.


duty beckons

psychopathetic
07-29-17, 02:04 PM
I feel like such a horrible person for not liking my dad much. I feel bad that I don't help him more. It's like he needs a hero in his life right now, and instead I've abandoned him.
It feels like ****...and I keep hoping that things will just magically happen and will become easier. I can do what I need for me, so I can start doing more for my dad too.

My dad's watching a couple of kids today for respite...I should be helping him. I told him I was going to.
I don't think I'm going to.

I'm just not much of a good person to my poor dad.

I know I shouldn't worry about it. But I do.
I know I shouldn't dwell over it. But I do.

And it bugs me to no end because my dad acts so oblivious. He's NO idea why I hold so many grudges against him...he's NO idea why I don't like him or like to be around him. /cry. It's driving me nuts!

I miss my mom. She understood. lol she spent damn near 25% of her time complaining about how miserable my dad made her! :p

(((Mom)))

God I miss you for things like this Mom. I wish I had you back so I could be understood and validated in this. :(

midnightstar
07-29-17, 02:11 PM
psycho you're not a horrible person :grouphug:

psychopathetic
07-29-17, 02:28 PM
I also went off on my dad yesterday...and it was pretty damn harsh. I think it was too harsh for him and I'm feeling like hell about that too.

You know how they say some people say things in anger that they don't really mean? I don't know if I fully believe that...and it's certainly not true with me. When I get angry and say things...I mean precisely what I say, even if I do feel guilty for voicing the feelings afterwards.

I went over to get a couple of things done with him yesterday...and he again started in on me how I he doesn't get any help from me. I don't deny it...I haven't been much help to him. I told him I can just very barely get the basics done for myself let alone help him.
He got all snooty and said that he and his brothers sure wouldn't treat their parents this way! They'd take damn good care of their parents!

So I went off. I didn't yell or anything, but my words were hurtful.

I told him that I just don't like him. That I stopped liking him years ago. That it's great that he's doing so well over these past 4 months and I've seen a huge improvement with his attitude and depression over these months...but that I think it's too late for him. He lost me years ago.

I told him I don't like being around him. We have very little in common, he wont let me talk to him when I need emotional support because he physically cuts me off or flat out ignores me...and I can't stand talking to him in the first place because he forgets everything I tell him 15 minutes later (and I'm not kidding! I don't know wtf this is!).

I told him it's overwhelming he wants me to take over everything for him...that I'm not mom and I'm not good at all these kinds of things (paying bills, taking care of paperwork, doing all the billing and stuff for his respite care job)...and how it frustrates me because I get so little help from him because he's so freaking unbelievably incompetent and dumb.

...
I've went off on him like this before.
I don't know WTF is wrong with my dad. I suspect he dissociates. I don't think he even registered the gravity of what I told him yesterday. I don't think he things I was serious. He just got into a good mood after I went off on him and acted as if it never happened.
I don't get it.

I feel bad for being such an *** to him. He's got it super rough right now in life.
But I did mean every word I said.

/sigh

I don't like feeling like a creep.

psychopathetic
07-29-17, 02:32 PM
psycho you're not a horrible person :grouphug:

/hearts his Midsy-Widsy

(((((((Mid-Mid)))))))

midnightstar
07-29-17, 02:34 PM
Wind up time at work yesterday: apparently someone at work has a crush on me.

Not sure how to approach the subject to find out if it's true (haha Dumbo just became real and flew past the window in purple and yellow polka dot pajamas) or whether it's people at work trying to wind me up.

If it was a wind-up it didn't work, I don't believe them :lol:

psychopathetic
07-29-17, 02:39 PM
I don't know, but if they're only winding you up and doing it because they think it's in anyway fun to play with your emotions like that...I'mma fly all the way over there so I can beat them with a bat. :mad:

Then I'mma kick them in their shins! :D

psychopathetic
07-29-17, 02:40 PM
http://www.carnivaldepot.com/images/pow.jpg

midnightstar
07-29-17, 04:53 PM
I don't know, but if they're only winding you up and doing it because they think it's in anyway fun to play with your emotions like that...I'mma fly all the way over there so I can beat them with a bat. :mad:

Then I'mma kick them in their shins! :D

One way to find out whether it's a wind up or not, I sent a friend request on facebook to the man they said fancies me, if he accepts I'll know he could possibly be interested, if he never accepts it I'll know it's a wind up :)

midnightstar
07-29-17, 05:20 PM
And ratbag ex can sod off and stay sodded off.

aeon
07-29-17, 11:31 PM
oooo! I found the ultra cheap and the dogs lOVE them more than any kind ever. Alpo(???!!!) multi-flavoured snaps. Gawd, they act like I'm giving them something real they get so excited over them. Four coloured even.

When I was a lad, the family pooch (Charles) would always go apesh*t over those things, and eventually, curiosity got the better of me, so I tried one...of each flavor. Not bad, but not a repeat experience either. Plus, when Charlie saw me eating one, he looked crestfallen.

duty beckons

Yes, in perpetuity, like sirens luring sailors to break their ships upon the rocky cliffs, all to an early and watery grave.


Cheers,
Ian

midnightstar
07-30-17, 09:01 AM
One way to find out whether it's a wind up or not, I sent a friend request on facebook to the man they said fancies me, if he accepts I'll know he could possibly be interested, if he never accepts it I'll know it's a wind up :)

He accepted it, not sure what to do next though now that I know that it's not a complete wind-up and he can't stand me (or was he accepting just to be nice? idk, might be overthinking it.

Also, if I do have him come round to mine in the future, I'd need to think about how to prepare Ebony for having someone new in her life.

I'm running before I can walk now :o

Little Missy
07-30-17, 12:34 PM
When I was a lad, the family pooch (Charles) would always go apesh*t over those things, and eventually, curiosity got the better of me, so I tried one...of each flavor. Not bad, but not a repeat experience either. Plus, when Charlie saw me eating one, he looked crestfallen.



Yes, in perpetuity, like sirens luring sailors to break their ships upon the rocky cliffs, all to an early and watery grave.


Cheers,
Ian

When given a Milk Bone now, they both spit it out waiting for that little food coloured snap. I gotta dig up the ingredient list, I ditched the box. Snaps are IT.
haha, my dad always tried the dog biscuits too.

Little Missy
07-30-17, 12:44 PM
hmmm, minus the Chinese melamine recalls of 2007, Snaps are by far superior to dogs than Milk Bones. One guy even said when he was hungry from an extended gaming run that he went for the Milk Bones, spat them out and devoured half a box of Snaps.

I didn't feel like reading the ingredient lists.

daveddd
07-30-17, 01:09 PM
hmmm, minus the Chinese melamine recalls of 2007, Snaps are by far superior to dogs than Milk Bones. One guy even said when he was hungry from an extended gaming run that he went for the Milk Bones, spat them out and devoured half a box of Snaps.

I didn't feel like reading the ingredient lists.

scooter, bean, and bosco all live for snaps

now i just say "wanna snap" intead of "wanna treat" and they go ballistic

daveddd
07-30-17, 01:11 PM
what's that human food that looks like snaps and tastes good

Little Missy
07-30-17, 01:13 PM
scooter, bean, and bosco all live for snaps

now i just say "wanna snap" intead of "wanna treat" and they go ballistic
:lol:
yeah, the snap thing has definitely exploded here at LOL's! Double validation, you and aeon.

Now, have you tasted them yet? I'm going to. But what colour should I go for?

Little Missy
07-30-17, 01:16 PM
what's that human food that looks like snaps and tastes good

hmmmm...I'll have to think on this.


Time to Frisbee LOL Meals on Wheels and throw her and Big Doggie in bed for my three hour lunch and Adderall Nap! yay

daveddd
07-30-17, 01:21 PM
hmmmm...I'll have to think on this.


Time to Frisbee LOL Meals on Wheels and throw her and Big Doggie in bed for my three hour lunch and Adderall Nap! yay

cheese flavored, not quite a chip, not a cracker either

daveddd
07-30-17, 01:21 PM
:lol:
yeah, the snap thing has definitely exploded here at LOL's! Double validation, you and aeon.

Now, have you tasted them yet? I'm going to. But what colour should I go for?

No , havent tried them, not sober that i remember at least

Bethylphenidate
07-30-17, 01:38 PM
I haven't had coffee yet. I'm sipping tea as a substitute, but... it's not quiiiite doing the trick.

daveddd
07-30-17, 01:50 PM
cheese nips

stef
07-30-17, 02:02 PM
I love going to the pool
But i hate how its so confusing, in the locker room part
And i need to bring both more and less, of the things i usually take when i go out

Little Missy
07-30-17, 02:53 PM
cheese nips

precisely!

with a few more holes maybe

Little Missy
07-30-17, 03:01 PM
I should have known this was coming.

Stopped in the parking lot, looked hastily around and pulled my jeans up. The Hand is still not working on the buttons...yadda yadda...and I got caught. It always happens to me.


I'm just going to pretend it never happened.
Although I did explain to him rather hastily the reason.

Then he hugged me, full force in a filthy beater and it looked as though he'd just finished a very hardy lunch of dirt and poop still in his teeth.

TurtleBrain
07-30-17, 03:16 PM
I need some serious braces, my overbite is so crooked its embarrassing.

stef
07-30-17, 03:58 PM
waitwhat, caught..?

Little Missy
07-30-17, 04:00 PM
waitwhat, caught..?

re-read ugh.

I really don't remember all of it. :eek:

Little Missy
07-30-17, 04:01 PM
I need some serious braces, my overbite is so crooked its embarrassing.

Maybe you'd be a good candidate for invisaligns.

midnightstar
07-30-17, 04:05 PM
He accepted it, not sure what to do next though now that I know that it's not a complete wind-up and he can't stand me (or was he accepting just to be nice? idk, might be overthinking it.

