View Full Version : How long will it take to pass all those boring 5-7 stages of grief ?


userguide
08-01-17, 09:59 PM
From http://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief#1



Denial: When you first learn of a loss, it’s normal to think, “This isn’t happening.” You may feel shocked or numb. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotion. It’s a defense mechanism.
Anger: As reality sets in, you’re faced with the pain of your loss. You may feel frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger. You might direct it toward other people, a higher power, or life in general. To be angry with a loved one who died and left you alone is natural, too.
Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you could’ve done to prevent the loss. Common thoughts are “If only…” and “What if…” You may also try to strike a deal with a higher power.
Depression (http://www.webmd.com/depression/default.htm): Sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Signs of depression (http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression) include crying, sleep (http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/default.htm) issues, and a decreased appetite. You may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely.
Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss. It can’t be changed. Although you still feel sad, you’re able to start moving forward with your life

From "7 Stages of Grief: Through the Process and Back to Life (https://www.printfriendly.com/print?source=homepage&url_s=uGGC_%7E_PdN_%7E_PcS_%7E_PcSJJJmErpBIrE-sEBz-tEvrsmpBz_%7E_PcSh-FGntrF-Bs-tEvrsmuGzy)"





SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

More 7 stages of grief...
THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

You have made it through the 7 stages of grief.

Now, How long does it take ?
It's so boring... When will I be done ?


Which phase are you in ? Oh, it begs for a poll !

Emre22
08-01-17, 10:07 PM
You may get stucked or turn back to early stages

It isnt a algorithm that works step by step

If you cant remove sources of depression it may repeat again and again

i have been using anti depressants since last year of high school


It depends on what are reasons of your depression
It may be your own personality, your way of thinking , hereditary , where you live, whom you live with

You have to analyze it deep into details and make your own road map

userguide
08-01-17, 10:18 PM
Interesting perspective. Moving back or cycling. Maybe this model is indeed to simple ?

So let's ask :

Do you feel you moved back or in cycles or microcycles withing this model ?

Emre22
08-01-17, 10:29 PM
Interesting perspective. Moving back or cycling. Maybe this model is indeed to simple ?

So let's ask :

Do you feel you moved back or in cycles or microcycles withing this model ?

I think that two medicine have worked for me

well-butrin and stablon

they help me to reduce symptoms , basement mood of depression

I have gone through this model over and over again because i was never able to remove sources of depression. I couldnt change conditions so at some point different variations of similar reasons triggered my depression again
Also i am prone to depression because my mother is bipolar ( at least my doctor told me)

But main source of my depression is , i didnt chose where i born, i didnt chose the way of i am living
i always tried to adapt conditions and i never lived how i want
i hate where i live, i hate society that i live with , i am not studying what i love, i only study due to financial worries
So there won't be complete cure until i change my location and gain financial power that i need for changing conditions

Also unsuccessful medicine ( lustral,effexor,cipralex) made me move back in cycles, They only reduced anxiety and OCD by they never put me back in the game , and they could never put me in upward turn
Only wellbutrin could make me pass through stages 5-7
now i am using stablon it also made me pass through stage

Now i dont know what will happen in the future
High-stress , loneliness or another unexpected condition would put me back in cycle again in the future
It is unknown for now ofc

userguide
08-03-17, 05:45 AM
Thanks Emre.

I knew this model was applicable to ADHD, cancer, or death.
I didn't realise it could fit anywhere else.
Once you wrote about moving back and forth in depression, a question came to mind:

Is there a therapeutic model for dragging ppl in the right direction, or skipping some stages ?

I am thinking of a franchise coach business like : "We'll move you from anger to accceptance in a month".

Emre22
08-03-17, 08:48 AM
Thanks Emre.

I knew this model was applicable to ADHD, cancer, or death.
I didn't realise it could fit anywhere else.
Once you wrote about moving back and forth in depression, a question came to mind:

Is there a therapeutic model for dragging ppl in the right direction, or skipping some stages ?

I am thinking of a franchise coach business like : "We'll move you from anger to accceptance in a month".

I can say that wellbutrin and stablon made me skip first 4 stages, i think it works like that due to short half-life time

But you can't control it by yourself, it depends on how fast medication acts
how your brain reacts
how bad is your situation

I had a mentality like yours maybe little bit different

I tried to force myself behave like machine and and control that mechanism . I tried to get my brain as a algorithm but that doesnt work like that

You cant control emotions by thoughts , if we could do that, nobody could have panic attacks.

Human isnt an rational being , if we were pure logic nobody would sacrifice their lives for a purpose because he/she can't see the results.

Another example mercy, volunteering all of them are only about emotions. there is no logical point or self-benefit at them

Sometimes i wish i could behave,take action like machine

Emotions are our weak part

userguide
08-03-17, 09:26 PM
I am a bit sceptical of whether it makes sense to apply those steps to depression.

Lunacie
08-03-17, 11:17 PM
I think if you skip any of the stages you are more likely to go back to the
beginning and repeat them.

Also, anniversaries tend to bring back all those feelings almost as if they just
happened. Over time, the process of moving through the stages goes faster as
you've already been through it all.

Fuzzy12
08-03-17, 11:53 PM
In my case it took about 9 years and most stages happened concurrently.

userguide
08-04-17, 08:40 PM
Interesting.

So this model is oversimplistic. Or - maybe it doesn't apply to depression at all.

And those who have depression and adhd, work themselves up this model as adhders, and,

depending on whether depression is taken care of, or in full blow,

have either a real perspective of where they are on the model, or their perspective is veiled by negativity ?

Lunacie
08-04-17, 09:29 PM
Interesting.

So this model is oversimplistic. Or - maybe it doesn't apply to depression at all.

And those who have depression and adhd, work themselves up this model as adhders, and,

depending on whether depression is taken care of, or in full blow,

have either a real perspective of where they are on the model, or their perspective is veiled by negativity ?

I don't know that I would call Dr. Kubler-Ross's model oversimplistic.

But it is not really that neat or tidy. People experience the stages in different
order, they may repeat a stage more than once, and it takes as long as it
takes. There is no "usual time line."

The depression that occurs following the loss of a loved one may be quite
different the depression that is often comorbid with adhd. After we lose the
person we love it's natural to be sad and feel helpless until we are done with
that extreme feeling and ready to start healing.

The depression that is often comorbid with adhd has no basis in a particular
event. It's usually an imbalance in the chemicals in the brain or a reaction to
thoughts that are always negative and unrealistic.

userguide
08-04-17, 09:44 PM
I mean oversimplistic in that it doesn't provide any data for how to crawl on it.

Maybe I should read up.

And regarding the depression after loss - can we even say the model is for depression ?

Maybe the model is for a post-event trauma, which may or may not trigger depression ?

It works for cancer patients, and not all of them suffer from depression I suppose ?



Imagine the model is a game like monopoly we play for several years. Generally we try to win by the rules.
If depression gets out of hand, we lose the ability to comprehend the rules, or the willingness to win, or the hope we're in a good direction.
But it doesn't change the game or the opponent (rules+life events) tactics.