View Full Version : Adhd or just me being stupid?

08-05-17, 03:26 AM
Sometimes, it feels like im always doing wrong, despite having good intentions.

This has happened several times, in one way or another and I never seem to do it right.

This morning, my gf decided to do pancakes for the family. So, she gave the kids pancakes and they starting eating. I thought "Im not even hungry, but I will show her im thankful by taking one anyways". So there I was eating it up. She was still doing pancakes btw. I put the dishes into dishwasher, and thought I would keep her company while she eats. Problem being, we have decided to eat togheter, and I think shes right, but I always forget it. Similar stuff happens all the time... Im making her mad by not acting/doing like we have decided or what "normal" ppls normally do.

Is this adhd, or just me being very disrespectful? For her it is, but for me, i feel like most fights arent my intention. Its not like I think, "now im gonna be mean" by doing like this.

However, today I decided to make a note of everything I seem to forget, and read every morning about how to behave in certain situations. But cant still understand why I cant behave without thinking? Sorry for the ranting. :(

08-05-17, 08:14 AM
adhd destiny - can't follow through normal ppl routine protocols

08-05-17, 08:19 AM
Hard to say

08-05-17, 01:09 PM
If eating together matters more to your girlfriend than it does to you, she can
simply ask you to wait until she's ready to eat.

Or if you forget things like this, she can ask and remind you.

It's adhd, it's a problem with memory retrieval, it's part of the disorder.

It is NOT being stupid or deliberately disrespectful.

Perhaps you would both benefit from reading "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid,
or Crazy?" by Kate Kelley and Peggy Ramundo. Or watching youtube videos by
Dr. Russell Barkley.

08-05-17, 01:57 PM
Also, check out The Five Love Languages book and website, etc. Good stuff there.
Learn more about it here:

Start training your brain to not eat until the cooking process is complete and you're all seated together every chance you get.

Ask her to please not serve the food to anyone until it's all done to help you remember.

Make a note somewhere to remind yourself when you're in the kitchen. Maybe something like, "Enjoy the feast together." "Together, it tastes better." Or whatever helps your brain to help you remind yourself.

I have dry erase boards hanging around in different spots to help my brain along.

Best wishes in figuring out what works.

08-05-17, 11:18 PM
Start training your brain to not eat until the cooking process is complete and you're all seated together every chance you get

Doesn't that violate human rights somehow ? :lol:

08-06-17, 08:42 AM
Doesn't that violate human rights somehow ? :lol:

Not that I'm aware of, unless your methods are a hell of a lot different than mine.

eclectic beagle
08-06-17, 03:38 PM
Doesn't that violate human rights somehow ? :lol:

While I think the "training impulses" thing can definitely go overboard for adders, doesn't seem like in this context it is an especially bad thing.

08-07-17, 04:37 AM
I mean...its just pancakes.

08-08-17, 08:22 PM
I hate rules like this. They are arbitrary and for me, similar problems ensue. it is ADHD related, of that I'm sure. Making a decision to always do something a new way is a recipe for disaster. It is up to you to negotiate on behalf of your ADHD. Are you prepared to fail and be called rude for it? Pleasing your partner is important, but if it is at your own expense and the result of you accepting arbitrary rule is that hurt feelings are part and parcel of pleasing your partner is it a battle worth having?

If someone wants something from me the responsibility is partly theirs to remember to remind me. It's not easy to remember all the small stuff for people without ADHD which is why they will often get frustrated and say.. No it's on you to remember. The strain for us is 10x worse so this is unfair.

Part of being in a healthy relationship is setting good boundaries. Instituting stuff that results in you feeling bad or anxious needs to be spoken up about. If she forgets yo remind you then she is just as responsible. One boundary can be, an unwillingness to feel badly over a failure of arbitrary new rules. If breakfast together is important to both of you, it could take months before you get into the habit and do so reflexively. Demand that time.