Also, if I do have him come round to mine in the future, I'd need to think about how to prepare Ebony for having someone new in her life.

I'm running before I can walk now :o

And if we do end up giving it a go I just hope he doesn't do a ratbag ex and disappear with a lot of stuff that means a lot to me.

Ratbag fart ex never gave back my 18th birthday present or my 21st birthday present. And he didn't give me back some irreplacable stuff, for example the very last letter my grandad ever wrote me before he died.

Scumbag ex needs to get flushed away.

Little Missy
07-31-17, 09:42 AM
I am borderline hysterical. Took the splint off of the leetle finger. All of the skin on The Hand is...well, it seems necrotic. Little finger Stinks. Stinks.

Nix borderline, I am hysterical.

Washed it very well gently. God, the skin is just rolling off. It is quite obvious I'm allergic to the adhesive tape they gave me.

Little finger does nothing. No movement, no bending.

Although, in the air here for a short bit, the skin is looking better. Very little.

I have no patience for this any longer.

Lunacie
07-31-17, 10:32 AM
I am borderline hysterical. Took the splint off of the leetle finger. All of the skin on The Hand is...well, it seems necrotic. Little finger Stinks. Stinks.

Nix borderline, I am hysterical.

Washed it very well gently. God, the skin is just rolling off. It is quite obvious I'm allergic to the adhesive tape they gave me.

Little finger does nothing. No movement, no bending.

Although, in the air here for a short bit, the skin is looking better. Very little.

I have no patience for this any longer.

Yikes. :eek: And ugh!

Latex allergy? I have that.

Actually had a nurse ask me if I was allergic to bandaids last week after I got
a steroid shot. When I took off the bandaid later it was so tiny that even if I
were allergic it was too small to react to. I think?

Healing thoughts for the little finger in particular. :grouphug:

daveddd
07-31-17, 12:03 PM
Well I don't think I'm goin into a hypo or manic episode

Bummer

Thought yesterday after awhile I was for sure

Lunacie
07-31-17, 12:58 PM
Well I don't think I'm goin into a hypo or manic episode

Bummer

Thought yesterday after awhile I was for sure

Why is that a bummer?

aeon
07-31-17, 01:31 PM
I am borderline hysterical. Took the splint off of the leetle finger. All of the skin on The Hand is...well, it seems necrotic. Little finger Stinks. Stinks.

Nix borderline, I am hysterical.

Washed it very well gently. God, the skin is just rolling off. It is quite obvious I'm allergic to the adhesive tape they gave me.

Little finger does nothing. No movement, no bending.

Although, in the air here for a short bit, the skin is looking better. Very little.

I have no patience for this any longer.

Could be just that the normal process of skin shedding was imepded, so now it is all coming off.
When I got the cast off my arm as a new teenager, I was pulling skin off like leather or beef jerky...and it looked sallow and dead...because it was. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Vomito.gif


Feel Better, You!
Ian

Smokey405
07-31-17, 01:32 PM
That my cruise and vacation is over and I'm now back at work.

Little Missy
07-31-17, 02:33 PM
Could be just that the normal process of skin shedding was imepded, so now it is all coming off.
When I got the cast off my arm as a new teenager, I was pulling skin off like leather or beef jerky...and it looked sallow and dead...because it was. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Vomito.gif


Feel Better, You!
Ian

you're correct, I was a bit dramatic this morning :p

Little Missy
07-31-17, 02:34 PM
That my cruise and vacation is over and I'm now back at work.

that's okay, still listening to One Particular Harbour, do you have a killer tan?

Smokey405
07-31-17, 05:58 PM
do you have a killer tan?

I do. People were doing double-takes at work when I walked into their offices.

daveddd
07-31-17, 06:00 PM
Why is that a bummer?

because i like manic and hypomanic episodes

Lunacie
07-31-17, 06:11 PM
because i like manic and hypomanic episodes

I think I can see that. Because with adhd/autism/anxiety the highs and lows
come very quickly it's like being on a roller coaster that Just. Never. Stops.

If it went slower, those highs would probably be more enjoyable.

daveddd
07-31-17, 07:03 PM
I think I can see that. Because with adhd/autism/anxiety the highs and lows
come very quickly it's like being on a roller coaster that Just. Never. Stops.

If it went slower, those highs would probably be more enjoyable.

it is pretty cool

there are times my production becomes superhuman, I crave human company and my social skills become perfect and charming ( all this is the opposite of normal, except i can do tasks pretty quick with my hyperactivity but its up and down and depends on the specific task)

and yes, i know its part of a disorder, but you know what i have no choice but to deal with lows for a majority of my life. so by golly I'm gonna enjoy the highs
(just thinkin out loud there, not directing that at anyone)

Little Missy
07-31-17, 08:50 PM
because i like manic and hypomanic episodes

as do I! They come few and far between, I don't spend money or get in trouble, I just really enjoy myself to the fullest. :)

anonymouslyadd
07-31-17, 11:27 PM
Nervous about my meeting tomorrow.

eclectic beagle
08-01-17, 12:02 PM
So much racism in tv comedies. Sometimes you just want a good laugh minus that crap.

stef
08-01-17, 03:16 PM
so really , what is this normal size pizza crust shortage?
i bought 2 and smashed them into one rectangular one to fit the toaster oven.
" croustipate" had one before that was the perfect size.

Little Missy
08-01-17, 04:21 PM
so really , what is this normal size pizza crust shortage?
i bought 2 and smashed them into one rectangular one to fit the toaster oven.
" croustipate" had one before that was the perfect size.

such determination!

aeon
08-01-17, 04:43 PM
So, lesson learned...mess with stef (http://addforums.com/forums/member.php?u=27672), and she will smash you and throw you in the oven. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Fusion.gif


:lol:
Ian

Little Missy
08-01-17, 04:56 PM
So, lesson learned...mess with stef (http://addforums.com/forums/member.php?u=27672), and she will smash you and throw you in the oven. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Fusion.gif


:lol:
Ian

man, just the visual of stef smashing pizza dough into a toaster oven in France is just, just, oh just too much! I love it. Real grit.

She wants pizza sooo bad she'll mold that dough however she can.

stef
08-01-17, 05:07 PM
PIZZA :yes:

Little Missy
08-01-17, 05:13 PM
okay so all the cheez whiz is sloughed off, and...the fingers do not move and my next appt is late this month and I guess I'll just dead fingers around until then.

I do not know if that is better than Monkey Finger or not.


haha, i'm gonna surprise them with another unannounced 8am visit.

Hermus
08-02-17, 07:58 AM
Relapsed in my addiction last weekend, the sex and love addiction. Things seemed to be going quite well on the surface and then there was a message from a hot girl who I knew from my time in addiction and who wanted to see me, and bam there I go. Flat on my face. I stood up again though and try to learn from my mistakes. Making step 1 again made me realize that I wasn't doing my recovery from SLA as well as I thought I was doing though. So that definitely was a learning experience.

Little Missy
08-02-17, 09:28 AM
oh, this is not good.

Leetle finger has developed what appears to be a burn on it.

Little Missy
08-02-17, 09:48 AM
Noir profund! :eek:

TurtleBrain
08-02-17, 12:08 PM
I still have the bad habit of messaging my church crush random things I'm feeling at the moment. While I did stop it for a week, but this time I just felt like I had to. Nothing really too distressing, although I made it sound like I had a competitive attitude like (I didn't say these things, it's just how it looks in my head) "haha, while you were away with your other friends, you missed out in what I got to do last weekend with some new friends I made and some of them are your friends, BOOYA!!! I can be happy without you! I don't need you! TAKE THAT!! nana nana boo boo!"... Yeah, I'm not sure how she's going to take it, but to me it sounds a bit distressing because of how it sounds like I'm coming across.

Now I didn't actually say I was happier without her, but I think I was definitely planting that idea in her head.
Since it had to do with church related activity, I basically played the "God's will" card on her.

I feel like I'm really messing around with what could have been a healthy friendship with her... I guess I'm still healing from feeling rejected, so I'm still taking out my feelings on her.. I really want to stop it though. I don't really mean to be like that. It doesn't even really make sense even feeling rejected because she seems like she still wants to be my friend regardless of the silly things I message her.

Lunacie
08-02-17, 12:30 PM
Relapsed in my addiction last weekend, the sex and love addiction. Things seemed to be going quite well on the surface and then there was a message from a hot girl who I knew from my time in addiction and who wanted to see me, and bam there I go. Flat on my face. I stood up again though and try to learn from my mistakes. Making step 1 again made me realize that I wasn't doing my recovery from SLA as well as I thought I was doing though. So that definitely was a learning experience.

Back on track now, using what you've learned. That's doing it right. :grouphug:

aeon
08-02-17, 12:36 PM
So someone here at work was/is unhappy with things, and in particular, was unhappy with something I did.

So I got a touch of being yelled at, and moreso, a good browbeating.

I remained calm and listened to their concerns. That said, I donít think they were particularly articulate in communicating them...at least what the deeper concerns were, the ones that had less to do with the situation at hand than the lower-level psychological dynamics that had been aroused...things having to do with power, control, authority, hierarchy, and so on.

I gave them feedback to let them know I was listening, and that I thought I was beginning to understand where they were coming from. I gave them some feedback to see if I was indeed understanding them.

At which point I was told if I wasnít getting it straightaways they werenít going to bother talking about it any longer.

I donít really see how that contributes to effective communication.

So with a mixture of feeling perturbed and confused, I went back to work...and I have plenty of work to do.

A few minutes later, the same individual expressed incredulity that I could experience what I had experienced, and then go back to work and be productive.

I told them what feelings I had, and that I simply accepted them and got back to work as best I could. This seemed to irritate or disappoint them, Iím not sure which.

