View Full Version : 5 tips on handling a meeting with the boss


anonymouslyadd
07-29-17, 10:19 PM
We've all been there. The boss calls a meeting over something you did wrong. ADDers may experience these situations more often than not. How do we handle these situations to our advantage? Is there a way to obtain a better outcome?


If they accuse you of something that isn't true, confidently speak up.
Be open to suggestions
If you have time before the meeting, hypothesize questions they may ask you and then prepare an appropriate response
Admit when you're wrong
Use a "how" question when their expectations exceed reality

Bosses and companies don't like firing people. It's expensive and uncomfortable. You may be in a bad situation that you want to end so the goal may be to prolong your stay in order to find something better. Remember your needs, because they won't. You may need to act like you care or seem more interested than you really are. Remember that you're trying to survive. Nothing more.

EuropeanADHD
08-03-17, 01:02 AM
[LIST=1]
If they accuse you of something that isn't true, confidently speak up.


That's tricky. I am in a similar situation right now. A colleague accuses me of something that in my opinion is 100% her fault.

I spoke up, forwarded emails to prove my point. However, she's much higher in the hierarchy than I am. When I wanted to explain some things to her by email, a thing my boss wanted me to do, she responded my replying to my mail in a very critical manner and putting my boss's boss in cc. Since some of the information she sent in the email was wrong, I corrected her, in as gentle a manner as I could find, still with both bosses in cc. But this means that we have a very open conflict now.

I frequently have the impression contemporary companies just want you to shut up and accept that you are to blame for everything you are told you are to blame.

stef
08-03-17, 05:45 AM
Could you elaborate on point #5 ?
thanks :)

I absolutely hate unnecessary CC!
At one time I was working for a global manager and a local manager and the GLOBAL manager would CC the local guy if there was some problem in something that *I* did involving local office staff. (like a problem with meal service during a lunch meeting).

I was beside myself and i went and told local boss, I have no idea why he is even bothering you with this!!!
and he said, it was to make HIM look bad.

sorry this isnt your situation really, but I just think in all cases it's a nasty thing to do.

Unmanagable
08-03-17, 10:02 AM
Yeah, that whole speaking up with confidence thing and asking 'how' when they were expecting more than I could humanly manage, or when they appeared to be totally blind to what was taking place, backfired on me. Like a cannon.

I had a lot of confidence, and even had multiple forms of documented proof of the unethical happenings I was attempting to address, and had one of the managers of another dept. accompany me to validate my findings, but that only served to up their manipulative game against me. The other staff eventually took her own life, which left me to be the only person willing to speak up.

They used their positions and power to make my work life a living hell, even after I gave them 13 years of damn good service where I was constantly getting great feedback from staff, admin, parents, students, and the community at large in regards to the services I was providing.

I ended up resigning in an attempt to save the few threads of health and sanity I had left. One of the best decisions I've ever made. Grateful for the circumstances of my life that made it possible to walk away.

anonymouslyadd
08-03-17, 09:09 PM
Could you elaborate on point #5 ?
thanks :)

I absolutely hate unnecessary CC!
At one time I was working for a global manager and a local manager and the GLOBAL manager would CC the local guy if there was some problem in something that *I* did involving local office staff. (like a problem with meal service during a lunch meeting).

I was beside myself and i went and told local boss, I have no idea why he is even bothering you with this!!!
and he said, it was to make HIM look bad.

sorry this isnt your situation really, but I just think in all cases it's a nasty thing to do.
Thanks for sharing. What do you mean by "CC?"

I learned about the "How" question through a former FBI hostage negotiator named, Chris Voss. I can send you a link to the podcast. He wrote a book on negotiation that's applicable to many facets of human life. We need every advantage we can get and so that's why I'm reading/studying his techniques.

When you ask the "How" question, it's meant to get people to stop in their tracks. The way you say it is important. The author mentions being deferential. You're earnestly asking them for help and also forcing them to think about what they want you to do. Does that make sense at all?

anonymouslyadd
08-03-17, 09:20 PM
Yeah, that whole speaking up with confidence thing and asking 'how' when they were expecting more than I could humanly manage, or when they appeared to be totally blind to what was taking place, backfired on me. Like a cannon.

I had a lot of confidence, and even had multiple forms of documented proof of the unethical happenings I was attempting to address, and had one of the managers of another dept. accompany me to validate my findings, but that only served to up their manipulative game against me. The other staff eventually took her own life, which left me to be the only person willing to speak up.

They used their positions and power to make my work life a living hell, even after I gave them 13 years of damn good service where I was constantly getting great feedback from staff, admin, parents, students, and the community at large in regards to the services I was providing.

I ended up resigning in an attempt to save the few threads of health and sanity I had left. One of the best decisions I've ever made. Grateful for the circumstances of my life that made it possible to walk away.
I don't know that those tips would have cured your scenario. You went through a rotten situation and you were severely overwhelmed. You rocked the boat in a very courageous way and also disrupted the status quo. I don't think there was much you could do.

I created those tips from my experience and also the work of author, Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator. He offers a lot of advice on how to influence people.

When I said to speak up if the boss said something that was untrue, I meant that you want to do that if he accuses you of something that literally wasn't true. My boss said that I didn't log into a certain software program on a certain date. She was wrong. I guess I think back to those times when I had very low self-confidence and had a difficult time standing up for myself.

anonymouslyadd
08-03-17, 09:23 PM
I frequently have the impression contemporary companies just want you to shut up and accept that you are to blame for everything you are told you are to blame.
That may be the case.

stef
08-04-17, 03:38 AM
Thanks for sharing. What do you mean by "CC?"

I learned about the "How" question through a former FBI hostage negotiator named, Chris Voss. I can send you a link to the podcast. He wrote a book on negotiation that's applicable to many facets of human life. We need every advantage we can get and so that's why I'm reading/studying his techniques.

When you ask the "How" question, it's meant to get people to stop in their tracks. The way you say it is important. The author mentions being deferential. You're earnestly asking them for help and also forcing them to think about what they want you to do. Does that make sense at all?

yes, i makes sense and thank you. now i have to work that in somehow, with Demanding boss. actually it's quite proactive. This is tricky in my work situation because my boss actually gives quite clear instructions or more like, very clearly states what is expected, but often they are simply not feasible for some technicality that he doesnt know about, in the first place.

by CC I mean, copy in an email (the cc field).

anonymouslyadd
08-04-17, 09:05 AM
yes, i makes sense and thank you. now i have to work that in somehow, with Demanding boss. actually it's quite proactive. This is tricky in my work situation because my boss actually gives quite clear instructions or more like, very clearly states what is expected, but often they are simply not feasible for some technicality that he doesnt know about, in the first place.

by CC I mean, copy in an email (the cc field).
I can send you the podcast where I first heard this guy. He gives a lot of background that will probably explain it better.