View Full Version : Would a case manager help? If so, how do I find one?

08-12-17, 10:57 PM

I have decided to end my relationship with my ADHD girlfriend and want to help facilitate a smooth transition to the next phase of her life.

Here is a little background. She is in her mid-thirties, diagnosed with inattentive ADHD a couple of years ago. She has been supported financially by her mother for her entire life (and, to some extent, by me over the past couple of years). She is very smart, but has not completed college. The (very) few odd jobs she has had over the years have placed a huge strain on her and have lasted a few months at best. Numerous attempts at medication and coaching have failed. She does not tolerate medication and won't see another ADHD coach/therapist.

Without the financial support of her mother (who is nearing retirement), I believe that there is a real risk of her becoming homeless due to her inability to generate a steady income.

I would like to help her find some kind of sustainable housing and income arrangement, but I don't know how. I was thinking that a social worker could act as a case manager for her--to help her find some kind of housing, income (or income support), public health insurance (for the poor), etc. How do I find someone who knows the ins and outs of various public assistance programs she could possibly take advantage of? Should she attempt to get some kind of diagnosis to be declared disabled, etc?

I live in the SF bay area, and most social workers I've found are really therapists more than case managers. The few that have come close focus more on children than adults. Local Chadd has proven useless.

So, does finding a case manager to help her make sense? If not, what else could help? If so, how do I go about finding one specializing in adult ADHD?

Thank you,


08-12-17, 11:10 PM
so, i live in not the area but the city and case management is something you either have as a result of being on disability OR based on your situation. i've had case management for the latter reason. i don't have a social worker all of the time, but i have had various things, like medication management where they come to my house and watch me take my meds (super you can imagine).

i think that it's unlikely she'll be given that degree of assistance for adhd. does she have any comorbid diagnoses?

here's why i say that: if you look up california parity laws they apply to what's considered "serious" mental illness. i'm not saying adhd isn't serious (i am diagnosed with it, too), but it's not on the list. it's unlikely her insurance will pay for that level of care and if she doesn't have insurance, it's possible she qualifies for disability, but it's a ***** to show that you are disabled with mental illness (and i have been declared "permanently and completely disabled" without that much trouble...well...a LOT of trouble got me there, but my doctors signed off on paperwork and blah blah blah when i was in the hospital a few years ago). anyway, others i know with multiple diagnoses (to include, but not primarily, adhd) have been granted disability and medicare/mediCal. but that's not a quick process or an easy one unless you have a very clear cut diagnosis that is in the "serious" category and your GAF scores are really quite low.

in the area where we live, i also think it would be harder for her to find free services. i can only speak from living in the city and i don't know anything AT ALL about living outside it, but public service is strapped. health and human services is what you'd contact, if memory serves, however.

08-13-17, 09:48 PM
One, you are a kind soul, thinking about your gf's future.

Two, you may be going beyond your role here. Unless she has severely intellectually disabled, she will need to take these steps herself. You can make suggestions to her, but she will need to take some action independently.

And here's your brutal truth, "She does not tolerate medication and won't see another ADHD coach/therapist."

I'm sorry man, but if she's there--rejecting all future treatment of any kind, even coaching and therapy--there is nothing much you can do.

Most likely, she'll simply move home and live with her mother, and she'll go from there. Maybe she'll apply for public assistance or not. But you can't arrange this. She has to take some initiative.


08-13-17, 10:54 PM
It's unlikely she will get any sort of case management. Peripatetic explained that very well. I also have to agree with Tone. It's very kind of you but the process you're looking for could take years. Add in that she is non-compliant and that's a bit if a disaster. It just isn't your job even a stand up guy like you needs to see some limts.

Take care of yourself.

08-14-17, 05:15 AM
If you are ending the relationship you need to step out or it will perpetuate the hurt and maintain an unhealthy codependency.