Then I decided to go for broke and be totally vulnerable, because there is safety in that, and it sometimes will get someoneís attention if they are not actually hearing me.

I said ď(name), if you want to ensure that I would be disabled, and not be able to get back to work, you would have to really yell at me, and/or strike me, and then I would be so overloaded I would not be able to function much at all.Ē

They walked away, and I got back to work.

About five minutes later, said person returned to me and apologized for saying what they said to me, and that their grievance was really with someone else who was not present at the time, so I got dumped on.

I offered that I always do want to understand and listen to concerns if there are any that need to be addressed.

I was thanked.

And so it ended.

But now I am sitting here, doing my work, and I am undone to some degree. Tremulous lip, and sometimes a tear.

And Iím no good, no help to myself much at all in calming myself down. I donít know how to self-soothe.

I get into this place, and all I think to do is go and hide, self-injure, or intoxicate myself.

It feels like I am four years old again.


Dunno What More to Say,
Ian

Little Missy
08-02-17, 12:53 PM
And Iím no good, no help to myself much at all in calming myself down. I donít know how to self-soothe.

I get into this place, and all I think to do is go and hide, self-injure, or intoxicate myself.

It feels like I am four years old again.


Dunno What More to Say,
Ian

Same here. One hour to go. I've never gone the self-injure route, so I'm going to hide and intoxicate. I've had it.

Things will be just fine after lunch, aeon.

aeon
08-02-17, 12:56 PM
Things will be just fine after lunch, aeon.

True enough...just have to ride the storm out, and not do something stupid or impetuous in the meantime.


Cheers,
Ian

TurtleBrain
08-02-17, 01:02 PM
You know what I decided that to be honest with my crush that I know what I'm doing wrong (my messages) and that I really want to stop. I explained that I'm recovering from feelings that shouldn't have existed. Not an excuse, in fact it's more reason why I should back off.

Little Missy
08-02-17, 03:19 PM
Nah, things are not fine and it is after lunch and I don't care.

stef
08-02-17, 03:47 PM
I wish you were all having better days :grouphug:

Little Missy
08-02-17, 04:11 PM
I wish you were all having better days :grouphug:

can you whip up a pizza in the toaster oven maybe?

stef
08-02-17, 04:21 PM
can you whip up a pizza in the toaster oven maybe?
sure, Ill just pop back out and buy TWO more pizza crusts.

aeon
08-02-17, 04:21 PM
Same individual now doing the passive-aggressive game.

But I’m being cheerful and helpful as I can.

That said, the game is one I have little patience for...get some therapy, for goodness sake.

If he’s not careful, I will have to show him the game of malicious compliance.


Tra la dee da,
Ian

stef
08-02-17, 04:33 PM
Same individual now doing the passive-aggressive game.

But Iím being cheerful and helpful as I can.



that is just so wrong :eyebrow:

aeon
08-02-17, 04:49 PM
He left early to go play tennis.

Must be nice to have money, and the corollaries which are time and options.


Heh,
Ian

Little Missy
08-02-17, 05:28 PM
oh God, too much f a hurry, spent the last hour on the horn, they called me!, with 4 different parts and peeps of the VA.

Ian, I can teach you the freshly carved dog poop under the car door handle trick my dad relished for those at the workplace out of favour...:)

aeon
08-02-17, 06:18 PM
Ian, I can teach you the freshly carved dog poop under the car door handle trick my dad relished for those at the workplace out of favour...:)

:lol:

http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Comik.gif

http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Victory.gif


Friggení Classic,
Ian

Little Missy
08-02-17, 06:21 PM
:lol:

http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Comik.gif

http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Victory.gif


Friggení Classic,
Ian

I know. you have to have the tiny Rubbermaid spatula to carve it in just right. And it must be fresh with some body to it. :lol:

TurtleBrain
08-02-17, 09:53 PM
Sometimes I literally want to beat myself up

TurtleBrain
08-03-17, 02:19 AM
Sometimes I wonder if I'm autistic because when I think something wrong against someone, I tell them sorry as if they had known about it. Then they're sitting there like wth, stop it!

stef
08-03-17, 11:11 AM
Hmm, I think I have 3 hours worth of work to do in 1.5 hours...

eclectic beagle
08-03-17, 04:47 PM
Sigh. Being forced to do something I don't really want to do.

TurtleBrain
08-03-17, 06:45 PM
So like the next time I meet my ex crush at church, it's gonna be so awkward now...

Oh and now her boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend, not sure) became my friends on facebook. In fact we've become such good friends that when I told him about my situation with this girl he's cool with it. I guess the Christian guys at my church be cool like that. They take brotherly love to heart apparently. I feel like I'm dreaming, somebody pinch me. I've never felt so much belonging in church before... no wait, why is this in the what's bothering me thread? lol

aeon
08-03-17, 07:13 PM
Utterly stultifying and all-encompassing dysphoria.

Like all things, this too shall pass.


Whatever,
Ian

eclectic beagle
08-03-17, 08:08 PM
Utterly stultifying and all-encompassing dysphoria.

Like all things, this too shall pass.


Whatever,
Ian

Yeah, dysphoria sucks. Wouldn't be too bad if you could know exactly when it'd be gone.

Hermus
08-04-17, 10:42 AM
I still have the bad habit of messaging my church crush random things I'm feeling at the moment. While I did stop it for a week, but this time I just felt like I had to. Nothing really too distressing, although I made it sound like I had a competitive attitude like (I didn't say these things, it's just how it looks in my head) "haha, while you were away with your other friends, you missed out in what I got to do last weekend with some new friends I made and some of them are your friends, BOOYA!!! I can be happy without you! I don't need you! TAKE THAT!! nana nana boo boo!"... Yeah, I'm not sure how she's going to take it, but to me it sounds a bit distressing because of how it sounds like I'm coming across.

Now I didn't actually say I was happier without her, but I think I was definitely planting that idea in her head.
Since it had to do with church related activity, I basically played the "God's will" card on her.

I feel like I'm really messing around with what could have been a healthy friendship with her... I guess I'm still healing from feeling rejected, so I'm still taking out my feelings on her.. I really want to stop it though. I don't really mean to be like that. It doesn't even really make sense even feeling rejected because she seems like she still wants to be my friend regardless of the silly things I message her.

Very understandable. The feeling of rejection often leads me to either want to be mean to people, or to want to prove to them that they don't really matter to me. That way my mind thinks that it can make the rejection less painful I guess.

Hermus
08-04-17, 10:51 AM
Have decided with my sponsor to abstain from dating sites in the future. This is going to be so much of a challenge. As an introvert I tend to stay within my safe circle of friends. If I just at random open my mouth to someone I don't know yet, I don't know what they will think of me. Randomly walking up to a woman and say hi is creepy, right?

Little Missy
08-04-17, 10:55 AM
Have decided with my sponsor to abstain from dating sites in the future. This is going to be so much of a challenge. As an introvert I tend to stay within my safe circle of friends. If I just at random open my mouth to someone I don't know yet, I don't know what they will think of me. Randomly walking up to a woman and say hi is creepy, right?

No! Not at all! That's being friendly.

Unless you look creepy or your intentions are creepy.

aeon
08-04-17, 10:58 AM
If I just at random open my mouth to someone I don't know yet, I don't know what they will think of me.

And you wonít know unless you ask, and what they think of you is their opinion, and is of no real consequence anyway. Regardless, you donít have any say in the matter, much less control, so just be your self.


Cheers,
Ian

Hermus
08-04-17, 11:01 AM
No! Not at all! That's being friendly.

Unless you look creepy or your intentions are creepy.

What are creepy intentions? I guess that if a man randomly walks up to a woman he doesn't know, there is the intention of getting to know her. The advantage of dating sites I have always found that it is at least clear with what intention people are there. Gives some feeling of control over the situation.

Little Missy
08-04-17, 11:09 AM
What are creepy intentions? I guess that if a man randomly walks up to a woman he doesn't know, there is the intention of getting to know her. The advantage of dating sites I have always found that it is at least clear with what intention people are there. Gives some feeling of control over the situation.

ah...good question. I really don't know. I suppose I wrote that because you asked if it was creepy. :confused:

Hermus
08-04-17, 11:12 AM
ah...good question. I really don't know. I suppose I wrote that because you asked if it was creepy. :confused:

I think the intention to lock her in your basement might be qualified as creepy :lol:

Little Missy
08-04-17, 11:14 AM
I think the intention to lock her in your basement might be qualified as creepy :lol:

Unless you feed her well and dress her nicely. :lol:

aeon
08-04-17, 11:14 AM
I guess that if a man randomly walks up to a woman he doesn't know, there is the intention of getting to know her.

Could be that, but it could be just to enjoy the moment, and interact with a fellow human being. It could be because the man is trying to meet his need for social engagement. It could be because he wanted to compliment her on her turtleneck, cardigan, and pennyloafers.

Thereís all sorts of reasons.

And funny thing is, you donít even need one.


Cheers,
Ian

Little Missy
08-04-17, 11:18 AM
Could be that, but it could be just to enjoy the moment, and interact with a fellow human being. It could be because the man is trying to meet his need for social engagement. It could be because he wanted to compliment her on her turtleneck, cardigan, and pennyloafers.

Thereís all sorts of reasons.

And funny thing is, you donít even need one.


Cheers,
Ian

unless the pennyloafers are handsewns :D

aeon
08-04-17, 11:24 AM
unless the pennyloafers are handsewns :D

Well, thatís a whole other discussion, and he should be prepared to bring his a-game. ;)


Cheers,
Ian

Hermus
08-04-17, 11:33 AM
Could be that, but it could be just to enjoy the moment, and interact with a fellow human being. It could be because the man is trying to meet his need for social engagement.

