View Full Version : Hostile and/or passive-aggressive co-workers?


finallyfound10
08-09-17, 04:00 PM
Have any of you been treated in a hostile and/or passive aggressive manner by co-workers?

What do you attribute it to??


- Your less than stellar performance causing extra work for them in the in a real way?

- Your way and their way are both correct but they think it has to be a certain way or it's wrong thus perceive that they now have more work to do?

- The questionable treatment of you is real but they have stuff going on in life having nothing to do with you?

- Your ADHD-powered sensitivity meter is just in over drive and they are fine and your perception is flawed?


Thanks in advance!

someothertime
08-10-17, 12:38 AM
Yes, mostly interactive style, and an interest in decisions.

People get very put off by people who "act/react" in areas they control. People often misinterpret my "interest" and "passion" as "conflict" which, when i sense their opposition, it often evolves into..... ( tone, persistence, not escalation )...

People also label us as "unpredictable" and "movers and shakers" do their best to silence / control / remove those elements.

In broad terms, fear of the unknown.




FWIW for most of us, soft skills and following up some things that we see benefit from in a "detached / pragmatic" way..... one on one, usually away from groups or hightened discussion, is the way to resolve alot of these misunderstandings. It's a stuggle for me, cause often the longer an idea is around, the more emotion get's attached to it. Writing notes/emails/texts can helpful alot too. Used with clear, definitive restraint. Mindfulness, reframing and detaching from being so "passionate" about things is worth it's weight in gold.

sarahsweets
08-11-17, 06:09 AM
Yes, and the reason is that some people are just as*holes.

finallyfound10
08-11-17, 01:20 PM
Yes, and the reason is that some people are just as*holes.

:lol::lol::lol: :goodpost:Save

TheTaz
11-26-17, 11:26 AM
I think it is often the case that those with ADHD turn to themselves to blame for relational difficulties - at least myself.

I deal with a coworker who is definitely manipulative, passive aggressive and controlling. Everyone has felt the sting of her behavior. Some have quit, some have been fired due to her behavior.

As mentioned above, movers and shakers may demonstrate these behaviors. They can ingratiate themselves to key players in an organization, thereby being well-rooted in it's culture. A cloak of protection from higher ups who have no idea what they are really doing with co workers as they are not out in the field with them.

Sometimes coworkers who display this crap tactic and are driving the bus for making it seem like it is everyone else at fault but themselves. IOW; sometimes it's not you but that is the tactic of manipulators: to make others question their sanity and often blame themselves.

As many of us may have experienced, being blamed has often been the case growing up. It can be triggered by said people or groups that follow the manipulator into scapegoating. Because we have become vigilant about our own behavior, we may become targets for those who play the extreme manipulation game. Cycle repeats.

I think it is okay to let others be responsible for their own crap behavior instead of turning towards ADHD as the issue and trying to make amends on behalf of those crap others who manipulate.

I am willing to bet those individuals who are passive aggressive have diagnosis/es that we know little to nothing about and frankly, don't need to any more than we should make their DX about ours.

allesandro1
11-26-17, 07:54 PM
Yes, I have experienced that. Not because I created any extra work for anyone, but because anyone who stands out in any way is subject to be scapegoated. Sometimes the scapegoating is passive and simply takes the form of being excluded; either way it's a form of scapegoating.