That's my problem. I don't enoy interacting with people I don't know. I generally tend to view them as unsafe and for meeting my social needs I have my great circle of friends. :)

Hermus
08-04-17, 11:34 AM
unless the pennyloafers are handsewns :D

Then that is worth making a compliment about. I can't even attach a button by hand. :)

Hermus
08-04-17, 11:37 AM
Well, thatís a whole other discussion, and he should be prepared to bring his a-game. ;)


Cheers,
Ian

I like the punk rock chick with tattoos more though. Some of the few times I have just walked up to a random chick was to compliment her tattoos. Actually they acted really nice, even though it must have been clear that I felt major anxiety even talking to them.

aeon
08-04-17, 11:37 AM
I don't enoy interacting with people I don't know.

And I quite enjoy engaging with strangers. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Spamafote.gif


Cheers,
Ian

eclectic beagle
08-04-17, 11:51 AM
Guess I should be working. Not having a firm schedule is a little anxiety inducing. Good news is I have caffeine and am ready to go...I think.

stef
08-04-17, 12:13 PM
This thread has gone out of control since I've been working this afternoon :)
I feel like I'm missing a party.

Little Missy
08-04-17, 01:32 PM
I like the punk rock chick with tattoos more though. Some of the few times I have just walked up to a random chick was to compliment her tattoos. Actually they acted really nice, even though it must have been clear that I felt major anxiety even talking to them.

would you take her home to meet your parents and have dinner?

Little Missy
08-04-17, 01:33 PM
Guess I should be working. Not having a firm schedule is a little anxiety inducing. Good news is I have caffeine and am ready to go...I think.

go where?

Little Missy
08-04-17, 01:35 PM
And I quite enjoy engaging with strangers. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Spamafote.gif


Cheers,
Ian

I do also. And I can leave them right there after brief or lengthy exchange when I'm done.

TurtleBrain
08-04-17, 06:26 PM
I wonder how my ex crush would react after finding out that me and her (ex?) boyfriend are now BFFs. If that's an ex, then I guess she would just think we're pathetic losers lol. But who cares! I finally have a best friend to talk to! I never had a best friend this close before (although technically it's over facebook, but we have a good time chatting with each other).

I'm also thinking of growing my own circle of friends, who knows, maybe go back to college, invite some more young people to my church filled with mostly old people. Be like the popular guy that runs the church's first youth program in years! I hope my ex crush gets jealous. muhahahahaha

lol, I'm kidding, not like I really think I could even pull that off and I'm not really interested in getting even. It doesn't seem fair to be mean to her when she's trying so hard to simply be a friend. I've come to the point where I'm happy and feel at peace if she's happy and at peace and so now I no longer want to bother her.

Hermus
08-05-17, 02:33 AM
would you take her home to meet your parents and have dinner?

You know, I stopped caring about the middle class values of my parents. Sure, if I find a girl with tattoos I will take her home for Christmas dinner. Tattoos doesn't mean she's a 'bad' person. I actually found quite the opposite. Often open-minded, non-judgemental, free spirited. Just how I like people the best.

eclectic beagle
08-05-17, 02:44 PM
I smell a troll. Ubermensch stuff.

psychopathetic
08-05-17, 08:26 PM
I smell a troll.

Gah.
I'm sorry guys.
It's just I was hungry and one thing led to another and all the sudden I had eaten way too much taco bell last night. I think I had 1 too many bean burritos.

https://davidsask.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/tumblr_inline_n35vjznr2o1qc9q5f.gif

Really am sorry about this! Maybe we can keep a couple of windows open tonight?

TurtleBrain
08-06-17, 08:54 AM
Don't worry if eating taco bell has made stink like farts, the dead rat in the dumpster outside where I live smells alot worse :p

Edit: finally a post that isn't ruminating over the same issue I was having for weeks. I finally got over that :)

Lunacie
08-06-17, 11:22 AM
Don't worry if eating taco bell has made stink like farts, the dead rat in the dumpster outside where I live smells alot worse :p

Edit: finally a post that isn't ruminating over the same issue I was having for weeks. I finally got over that :)

Ewww, hope they haul away the stuff in the dumpster sooner than later. :eek:

In the summer when I put my trash in the polycart and get a whiff, I am soooo
glad I'm not the trash hauler person.

psychopathetic
08-06-17, 11:35 AM
I am soooo
glad I'm not the trash hauler person.

lol I once wanted to be a refuse collector (lol a nice way of saying 'waste collector'). It's dam hard work and you're on a real strict schedule...but for some reason it sounded like such a cool job to me! lol :scratch: :doh:. They do get paid pretty dang well, and there was just something about driving around a big giant green truck haha.

And then I remembered that I suck with tight schedules and hard work, and came back to my senses! :lol:

I was pretty serious about it though for awhile. I was even using voc rehab to try and help me land a position.

eclectic beagle
08-06-17, 02:13 PM
Really ****** off.

midnightstar
08-06-17, 03:05 PM
Starting to worry again that one day I'll get taken away someplace and Tigger will be taken back into RSPCA's care and get rehomed again and Ebony will get taken in by RSPCA and they'll decide she's unrehomable and will send her on a one way trip to the - don't want to say it because it'll make it happen.

midnightstar
08-06-17, 03:15 PM
bad star bad thoughts bad brain stop it bad bad bad

midnightstar
08-06-17, 03:22 PM
I don't want to have a meltdown

midnightstar
08-06-17, 03:23 PM
Someone should hold me down so I can't freak out

eclectic beagle
08-06-17, 03:41 PM
Depressed. Blood pressure seems high, but can't be sure. I want a lime-a-rita but probably shouldn't have it.

midnightstar
08-06-17, 04:13 PM
I wish I didn't have any scars, physical or invisible.

I wish I was perfect.

Everyone probably hates me for talking about Ebony and Tigger too much.

I should probably have myself renamed to "invisiblescars" on the forum.

I'm cow dung.

Lunacie
08-06-17, 05:17 PM
I wish I didn't have any scars, physical or invisible.

I wish I was perfect.

Everyone probably hates me for talking about Ebony and Tigger too much.

I should probably have myself renamed to "invisiblescars" on the forum.

I'm cow dung.

I love hearing stories about Tigger and Ebony ... and seeing photos of them.

Perfect people would be so boring, I think. I'm glad you're not boring, Midsy.

I can't hold you down but I can send a big soft warm :grouphug:.

Do you think a weighted blanket or weighted vest would help?

psychopathetic
08-06-17, 06:45 PM
I wish I didn't have any scars, physical or invisible.

I wish I was perfect.

Everyone probably hates me for talking about Ebony and Tigger too much.

I should probably have myself renamed to "invisiblescars" on the forum.

I'm cow dung.

:(

But I hearts my Mid-Mids and I love hearing about my 2 kitties. I wish their pet human loved herself as much as she loves the kitties though! :o

Are they scars from self harm? I sometimes feel really self conscious of mine too and wish so badly people couldn't see them...especially the big long one going up my left wrist.
Other times I'm quite proud of them. They're like little scars to remind me how far I've come...how much I've survived.

It's been something like 6 years since I've self harmed.
I hope you're safe.

I do worry about you when you get so down on yourself like you are today :(.

psychopathetic
08-06-17, 06:48 PM
Do you think a weighted blanket or weighted vest would help?

/sigh...
I wish I could slide off my stupid weighted vest and be done with it for a bit.
Unfortunately the kind of vest I've invested in...requires far too much time in a gym and better eating choices to take off. :lol: :doh:

aeon
08-06-17, 09:46 PM
I wish I didn't have any scars, physical or invisible.

I wish I was perfect.

Everyone probably hates me for talking about Ebony and Tigger too much.

I should probably have myself renamed to "invisiblescars" on the forum.

I'm cow dung.

Hmm..

midnightstar
08-07-17, 12:53 AM
Ended up hiding under my duvet playing Natasha Bedingfield we,re all mad in our own wy until I fell asleep.

stef
08-07-17, 04:23 AM
Ended up hiding under my duvet playing Natasha Bedingfield we,re all mad in our own wy until I fell asleep.

I really hope you feel better today :grouphug:

sarahsweets
08-07-17, 05:25 AM
Leaving this morning for 5 days of Beach Camping in Sandy Hook NJ and rain is forecast for this afternoon and evening! Hopefully we beat it and set up all the tents and stuff before it starts. The rest of the week looks good. They have the only nude beach around and I am debating ticking off something from my bucket list.;)

psychopathetic
08-07-17, 06:42 AM
Omg that sounds SO amazing Sweets! I hope you and the family have such an amazing time!!!

They have the only nude beach around and I am debating ticking off something from my bucket list.Staring at old dudes naked butts? :eek: :scratch:
:lol:

sarahsweets
08-07-17, 07:56 AM
Omg that sounds SO amazing Sweets! I hope you and the family have such an amazing time!!!

Staring at old dudes naked butts? :eek: :scratch:
:lol:

lol! No, going topless. Bottomless is not happening. No sun allowed in the lady zone!

Unmanagable
08-07-17, 08:49 AM
The sun should be allowed to shine where we've been taught the sun isn't supposed to shine....just not until the point of burnage. Ouch!!! One of the perks of living in the country with plenty of trees to hide our choices. lol Vitamin D absorption....cell-ph care directly from the source. May the sights in nudeville not traumatize y'all and may you have a blast!

It's bothering me that it's raining like a mofo on my first day in this new town with my friends' kiddos and fur babies. I guess it's indoor adventures today. Bah humbug. But the gardens sure are happy. Silver lining, meet cloud(s).

psychopathetic
08-07-17, 09:05 AM
How deflating. /sigh

I sent in some (electronic) paperwork to get my dad payed again last week for the respite care he does.
It finally got directly deposited into his bank account...only he only received about 1/4th of what I sent in.
/sigh...there was an error that needs to be corrected...apparently 2 of the numbers don't match up and so now I gotta figure out what those 2 numbers are, and where to get them (I think one of the numbers must update every time I file...I thought they stayed the same /grrrrr).

It's just frustrating. My dad has no money in his account pretty much and was really looking forward to getting paid this week so he could do some major grocery shopping.

I'm so sick of stress. I'm sick of the ******* void my mom has left behind (and I don't mean that to sound like I'm mad at my mom...cause I'm not right now. I just miss her and she'd know exactly what I did wrong and how to fix it...it'd be quick and simple. But with out her...well damn it...it's a real super stressful mess that will require me to call people and e-mail others and cause a great deal of stress I don't want anything to do with).

I don't want to vent though anymore. I'm too tired and it's too dangerous when I'm this tired.

midnightstar
08-07-17, 09:49 AM
I really hope you feel better today :grouphug:

Still feel a bit rough today, sorry everyone :( :grouphug: brain's been on at me and only distraction was work today.

(((((special stef))))) :grouphug:

(((((psycho))))) :grouphug:

iRogue
08-07-17, 05:42 PM
Well... I'm emotionally f'ed up, f'ed up my life so far and I just discovered why relations in my life are difficult. For a large part because my self image can be unstable as my upbringing had very dark turbulent moments. I am not young (people may assume a clichť) but hey ;) Growing up with an emotionally turbulant father isn't easy. I have a lot of work to do.

TurtleBrain
08-07-17, 07:02 PM
That feeling when you're bored, lonely, and daydreaming when you could easily be doing other things to occupy your time.

Too bad I didn't consider applying for financial aid and college last spring so I can start a new major and aim for a different career. Oh well, guess it don't matter that I'll be 30 in the 2018-2019 school year, I'm still going to look like a teenager coming straight out of high school.

aeon
08-07-17, 07:36 PM
I have a lot of work to do.

Good on you for recognizing that.

There's light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not a train.


Cheers,
Ian

psychopathetic
08-07-17, 08:05 PM
It's bothering me the feelings I'm starting to get towards ADD forums. I don't want to word anything too specifically because I haven't spent enough effort trying to actually come to any sort of understanding of it with myself yet.

And I don't know if it's the forums themselves...which I think it really is for certain reasons, and also because so many amazing members have drifted off for various reasons and it's not so active anymore.

But also it's very much so me...and the fact that I've changed so much over the last year or so. I use to be SO much funner and much more carefree. I was much more childlike...now I'm edgy and grumpy haha. I'm quickly turning into bitter old man living in his mid-30's.

I think a big part of the feelings I'm having towards these forums...is the lack of active members who post consistently and constantly. There use to be many, and now there's only a few...when there was a lot, I seemed to be much happier with this place.

I also acknowledge that the kind of help and support I need at this point in my life is much deeper than I should seek out from an online forum such as this place...so I need to keep my expectations in check. So there's that too.

But yeah...it's been on my mind for a couple of months now. These forums. And it makes me sad :(.

I wonder if I'm alone on my thoughts...or if others feel the same. I plan on posting more on this, with more details...eventually. Just don't have things quite worded in my head yet.

aeon
08-07-17, 09:50 PM
Hearing Robert Wright, on Terry Gross' Fresh Aire, talk about how ADHD, his own included, is simply a question/problem of feelings.

I get that he has a book to sell, but a pox on him, and may the sweetness of life turn to ash in his mouth.


What a Jerk,
Ian

Hermus
08-08-17, 02:07 AM
Woke up pretty shaken tonight after having had a dream about first acting on my sex and love addiction, and then relapsing on alcohol. Horrible.

stef
08-08-17, 08:40 AM
I'm all rattled from a work thing, when it was supposed to be a calm day
(this guy forgot his passport, I had to book new flight. ok it's not a big deal actually. )

Little Missy
08-08-17, 10:43 AM
....and my mi-I-I-I-ind catches a ride, on The Westbound Number 9...

aeon
08-08-17, 11:44 AM
Those days when the Dex seems to come on slow...

This is one of those days. :doh:

Iíve got stuff to do, and without Dex, it ainít happening.

Itíll probably arrive all horrorshow, just in time to mess with the enjoyment of my lunch. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/cry.gif

Why does everything have to be a trial? http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Duel.gif


Cheers,
Ian

stef
08-08-17, 12:07 PM
Itíll probably arrive all horrorshow, just in time to mess with the enjoyment of my lunch. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/cry.gif



I hate when people mess with lunch!
that was the annoying thing, Forgotten Passport guy called just after I went out (having even sent myself a calendar reminder, to go have lunch); and so I bought my lunch back to my desk and seriously this frazzled me for about two hours.
he was very gracious about the whole incident, though. And not upset in the least, with himself.

aeon
08-08-17, 12:35 PM
I hate when people mess with lunch!
that was the annoying thing, Forgotten Passport guy called just after I went out (having even sent myself a calendar reminder, to go have lunch); and so I bought my lunch back to my desk and seriously this frazzled me for about two hours.
he was very gracious about the whole incident, though. And not upset in the least, with himself.

Well, I suppose if you are going to get unexpectedly ******, itís nice when your problemic-lover-du-jour is of a gentle sort. :eyebrow:


Hmm,
Ian

Little Missy
08-08-17, 12:46 PM
oh for God's sake. 4 days off and NOTHING has been done here. LOL is agitated. I'm, I'm, oh, I have GOT to get The Hand working.

I'm planning.:eyebrow:

TurtleBrain
08-08-17, 01:35 PM
But also it's very much so me...and the fact that I've changed so much over the last year or so. I use to be SO much funner and much more carefree. I was much more childlike...now I'm edgy and grumpy haha. I'm quickly turning into bitter old man living in his mid-30's.



I feel ya man, although I've mostly used this site as a soundboard and I didn't really have high expectations of this place to begin with. I've considered looking for another site for support or even starting my own.

Speaking of starting my own online support group, I've always wondered why there isn't a site that specifically marketed for "lonely people", and I mean lonely in any sense of the word (it wouldn't necessarily a dating site).

acdc01
08-08-17, 06:36 PM
My brain was really fuzzy today. Thinking back, I think I may have said two things that were really stupid today at work though I'm not sure cause I only half heard the conversation.

Kind of wonder if it's a combination of both being a female of a certain age and adhd that makes my brain fuzzy like this. That and I was super tired today cause my cat kept me awake all night.

aeon
08-08-17, 08:18 PM
female = no
certain age = not unless you are elderly
sleep deprived because of feline = bingo! we have a winner!


Cheers,
Ian

Lunacie
08-08-17, 09:05 PM
R.I.P. Glen Campbell ... You were Gentle On My Mind.

aeon
08-08-17, 11:14 PM
When I heard, I could not play "Witchita Lineman" fast enough.


Rest In Peace,
Ian

InvitroCanibal
08-09-17, 03:40 AM
I don't know what's bothering me, and that's what's bothering me.

stef
08-09-17, 05:58 AM
:whoa, where is everyone today...? :confused:

Little Missy
08-09-17, 06:47 AM
Right here. :)

psychopathetic
08-09-17, 08:18 AM
oh damn it. I'm so sick of this.

I really ****** things up now and sent in a claim to get my dad paid for his respite care...but I messed it up BAD and need to cancel it somehow before they accept it and pay my dad.
Mean while I'm still having MAJOR issues trying to figure out wtf I'm doing wrong with even more of the files/billing/whatever I'm suppose to call it so he can get paid for even more of what he's owed.
But it's not going through and I messed things up bad and I don't know how to cancel the one that went through or who to ask about it. My dad ABSOLUTELY no help...he's a ******* fool.

I'm sick of this. I thought I had it down.

Now he wont be paid for another 2 weeks when really he needed all of his money this week and even though he's trying to be patient with me I can't help but feel fully like **** for ******* everything up. I'm so sick of this pressure. I'm SO sick of it.

I hate doing my dad's stupid ******* billing. **** it.
I'm glad I have a therapy session today. I can't sleep and I feel like I'm going to be sick and I don't want to go see my therapist...which is precisely why I'm going to go.

Life can just kiss my *** atm.

/kicks life right square in the shin.

I wish I could hide.
I SURE wish my mom was here to fix this **** for me.

and on top of that my ******* landlord is breathing down my damned neck again already and I just don't need it. I get he's just wanting to help me...but god damn it i just don't want it right now!

i'm a bit of a mess. I just need to sleep it off. ha! if only it were so simple!! /cry

stef
08-09-17, 09:00 AM
oh damn it. I'm so sick of this.

I really ****** things up now and sent in a claim to get my dad paid for his respite care...but I messed it up BAD and need to cancel it somehow before they accept it and pay my dad.


Probably someone kind, at the center that takes care of these payments, can help you with this
especially, just explain the situation and don't feel bad, this is just all difficult right now :grouphug:

Little Missy
08-09-17, 09:41 AM
I figured bein's all tough and all I'd try hooking the bra normally instead of pulling it down with a cane.

I should have stopped when it wasn't exactly working but I continued on, getting all sweaty and mad and mad and sweaty and well, I did it.

not good. none of this is good.

I'm really upset I'm unable to wrap Miss R's birthday present all schmancy like I do. Its a big deal to me.

I can't even write yet.

PO will have to pkg and address it. I am not in the mood for public appearances.

It has been 3 months.

aeon
08-09-17, 10:33 AM
I figured bein's all tough and all I'd try hooking the bra normally instead of pulling it down with a cane.

I should have stopped when it wasn't exactly working but I continued on, getting all sweaty and mad and mad and sweaty and well, I did it.

not good. none of this is good.

Hmm, agitated females in brassieres with a patina of sweat. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Yaisse.gif

I think this very good, yes, very good indeed. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Comik.gif

Dťcolletage of glistening fury! http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Onfire.gif


Get Better Soon,
Ian

Lunacie
08-09-17, 11:03 AM
oh damn it. I'm so sick of this.

I really ****** things up now and sent in a claim to get my dad paid for his respite care...but I messed it up BAD and need to cancel it somehow before they accept it and pay my dad.
Mean while I'm still having MAJOR issues trying to figure out wtf I'm doing wrong with even more of the files/billing/whatever I'm suppose to call it so he can get paid for even more of what he's owed.
But it's not going through and I messed things up bad and I don't know how to cancel the one that went through or who to ask about it. My dad ABSOLUTELY no help...he's a ******* fool.

I'm sick of this. I thought I had it down.

Now he wont be paid for another 2 weeks when really he needed all of his money this week and even though he's trying to be patient with me I can't help but feel fully like **** for ******* everything up. I'm so sick of this pressure. I'm SO sick of it.

I hate doing my dad's stupid ******* billing. **** it.
I'm glad I have a therapy session today. I can't sleep and I feel like I'm going to be sick and I don't want to go see my therapist...which is precisely why I'm going to go.

Life can just kiss my *** atm.

/kicks life right square in the shin.

I wish I could hide.
I SURE wish my mom was here to fix this **** for me.

and on top of that my ******* landlord is breathing down my damned neck again already and I just don't need it. I get he's just wanting to help me...but god damn it i just don't want it right now!

i'm a bit of a mess. I just need to sleep it off. ha! if only it were so simple!! /cry

Glad you understand that you need the therapist right now.

It's okay to cry and be frustrated. Perfectly human. Just set a timer for 15
minutes and then get up and do something physical for 15 minutes so you
don't get stuck in the misery.

Sending you a Gramma hug ...
https://thumb7.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/265489/102265855/stock-vector-cute-cartoon-grandmother-vector-illustration-with-simple-gradients-all-in-a-single-layer-102265855.jpg

midnightstar
08-09-17, 01:19 PM
Internet connection's being stupid tonight, been kicking me off then letting me back on then kicking me off again. Stupid internet connection. Tempted to just use my phone for tonight.

BouCoupDinkyDau
08-09-17, 01:32 PM
I have poor emotional control (irritation, anger, sometimes rage). I cannot take any kind of blow that causes any kind of emotional pain whatsoever.

It has strained my marriage to the very brink (where it kinda rests right now) and kept me isolated from everyone else. I hide from others by making myself unapproachable.

I just want to save my marriage and be reasonably in charge of my feelings rather than they be in charge of me. I don't care about connecting with others out in that mess of a world on anything other than a superficial level. People are cruel and selfish. I was done with them a long time ago.

Little Missy
08-09-17, 02:41 PM
Hmm, agitated females in brassieres with a patina of sweat. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Yaisse.gif

I think this very good, yes, very good indeed. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Comik.gif

Dťcolletage of glistening fury! http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Onfire.gif


Get Better Soon,
Ian

:lol: :yes:

Hermus
08-09-17, 03:55 PM
Feeling incredibly sad today. Had a phone call with a friend of mine, who I have been roommates in rehab with and lately called with on a regular basis. He is a 2 bottles of strong liquor a day kind of drinker and relapsed. At 11 am he was already quite drunk and sounded so desperate and alone. But there is nothing I can do for him, except for telling him that I'm there for him if he needs me. Have found a lot of support in my 12-step meeting tonight though and I'm grateful for that.

midnightstar
08-09-17, 04:48 PM
Have any of you ever had a dream come true then realise it doesnt make life perfect and you happy? Does this make me a bad person, having thoughts like this?

Hermus
08-09-17, 05:18 PM
Have any of you ever had a dream come true then realise it doesnt make life perfect and you happy? Does this make me a bad person, having thoughts like this?

We are not responsible for our thoughts, just for our actions :grouphug:

Hermus
08-09-17, 05:20 PM
Now I'm actually feeling quite angry at my friend for not contacting me before picking up the bottle, but only days later when he already is in deep trouble. He knew he could have called me, but instead decided to drink. :mad:

Lunacie
08-09-17, 05:48 PM
Have any of you ever had a dream come true then realise it doesnt make life perfect and you happy? Does this make me a bad person, having thoughts like this?

Life is never perfect but we can still be happy. I'm happy you're my friend. :)

stef
08-10-17, 06:19 AM
well it's cold and dark and rainy!
A bit of blue sky would be lovely...
I really prefer this to a heatwave, though.

Little Missy
08-10-17, 06:51 AM
Last week was what I thought, the final squirrel food fiasco. I told them I was never going to buy another bag. It is expensive and since none of the family wants LOL's home, I can hardly believe that, but hey, to each his own. So, LOL is borrowing against her home to pay for everything. She'll be long gone before the money runs out. Her home is The Home on the hill. None of the homes there are ever for sale. The families never sell these beauties on half a block lots.

Yesterday the bucket is dry and she's pestering me that they have nothing to eat, and I'm sort of ignoring it, trying to. And then she goes all flat out mean, on me, and I gently explain I'm done and I do mean it.

She went off on me, I was crying, she was crying and yelling, all she wants is to watch squirrels eat. All I want is to keep her relatively content. Her Flippancy is not even there or anywhere near. But, between them all, I become The Patsy, not LOL, who wants the squirrel food. I think that's kind of sick. 87 years old and they gang up on her over squirrel food but make me The Patsy. I'm too old for this hoo-ha.



So, I have to round some up this morning. I gotta be there at 6 am and buy it all before its gone. If it is, then its peanut butter sandwiches until I get food. They hate that more than squirrel food but I'm a doer. When in Rome and all, somebody has to take charge.

I'm not going to react to any of them any longer. haha its LOL's money and I have to keep myself happy first, and that includes LOL. Ugh, I suppose we are one. Plus, its another double doggie 5 night sleepover. NOBODY does all that but me.

stef
08-10-17, 08:58 AM
Well I dont understand all of your post above, but that's just really sad.
(especially i am picturing a picnic table of squirrels seated and eating sandwiches :doh: )

WHY would they begrudge this woman the entertainment from squirrel food? and then blame you for wanting to buy this?

Little Missy
08-10-17, 12:59 PM
Well I dont understand all of your post above, but that's just really sad.
(especially i am picturing a picnic table of squirrels seated and eating sandwiches :doh: )

WHY would they begrudge this woman the entertainment from squirrel food? and then blame you for wanting to buy this?

Because they love me.

OMG! I hit the jackpot. I bought 11 bags. They never have that much. LOL is contentedly chawing on her Bays Sourdough muffie and coffee while the little fellers go to town in their bucket of shelled seeds.

Long story, good wins, evil loses. :D

Little Missy
08-10-17, 01:26 PM
quick, theres this one little bitty one that rests her bony elbows on the edge and scoops it up two handed and eats what she likes and throws the rest back and theres this one youngin' who casually leans on one elbow and dips it out one-handed eatin-like.

This is our 4th set of kidlets this year. At noon the doves start marching sideways down the roof for their lunch and the crows come after them.



tra-la

Little Missy
08-10-17, 02:51 PM
Well I dont understand all of your post above, but that's just really sad.
(especially i am picturing a picnic table of squirrels seated and eating sandwiches :doh: )

WHY would they begrudge this woman the entertainment from squirrel food? and then blame you for wanting to buy this?

They don't want her to spend her own money and when she asks me to get the food, I get what she asks for. Like a good companion should.

Then, it goes through the chain of none in charge to blame me because I buy it with my own money and turn it in with all of the other receipts. I buy everything for the house, LOL, and what-have-you and the ever aggravating squirrel food.
I don't WANT to buy it, its hard to find, and it is actually a contentious issue I'd rather not be the bad guy in it all, but she wants to watch the squirrels at her feet eating. So, I indulge her. Who wouldn't?

Little Missy
08-10-17, 04:29 PM
Well I dont understand all of your post above, but that's just really sad.
(especially i am picturing a picnic table of squirrels seated and eating sandwiches :doh: )

WHY would they begrudge this woman the entertainment from squirrel food? and then blame you for wanting to buy this?

I cut them into party triangles which LOL thinks is just The Best. They eat one and grab one and run.
Makes me think of that grind up bologna spread for sandwiches my dad would make for the beach.

Hermus
08-11-17, 11:31 AM
My resolve has been tested to the max today. First I got a phone call from my friend who relapsed. He was drunk and had an appointment with the doctor later on. His parents are going to kick him out of the house. Really triggered a lot of emotions once again, but I'm glad that he called and that he is doing things to get better. I called a fellow and then my parents to talk about it and that helped somewhat. Later my friend texted he is going into crisis care, which is a great relief.

Then just an hour later while I was still feeling vulnerable and sad a girl I kissed with a year ago messaged me. She had been messaging me two weeks ago and that led to me slipping. I messaged her last week that there was no space in my life for her. She replied that she felt like after that kiss there was still something to finish. Well, thank you girl, you certainly know how to seduce men. I'm glad you liked the kiss, I enjoyed it too, and I appreciate your persistence. But now it is time to put you on my block list.

It did cost me a lot of energy though, dealing with all these strong emotions. I start to realize that I can't control how I feel, but that I can control how I act on it. Happy about how I kept standing in this short period of emotional turmoil.

midnightstar
08-11-17, 12:08 PM
Beeen having awful dreams lately.

midnightstar
08-11-17, 12:09 PM
:grouphug:s Hermus

Hermus
08-11-17, 01:12 PM
Beeen having awful dreams lately.

I relate. Dreams can be really though and really mess with my energy. But they often are also a sign that you are processing things.

TurtleBrain
08-11-17, 03:29 PM
I don't know why, but taking melatonin at night gives me weird dreams.

midnightstar
08-11-17, 04:25 PM
I relate. Dreams can be really though and really mess with my energy. But they often are also a sign that you are processing things.

What does it mean if you dream you have bad things happen that never actually happened? :scratch:

aeon
08-11-17, 04:28 PM
What does it mean if you dream you have bad things happen that never actually happened? :scratch:

Anything you like, including, nothing at all.


Cheers,
Ian

stef
08-11-17, 04:44 PM
Nothing at all, Star!
its perhaps just an expression of anxiety

aeon
08-11-17, 05:51 PM
Just the endless droning inanity of threads, don’tcha know?


Calgon,
Ian

Hermus
08-11-17, 06:03 PM
What does it mean if you dream you have bad things happen that never actually happened? :scratch:

It depends I guess. Dream interpretation is difficult and totally subjective. What I usually do is writing them down and see if I can make some sense out of them. Some are clearer than others though.

One dream I had last night and that was quite clear to me was one in which my ex-gf said that we could try again. I told her: No, there is no trust between us anymore. I used to dream that she would reject me, so dreaming that she wants me back and I decide not to is progress.

Hermus
08-11-17, 06:35 PM
Today I decided to go right against the advise of the therapist for the first time in my recovery. She told me to distance myself from that friend who had a relapse until he is sober. I know it is often advised to do so and even seen as codependency to keep supporting someone who is still drinking. But I'm the only one he has left in this world, and although it is a burden to me, I see it as a form of compassion to be there for him. I have seen him putting in so much effort to stay sober and still see him doing that, although the cards are heavily stacked against him. I just don't see how it would benefit him if I dropped him. Only will strengthen his feeling that nobody cares about him. So I choose to carry a tiny bit of his burden, even though it is heavy.

Lunacie
08-11-17, 07:27 PM
Allergies are horrible, affecting my voice, making me feel crap. So I ordered
pizza online for dinner ... delivery. Got a voice mail saying my credit card was
not accepted.

So I call the store and have to croak my way through explaining why the F I
was calling, giving my cc# and phone#. So freaking frustrating. Have been
having trouble with PizzaHut accepting my credit card since I had to get it
changed last year. Thought it was all ironed out but ... arrggghhhhh!

Smokey405
08-11-17, 07:40 PM
This is what my day felt like.

https://scontent-dft4-3.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/20664476_10104875960004032_7509928090941516961_n.j pg?oh=340d105ef95e77fcc3d19012377e8bce&oe=5A3261C0

Little Missy
08-11-17, 08:47 PM
This is what my day felt like.

https://scontent-dft4-3.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/20664476_10104875960004032_7509928090941516961_n.j pg?oh=340d105ef95e77fcc3d19012377e8bce&oe=5A3261C0

But you were tan, nattily dressed and with a well-turned ankle in your dress shoes! win-win!

TurtleBrain
08-11-17, 09:03 PM
The awkward moment when you message your crush about something you saw on their facebook (it was a funeral she had to go to) and then realize that she might wonder who told me about it. Well we do share some mutual friends, so it might not be much of a mystery at all. I doubt she would go around asking them if they told me about it. Since the funeral was for someone fairly well known in my denomination and I could just fib and say I had noticed this person in her friend's list before (we did chat on facebook before), so I figured she must have been a close friend.

Also, she usually doesn't reply to my non-church-related emails amyway, which only keeps me wondering what she might be thinking.. Why do I keep torturing myself when I know I'm just going to get the awkward silent treatment?

[slowly steps away from the computer... Runs away]

Little Missy
08-11-17, 09:23 PM
oh God, that nutbag below has a grill going with charcoal and lighter fluid on her balcony:eek:

aeon
08-11-17, 09:30 PM
oh God, that nutbag below has a grill going with charcoal and lighter fluid on her balcony:eek:

JFC, what were they thinking? :doh:

Oh, right, they weren't. :umm1:


Cheers,
Ian

Little Missy
08-11-17, 09:51 PM
JFC, what were they thinking? :doh:

Oh, right, they weren't. :umm1:


Cheers,
Ian

she's the one who's "nephew" and her killed the guy with his own Rx, and ransacked his place for nine hours before they called the ambulance...then she conveniently checked herself in for opioids- the really nice passed on for 9 hours guy- that she kiked from him.

She'll be cut tomorrow. Two days ago she was warned for attempting to poison other apartments with her holy incense.

This is supposed to be a Schmancy Senior Joint. Well, my apartment is anyway, Tony Duquetted and all.

Lunacie
08-11-17, 10:00 PM
oh God, that nutbag below has a grill going with charcoal and lighter fluid on her balcony:eek:

Call the fire department to report a fire in the apartment below you? I would.

Little Missy
08-11-17, 10:09 PM
Call the fire department to report a fire in the apartment below you? I would.

naw, I called The Man here and he is Good. Taken care of. :)heh heh

wonderboy
08-11-17, 10:51 PM
What's bothering me: I feel this forum is going down hill...

sarahsweets
08-12-17, 05:23 AM
Today I decided to go right against the advise of the therapist for the first time in my recovery. She told me to distance myself from that friend who had a relapse until he is sober. I know it is often advised to do so and even seen as codependency to keep supporting someone who is still drinking. But I'm the only one he has left in this world, and although it is a burden to me, I see it as a form of compassion to be there for him. I have seen him putting in so much effort to stay sober and still see him doing that, although the cards are heavily stacked against him. I just don't see how it would benefit him if I dropped him. Only will strengthen his feeling that nobody cares about him. So I choose to carry a tiny bit of his burden, even though it is heavy.

Are you enabling him if you continue to be there for him? I am not saying you are, just asking,

sarahsweets
08-12-17, 05:23 AM
What's bothering me: I feel this forum is going down hill...

How so?

Hermus
08-12-17, 06:11 AM
Are you enabling him if you continue to be there for him? I am not saying you are, just asking,

No, don't think I am. He is working on it, trying to get out of the hole again. I clearly draw the line at offering material resources for him. But if he needs someone to talk to, I try to be there for him. Or if he wants to go to AA/NA I will be glad to join (also good for my own recovery to go there). His main issues, next to chronic alcoholism, are bpd and abandonment issues, I don't believe dropping him will help him in any way.

psychopathetic
08-12-17, 08:15 AM
What's bothering me: I feel this forum is going down hill...

Me too.

Though it might just be me and I'm not ready to try and explain myself quite yet.

acdc01
08-12-17, 11:07 AM
How so?


I'm curious too.

stef
08-12-17, 12:56 PM
well, there are just no trains. They are doing some repairs on the tracks.
i would have to take a bus to next town.

Little Missy
08-12-17, 01:09 PM
What's bothering me: I feel this forum is going down hill...

Probably because of the generics we have to endure.

Little Missy
08-12-17, 02:31 PM
well, there are just no trains. They are doing some repairs on the tracks.
i would have to take a bus to next town.

can you hoof it?

stef
08-12-17, 02:53 PM
can you hoof it?

its kind of far and not a nice walk
and then it was pouring rain anyway, so all for the best :)

midnightstar
08-12-17, 04:38 PM
I want to catch up with the rest of Animal Rescue Live but it would not be a good idea. I'm not in the right frame of mind to be listening to animal cruelty stories.

Fuzzy12
08-12-17, 08:28 PM
I tried to make cake. :(

I was so proud of myself for actually getting a kitchen scale out and roughly measuring ingredients out. Apparently the secret to a good cake is careful measuring. :(

But then I forgot to read the recipe.:doh::doh:

I just read the ingredients list, measured out my ingredients and added them all to a container. The somehow suddenly it struck me that maybe I should look at the recipe and I realised that I'd done it all wrong.:doh::doh: apparently the egg and butter need to be mixed separately from the flour and other ingredients. :doh:And I didn't whisk the egg. :scratch:

Anyway it's jn the oven now. It's going to be done by 2am.:doh::doh:

I'm an idiot. :doh:

peripatetic
08-12-17, 09:02 PM
i'm not doing very well. and i know it.

Little Missy
08-12-17, 09:18 PM
I tried to make cake. :(

I was so proud of myself for actually getting a kitchen scale out and roughly measuring ingredients out. Apparently the secret to a good cake is careful measuring. :(

But then I forgot to read the recipe.:doh::doh:

I just read the ingredients list, measured out my ingredients and added them all to a container. The somehow suddenly it struck me that maybe I should look at the recipe and I realised that I'd done it all wrong.:doh::doh: apparently the egg and butter need to be mixed separately from the flour and other ingredients. :doh:And I didn't whisk the egg. :scratch:

Anyway it's jn the oven now. It's going to be done by 2am.:doh::doh:

I'm an idiot. :doh:

hey, easy cakes will work out all jumbled up, they do! Its the more complicated cakes that usually mess up if not perfect. It'll probably be great! I LOVE cake.

Fuzzy12
08-12-17, 09:19 PM
i'm not doing very well. and i know it.

(((Peri)))

Wish I could say something more useful but I hope you'll do better soon.:grouphug:

Fuzzy12
08-12-17, 09:21 PM
hey, easy cakes will work out all jumbled up, they do! Its the more complicated cakes that usually mess up if not perfect. It'll probably be great! I LOVE cake.

I was actually thinking of you and of how ridiculous you'd find it that I can't even make the simplest of cakes:lol:

It's done and i think it might be edible...

peripatetic
08-12-17, 09:21 PM
(((Peri)))

Wish I could say something more useful but I hope you'll do better soon.:grouphug:

thank you, fuzzy. sometimes there's not really anything useful possible *to* say, you know? and that's ok...i appreciate the hug and the desire to be able to find something useful more than you know. xx

Hermus
08-13-17, 04:08 AM
I have my first yoga class in an hour and I'm feeling nervous

midnightstar
08-13-17, 04:42 AM
Had a weird dream last night. In the dream my family introduced me to a new rescue that rescued and rehomed multiple species of domestic animal and i went into one of the buildings for some reason and found their washing machine had flooded the kitchen and there was someone on the kitchen dead and i wasnt bothered by it. I was more worried about the animals getting rehomed.

stef
08-13-17, 05:42 AM
hey, easy cakes will work out all jumbled up, they do! Its the more complicated cakes that usually mess up if not perfect. It'll probably be great! I LOVE cake.

CAKE!!!
yes only the fussy ones need instructions strictly followed
( have not baked in ages actually)

Lunacie
08-13-17, 10:44 AM
i'm not doing very well. and i know it.

I hope you can find a way to change that soon. But I know the struggle.

I was doing so well for about a month (July) when spring storms were finally
over ... spring lasted forever this year ... and autumn storms hadn't started
yet ... but this week has been a really early autumn with terrible storms and
terrible migraines. And my mood and desire to do anything at all has crashed.

Hermus
08-13-17, 11:20 AM
I hope you can find a way to change that soon. But I know the struggle.

I was doing so well for about a month (July) when spring storms were finally
over ... spring lasted forever this year ... and autumn storms hadn't started
yet ... but this week has been a really early autumn with terrible storms and
terrible migraines. And my mood and desire to do anything at all has crashed.

:grouphug: Funacie :grouphug:
:grouphug: Peri :grouphug:

midnightstar
08-13-17, 11:50 AM
:grouphug:s Funacie and peri :grouphug:

I've been bothered by that stupid dream most of the day (see last page). I know it's just a stupid dream that means nothing.

TurtleBrain
08-13-17, 01:46 PM
That feeling when you're so bored even though you know what you should probably be doing.

psychopathetic
08-13-17, 02:52 PM
Missing my mom.

I know you must all be getting so sick of hearing it from me by now...I know I'm sick of it my own self.
But damn I miss her. Damn I miss so many things in life I had with her. I wish I had a family friend or someone to take her place. I'm so lonesome without her...I long to have an outlet for so many sides of 'me' no one else gives me in life right now.
It sucks. I'm still sad. I kinda wish it'd be over with...the grieving. But then I feel bad for feeling that way.

I'm getting annoying.

psychopathetic
08-13-17, 02:59 PM
I had a dream of her the other night. I think we were driving in her car...or maybe it was over the phone? At any rate I kinda knew in the back of my mind it was only a dream...but we were talking and it felt so great to talk to her finally again, and she told me to call her after I woke up so we could talk and get a few things figured out.
So I woke up...and I IMMEDIATELY started to weep out loud because damn it...it was only a dream, nothing was okay and I couldn't call her to figure a few things out...cause she's no longer there. She wouldn't answer the phone.

These dreams like this can just go away please. It's nice an all to see my mom in my dreams...but damn are they heart breaking to wake up from.

Please tell me this gets easier. Like quitting smoking. Please tell me it wont be such a daily grind. I love you mom, but I can't feel so damn broken without you forever...I want to move on :(. OMFG how I miss you though! Can you feel it? I love you so much Mom. I love you SO much.

peripatetic
08-13-17, 03:25 PM
I kinda wish it'd be over with...the grieving. But then I feel bad for feeling that way.

I'm getting annoying.

everyone's grief and the relationship that it's rooted in is different, so not attempting to directly compare your situation with what i endured. i do relate those first two sentences. or i came to.

when he was first gone he wasn't really gone. and i stopped my meds so that made him all the more present. but then after several months ...actually, i think it was more like a year and a couple of months, i'd deteriorated to the point of being hospitalized and back on meds and so forth. then he was really gone. i couldn't access him anymore at least.

it was awful. and i felt like everyone had moved on. but i hadn't. and all i wanted to do was talk about him and remember him so that i could feel him again and he was less "gone" to me. but others, not all, but most, wanted to stop feeling the weight of my grief crushing them when around me. i mean, it did start to get to where people just couldn't be there for me about him. and for so long i was really unwell (not simply from the grief or simply from the medication discontinuation, but you can imagine how they fed off each other) that i couldn't not desperately want to access him and remember him. and run.i was running over ten miles a day. that's a separate thing, but, i was also metaphorically running. and trying to hold on at the same time.

and there was a point where i could hear myself starting in again but the meds had started working and he was by that time, not even appearing to take up physical space...just the space in me. and i wished i could just be "regular" again. and then, how would i ever be without ever talking to him again and seeing him and playing music and watching movies and planning and plotting ;) but seriously, i wished it could end, but then part of me felt like when i was no longer able to tell you the exact number of days, hours, and minutes since his death...from the last time we spoke on the phone, the last texts, his last voicemail...all of it...when that became less at the forefront of my mind and awareness, i would maybe be ready to "move forward". but if i was ready to do that...i was his voice in many ways. i SAW him. i KNOW him. then would he disappear? he poured his whole self into me and left me lists and...once done, did it mean that i didn't care as much or miss him as much or that his friendship wasn't the most valuable one i've ever had?

try to keep in mind: you being ok isn't the same as you "moving on" or forgetting her or not valuing the relationship and HER forever. you being ok can happen and that doesn't mean you miss her any less or that you dishonor her memory by getting through these stages of grief and coming out the other side and moving, not "on", but forward.

i still run a lot. because i can. he cannot. not corporeally. but i can. and i often think of him when i run. and i can be happy seeing the world through his eyes as well as my own.

with being annoying, like i said...i feel you. though i doubt anyone expects that in a few short months you're over losing your bestie and mum. and, you know, it's ok to be annoying. people don't have to listen. but if you have something to share...*someone* will listen. if i'm here, i will. and i'm no snowflake.

grief made me feel guilty and impotent and desperate and needy. the thing is, everyone's needy sometimes. i am not so very often. but i try to be of help to those in need. unburdening yourself can be a gift for another who unburdens reciprocally or in another way...and passing that gift means lightening the load collectively. or that's what i think. anyone who's annoyed, can be annoyed. if you have something to say, you can say it.

i know the world might seem very dark right now. like all of the color is drained out. or at least the vibrant ones. remember that your negative self talk isn't how you'd talk to someone in your situation who wasn't you. and know that those reading, most likely, have nothing but kindness and much love for you. x

midnightstar
08-13-17, 03:30 PM
:grouphug: psycho, you're not getting annoying at all, I just wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make your pain vanish and I know there's no words I can say that will undo the pain you're in :grouphug:

Little Missy
08-13-17, 08:35 PM
oh yeah, finally got up the nerve to get my hair cut and of course it is wildly lopsided because I can't even stand to be in there one more minute to insure it is even.

lalala

Little Missy
08-13-17, 08:37 PM
Please tell me this gets easier. Like quitting smoking. Please tell me it wont be such a daily grind. I love you mom, but I can't feel so damn broken without you forever...I want to move on :(. OMFG how I miss you though! Can you feel it? I love you so much Mom. I love you SO much.

It will always be there. Always. But with time, it is always time, in time it gets easier. It really does.

aeon
08-13-17, 09:59 PM
I'm laying in an ethanol clump with my sweetie.

All other concerns are but mere trivialities.


Cheers,
Ian

Hermus
08-14-17, 03:37 AM
Please tell me this gets easier. Like quitting smoking. Please tell me it wont be such a daily grind. I love you mom, but I can't feel so damn broken without you forever...I want to move on :(. OMFG how I miss you though! Can you feel it? I love you so much Mom. I love you SO much.

What I have learned to be the wisest thing to do is to be there with my pain, neither clinging to it nor pushing it away. Be compassionate and caring for yourself and give yourself the time to heal. You are stronger than you think, Psycho. :grouphug:

Hermus
08-14-17, 03:47 AM
Muscle soreness. It is clear that I really need to work out more often.

sarahsweets
08-14-17, 05:18 AM
Psycho-there is a difference in being needy because you need support or to talk about your grief-and being needy because you are seeking attention or want to fan the flames of chaos and self absorption around you AND also there's a difference in having a mental illness that causes you to feel needy and need reassurance from everyone in your life to remain stable. None of these things are bad, they are just different. I see you as needing support. For God's sake its only been a few months so cut yourself some slack.

sarahsweets
08-14-17, 05:20 AM
Good news- there is now enough memory to finish installing programs and antivirus software on my dinky computer. Bad news, it had to die and load all those scary black screens with the extensions of exe. to get there. I had daughters computer nerd boyfriend save it from the edge of a cliff but not much was saved. I have to re-download a bunch of stuff and try and remember passwords and such.

stef
08-14-17, 02:51 PM
Did anyone else have a " database error" message earlier today?

midnightstar
08-14-17, 03:14 PM
Did anyone else have a " database error" message earlier today?

*puts hand up*

I thought it was my phone being a piece of poo again. Or that I broke the forum.

I am trying to fill in a application form and I am stuck. It's stressing me out.

aeon
08-14-17, 03:41 PM
Did anyone else have a " database error" message earlier today?

Yep. :)

Lunacie
08-14-17, 06:26 PM
Yes I did too. It was all gone. :(

But now it's back again. :D

mctavish23
08-14-17, 06:27 PM
Ric Flair is reportedly hospitalized in a medically induced coma :(

TurtleBrain
08-14-17, 08:22 PM
I wish I had a family friend or someone to take her place. I'm so lonesome without her...I long to have an outlet for so many sides of 'me' no one else gives me.

Pm me man, we can arrange a time and a means to chat,
I'd be willing to be your outlet :)

Smokey405
08-14-17, 10:47 PM
Did anyone else have a " database error" message earlier today?

Oops, my bad. I had my "FUBAR Database" button too close to my drink coaster. Must've accidentally hit it while reaching for a drink earlier. Apologies to all...

Little Missy
08-15-17, 08:05 AM
I need more cowbell.

TurtleBrain
08-15-17, 08:21 AM
When you waste $10 for something you could have gotten for free

aeon
08-15-17, 09:48 AM
I need more cowbell.

Donít we all, Good Lord, donít we all. :doh:


Cheers,
Ian